Authors' Note: In thanks of the exciting response to last chapter, and to make up for the late posting of last chapter, this one is early. Enjoy!
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Sakura's jagged fingernails beat a steady rhythm on the table, at odds with the rapid jiggling of her leg that was slung over her knee. Tsunade watched her apprentice inspect the grain of the wood, a fine marbling, for it had once been the Nara's sitting room table, kept pristine for company. It was now scored and scratched, though it still bore the remnants of its former beauty.
Tsunade was gripping the ledge of the wood too tightly with gnarled fingers, eyeing the pair across from her. Sakura was suddenly feigning an interest in fine woodwork, but Kakashi made no such pretense. Face as solid as stone and just as friendly, he stared at some indeterminate spot over Tsunade's shoulder.
Shizune had scheduled a formal and obviously private meeting, exactly the type scheduled when ninja had personal information they were obligated to share with the Hokage. The list of such issues was short indeed, especially when a woman was involved, more so when it was a man and woman both. Tsunade had been expecting such a meeting any time now, just not with these two.
Still, when Sakura spoke the words, wide-eyed, terrified, and looking all the world to Tsunade like the thirteen year old child Tsunade would never forget, the Hokage didn't want to believe.
I'm two months pregnant. Almost three.
Tsunade waited for one of them to offer some sort of explanation or apology, but so far, the only sound was Sakura's incessant tapping. It seemed to wear on Kakashi's nerves as well, for he reached over and caught her waggling ankle in his hand only briefly before releasing it.
Sakura's expression hardened to match his and she put both feet on the ground, going still. Kakashi's presence here was not a mystery, nor terribly surprising. It struck Tsunade that she should have intervened long ago - for this was how it always was between these two, quiet touches and secret looks and a silent void that said more than words ever could. Right now, that void was tense. They weren't looking at one another, or at Tsunade, or at anything in particular, but it was clear that the news of Sakura's impending motherhood had caused a rift of some sort between them.
But it wasn't normally so; they had remained thick as thieves even when their professional affiliation had ended. Perhaps Tsunade should have paid closer attention when she asked Sakura what advice Kakashi had for her training and she looked away and said, We don't really talk about things like that.
What is it that you talk about, then? Tsunade had asked, bewildered.
Kakashi and Sakura had lunch together nearly every day they were both in the village; it was important enough to Sakura that she took time out of her training for it like nothing else, not even her parents.
Sakura had laughed. Oh, I don't know. Not much, usually. Today we talked about puppies.
Puppies. Tsunade sighed.
They're cute, right?
Tsunade had resisted the urge to turn to sake at the banality, but Shizune had exclaimed in agreement. Shizune was easy to distract with news about a ninken's new litter - she had always been afflicted with a feminine weakness for wee things like babies and kittens and piglets - but Tsunade recognized the gentle deflection in Sakura's steering of the conversation. Her time with Hatake Kakashi was private.
But Sakura had only just turned fourteen at that time and even Tsunade didn't dream this pair would ever be seated across from her in such a way.
In the present, Sakura's impatience got the better of her. She shifted forward in her uncomfortable high-backed chair and looked Tsunade in the eye.
"Shishou. Say something."
Tsunade pulled herself up as straight as she could, despite the slope to her shoulders she couldn't avoid these days. "Sixteen years old."
Pink brows contracted and then smoothed forcefully. "I'm seventeen now, Shishou."
"Two months pregnant." Tsunade scowled. "I'm not so far gone I can't add."
Tsunade stared at the distinctive diamond mark on Sakura's unlined forehead. No, Sakura was not thirteen anymore, not the same apprentice she had been, but seventeen hardly seemed much better when it came down to this.
Sakura blushed and looked down at her lap, but Kakashi didn't have the decency to look contrite, still staring straight ahead with a clenched jaw.
Worrying her lower lip with her teeth, Sakura looked back up at Tsunade with the beginning of tears in her eyes. "Sishou, I'm so sorry -"
"Don't apologize." Tsunade's voice was harsh even so and Sakura flinched. "Don't apologize," Tsunade said, softer this time. "You won't be the last woman to fall pregnant in this camp. Wars are infamous for this sort of thing, you know - emotions running high, modern birth control virtually impossible, the end is nigh hysteria, all of that. Tragedy and babies have always gone hand in hand. And you had more reason than most to think it wouldn't happen to you."
Sakura slumped, pressing a hand to her face as she drew a shuddering breath. It was this that finally got Kakashi's attention. The planes of his face relaxed as he looked at Sakura, frowning in concern. His hand moved off of his knee as if to touch her, but he thought better of it and withdrew.
Tsunade ignored that and continued. "But I must say, I'm disappointed. By virtue of being here, I can guess your decision on the matter. It's not what I would have hoped."
Sakura went stiff and Kakashi gripped his knees so tight his knuckles were white.
"You don't think I should keep it?" Sakura mumbled through her fingers.
"No," Tsunade said blandly, "I don't. But it is not within my jurisdiction to make that decision for you, even as Hokage. But I think we're close enough that you'd value my opinion. I hope, anyway."
Sakura dragged her palm down to reveal her face again. "Of course I want your opinion. I don't ... I have no idea what I want to do."
"Yes, you do." Kakashi's voice was stilted, awkward. When Sakura frowned at him, he cleared his throat. "You said you were scared, and you are. The easy way out wouldn't scare you like that. Not you."
"None of the choices here are easy," Sakura snapped, angling her body slightly to face away from him.
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "This goes beyond the two of you. If you decide to proceed, this will damage Kakashi's bid as my successor."
Kakashi's eyes slid closed. "So that's really what you want."
Immediately, Sakura drew herself to her full height, bristling with anger. "Stop playing dumb, Kakashi. That's what everyone wants because -"
Kakashi turned to face her, disregarding Tsunade entirely. "If they wouldn't want it anymore, it's a lie, isn't it?"
