Chapter Ten

Thought for the Day: Remember - when set alight, stop, drop, and roll those 6's!

The story so far: After spending ten thousand years drinking off their depression after a crushing defeat at the climax of the Horus Heresy, the Daemon Primarchs now find themselves aboard Warmaster Ezekyle Abaddon's flagship, the Vengeful Spirit III, hoping to regain their shattered pride, fix some broken ego, and generally attempt to gain more than a polite mention in the next Codex: Chaos Space Marines.

With introductions between the two majors Chaos powers - the Primarchs of old, and the followers of Abaddon who have enjoyed a ten thousand year long frat party without the adults around - now complete, Chaos Undivided turns its matters to more important questions:

Lorgar: "I may be missing a small and possibly quite minor detail here, but how on Terra are we supposed to ally with a force we, truth be told, betrayed, then lost to, and subsequently spent ten thousand years of protracted religious warfare with?

Horus: "By restoring the Imperial Aetheism! ... I mean Truth!"

Lorgar: "Good luck, the Ecclesiarchy is as good as me when it comes to inciting religious fevor. Ten thousand years of religious zeal isn't going away overnight. Besides, there is one small flaw to your aetheist plan".

Horus: "Oh?"

Lorgar: "Gods exist - it's a scientifically proven fact".

Horus: "Science - you've betrayed us! How could you ally with the enemy?"

Strange woman: "Oh Horus darling ... don't you want me anymore?"

Stranger woman: "Oh ... how disappointing. Especially when he was so much fun to toy with ... like a little puppet with a pull-string ... a cheese pull string, with califlower ... so many catch-phrases ..."

Fat man:"What in the infinite hells are you babbling about?"

Bulky man:"Don't even bother, its mind works in ways beyond our understanding".

Strange woman: "Perhaps just yours ... we all know there's nothing much going on up there, darling, than thoughts of blood ..." sucks her fingers absent-mindedly

Horus: "I would say it's a plesant surprise to see you all here, but that would be the biggest lie since I sent out all those invites for Istvaan Mash-Up M.31!"

Lorgar: "The Avatars of the Gods!! I never thought they would be so ... stereotypical".

Strange woman - Slaanesh: "We go with what's best darling ..."

Fulgrim: "That's a fantastic little number there you're not wearing ... I do believe that miniskirt's so short it's inverted itself and destroyed several dimensions in the process".

Slaanesh: I would say she adopts a seductive pose, but that's the default state of being for Slaanesh, so I'll tell you when she's not looking like a Luis Royo painting "Why thank you my dear"

Mortarion: "Grandpa!"

Fat man - Nurgle: "Mort! Come to my arms!" Mort runs to Nurgle, and promptly falls into the open, bleeding, pestilent chest cavity to curl up within the diseased organs of the horrifically obese Nurgle

Lorgar: "Oh that's just gross ..."

Magnus: "Tzeentch! How's it going?"

Stranger woman - Tzeentch:"Somewhat obtuse, with minor infringements upon perpendicular territories. It's a maths equation that I shall enjoy with a slice of tea".

Mangus: "And you make no sense as always ..."

Tzeentch: "Leman cupcakes! Magnus you have no corollary turtle soup!"

Ahriman: "She says you've cut your hair - it looks good"

Magnus: "Ahri - you understand Tzeentch-speak!"

Ahriman: "What? Did you think I spent the last ten thousand years bumming out on the sofa? I've been doing homework; I'm fluent in over eighty thousand different languages, including net-speak".

Ferrus: "OHAI!"

Ahriman: "LOL! G2G!; I have a Dakota to sacrifice ..."

Slaanesh: "Hmm ... sweet little girls ..."

Ahriman: shudders "Ergh ..."

Angron: "Keep away from anything I want to cut up"

Bulky man - Khorne: "That's the spirit! I see you've learnt well! What's that you're holding?"

Angron: "Blood-chucks! My own invention!"

Khorne: "Tell me more ..."

Abaddon: "Is everyone here yet? I want to get this meeting started soon".

Lorgar: "Well we're still missing a few ..."

doors burst open

Abaddon: "Oh for the love of ... does anyone in this galaxy know how to open doors? THEY HAVE MOTION SENSES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

Leman Russ: "And they sensed my motion!" deep laughter of the Brian Blessed kind

Corax: "Pitiful ..."

Khan: piercing stare

Lorgar: "Russ, Dorn, Corax, and Khan! I'm glad you guys could make it. Good to see you again Khan!"

Khan: piercing stare

Lorgar: "Erm ... how have you been?"

Khan: piercing stare

Lorgar: "Good tour?"

Khan: piercing stare

Lorgar: "Erm ... well you're as talkative as ever ... I think we're ready to being now Abaddon ..."

Corax: "So this is Nurgle, good to meet you"

Nurgle:"Corax! I admire your poetry ... it speaks from the heart!"

Corax: "Finally someone who understands my pain!"

Lorgar: rolls eyes

Fulgrim: "RUSS! GET AWAY FROM MY GOD!! Slaanesh put him down - you don't know where he's been!"

Slaanesh: "Don't care darling ..."

Russ: "Wait, Slaanesh?!?! Ya said yer name wa Agnus!"

Abaddon: "Can Gods, Primarchs, and us 'mere' mortals take our seats before I start breaking out the Strength 8 hurt?"

everyone ignores him

Abaddon: "LAST ONE TO SIT DOWN GETS A FREE COPY OF THE DAWN OF WAR TRILOGY SIGNED BY C S GOTTO!"

everyone is seated

Abaddon: "Mortarion, sitting inside Nurgle doesn't count. So here's your book ..."

Mortarion: "TAKE IT AWAY! THE WORDS - THEY BURN MY PRECIOUS EYES!!"

Abaddon: "Right, agenda number one ..."

mass snoring

Abaddon: "It's going to be one of those days ..."

GREAT VOICE OF AWESOME: "THEN LET ME SIMPLIFY IT!"

all eyes turn to the doorway, where a great golden weelchair is being pushed in by a cloaked figure. Upon the weelchair sits THE EMPEROR OF MANKIND!

Horus: "FATHER!"

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!: "Horus! It has been too long!"

Horus: "I am sorry for what I have done, do you forgive me father?"

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!: "Of course my son ... but you're still grounded for an eon".

Horus: bows head "I understand father ..."

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!: "And I'm taking your Xbox away for the duration"

Horus: "Dad! I was going to play that when Ezekyle grew my arms back!"

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!: "Tough ... and Russ, Sanguinius, Roboute, Corax, Vulkan, Ferrus, Khan, and Dorn please get up! Spend any more time penitent and I'll class it as worship, and you know what I do to worshippers?"

Lorgar: "The horror ..."

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!: "Lorgar still remembers. Right, Ezekyle, mind if I take over?"

Abaddon: "Do I have a choice?"

EMPEROR OF MANKIND!:"Not at all. Right, I now with my powers of supreme awesomeness declare this Chapter ended!"

= = = = = = = ***CHAPTER TEN*** = = = = = = = =

Dorn: "Wait ... haven't we forgotten someone?"