Disasterpiece Theater
We're sugar high and raring
to go!
We're back at the Agianna apartment…are we seeing a trend here? Lia is wearing her usual cotton tee and shorts, no shoes, the accursed flip-flops on the floor next to the couch.
"Hi guys. I'm sorry I'm not perkier…I'm just coming off a sugar high and I was up until two AM last night babysitting the rich kid again. Welcome to another weekend of Disasterpiece Theater. I'm Lia Agianna and this weekend our story has less thrills than the Card Captor miniseries thing but just as bishounen. Speaking of Card Captors…Kero when he's not little squishy yellow guy is Golem from Monster Rancher! The voices! The voices! Davis was our fic monkey not too long ago, and now we have his fabulous mentor, Taichi. So yes, the big-haired one gets his story."
~*~
Kari leaned over the top bunk, Gatomon next to her. Tai was snoring, again, and the vibrations were rattling the bed.
"Tai! Tai, you're snoring! Ta-ai!"
Gatomon handed her a yardstick and Kari proceeded to poke him. Tai woke up instantly.
"Touch not the Taichi if you want to live to see tomorrow."
"We're all going to the Digital World to do a little more clean up. You coming?"
Tai shrugged. "Eh, why not? I haven't hassled Matt recently, I think I'm due."
Gatomon sniffed the air. "I smell something."
"Breakfast?" Kari suggested. "Tai's gym socks from September?"
"No, it smells like…fuzz."
Tai got up to check on his hair, his pride and joy, and lo and behold as he was running a comb through it (an impossible task, I know) out popped a Tokomon!
"You look like Tai!" the fuzzy pink pig thing squeaked, squinting at our big-haired hero. "You are Tai!" And the fuzzball started glomping Tai's leg.
"There was a Tokomon in my hair?" Tai questioned.
"Tai, God only knows what's in your hair," Kari sighed, calling dibs on the shower first.
The Tokomon followed Tai around all morning, agitating Gatomon and quite frankly pissing Tai and Agumon off.
"Barbecue the thing, Agumon, and be done with it!"
"I can't, Tai! It's too darn cute! Besides, what if it's T.K.'s Tokomon?"
"He's not T.K.," the Tokomon said. "He's Takeru, Lord of All Evil."
"Great," Tai groaned. "It's Fluffy from the Lost Temple."
Fluffy
and Goth T.K. © Claire and the Lost Temple of Ishida. I'd put the URL but they
just changed it so I haven't memorized it yet. Gomen! ^_^
~*~
"Tai, what is that thing following you around?" Matt pointed to the pink wad of bellybutton lint still glomping Tai's ankle.
"A Tokomon that popped out of my hair," he sighed. "You know I'm blaming all of this on your girlfriend, right?"
"Which one?"
Tai blinked. So did Fluffy. "Whaddya mean 'which one?' You only have one girlfriend, right?"
"It depends on the fanfic," Mimi said because she's here because I say she's here.
"Yup," Izzy stated, showing the whole thing on a computer program. "Lia and Sora trade off to appease the audience. Nine out of ten times, if the genre says romance, Sora's the flavor of the fic. Prodigious little compromise, don't you think?"
Tai shrugged and started walking off. "I'm going to l-o-s-e- the T-o-k-o-m-o-n," he whispered. The others nodded.
They're already in the Digital World. I thought I'd skip
ahead.
But no sooner did Tai take like three steps towards the nearest cliff he could throw Fluffy off of; another Tokomon popped out of his hair and started glomping the other ankle. This Toko sported a fedora and a whip.
"Indiana Toko from Cloud Ishida's Digimon Kaiser Yamato!" he introduced himself.
"Two?! I have two Tokomon in my hair?!" Tai groaned.
"We luv you Taichi!" they cooed.
How the heck am I going to rid myself of these two? Tai thought.
He kept walking, and every so often another Tokomon would pop out of his hair and start glomping him. The pink gerbils just kept coming, like those cheesy clown car acts.
~*~
Half an hour later, while the other Digidestined were doing…Digidestined things…
Namely fighting with each other, kissing, more fighting, name-calling, reading trashy manga, discussing the wonders of anime, fighting.
