A Winter Lady For A King.
Chapter X: Being So Far Away While Standing Right Here.
No one noticed Eihhlin's indifference towards her husband during the whole celebration, except for those who knew what was really going on behind the act. Even though Faramir tried to distract her, Éowyn couldn't turn her attention away from the woman who, in the eyes of her people, was now her sister. She watched as Eihhlin sat in the corner in silence while her brothers played nearby. The new queen of Rohan seemed to have turned invisible to the guests as no one talked or even looked at her, except for Éowyn on one side of the room and Éomer, who wasn't paying attention to the men who were talking to him, on the other.
His queen hadn't spoken to him the entire day and he wondered what was going on in her mind. He couldn't read her face because, like always, it showed nothing but indifference. Even though his love for her was still growing, Éomer asked himself if this marriage would become a burden after some time. He had made a decision and taken an irreversible step and now he had to bear the consequences it brought. For once, Éomer forgot his royal duties and thought about himself as a man and his beloved Eihhlin as a woman. Living in her silence and sleeping in her indifference was what filled his heart with sorrow, for he wished nothing more than to find emotion in her eyes, caress her hair and kiss her skin. After all, Éomer was not just a king meant to perform his duties with his queen, but a mortal man longing to find that spring could blossom in the heart of the woman he loved.
He saw her stand up from her seat and take her brothers' hands, leaving the room to go outside Meduseld. She was probably going to explain to them why she wouldn't return to Vathinia with them as Éomer had heard the children were having some difficulty in understanding what her wedding meant. Although he knew Eihhlin wanted to be alone with them, the king felt a sudden curiosity to hear what she was going to say to Mero and Paro outside, so, after a few minutes deciding what to do, he finally followed them.
Eihhlin immediately felt the cold winter night of Edoras as she stepped outside the palace, realizing it was even colder than Triniha's, but it didn't change her wish to leave Rohan and forget it in the sea of memories of her young mind.
-What is it, Eihhlin? –Paro asked, looking up at her with innocence in his eyes. That question alone broke the queen's line of thought and, facing her brothers, she kneeled down in front of them. Éomer arrived at that precise moment but remained in the shadows as not to disturb his wife.
-You asked me why I have to stay here. –she said after a moment of silence. –I don't expect you to understand everything now, but you will when you're older. Sometimes, we must do things we don't like and we don't want to, but sacrifices have to be made in order to make other people's life better and happier. –Eihhlin continued and Éomer immediately felt that already familiar stab through his heart as he heard her call their marriage a sacrifice.
-Whose life? –Mero asked.
-Our people's. –Eihhlin answered calmly, but there was still no emotion in her face or in her voice. –And, in this case, Rohan's as well.
-Why? Can't they make themselves happy? –were the ten year old's next questions.
-Like I said, you will understand it later. –she said, knowing they wouldn't comprehend it if she explained any further. –Listen, I probably won't be able to say goodbye to you tomorrow at dawn.
-Why not? –Paro asked.
-I may not be here. I'm a queen now; I have duties. –Eihhlin answered, not wanting to think about the meaning of her last word. She was a woman and she knew what duties her condition implied. –Let's just say goodbye now. –she finished and the children embraced her, feeling they were losing the person who had been the closest to a mother they had ever had. Hesitating at first, Eihhlin embraced them as well as her life slowly lost its meaning, if it had ever had any.
Éomer had never thought Eihhlin was capable of such gesture but, even though it was obvious she wasn't comfortable with it, he could see it was genuine. Seeing the children had finally let go of their sister, the king took the opportunity to step out of the shadows, making it seem like he had just come out of the palace. Eihhlin stood up as she saw him and the children ran back inside, but not before smiling at Éomer, who smiled back at them. For some reason, they liked the king of Rohan and he wished one day Eihhlin would give him children like them.
-Is everything alright, my queen? –he asked as his smile faded.
-Yes, everything's fine, my lord. –she answered, turning away from him to face endless fields covered in snow. The king saw her try to keep herself warm by rubbing her arms and, taking off his cloak, he put it around her shoulders to protect her from the cold.
-It's cold out here. –Éomer stated as she looked at her own shoulder and then at him. Grabbing it and taking it off in silence, she handed the cloak back to him.
-No, thank you. –she said and Éomer took it, feeling heartbroken for her rejection. –I just wish to retreat now. I'm tired.
-Of course. –he allowed. –I will join you later. –he added, even though he was unsure if he really wanted Eihhlin and the winter of her skin in his bed. The queen slightly bowed in response and went inside as Éomer watched her walk away.
Eihhlin left the celebration in silence and walked down the corridor. As she was about to go upstairs, the familiar voice of her mother stopped her and made her turn around to face the origin of the sound.
-Eihhlin! –Marjut called as she walked fast towards her daughter.
-What is it? –the queen of Rohan asked coldly.
-I just wanted to say I'm sorry. –the mother said as her eyes begged for Eihhlin's forgiveness.
-Sorry for what?
-For not being a better mother. –was Marjut's simple answer.
-You weren't a mother at all, Marjut. –the daughter stated the truth as she saw it. –But if you regret it so much, try to be one to Paro and Mero. Goodnight. –she finished, turning around and leaving her mother behind.
Marjut stood there watching her daughter leave, losing her more with every step she took. She never thought the taste of regret could be so bitter and, seeing her daughter hadn't been affected by her own wedding at all, she asked herself whether she had raised a cold and emotionless monster or if the monster had grown to be what it was exactly because she hadn't raised her daughter.
-I just wanted your fate to be different from mine. –she whispered in the dark, feeling warm tears run down her cheeks. Marjut had finally realized she would carry her guilt until the day of her death and she doubted she would ever have peace again.