With a roll of her eyes, Sakura waved her hand in dismissal. "Another excuse. You -"
Tsunade held up a flat hand to stop the squabbling and Sakura obeyed, though defiance remained in her posture and the jut of her jaw. Kakashi looked relieved. It was clear Tsunade would get nowhere with the two of them in the same room.
She sighed. "I appreciate your honesty. Sakura, report to me tomorrow morning and I'll examine you myself. Now get out of my sight, the both of you."
They slunk away in opposite directions, not sparing each other a glance. As soon as they were gone, Tsunade slumped into her seat. She was too old for this.
Sakura - Haruno Sakura - was pregnant. That was the very first thought that struck Tsunade as she woke, hardly surprising after the dream that was still floating around the edges of her consciousness, growing fuzzier by the second. Already, Tsunade had forgotten the events that took place in the dream, but she could still see the list clearly in her minds' eye: the list of the month's dead, filled with children's names. The list was longer than the number of children actually living in the camp, but that hadn't mattered in the moment. The terror was still fading, only to be tinged by the acrid taste of the reality of the situation as Tsunade came to herself.
As she rose from her bed - the nicest bed in the Nara mansion, such as no one else in the village had - Tsunade looked down at her hands. She thought she saw blood there, but Tsunade had learned through the years to ignore it, that it was not real. But the trembling - was that because, suddenly, Nawaki's chubby little face was haunting her, or was Tsunade simply old?
Tsunade felt old, and not just in years. She was tired, worn down by a malaise that no amount of rest seemed to ease.
Unnameable pain plagued her, distracting her at inconvenient times. One thing she was largely spared from was hunger. The camp was teeming with whispers of belly pangs and pervasive want, ceaseless need. But right now, Tsunade was grateful that there were no allotted rations for breakfast. She wouldn't have been able to bring herself to eat it if there was.
Though just as weary as when she'd first laid down, Tsunade rushed through the motions of her morning ablutions. When coughs racked her frail frame, she spit pink into the sink, washing it away without any thought. She was lucky that, with her position, her routine had been mostly undisturbed, for she still had a working bathroom with running water. Few others had this luxury.
Sense of normalcy restored, Tsunade made her way to the agreed upon room, nodding at the Hyuuga she passed. Some, like Hiashi, looked like they wanted to stop and talk about whatever number of pressing emergencies the day already promised, but Tsunade paid them no mind - not today. It was clear now she had let her duties as Hokage interfere with her duties as master to an irreparable degree. At least today, Tsunade would put Sakura first.
As if to spite her, Shikamaru stood in the hallway, taking a drag of a makeshift cigarette. They were just rolled up grass - awful, acrid things - and he only smoked them when things were serious, so Tsunade sighed.
"What is it?"
"Another letter from Cloud. They are requesting aid -"
"Deny them," Tsunade snapped. "We've already sent more than we have to spare and they know it."
Shikamaru blew out a huff of blue-white smoke, thicker than any cigarette would give off. "They're also requesting medics. The epidemic is spreading."
Tsunade's eyes closed.
"Raikage-sama himself has fallen ill," Shikamaru continued.
"Tell Cloud we'll send a pair of medics. Oyone and Kumatori. I'll prep them tomorrow."
Shikamaru raised one eyebrow. "All right."
"I need Shizune and Sakura here," Tsunade growled, nostrils flaring.
Snubbing out his cigarette on the sole of his shoe, Shikamaru's look remained unconvinced but he did not argue. "Yes, Hokage-sama."
As soon as he shambled off, loping pace as lazy as ever, Tsunade continued down the hallway.
Tsunade opened the door, already alarmed to hear sounds of hopeless weeping. Though it seemed logical that they would be coming from Sakura - and they were - Tsunade's brows wrinkled. She hadn't expected Sakura to be that type of pregnant woman.
Sakura was sobbing inconsolably into the shoulder of Shizune's frayed yukata, while a lost-looking Shizune patted her back. After Tsunade slid the door shut behind her, Shizune's eyes locked onto hers.
"Her chakra disrupted itself halfway through an appendectomy."
Sakura only sobbed harder, but whirled around to look at Tsunade, eyes swollen and anguished. "I was inverting the stump into the secum and - and - oh, that poor Waterfall woman. She could have - could have -"
She dissolved into tears once more, but Shizune wrapped her in an embrace again and hushed her.
"The woman is fine, Sakura. I was right there." Looking back to Tsunade, Shizune frowned. "I'm afraid we can't clear her for surgery until the baby is born."
"Or until the situation resolves itself," Tsunade muttered, and Shizune diverted her eyes.
After a second, though, Shizune's face brightened. "Unless you know of a way to prevent such -?"
"No," Tsunade cut her off. "There's no way to stop the baby interfering with her chakra flow. It happens to many ninja mothers. Don't fill her head with such hope when you know very well we had to bench Kurenai for the exact same reason."
This got Sakura's attention. She finally stopped crying to gawp at Tsunade. "You said - you said 'the baby.' I thought you wanted to confirm for yourself? Shizune said you thought it might be hysterical -"
"Wishful thinking," Tsunade said with a shake of her head. "Even hysterical pregnancies don't alter chakra flows. Now get on the table, Sakura. I still want to examine you."
Obediently, Sakura did as she was told and got on the table - an actual table, not an examining table, but they had all learned to make do. She untied the too-loose yukata that Shizune had obviously seen she was commissioned and let it fall open.
"I'm worried," Sakura said, and Tsunade had to repress a snort. Wasn't that the understatement of the year.
Sakura didn't seem to notice, though she normally did - a sardonic sense of humor was something they shared, unlike Shizune.
"I'm worried," Sakura said again. "If I had scarring - what if it's ectopic? It could be, couldn't it?"
"That's a possibility," Tsunade said, beginning practiced pokes to Sakura's belly with the flat of her palm. "Perhaps more likely than a common pregnancy, to be frank. If that's the case, you'll lose both a fallopian tube and a baby."
"You don't look happy," Sakura said, accusatory tone on the tip of her tongue despite her still drying tears. "I thought it would please you."