Maybe that's what you do, Ishida. I write
the fanfic.
…Tai was still herding his hoard of Tai-crazed Tokomon towards a cliff…hopefully.
"Why are you all in my hair?" he asked the fifty someodd Tokomon clinging to him.
"Because we love it! It's so big and pretty!" they chimed in unison.
"Yeah? Well Davis has fairly large hair, why…"
"IT'S NOT BIG! IT'S LITTLE AND UNCOMFORTABLE AND YOU CAN'T FIT ANYMORE THAN 7 TOKOS IN IT!" they howled.
Another half dozen Tokomon sprang from Tai's hair. He sweatdropped.
"Now I can see why the execs decided to hack off my hair in the end of season two."
~*~
Getting fed up with the Tokomon, which seemed to be multiplying faster than a pair of rabbits on Viagra, Tai decided he'd get an expert to assist him in Tokomon eradication. Pulling out the ol' D-terminal, he sent a short message to yours truly, who poked her do-nothing digimon and threatened him to spring into action or no Harry Potter.
"Whaddya need?" Wizardmon asked lazily, floating over Tai.
"GET RID OF THESE TOKOMON!" he moaned.
There were a good couple thousand now, and they were swarming Tai.
Wizardmon pulled out a thick book and started thumbing through it.
"Wuzzat?"
"If you must know, it's the Encyclopedia Digimonica…Gennai gave it to everyone for Christmas along with fruitcake. Both I use to prop up my end tables in my study. Hmm, it says Tokomon are rather stupid and near-sighted. They have a fixation on stupid things, and can't always tell the difference between that which they are fixated on and other stupid things. I'll open up a dimensional portal and we'll use random anime characters to lead those wads of dryer lint away. Gimme a minute."
Using the utmost concentration (actually, he was daydreaming about Hermione again), Wizardmon opened several portals to other networks and pulled out a couple dozen Tai-resembling figures.
Tai grinned. "That's great, Wizardmon! You're the best!"
"I know. You'll get my bill in the mail."
The Tokomon looked up, and suddenly there was big hair everywhere!
Goku and Vegeta were shipped in from DBZ, and neither of them looked all that enthralled to be not fighting for once.
Mondo of the Mon Colle Knights was there, band-aid and all.
As was Flint, everyone's favorite prehistoric half-pint with the Gomamon voice.
"And there's a whole bunch of other me-ish guys from anime shows we've never even heard of, too!" Tai cried happily.
The Tokomon became confused, wandering aimlessly between characters.
Tai made a run for it, back towards the rest of the group. Meanwhile, the Tokomon were trying to glomp the other characters.
"You look like Tai! But…you're not Tai."
Now, they kept trying anyways because these guys were as close to Tai looking as we come. They actually get Tai confused with everyone from Matt to a random Marxist to Chibiusa to Quatre.
So
sayeth the Tokosseum's guide to Tai-spotting…another URL I need to write down.
It's somewhere.
~*~
Tai hurried back to join up with the others, ecstatic that he had outwitted the Tokomon. But when he realized where the others had been working all day, he fell over and started twitching worse than the sixteen-year-old Jack Russell terrier I was pet-sitting along with my usual babysitting charge, Ralph.
The gang was helping out at a subsection of Primary Village, where a colony of Tokomon lived.
"You look like Tai! You are Tai!" they squealed.
"GET ME OUTTA HERE!"
~*~
"That wraps up another inane episode of Disasterpiece Theater. I dunno what possessed me to write this. I was hoping I'd get Matt this weekend. Oh well. Join me again next weekend when I bring back more stupidity. So keep it here."
"And don't let them forget about my contest!" Patamon shouts from offstage.
Boss Reo randomly walks by with a cup of coffee and a couple pieces of candy.
Lia jumps out of her cushy computer chair and runs after the author.
"Get back here! That's my candy! I got it from my six-year-old cousin! Reo!"
~*~
Send Tai some
Tokomon! Please? A big box of Tokomon to freak him out!