Donnie sighed as he looked at the ceiling for the umpteenth time that night. In the past twenty four hours he had felt like he was beginning to see his older brothers in ways that he really had never seen them before.
Glancing at Leo he could tell the older Turtle was fast asleep. Probably grateful he didn't have any nightmares to field for once. But nightmares couldn't happen if you couldn't sleep so that wasn't entirely a good thing.
He had had a lot to process with the heart to hearts he had received from Leo and Raph. Both of which were things he needed to see and hear from them. It really gave him a moment to evaluate how well he knew his brothers and where he stood with them. While he didn't doubt that they did care for him as a friend and brother, at times it was very easy for them to forget he existed.
There have been more than one moment over their past fifteen years Donnie had wondered why he was the one who was the odd duck –or turtle- of the family? He had come up to numerous theories and justifications as for why he was different. One such theory was that he had hatched from a different clutch of eggs, and somehow he had been shuffled into the tank at the pet shop where Hamato Yoshi had found them. Another theory where the turtle that was their biological father had mated with two maybe three different female turtles, after all turtles didn't mate for life so it was possible. No matter what the real truth may be, they were for all intents and purposes brothers.
It was difficult being with his brothers at times due to their differing intellects. Leo did make an honest to god effort to have an interest in the inventions and scientific efforts of his younger brother, but it really wasn't in his mind frame. Raph had no patience for the science stuff and rather have the end result not speculations or probability. Mikey on the other hand tried to have an interest in his older brother's efforts, but unfortunately his comprehension level was sorely lacking.
Donnie glanced back at Leo a moment and smiled softly. While Donnie couldn't deny there were times Leo came of as a jerk, he also knew that majority of the time he didn't mean to. Being both the eldest and the leader he was responsible with making sure the mission was complete and that the team made it through in one piece. Leo had their best interests at heart but his desires to protect his family his by-the-book view on ninjitsu blocked his mind to other ways of thinking.
Raph's admission that all the abuse he had been heaping on him all these years had been because he felt responsible for what happened when they had been children. And that it was all in a misguided attempt to make Donnie push himself to be better, all of that was hard for the purple masked turtle to accept. In a way it did make sense, but he still would have preferred it if his brasher older brother had been more supportive and encouraging and less of a bully.
So that only left Mikey, April, and Splinter as people he should have hearts to heart moments with. He surmised he didn't really need Mikey to prove that he cared, because Donnie already knew how much the youngest turtle cared already. In all honesty, Mikey hardly had a mean bone in his body. Yes some of his pranks were mean spirited and he did come into the lab and mess with things. But there wasn't any malice behind it. Most of the time there was just a desire to make his brothers laugh and a childish curiosity. Such as when he created those smoke bombs and Mikey eagerly smashed them with childish glee. None of it was done for ill purposes but was just expression of joy and a desire to have fun. And whenever his actions did make one of his brothers upset he did feel bad about it later and did try to make it up, which made it really hard to remain mad at him for long periods of time.
April he didn't know if he needed a heart to heart with her. He loved her it was true, and as much as he would like to have a serious talk to her about how he felt. He was afraid of doing so because he didn't want her to reject his feelings or worse yet lose her as a friend entirely. And he did love having her as his friend even if that was all he would ever be to her. After all…she was human, he was a mutant and a mutant turtle at that. What sort of life could he expect to have with her? She couldn't live forever in the sewers; she had been reluctant about staying with them when Splinter suggests that she remain in the lair for her safety. But she had lived her life among other humans, she had friends, school mates. She had a father who was being held prisoner by the Kraang, and she was the target of an race of alien creatures who were interested in capturing her for some unknown purpose. And on top of that Shredder and the Foot Clan wanted to capture April even if it was only as a means to bring the Turtles and Splinter out into the open. As much as she appreciated how generous and well-meaning her friends were, Donnie wouldn't have been surprised if she also felt like a prisoner.
Donnie's experience had been the exact opposite. Life in the sewers was the only life he had known, and the only people he had lived his life with were his brothers and father/sensei. His whole life he had been taught to believe that the lair was home and the sewers were a place of safety. And even though the surface was fascinating and filled with wonder, it was also full of danger. The humans that lived up there would not understand their way of life or who they were as people. All they would see were creatures that weren't them. They would see freaks and monsters, something that should be locked away and studied or worse killed off entirely. And for a majority of the population that was true. Heck April even screamed in fright when she had first met him. But she also proved that there are a precious few kindred spirits out there who could truly learn to see beyond appearances and see the people they were underneath.
That left Splinter. One again there wasn't very little doubt that Splinter cared about him. He loved and cared for all his sons, they were the only precious things he left in his life. But to Splinter Donatello was also an anomaly. As a young child, Donnie had always had an unbridled curiosity. He was fascinated with the world around him. He didn't have the same childlike wonder that Mikey did, but it was more like a fierce desire to learn and understand. And when it became more apparent that he was genius that must have been even more challenging for the Ninja Master to deal with because what could a mutant rat of slightly above average intelligence do to keep a young boy with high intelligence mentally stimulated.
His brothers were even harder. Donnie honestly didn't know how to approach them, to him his brothers were had their own way of interacting with one another and that was a way he could not. And that made it hard for Donnie to feel welcomed at times. So he would always sit and watch his brothers play and have fun. This action of course didn't go unnoticed by his brothers of course. Which unfortunately did lead to some rather unflattering conversations on more than one occasion, that was until Leo realized that he wasn't better but rather felt like he didn't belong.