"There's nothing pleasant about you undergoing surgery at a time like this," Tsunade snapped, poking perhaps too hard as she spread her chakra into Sakura's still-flat abdomen. "The possibility of infection is astronomical, and the rate of healing in malnourished people is -"
Tsunade held her breath in her lungs until it was painful, cycling her chakra again and again just to be sure.
"What is it?" Sakura's face was open and scared, looking at Tsunade for answers after she cut off speaking so abruptly. "It's ectopic, isn't it?"
Still speechless, Tsunade continued her chakra probe. Sakura's eyes began to well with tears again.
"It is. It's ectopic. Oh, God. I didn't even know if I wanted it, and of course Kakashi hasn't said a word either way, but - I'm really going to lose it, aren't I? Oh, God."
The heaving of Sakura's chest and the whiteness of her knuckles on the edge of the table snapped Tsunade out of it. "Don't hyperventilate now. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times - you've always jumped to conclusions too quickly during diagnosis. Stop it, or you'll panic the patient. In this case, that's you."
"Shishou!" Sakura wailed, weeping again.
Tsunade sighed. Perhaps that wasn't the right method to calm her down. Shizune was better at this sort of thing, and indeed, she was already stroking Sakura's hair, clucking her tongue softly by Sakura's ear to soothe the girl. Tsunade lacked the instincts and patience for such things.
"Calm down," she said forcefully. "The pregnancy is not ectopic. In fact, it's a completely normal, healthy pregnancy."
"Then why did your face look like that?" Sakura demanded, scowling and crying at the same time.
Tsunade smiled in spite of herself. Despite the quagmire of hormones she was wading through, Sakura was still in there somewhere.
"Is this a joke to you?" Sakura twitched her yukata closed and crossed her arms under her bust, glaring at Tsunade fiercely.
"My face looked like that," Tsunade said, trying to school her features, "because your scarring is gone. As if it never existed."
"What do you mean 'gone?'" Shizune asked, hand pausing mid-stroke through Sakura's hair. "How can it be gone?"
"Show me where Madara stabbed you with the chakra rods."
Begrudgingly, Sakura opened her yukata again and pointed to particular spots on her torso. Tsunade couldn't help but laugh, drawing a grunt of frustration from Sakura.
"What is so funny, Shishou?"
Tsunade took a seat next to the table, exhausted from just that little bit of chakra expenditure, and patted Sakura's exposed thigh. "Creation Rebirth."
Instinctively, Sakura's hand flew to the diamond on her forehead. "How is that funny?"
Tsunade rolled her eyes. "The name. I could have picked any number of names that fit, but I chose that one. It's like fate, or some other bullshit like that."
A slight pause and then a sharp inhalation of breath signaled when Sakura finally caught up. "Your technique healed me? But that wasn't - I mean, isn't it supposed to do what's necessary to save your life and no more?"
"In theory," Tsunade said. "In practice, things can get a little more complicated. I've never seen anything like this, but then again, I've never had such an injury."
"Fascinating…" Shizune's head was cocked, and it was clear she was already miles away, the scholar in her showing.
"I'm not passing my jutsu out to everyone just so you can study them," Tsunade said dryly.
"But the sample size is so small," Shizune lamented, then sighed. "No one would be able to perform it anyway."
"I bet Kakashi would surprise you," Tsunade said with a smile, before reality hit her and wiped the smile off her face. "That little shit."
Sakura laughed nervously. "I don't know about that. He could probably make it work, but he'd be pretty useless for the whole three years..."
"I doubt he'd have much of an issue," Shizune said, though she looked as if she bit into a lemon. "He achieved the Mangekyo Sharingan somehow. That man can divide by zero. When it comes to jutsu, at least. With other things..."
Shizune trailed off, and Sakura rolled her eyes at the implication.
"That insult doesn't even make sense," Sakura said. "Isn't that what he did with me too, when I was supposed to be infertile? Not to mention why you seem to think it's so terrible."
Shizune sniffed, nose in the air, her opinion clear on how much she cared about the validity of her insults. Tsunade bit her tongue; Sakura would spend enough of her future defending herself that she didn't need to hear it now.
A knock came at the door followed by it sliding open as Sakura scrambled to close her yukata.
"Sorry for interrupting," Arata said, face blossoming red, pale eyes fixated on where the loose red yukata was threatening to fall open at Sakura's bust.
"We were in the middle of a medical examination," Shizune said, stepping sideways to block Sakura from view.
Arata's blush spread down to his collar. "I was told to escort Hokage-sama's scheduled companion -"
Tsunade waved her hand dismissively, surprised as she ever was by how much effort just that took. "He manages the layout of the whole village and you think he can't find his way around the Nara mansion? Let him in."
"I apologize, Hokage-sama," Arata said with a bow. He fled, leaving behind a bewildered Yamato.
"You know he was only listening to Hiashi-san," Shizune said, mild scolding in her tone.
Tsunade snorted. "He jumps for any chance to flirt with Sakura, you mean."
"Well, she encourages him!"
"Shizune!" It was Sakura's turn to blush. "I do not."
"It doesn't matter whether you do or don't," Tsunade said, chuckling to herself. "Boys of that age will do anything for a piece of ass."
"But I don't like him!" Sakura protested, then flushed deeper. "W-well, he's nice enough, but I mean, not like ... you know."
"Yes, I know," Tsunade said, tweaking the girl's nose like she was a child. "He's not nearly twice your age, so you wouldn't look twice at him. Am I right?"
Sakura looked down, pretending to fiddle with her obi. "Why are these stupid things so difficult..."
Enjoying the few perks of this situation - miss goody two shoes falling from grace had unique comedic potential, after all - Tsunade needled further. "Don't begrudge her some harmless flirting, Shizune. When men drop their guard it's best to take advantage, as you well know. Besides, there's not much she could do to deter him. Surely you remember the libido of men at that age."
