Chapter 10
Farron Keep

When I killed the darkwraith and obtained the Red Orb in Lothric City, I heard a calling from deep within the crucifixion woods. An abyssal howling drew me in, so I went back into the Putrid Pusshole Swamp of Crabs and Poison and Awful Crap. But more secrets were to be revealed within the forest.

Most importantly of all, a new sorcerer to meet. From Vinheim of all places! Has he traveled through time like me, do you think? He can teach me new magic spells - I guess that means we're friends. That's good! But before I could ask him to teach me a spell or two, he evaporated away from his desk (I think he boned out) in a cloud of souls like a jerk would.

- 1 -
Revenge of the Crabs

I will kill as many Crabs as I please. I planned to kill all the wicked father and mother Crabs and become the Queen of Crabs, and become an adoption mother for all the baby ones, but I ended up pulling a lot of evil spirits instead along with their red watchdogs, black cloak-wearers with swords, Slugs, and surprise crabclaw attacks. The swamp life of course is not for me. If you love stagnant water and fish and rude pole men, and if you'd like to be a claw goblin, then you should come live here. Maybe the goblins will be your new neighbors and give you Swamp Advice. Is it such a strange thing to hope for? Xasha wishes you well in your new swamp home, but don't be a rude pole man! You'll lose status faster than you think.

- 2 -
1st Flame

Have you ever left the most terrible swamp of your whole life, only to find a swamp that smells even worse? That's what happened to me today. Now what if the second swamp you found was really large and filled with magic monsters and the largest, fattest Slugs, and scary things with goat brains? Bloated frogs too, what!?

My boots are caked with mud that stinks like old rotten bananas. It's mostly just brown and purple water, like a toilet overflowed and it became the land. Underwear smells better. Did the water get gross because of the Slugs? What did the Slugs do, did they make a poop? I'm not sure about the habits of Slugs but I know they are putrid like, all the time, and everywhere. So it's probably their fault.

I'm searching for three flames. That's what Hawkwood told me to do. I found the first one by accident. Joy!

- 3 -
2nd Flame

My favorite way to fight is with my claymore in one hand, and a spell -casting wand in the other. I have pretty good dodging skills too. I sleep next to my claymore every night, so it's always within arm's reach. Over the days we've bonded and I love the sword like a person, even though it's just a hilt attached to a piece of steel, made up of countless miniature crystals. You're pretty great, and don't ever change! It's good to have a friend in a bog like this, now that I've really fallen into the mucky grossness of nature. This place, the outskirts of Farron Keep, seems to have fallen into ruin, like a sinkhole of magic (makes me feel like Princess Dusk of Oolacil, about to fall in).

Two flames down. I actually think I can do it!

- 4 -
3rd Flame

I can't even roll in the 'effing muck so I'll just kill Slugs. I'll kill a casual one hundred or if I change my mind, none at all. Or kill all the Slugs forever. (I am not going crazy!) And even if it makes me feel sort of sad and gross, I have to do it anyway. Because they block the LADDER. Will I ever be allowed to leave? The ladder didn't even go anywhere useful. Just a big whopping dead end was all that was up there (and perhaps a howling demon, but I was too frightened to see).

The wizard bears with the brooms make awful skull faces come out of their bristles, it's pretty scary. Are they trying to clean the tower in the center of this swamp? How would they even climb the ladder, and do bears even know how to clean? I don't understand.

Third flame's lit! It opened a huge stone door at the end of the swamp. I'll make a fast run for it.

- 5 -
Farron's Keep and the Golden Scroll

Past the stone door was a small valley filled with more of those vile birds. It took some tricky pacing, but I actually found a Golden Scroll tucked inside a cave. I snatched it and took a fast warp to the shrine.

It turns out Orbeck really is from Vinheim. He's just from a different time period than I am. He's heard of Logan, my old master, but he has no idea where he's gone. And he can't teach me about crystal enchantments yet. He's also kind of sarcastic and not so handsome (would not date)!

