A/N: I'm sorry I'm updating this rather late. I had a football game and then since there's an antique car show in town, I only had to wait in traffic for an hour! To top it off, my allergies are now at their worst part, the hurting chest when I cough. And I practically suffocated during our show cuz it was so hot in those frickin uniforms.
EDIT (8/8/08): Well, if it was one thing I wanted to do in this chapter, it was make Sango seem less mature. Up until now, I've been playing with her as an innocent, cute kind of character, and in this chapter it's like BAM! Mature six year old! But, as I read through it, I realized that it was more Kagome treating her maturely than Sango actually acting mature. So I dunno. Kagome's monologue remains the same, just because I had to pull all of that info out at some point in time, but I changed a bit of Sango's vocab to being more "six year old-ish". I also tried to put a bit more emphasis on Kaede having a "talk" with her about the two main relationships in the story. I kinda kept at that to make it seem a bit more…comical? I dunno, but it seemed to add a bit more explanation as to why Sango understood the majority of what Kagome was saying. Most people who reviewed, however, seemed to like Mature!Sango, so I didn't change her too much.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha. Or the song "I Want a Mom That Will Last Forever" from the Rugrats movie 2, sung by Cyndi Lauper .
I want a mom that'll take my hand
And make me feel like a holiday
A mom to tuck me in at night
and chase the monsters away
I want a mom that'll read me stories
And sing a lullaby
And if I have a bad dream to hold me when I cry
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom that will love me whenever, forever
When she says to me, she will always be there
To watch and protect me I don't have to be scared
Oh, and when she says to me I will always love you
I won't need to worry 'cause I know that it's true
I want a mom when I get lonely
Who will take the time to play
A mom who can be a friend and a rainbow when it's gray
I want a mom to read me stories
And sing a lullaby
And if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry
Oh,
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever
I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever
Forget Me Not
Chapter 8
As I stir from my peaceful sleep, I again notice that I am in my hanyou's arms. He holds me tightly and I can tell he is awake and watching me. He probably knows I'm awake, too, I realize. He can tell everything with his enhanced senses—sometimes, so much it scares me. My breathing pattern changes as I wake, and he knows it immediately.
I also imagine that, once again, Sango is looking on with her wide, happy eyes. Sometimes I wonder if she even understands what's happening.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm upset over her happiness. I'm happy as well, now that I'm back where I want to be.
But how could a girl not love her father?
No matter what he does, she will always be connected to him. Yet she seems to not mind at all that just a few days ago, Hojo almost tried to kill her. Maybe she is just excited about living in a 'storybook' world with people who care about her. Perhaps it is just like an adventure to her as she tries to figure out what other little details I may have left out of her stories.
Reluctantly, I open my eyes, slowly adjusting to the light.
I see, as expected, a pair of now-golden eyes looking down at me and another pair of shining blue eyes staring at me and Inuyasha. I really couldn't believe the look in her eyes.
As I figured, they show happiness, but there is also a certain sadness to them. Maybe she had been injured by the 'incident'. Either way, I know she'll have to face Hojo again very soon…and also that Inuyasha will not hesitate to kill him.
I'll have to go back to my time sooner or later, though. I wanna tell Mama and Sota the happy news, and I think I owe Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi an explanation they should have gotten years ago. Not to mention both Sango and I need some 'necessities'. Like clothing, for example. Sango can't go around in that nightshirt much longer—it's already stained and dirty…even a little torn. And it's not like I feel entirely comfortable in Kikyo's old clothes.
"Good morning," I yawn as if I'd been here these past ten years. My optimistic attitude from years past seems to have returned. And it's all because I'm here with Inuyasha again. And I won't ever make a stupid mistake like that again.
I do still have one thing I've been wondering about, though.
"Ummm, Inuyasha?"
"Yea?"
" What did you wind up using the jewel for?"
I had recently started wondering why he didn't wish for me to come back.
"I haven't used it yet," he states, seemingly rather surprised that I hadn't sensed it. He pulls out the small pink ball from some hidden spot of his haiori. (A/N: With all of those knots and folds, you have to wonder how much he can hold there…)
"Well, then, what do you plan on using it for?"
"I'm not really sure. Sooner or later I knew I'd have to use it, but I just couldn't figure out what. And besides, you're the protector. Shouldn't you make a wish?"
"I have nothing else I want besides this. And I gave it to you. That is why we went through all of that trouble, right? I mean, we didn't kill Naraku and finish the jewel just so you could give it to me, did we? You had a wish, and even though you changed your mind, it's your jewel." I wonder for a moment what he could use it for. Did he not say the only thing he wanted was for me to be back?
"But I couldn't have done it without you. You sensed the shards and now it's yours. I have no wishes anymore. All I wanted was for you to be by my side again and now you are. What more could I ask for?"
I smile and quickly kiss his lips. A split second later, however, I realize that Sango is still watching us. But she's not upset, or confused, or even frightened. She's happy, and the smile she had before turned into a huge grin before my eyes, all trace of sadness disappearing.