Tsunade kept her voice light. She didn't say that her smile was weighed down by the knowledge that Sakura was skipping this stage entirely and would never get that time back, that most men would stop this type of flirting as soon as she began to show her condition and would never begin again. Sakura would find all that out soon enough.
Shizune laughed despite her small blush and raised her eyebrows knowingly. "There's something to be said of young men, it's true. They're never, ah, done, so to speak."
"You flirt with him then," Sakura said, giggling.
"Maybe I will," Shizune teased. "Here, let me fix this for you," she said, and situated Sakura's obi for her.
"This was made for someone with Tsunade-shishou's boobs," Sakura complained, trying to tug the fabric tight to cover up her cleavage and failing.
"The extra fabric is for the baby, later on," Shizune said, "and besides, you're not too far off from Tsunade-sama these days."
With a laugh, Sakura swatted Shizune away. "Oh, you liar. You're just trying to make me feel better because I'm going to be fat soon."
From the doorway, Yamato cleared his throat and shifted his weight awkwardly. "Should I come back later?"
Tsunade hobbled past him, cane first, and patted him on the cheek as she passed. "Do women make you that uncomfortable, Tenzou-kun?"
Sakura giggled to Shizune as they followed her. "Whenever Kurenai breastfeeds, he looks somewhere over her shoulder until he finds an excuse to leave."
"Men are like that, you know," Shizune said conspiratorially.
Yamato sighed and followed the women out as the conversation continued right on without his participation.
"My whole team is men." Sakura groaned in only half mockery. "This is going to get awkward."
"They'll get used to it. It will be like a niece or nephew, or younger sibling. Just watch," Shizune assured, and then leaned over to hug Sakura as they walked. "Oooh, I'm so excited! She'll be the most spoiled baby in Konoha."
Sakura laughed, shoving Shizune playfully. "She? I bet it's a boy just to spite you."
"Don't say that." Shizune's pout made Tsunade scoff and shake her head.
"That man's child is bound to be a boy," Tsunade said, rolling her eyes, "twice as annoying as he is, if there's any justice in the world. He was a fussy baby, and he deserves to be inflicted with the same thing. Mark my words."
"Really? Kakashi was?" Sakura fell in beside Tsunade, interest shining in her face. "Did he cry a lot?"
Yamato coughed deliberately, frowning. Tsunade ignored that and humored Sakura.
"Incessantly. Drove his mother batty, he did, and what a flighty, frail thing she was. She'd have me out there all the time, convinced something was really wrong with him. I'd go as a favor to Sakumo, but there never was a problem I could fix. He was just colicky."
Sakura tapped a contemplative finger to her chin as they made their way out of the Nara estate and onto the path to the village. "He never talks about his mother."
"Hardly surprising," Tsunade said. "She died when he was just a babe in arms. She wouldn't even see him in her last weeks."
"Why is that? Didn't she love him?" Sakura's brows were bowed in concern.
"Oh, she loved him fiercely. She was convinced she would pass on her illness to him, you see, but the only problem was that it left her husband to care for her and an infant at the same time." Tsunade frowned, lost in memory. "I don't think Sakumo ever quite recovered, truth be told. And you know the rest, I assume."
"Yes..." Sakura's lips pursed, and Tsunade could see from the tightness around her eyes that she did know the rest, perhaps even more than Tsunade herself knew. Mechanically, Sakura forced a smile. "Kakashi was totally a cute baby, though, right?"
Tsunade sighed. "Confound that man. Of course he was."
"I knew it!" Sakura crowed happily. "I'm going to have the cutest baby and Ino will be sooo jealous. I bet hers will have big caterpillar eyebrows!"
Shizune stopped dead, all blood draining from her face. "Ino's pregnant too?"
"No," Sakura said, looking confused. "But when she does have one, mine will obviously be cuter. Right?"
"Oh." Shizune chuckled weakly as Sakura stared her down venomously. "Right. Of course."
Sakura smiled again, and skipped along the path for a minute, almost her old self - but the worries weighed her down soon enough, putting lead in her feet and sinking the corners of her grin.
"Shishou," she said after a while, turning to Tsunade with saucer-wide eyes, "do you think Shizune's right? Will they really get used to it? Because it's only been a few weeks and it's already really weird. Look, Yamato-taichou's hardly said a word."
Yamato grunted as if to protest, but it only proved Sakura right. He still didn't speak.
"At least Sai doesn't have that look," Sakura babbled anxiously. "He just asks questions, like 'You have intercourse with Kakashi-taichou?' And I say yes, and then Sai asks if I have intercourse with my other captains. And then I hit him in the face."
Sakura tugged on her earlobe, pointedly not looking at Yamato. "But at least he asks. No one else has. They just look at me like I've come down with the plague and they look at him like he gave it to me on purpose. And these people have always been our friends. What will happen when the rest of the camp finds out?"
When Sakura looked at Tsunade expectantly, she sighed. "I don't know, Sakura. You probably should have thought of that sooner."
Sakura turned her face away. "Yamato-taichou," she said almost too quietly to hear, "do you think he raped me? Is that it?"
"He might have done," Yamato said gruffly, then looked vaguely ashamed.
Sakura frowned. "You really think so?"
A tense silence followed, but finally, Yamato expelled all the air from his lungs in one long huff. "I suppose not. But that doesn't mean he's not culpable."
Sakura shook her head too swiftly, her ponytail swinging. "Why don't you just ask? Why doesn't anyone ask?"
"What's there to ask about?" Tsunade snorted. "If I know you, you wouldn't let a man tie you down, so to speak - but the other way around? That I can see. You need to learn to check your charm."
Sakura flinched. "It was the night before the battle, and - we thought we might die -"
Tsunade held up a hand to halt her. "I don't need to know the details. He should have refused, and that's all there is to it."
"Why?" Sakura cried, red splotches raising on her face and bosom as emotion made her eyes shine brightly. "Why is that? He's always been there for me, always -"
"Because of what your mother would say," Tsunade snapped, not ready to hear any heartfelt confessions. "She'd be right."