Sighing Donnie and closed his eyes. What made the Shredders temptations so appealing was that he was offering a lab with equipment and supplies that he didn't have easy access to as well as recognition for his achievements and innovations. With his family he had brothers who would say "Fix this Donnie!", "Take care of this Donnie!" "Do things faster Donnie!" Without as much as a "Thank you, Donnie!", "We believe in you, Donnie." Or even a "Let us know where we can help you, Donnie." That wasn't too much to ask, was it?
April quietly walked into the Dojo. Leo had told her Donatello had said he would be there, before he had left for patrol with Raph and Mikey. Sure enough her eyes fell on Donnie, practicing with his bo staff. Every movement fluid and strong, as though turtle and bo staff we're locked in an eternal dance. Unfortunately the moment was shattered as Donnie made a swift striking move that caused him to gasp in pain as he fell to his knees. The bo staff skidding along the floor.
"Donnie…" April whispered wondering if she should rush into the room, but remains standing where she was. Watching as Donnie got to his feet, walking to where his bo staff had come to rest. Picking it up he started tto go through each motion with his weapon until he once again went ridged in pain and fell to his knees. His breath coming out in heavy exhausted pants as his hands clutched the ugly scars that resided over his biceps. When he started to climb to his feet once more, April called out to him before she realized what she was doing.
"Donnie!" Donnie looked up when he heard his name being called and saw the red head rushing towards him.
"April…" He said tiredly his voice hardly more than a ragged whisper as the human girl knelt before him her eyes full of concern.
"Come on." April said as she helped pull him to his feet and guiding him to the kitchen and having him sit at the table while she looked through the cupboards. "Do you have any hot coco by any chance?" She asked when she wasn't finding what she was looking for. Donnie got up opening one of the cabinets and pulling down a canister from the top shelf.
"We keep this hidden so Mikey doesn't get into it." Donnie said as he handed the canister the human female.
"I guess that makes sense." April answered. "Would you like to make you a cup? My father used to make hot coco for me whenever I was upset."
"Sure," Donnie smiled softly in appreciation as the red head measured some of the coco into a pan with some milk before putting the chocolate powder back onto a shelf cleverly hidden behind a box of pasta and some soup cans. Turning on the stove April softy hummed to herself as she turned on the stove and stirred the chocolate flavored milk until it came to a boil. Once she was sure it was ready she doled it out into two cups. However when she glanced at Donatello her heart felt like it was cracking at the sight of her friend. Donnie was sitting at the concrete island that served as a dining table. His arms folded on the table's surface and his head resting on his arms. His brown eyes holding an almost defeated look, it was difficult for her to see someone so kind and strong looking so lost. Quietly she placed one of the two cups in front of him.
Donnie accepted the cup, but didn't drink it. Instead he just stared down into the depths of the milky brown liquid as though hoping it would offer him he answers he so desperately craved. April took her place directly across from Donnie. She felt she should say something, but what advice did she have to offer to him.
"Have you heard the story of the Scorpion and the frog?" Donnie seemed to say randomly. The question seemed so random April had trouble wondering if this question was something he was addressing to her personally.
"No." April answered.
"It's a story Master Splinter would tell us when we were just children." Donnie stated. "In the story a scorpion wanted to cross the river. Since he couldn't swim he asks a frog to carry him across on his back. The frog agree to this, so long as the scorpion does not sting him. While they were passing through the middle of the river the frog feels a sharp pain in its back and realizes that the scorpion had stung him. 'You fool,' The frog cried as he began to succumb to the scorpion's venom. 'Now we will both perish, why did you break your promise?' The scorpion could only reply that it was because it was his nature."
"Interesting story…" April replied not sure where Donnie was going with this.
"When I was in captivity there was one situation where I was reminded of this story." Donnie answered. "There was one moment where the Shredder had offered me a chance to be part of the Foot Clan. Some of the things he offered were that I would be given a weapon that he felt was more suitable for me, a laboratory with easy access to supplies that are harder for me to acquire, recognition for all my accomplishments. And what scared me most is…is that I wanted that."
"But you chose none of it…" April pointed out.
"Because it would have all been bought with my families' blood," Donnie sighed. "When I was receiving my weapon for the first time, I had expected something close to Leo's ninja-to swords though I also would have settled for the tetsubo or the kama sickles. But none of the weapons I was interested in trying chose me, instead the weapon that chose me was the bo staff. I know that weapon chose me for a reason, but there have been numerous times where I have wished I had been given something else. As for the lab...I want to prove to my brothers that my efforts can be used to benefit everyone…mutants and humans alike. But I also want my brothers to be there for it, to say .
"You are highly intelligent, my son." Splinter stated as he entered the room. "And all of you are capable of many wonderful things, but I know of all of them your talents will have the greatest impact."
"Sensei…" Donnie said. Splinter approached his son, his orange eyes softening in understanding as he placed a hand on his third sons shoulder.
"You made a wise decision to reject the Shredder's offers; it is not easy to withstand the Shredder's temptations." Splinter said "To get what he wants, he will do many things to hurt and break his opponents. He will also offer many things as well; unfortunately he treats his promises the same way he does other people. He will accommodate them, but he will also disregard them one they have served their purpose."
"Hai Sensei," Donnie answered looking back into his cup of coco. April placed a hand on of his, the look in her cerulean blue eyes telling him all that she needed to say. That she knew he was capable of immense wonders and if the world never knew about it, his brothers, his father, and April herself at least would. And that's all that mattered.
"Sensei, when the others return from patrol….please tell them that I'm finally ready to explain all that had happened."