I was happy for her. I know first-hand what it's like to lose a loved one, and the fact that she's not upset that I never want to see her father again makes me very happy. She would hopefully never have to go through the pain and suffering that comes from loving another. And hopefully she will never find out that the best thing that could ever happen to you could also be the worst.
88888888
I slowly sit down on the ground near the hot spring after re-dressing myself. Since I returned to the Sengoku Jidai, I have been reluctant to leave Inuyasha's side. But after almost a week of sitting in Kaede's hut…I just had to take a bath!
My wound was cleaned last night, but Kikyo's old clothes were still covered in blood, and my hair is matted from not having showered in days.
And Inuyasha, being the decent man I love, refused to join me. Ok, so it's not like I asked him to, but he still didn't want to come.
Just then, I hear a rustle in the bushes. I sense that whoever it is is human, though, so I don't bother to grab my bow. My skills may be a bit rusty, but I can still sense auras and shoot arrows almost as well as I used to be able to, or at least well enough to protect myself until Inuyasha shows up.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when I see Sango walk out of the bushes. I guess Inuyasha told her where I was. But did he just let her go off on her own? No, he had been here not too long ago. He's gone now, probably thought I was still bathing. But he'd allowed Sango the 'right' to see me. I laugh inwardly at this.
"Mama?" She looks sad once again and I know what she wants before she asks. "Are we ever going back?"
I sigh. "I suppose we will, but not for long. Inuyasha won't approve of us going at all. I need to tell Grandma and Uncle Sota where I am and I have some friends who are long overdue for a fill-in. We won't be staying though, Sango. We'll go home for necessities, but we'll come right back. You'll have to say good-bye to Daddy though, I'm afraid. I'm not even sure if Inuyasha will let him live without a fight. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't really mind all that much…just as long as he doesn't kill him.
"I'm sorry, Sango, I know he's your father, and nothing can ever truly change that. But as much as I love you, I can't say the same for Daddy. I shouldn't have even left here, but I did. In some ways I'm glad. If I hadn't, I'd have gotten no where with Inuyasha and I wouldn't have you right here with me. But in other ways I see mistakes and failures.
"I know you don't understand now, but someday, you'll fall in love. And you'll know it's true from the moment you realize it. Don't ever settle for someone you don't love. It'll just wind up hurting you in the end. You'll understand someday that being in love is one of the best things that can happen to you. You'll feel as if you'll do anything for that person and he should for you, as well. I know it's difficult to lose a father; to be told that he wasn't 'the one'; and to have a broken heart. I've felt all of those once, from my father, to Uncle Sota's father, to Inuyasha. And it's not fun in the least. I often hoped that you'd never have to go through with that pain, but it's unavoidable.
"I'm sorry, Sango, I truly am. I just wish it wasn't this way." I stand up to take her back with me, but she tugs on my sleeve like she always does when she wants my attention.
"Mommy, what's true love? Like, real true love. Aren't you supposed to love the person you marry? Why would you marry someone that you didn't love when you could have someone you did?"
My eyes open wide. Ok, this is not my daughter! Since when was she so…mature? For God's sake, SHE'S SIX!! She's not supposed to be this 'deep' yet! Ah well, here it goes… "Sango, I think it's time you heard the real ending to those stories.
"You see, Sango, true love isn't something you can explain with words. You just recognize it when you feel it. To put it as simple as I can, it's looking at someone and knowing they're the one you'll spend your life with; you can look in that person's eyes and see everything—every emotion and secret and truth; and it's loving that person so much, you can't put your feelings into words. This must sound like a jumbled mess right now, but some day you'll understand."
I sigh and sit down…this could take a while.
"And yes you are supposed to love the person you marry. I did love your father, just not the way I should have. He wasn't 'the one' for me and I'm guessing he just now figured that out.
"I knew from the moment I saw Inuyasha that he was special and I knew that if he'd allow it, I'd stay here for him. But along the way, we came across little bumps in the road. Inuyasha's ex-girlfriend, Kikyo, who he still loved, but who wanted nothing more than to live with him in the underworld was one of those "bumps". And the ever-popular fact that I was pretty much useless except for spotting the jewel shards was always there. Back then, he really did seem to hate me. And even though I hoped he would change, he never mentioned giving up his true wish, or choosing me over Kikyo, or even seeing me as more than a 'jewel detector'.
"Looking back, he did show he loved me…I was just too blind to see it. I left him, never to return because of these things. I would not be in his way any longer.
"I left him that day we defeated Naraku, telling myself how much I hated him, despite the fact that I knew it wasn't true. I wanted to forget everything and to live a normal life like I should have in the first place. But when I returned home with no way back, I realized that our world was no longer my home. I belonged here, with Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and everyone else. But I was supposedly left with no way back.
"You remember me telling you that the well only worked while I had the jewel in my possession. Well, after the battle, I gave the jewel to Inuyasha, believing he still wanted to become a full demon. And then I fled, not wanting to see him corrupt his soul and drive himself to insanity as well as suicide as I knew his wish would cause this. I didn't want to be forced home by him.