Sakura recoiled, eyes widening as if she'd been slapped. "My mother - my mother. She always wanted me to move on from Sasuke, always said I should date -"
"What you've done isn't exactly dating," Tsunade said, though her voice softened at the pain scrawled on her apprentice's face. "If there was nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't have anything to explain or defend in the first place. You know I'm right."
Sakura blinked, looking down at her shuffling feet.
"Your father would kill him," Yamato said flatly.
"You never even met my father," Sakura snapped. "He wouldn't, and even if he tried, he couldn't. He was never half the ninja Kakashi is, which is why Kakashi is still around and my father is -"
Sakura cut off abruptly, jaw dropping open in surprise at herself, the red splotches fading until her whole face was paper white. She stopped moving, swaying on her feet, and Shizune scrambled to offer her canteen. Sakura knocked it away and stumbled off the path, retching into a bush.
Shizune held Sakura's hair back and rubbed circles into her heaving back. "There there," Shizune tutted, clicking her tongue. "Don't upset yourself so much."
Sakura didn't respond, wiping her mouth on the back of her yukata sleeve. As she walked steadily back towards the path, Yamato reached for her, but she shook him off.
Tsunade sighed. This situation wasn't about to improve any time soon.
"Yamato," she said sharply. "Update me on the Waterfall situation."
"Hokage-sama," he said, bowing his head in gratitude. "As you know, the citizens of that district have lodged several complaints about overcrowding. Several hundred new feet were allocated and new tents were issued, but there seems to be internal disagreements about their distribution. And the newest complaint is the smell from the latrine area."
Tsunade focused her mind on the tasks at hand, trying not to notice how miserable her apprentice was as she trod along behind.
Too many dirty people were crammed into too few tents. The same problem presented itself over and over again, with the exact same lack of solutions. Sand district was uniform, orderly, drab but sturdy tents in perfect rows with walking lanes worn in between them. When the tents ran out, there were dugouts in the ground, cleverly constructed.
"Shikamaru lives in one of these now. They're neat," Sakura said, pointing at one family's home, marked only by a hole in the ground and stakes at four corners, indicating no one should walk on their roof. "Do they collapse often?"
"Sometimes," Gaara said, for he had joined the tour of the Sand district, as was fitting. "The soil here isn't exactly suited, but we use earth jutsu to fortify. People sleep underneath wood or stone in case of a cave in."
"Is that why Shikamaru and Temari sleep under the table?" Sakura wrinkled her nose. "I thought it was so weird…"
Laughing, Gaara began to describe the protective jutsu in more detail. Tsunade listened with only one ear, distracted by the little girl playing in front of the hole's opening, a stick doll with grassy hair held fast in her hand. Her eyes were painted in the Suna fashion to keep out the sun, but she wore no shirt. Consumed with counting the child's ribs, Tsunade lost track of the conversation entirely.
"Where are that child's parents?" she asked suddenly, and the startled look on Gaara's face told her the question was a non-sequitur.
"Her mother is a weaver, so she is working with the others who do such tasks. Her name is Akiko and her mother's name is -"
"Why isn't this girl in daycare?" Tsunade tore her eyes away from the girl's bony chest; she didn't want to know this child's name, nor her mother's.
Gaara's face was suspiciously neutral. "We are under our own jurisdiction here. We do not require our citizens to send their children there."
Mouth downturned, Sakura turned to look at the girl as well. "But they're only registered for rations if they're there, right?"
"It is an alternative choice we respect," Gaara said, still monotone. "We look after our own. I trust this is not an issue, Hokage-dono?"
Tsunade heard the unspoken challenge in Gaara's formal voice. "Of course not, Kazekage-dono. Sunagakure should handle its citizens as it sees fit."
Gaara stared at her, seemingly placid, but Tsunade knew she must tread lightly. At least Gaara treated her as the authority of Konoha. Anymore, he was one of the few.
The moment stretched too long and Yamato cleared his throat. "I think we've seen all we need to see in Sand district, don't you? Unless there's any new issues to report, Kazekage-sama?"
Gaara shook his head. "Enjoy the rest of your tour."
"Go fetch Shizune," Tsunade said to Sakura, and turned away. "That girl can't resist finding someone with some inconsequential scrape to coddle."
Sakura nodded and scrambled off, no doubt sensing the foul mood threatening to descend. Why didn't this tour include any sake? Where was it when you really needed it?
They continued to move counterclockwise into the next District: Waterfall, somewhat of a misnomer, for it also housed the Water refugees, a few from River country, and anyone else without a proper district of their own. There was no wall here - for the wall began in Konoha's district and so far had gone no further - and the people spilled over the edges of the official zoning, tents scattered. There were more than a few areas with simple rag blankets on the ground, their purpose clear. There was none of the careful organization present in the Sand district, hardly surprising as they lacked a leader, but there was also more vibrant color, the tents painted in brilliant splashes and swirls of yellow, blue, and red. The paint they brought from home gave the district a unique feel, just as the way they hung out of their tents and shouted at each other down the crooked rows.
Yamato had to stop to resolve several disputes over tents and ground rights. After two families argued over a tent they apparently shared, Sakura tugged on Yamato's sleeve. He looked at her, surprised and smiling, for it was the first time she addressed him since the tour had begun. Her face hardened under his smile, but she didn't look away.
"Have you considered teaching them how to use dugouts like Suna?"
Yamato's smile drifted off, pupils in the corners of his eyes as he was lost in thought. "They've been wanting to move to the forest and build tree houses, but that's simply not secure at this point in time…"
"That's not what I said." Sakura shifted her weight, mouth twitching as she worked to keep her expression even.
"I know," Yamato said quickly. "The first Suna dugouts were only recently completed, so it never occurred to me, but it's a good idea. They might take some convincing to live underground, but surely at least some of them will prefer it. Thanks, Sakura-chan."