He helped me to remember some of my old magic spells, like Mend-a-Weapon and Yellow Beacon, to name a few (glad I took that course in Oolacillan Magic). They should prove useful on the path ahead. There will be more birds to slay on the way to Farron Keep, I figured, and darkwraiths too, and I guess I should mention the bloat toads. Bloat toads can curse you with their gas I hate them. THey're not too friendly, so I'll swipe them out. Getting cursed is bad - you'll have bad dreams every night, and it will diminish your vitality. Orbbecks is lucky I gave him that Golden Scroll. I almost kept it for myself because it's pretty neat to look at. It has gilded pages!

I do want Orbbecks to stay around, though. Maybe I'll find more scrolls, and together we can hone my magical powers. I would like five blue orbs floating over my face. That's a classic spell!

- 6 -
Watchers of the Abyss

When I was a little girl my mother used to say, "Sweet child, you must eat your apples and slay your darkwraiths, you will grow strong and wise." What are the darkwraiths mother? "My child, you know not what you speak. Eat your apples and go to sleep, and try not to fidget. Worry not on what dwells in the deepest layers of the abyss."

I am not scared of the darkness but I've heard that cats can be if you leave them in a room all alone, so I do have Cat Empathy.

I found a nice dress, tried it on, then died while wearing it (got cut to ribbons). I also received many souls for crushing beasts. A good day, but I have to ask ... where are all the apples in Lothric forest? Have the scary creatures eaten them all, or did they die from worms? I wonder if I could eat a worm. Sure, if I was curious, but it would be hard because of their dirt smell and how they walk (no feet at all whatsoever!).

I seem to have wandered into a pit of abyssal demons with greatswords. These are NOT FRIENDS, although sometimes the red eye friend comes to help. When the red eye friend comes, slash him too because he's NOT A GOOD PAL. He will slash you too and then he'll slash you. Because his heart is dark and wretched. As cold as the abyss from whence he came. Pathetic (they're actually really hard to kill though)!

- 7 -
Bath

I fought many times against the lordless men of the abyss, who in death have found a way to live eternal, through their duty of Abyss Watching. We've all heard the tale of the legendary Abyss Walker Artorias, who was corrupted by the calamity of lost Oolacile (I usually did pretty good in history class).

I took a day off and went to soak in the ludex birdbath. I like to pretend I am a wallowing fish sometimes. We all do it. Yes, this will clean the burns all right. I prefer hot baths but this isn't so terrible. Bath time is also snooze time, but dream time is only about 50% of sleep time. Good bye, I'll get those demons yet!

- 8 -
Farron's Undead Legion

THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. They keep coming, until they kill each other and the man with the fire sword comes and sucks up all their blood through the air (you win the award for being the strangest man). I may never win against the undead legion. I just want to stop getting fire slashed, and slashed and hit and set on fire and killed again.

Dodge from the whirling flame sword, get up, swing sword swing sword swipe them, roll, roll again, roll AGAIN, roll a forth time to avoid the thrusting magma sword coming at my face. Thrust the claymore straight forward, wind up for a follow-up slash, get hit from an upward cut and thrown into the air. Roll to avoid a heavy downward smash, circle around the cloud of dust and scorched stone and run away while healing with an estus juicebox, get chased by fire, escape fire wall escape fire wall escape fire wall, swipe sword, get thrown backwards into shattering pots, chainmail is smoldering, get up Xasha!
LORD OF CINDER FALLEN

- 9 -
Firelink Friends

Yes! Abyss Watchers have taken the great nap! Also known as being dead forever! O:)

And that's how I killed my first Crispy Lord (three more to go if you're wondering).

I needed a rest after all that fighting, so I spent some time with my friends in Firelink Shrine. I'm really popular here because of my adventures and for killing the first Crispy Lord, but I won't let it get to my head.

I'm not happy about the armored man and his casual attitude (the one with the dog helmet). Why don't you go and fry a fish somewhere? Why don't you go and find another home, instead of coming here and making me yell? Last time you told me to go into a coffin and it hurt my feelings. He forgot he said that and denied saying it, but I wrote it in my journal, so it must be true.

We threw another party to celebrate me never having to go into the swamp again. Ludleth of Courland decorated and threw some prism stones from his chair, and Yoel made a strange little speech. A few people got rowdy. Everything was okay until Orbbecks got drunk and dropped all of his cake into the bonfire. The flames turned strange colors and wouldn't let us warp anywhere for most of the day. We were all pretty grumpy after that.

-Xasha