"Every day that I sat by the well, every day I was in the tree or holing my locket or thinking of him, I was hoping that my thoughts had been incorrect—that he would have used the jewel for something better. I knew he could come to our time if he wanted to, and I hoped every day that he would come and take me away. I could finally show you the wonders of a storybook come true and I could be back with my TRUE love. But he never came. Not once. I often hated myself for having so much hope. I figured after a few months that he would not come, but my already-broken heart refused to mend so easily. I could not kill the hope that lived within me.
"I really thought he'd killed himself already by the time I agreed to marry your father, thinking stupidly, as always, that I could push away the pain and heartache I'd felt for years, but I couldn't. With each passing day, I grew more depressed and rather than forgetting, I unintentionally forced myself to remember. I didn't know that I could return, and I didn't want to come back on my free will unless he came for me. I couldn't stand it if he didn't recognize me and killed me, leaving you and Hojo without an explanation, forever to worry if I was safe when you couldn't find my body.
"But that night, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I don't know why I even got the idea. I only wanted you to be safe, but the only place we'd be truly safe from him was here. My mind screamed that it wouldn't work—that even if we, by some miracle, managed to force our way through, that meant Hojo probably could as well. It was only a matter of time before he tried to discover the mystery about it, that is, if we hadn't been killed by a demon first.
"I was weak and couldn't protect you, and so I did the only thing my jumbled brain could think of to do at that moment—call for help. I wanted so badly to see Inuyasha's face again, so I called out of instinct. I knew he'd save me if he was able to, but the disbelieving part said that his demon form would slaughter us if he was called. So I called for the rest as well, knowing full well they wouldn't be there. Life for them had most likely gone on normally for them after I left. They would have mourned for a few days and then gone their separate way, now that the jewel was complete."
I had started crying again without even noticing. I don't know why, seeing as how every little problem I'd faced these past thirteen years had been solved.
I notice Sango looking on with awe, as if she'd never heard anything more tragic in her life—which, come to think of it, she probably hadn't. I can't believe I said all of that to my six year old daughter who just asked me some of the most difficult questions I'll ever have to answer for her.
"I knew I shouldn't have stayed with your father, Sango, but before you were born, I didn't have anything to return to. And after I had you, I couldn't leave you alone with him. The worst thing is growing up without a parent—trust me, I know—and I couldn't let you live like I had. You needed someone to teach you that when you're staring love in the eye, you can't blink or turn away—it'll always come back haunt you in the end. I didn't want you to make the same mistakes I had, especially if your destiny was to find the magic of the well as I had. I knew it was wrong, but I had no choice.
"If you ever love someone who is just like how Inuyasha used to be, it'll be tough on you too. But please don't run away from it. If you know you love them, do everything you can to stay with him forever."
I can't think of anything else to say. I'd just poured out my soul to my daughter who probably didn't understand a word of it. She's too young and it probably confused her. I note that I should give her the 'speech' that I just let out when she becomes a teenager (probably along with some other talks). She'll hear the story often, but the part about never giving up on true love when you know you've found it she won't understand until she knows the joy of having true love in the first place.
I laugh through my tears. "I bet you didn't understand much of that logic yet, huh?"
"Actually, I understand the point. I don't get everything yet, but enough to know the moral of your story."
"Sango, what made you bring this up? Have I been so caught up in my misery that I didn't realize how insightful my little girl could be?"
"I just wanted to know why you love Inuyasha so much, but you stayed with Daddy for so long. And I don't know how I learned all this stuff, I just did. It wasn't all that long ago. Maybe it was from talking to Miss Kaede while you were unconscious. She said a lot of stuff about you loving Inuyasha and Miroku loving Sango and how both couples seemed hopeless and now both were resolved. She said a lot of stuff I didn't understand, so she explained it to me."
I can only stare at her, wondering what on earth Kaede had "explained" to her. But suddenly we hear a noise in the bushes yet again. I can somewhat sense it and know that it means no harm. I guess it's Inuyasha, come to get us since we were taking so long. I was right, and no more than two seconds later, he was right beside me.
A/N: Ok, sorry for that really crappy ending, but I couldn't think of anything else unless I made the chappie really long which I don't feel like doing.
And just for the record, I'm still working on you guys' fics. I'm in the middle on Damian 2.0's fic cuz it was newly updated on the site. Also, JonnieBelindaandInuyasha, I'm still working on your longer fic (which is great), but I tried to review the high school one, but it said that your story wasn't part of the archive so I couldn't review. For the record, I think it's worth keeping and will probably be really good. And PonPonPocky, your name doesn't show up when I search. Sorry for all of this and I know I promised. I do intend on reviewing your fics. I've just been so busy lately, I've barely been able to put up these chappies, let alone read stories. But again, tomorrow (well, technically today since it's 1 AM) is Saturday and I'll have loads of time to glue myself to the computer and be anti-social as usual- no matter how bad I feel. I'll read at least two of you guys' stories and write/update at least one chappie, including all review replies.
Well, I'm to tired to go on (I know, I know, it probably seems like I'm trying to throw a pity party for myself, but I'm really not. I just like complaining. Sorry.) so I'll say nighty night and go to sleep so I can get up early(er) and read/write before my grandparents manage to pull me off.)
Midnight-Wolf-314
Glossary:
Sengoku
Jidai: Feudal Era