Sakura smiled weakly when Shizune patted her on the shoulder, beaming. Sakura shook her off and sought out someone with a distinct look of the Water country.
"Where is Isamu-san?" she asked, and the man shrugged.
"Haven't seen him in days."
Sakura frowned and paused, clearly lost in thought, and Shizune was distracted as well. She had already fallen behind to heal a simple scraped knee on a woman in Waterfall garb.
"This isn't a vacation," Tsunade snapped, and with identical scolded puppy dog looks, her apprentices trotted to catch up.
The rest of their progress through Waterfall was slow, with many interruptions, but when Yamato offered them a plan in the works to build structures for the unhoused, most complainers subsided. They looked weary, as if they'd heard it all before, but returned to their workstations or rag beds anyway. Yamato's face was more lined, jaw clenched, as they neared the edge of the district.
Tsunade took this tour only biweekly to see the evolving state of the camp. Yamato, on the other hand, was embroiled in it daily. She wondered if Kakashi had truly done him a favor securing him this position.
Yamato spotted Sai on their way to one of the woodcutting stations, but he barely had time to nod respectfully to Tsunade and exchange greetings with Sakura before he was sent scurrying to Sand district to inquire further about the dugouts.
As he disappeared into the fray of moving, sweaty bodies that was Waterfall district, Tsunade frowned. These days, Sai amounted to no more than Yamato's errand boy. With no way to replenish his battle ink, it was precious, and without the free use of it, Sai's fighting style was uprooted. His main purpose these days seemed to be giving Sakura something to lovingly grumble about. Another waste of talent, another gimped warrior. Tsunade had seen enough of them for a lifetime.
"Yosh!" The booming voice tore Tsunade out of her reverie, and she smiled to see who it belonged to.
"Lee-san, I don't think you're carrying enough wood." Sakura giggled as Lee unloaded an inhuman amount of lumber at the woodcutter's.
"I shall endeavor to carry more next time in order to impress Sakura-san!"
The chuunin in charge of the woodcutting station only yawned. "I think you've got enough there, bud. Worry less about getting your dick wet, eh?"
Lee's smile took on a brittle edge. "I have a beautiful girl waiting for me at home. Perhaps you are the one who needs to worry less about such things."
"Yeah, yeah." The chuunin waved him off.
Lee ignored him and bowed to Sakura. "I will carry twice as much next time!"
"Don't hurt yourself, Lee. I was only joking," Sakura said, though she was still chuckling.
Lee beamed. "The more wood I carry, the faster all my friends can have somewhere to sleep. Many of my coworkers are from the Rock and Waterfall districts, and I work harder for them. Not everyone is as fortunate as Ino-chan and me."
"Of course," Sakura said, more seriously.
"If only everyone had your work ethic," Tsunade said, looking pointedly at the chuunin on duty, "we'd be much closer to that goal by now. Isn't that right, Jiro?"
"Of course, Tsunade-sama," the chuunin said, as red as a cherry. "We hope to see everyone in houses before winter."
Lee bowed to Tsunade. "I fear I must return to the forest."
Shizune laughed breezily. "Go on, you little wood nymph."
With a bright grin, he did just that. Tsunade turned to Sakura, hoping to see a rare smile, but instead, Sakura looked to be on the verge of tears. Tsunade followed her line of sight to see a small child - a small, naked, filthy child with a swollen belly - stuffing his face greedily with wood shavings.
Before Tsunade could stop her, Sakura was at the boy's side, taking his hands and wiping the muck off of them onto her yukata. The child began to cry and ran off, leaving a bewildered Sakura rubbing grime between her fingers. She sniffed her fingertips, frowning deeply.
"This is stool."
"He thinks he's in trouble," a nearby man spoke up - a River countryman, by the look of his sharp jaw and flat nose. "He comes every day, when they take lunch at the daycare. I tried to stop him, at first. But it fills his belly. How can you say no?"
Sakura's face was impassive, but her knuckles were white, contrasting starkly with the crimson fabric of the yukata fisted between them. "It's cleaner than dirt, at least. Make sure he washes his hands next time."
The man nodded tersely and began sweeping the rest of the wood chips into a pile.
"I want to see the daycare," Sakura said sharply once they were out of earshot. "Now."
Yamato hesitated. "Perhaps it's not a good -"
"No, I think it's a great idea. Don't you?"
Sakura's voice was cold and she flinched as Tsunade reached out and laid a hand on her arm. "I agree. You should see it."
Fluttering around in her nervous way, Shizune made a noise of concern in the back of her throat. Tsunade ignored that and swept forward to her least favorite part of the tour. No one spoke as they approached the daycare, marked as ever by the smell of the latrine growing stronger and stronger until it was almost overwhelming, making Tsunade's eyes water and bringing on a coughing fit.
The silence continued as they watched the children dig out the latrines, emptying the pits and transferring the contents to storage tanks.
"Fertilizer," Yamato finally said, jaw tense. "Otherwise, it would overflow."
Sakura's eyes were wide, now, watching as one child about eight years old splashed sewage on another, laughing and chasing each other around. Most of them were naked, a pile of clothes off in the distance near a small lean-to. Younger children hung around the shack, a few making mud pies, and from inside came an incessant crying. The boy from the woodcutter spotted Sakura and dropped his mudpie to run inside.
Yamato spoke quietly to Daikoku, who used to teach in the Academy and was now relegated to this.
"Four more have fevers," Tsunade heard Daikoku say, frowning.
Suzume, his old colleague, would be rolling in her grave, germophobe that she was. Iruka would as well, but perhaps for other reasons.
Still catching her breath, Tsunade chose to focus off to the side where Shizune was forcing Sakura to wash her hands thoroughly - and rightly so, for pregnant women were particularly at risk in such an environment. But Tsunade knew Sakura had to see it, had to know what kind of decision she was making by bringing a child into this world.
After leaving the daycare area, they were all sobered, all silent except for business exchanges. They moved on to the next district. The shabby tents and rag beds of Rock district were strewn across the zone haphazardly, as if someone had spilled them like marbles across the floor. The Rock refugees did not laugh or shout as those in the other districts. They were all grim and dreary. Their standard of living was not much better than Waterfall district, but they complained little, avoiding Tsunade's procession rather than crowding around it as the others had done.
Tsunade listened politely, but all she could see in her mind's eye were children's ribs.
After spending some rare time with her apprentices, lunch was lonely. Shizune had duties to return to, and though they insisted Sakura take the afternoon off after her morning debacle, she soon stormed off as well.
"If people didn't say things like that, we would be fine," Sakura hissed at Yamato before taking her final step out of the door. "Keep on acting like he'll be a terrible father and he'll start to believe it."
Yamato followed her out with a sigh. "Now, Sakura, you know I didn't mean it that way..."
Tsunade had missed whatever angered Sakura so, her mind somehow fogged as seemed to happen more and more these days. Without any watchful eyes, Tsunade only picked at her food until it was time for her next task, a meeting.
Hinata discussed the results of her subordinates' patrols in a strong voice despite the nervous looks she kept shooting her father. When Hiashi wasn't there, the girl was far more effective, but even so, she managed to coordinate out-of-village mission reports with Shikamaru.
"It appears some of the civilians we assumed were captured in fact just ran off," Shikamaru was saying blandly, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else.
Tsunade sympathized with him.
"Surely not all of them?" Hiashi said, blinking.
"Very unlikely," Shikamaru said, frowning. "The real question is how they're getting out without being seen."
"Are the patrols understaffed?" Hiashi asked Hinata.
She shook her head quickly, fidgeting under her father's gaze and sitting on her hands to calm herself. "No, Father. They're studying the patterns and planning -"
"These Kizanu can't truly be clever enough to outsmart you," Hiashi said sourly. "They're just ruthless, killing guards from behind to get in the stores -"
Hinata's eyes flashed, a hint of steel showing itself. "They're ruthless but they are smart, and it's not just the Kizanu. People are hungry, and they will do what they must -"
The conversation continued, but Tsunade merely listened, covering a cough with her fist.
"And how was your tour, Hokage-sama?" Hiashi asked, breaking her out of her daze.
"The Kazekage appears to be endorsing his citizens if they wish to leave their children at home rather than send them to the care facility."
Hinata gasped. "By themselves? Aren't their parents assigned work positions?"
"With the varying shifts, the community probably gives them more supervision than they'd receive from us," Tsunade said wryly. "The care facility is dangerously understaffed and needs to be moved to a more sanitary environment."
"The older children must work the latrine pits," Hiashi said, no fire in his voice. It was an old argument. "You know this. Any time we've sent heavier men down, the pit has collapsed -"
"Then we need to devise another solution," Tsunade snapped.
"I'm listening, Tsunade-sama," Hiashi said pleasantly, cocking his head.
No one said anything, the silence tense.
"B-but, how do they feed the children?" Hinata said, and when they all turned to her, startled, she clarified. "In Sand district. They won't be on the rations list."
"Sharing, I suppose," Tsunade said with a frown. "The Kazekage has made it clear that the practice is not to be disturbed."
"We should disallow it," Hiashi said immediately. "Send a message -"
"What message?" Shikamaru said sharply, shedding his lazy visage; it was in these rare moments that Tsunade could understand why the Nara were pinning their hopes on him. "You'd risk a war now?"
Hiashi waved his hand, but subsided. "Don't be hasty."
"Shikamaru is right," said Tsunade. "We must oblige, and I propose a goodwill gesture of registering their children for rations and extending the option to all refugees."
"How nice," Hinata said, smiling, strained. Only the Nara clan remained in enough numbers to threaten Hyuuga's position, and with their compound and resources commandeered, there was no love lost between them. "If a family has time to watch their children, I know they'd love the opportunity. We could all take turns with Asuma -"
"We cannot." Hiashi did not look happy to be saying it, but his voice was firm. "As unfortunate as it is, children are only mouths to feed, and we cannot promote the idea that rations are free and plentiful. They are not. We risk starvation even now."
"Children are not 'mouths to feed,'" Tsunade insisted. "They are our future, the Will of Fire, and I won't see more children dying for the sake of -"
"How quickly your perspective changes when your apprentice is pregnant."
Hiashi's voice was smug and when his words registered, they dropped Tsunade's jaw. Immediately she looked to Hinata, but the fear and shock in her eyes said she hadn't tattled.
"Don't look so surprised. There are few secrets in this camp, and I don't think it's appropriate to change Konoha's policy for the sake of one foolish girl. Already whispers of her extra rations are causing a stir with so many empty stomachs."
Tsunade took a minute to find her voice again. "If it's not good enough for your daughter, why is it good enough for anyone else's?"
"My daughter knows how to keep her legs closed."
"You expect abstinence, then?" Tsunade spat, swallowing a cough as she got worked up. "How logical. So very realistic."
Hinata's face was as red as the color of Sakura's old shirt, the one emblazoned with the family crest of a father who would never see his grandchild.
"You are all dismissed," Tsunade said, standing abruptly. The meeting hadn't covered all of its scheduled topics, but Hinata, Shikamaru, and even Hiashi all rose obediently and filed out of the room.
"Ko," Tsunade said, and he sprang to attention at the door. "Bring me Yuuhi Kurenai."
Kurenai sat across from Tsunade at the very same stiff-backed chair Sakura sat in the night before.
"Where's the little one?"
Kurenai seemed comfortable here; she had once lived in the Nara estate, after all. "Hinata's playing with him. She's a good aunt."
"I imagine so."
Kurenai's red eyes were steady. "I expected Sakura to ask me for advice. But she's too proud, I guess."
"I wouldn't be surprised if she does, eventually," Tsunade said with a sigh. "Things are a bit awkward now, with the parentage…"
"Ah, yes." Kurenai quirked her lips. "What I'd like to ask her is why she was stupid enough to let him finish inside. As a medic, she should know better."
Tsunade resisted the urge to draw herself up in her chair and instead said wryly, "So your baby was conceived on purpose, I take it? No less in the middle of a war than this one."
Kurenai only laughed. "Love makes us do stupid things, Tsunade-sama. So I guess I don't need to ask her after all."
Tsunade stilled. Someone had finally spoken the word she'd been so sure would fall from Sakura's lips but thankfully had not.
"Love?"
"Please," Kurenai scoffed. "Didn't you see them at the funeral? You can't have missed how they've been leaning on each other. For a long time now. Longer than anyone knows, most likely. When a man and a woman are tied together in grief in such a way… Well, it's easy for things to take a turn."
"A wrong turn."
Yet Tsunade could picture Sakura just that morning saying, He's always been there for me. And though she did not specify, the implication was clear that he was the only one - and Tsunade couldn't deny it was so. Even she had largely left her apprentice to her own devices following the war in which not only her parents but Naruto had died. The truth was that, at first, in the rawness of the aftermath, looking at Sakura made what felt like a gaping hole in Tsunade's chest expand. Selfishness had always been Tsunade's worst trait.
"Surely you're familiar with turns like that yourself, eh, Tsunade-sama?"
Kurenai did not seem wholely unaware of Tsunade's introspection, pausing generously.
"Perhaps." Carefully, Tsunade refused to think of Dan, of Jiraiya, and refocused on Kurenai. "I didn't call you here to discuss this with you, but just to clear a few things up, Sakura was told she was infertile."
"Who told her that?" Kurenai chuckled. "A little bit off on that diagnosis, weren't they?"
"I did," Tsunade said pointedly. "Her condition changed due to jutsu usage. There was no way to know."
"I already told you." Kurenai shook her head, still smiling. "I'm not under the impression that she is a stupid girl. Naive, certainly, but who can blame her for that?"
Tsunade forcefully unclenched her jaw. "So you think she should terminate?"
Smile fading, Kurenai sobered. "That's not my decision to make. All I can say is that I would. In a heartbeat."
"Even if Asuma Sr. were still alive and it was, as you say, conceived in love?"
"Even then. Especially then." Kurenai looked away, once-luscious curls sweeping forward to cover her face. "I never thought, when I first said the words to myself - 'I'm pregnant' - that it could be this difficult to feed a baby. I couldn't imagine anything being this hard. I didn't dream …" Her voice hitched. "...of the lengths I would go to. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."
Tsunade's eyes slid closed, unable to look as Kurenai went on.
"We all know hunger now. But it changes when you have a child. Everything changes."
There was a rustling as Kurenai shifted, and a sniffle that Tsunade ignored.
"I've been worried for Ino. She relies on Lee - he's a sweet boy, but can she deny him? Would she? I don't think so. I told her that there are other things… Other things she can do for him."
"It's hard to disobey biology," Tsunade said, finally opening her eyes.
Kurenai returned her gaze. "Impossible, maybe. So I taught her the moon cycles, the times to avoid, in the old way. Still, I worry for her and Temari. I watch their stomachs, waiting for them to swell. I'm glad that Hinata is too caught up in loss to look at another man any time soon. I can't help it."
Tsunade bowed her head.
"You are dismissed. Thank you."
Kurenai rose and was almost out the door when Tsunade thought better of it.
"Wait." Tsunade dragged herself to the door as well, stiff after the day's exertions. "Ko, see to it that Kurenai is given my personal store of dried fruits before she goes."
Ko bowed and swiftly obeyed orders. The look on Kurenai's face as she stared after his disappearing back, trembling hand pressed to her mouth, made Tsunade realize that the hole in her chest wasn't done growing.
The next time Tsunade sat at that table, she was facing three people. The ghost of a fourth poked the sore spot between her breasts, but Tsunade disregarded it and cleared her throat.
"You have all likely guessed why you're here."
Between Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura grasped both of their hands. Neither man spoke, and Tsunade wondered if they knew how similar their impassive faces looked. Did Sasuke know he had picked that trait up from Kakashi?
"First," Tsunade continued, "something has to be decided upon. Sakura?"
Sakura took a deep breath and looked askance at Kakashi. "We're going to keep it. The baby."
We. The reminder twisted Tsunade's lips into a snarl which she forcibly smoothed away.
"If I hear you've guilted her into keeping this child -"
"Oh, kind of like how you tried to scare her out of it by showing her toddlers playing in feces?" Kakashi was smiling, and his voice was pitched lightly as he said, "Do you regret it now, disregarding my advice about Hiashi?"
"Even you agreed he has worked to use his power for the good of Konoha first and foremost," Tsunade said, though a twinge of guilt was beginning deep in her belly.
Why couldn't she make them see? It was times like these that mothers took their babies to the river and came back alone, and it was an act of kindness.
"Perhaps he lacks a certain kind of perspective, but he says the same of you."
Kakashi's false smile stiffened. "He lacks empathy, you mean."
Sakura slipped her hands free and sat up straight. "I decided for myself, Shishou. I'm afraid, it's true, but I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't try."
That wasn't what Tsunade was worried about. What about what happened when Sakura tried and failed? Would just the baby die, wiping the smile off of Sakura's face permanently? And yet Tsunade knew the far more likely scenario: Sakura would die before letting that happen, and so they would both be lost.
Tsunade turned her eyes on Sasuke. "The question now becomes whether you love yourselves or Konoha more. And, of course, what is better for the child."
"I'm still willing," Sasuke said quickly, as if to leave no doubt. "If it's what Sakura wants."
Sakura cradled her head in her hands while Kakashi sat rigid beside her.
"Of course it's not what I want," she whispered. "But how can I leave Konoha to a leader who lacks empathy? And have people look down on Kakashi like that?"
"Do you agree, then?"
Jaw clenched, Kakashi refused to look at Tsunade, but nodded tersely.
"Well then," Tsunade said, the twinge in her belly turning to pain. "We'll have to do this very carefully."