Coulson's hand stung with pain as his fist once again collided with the solid surface of the wall, denting the drywall but it wasn't until his fist hit and broke the mirror that he stopped, slumping against the wall as the emotions all seemed to hit. Ignoring the glass in his wound, bleeding over the bathroom floor but he didn't do anything to stop it.

He slid down to the floor, resting his head into his other palm. The silence seemed to press on him now, almost suffocating him. Alone with his mind. The pain radiating down his hand was enough for his mind to go only to one place. May.

"May…." He breathed, closing his eyes. Guilt and regret weighed deeply in his heart and stomach. Now, he knew he shouldn't gotten as mad as he had been with her. Mad and Mean. He knew Melinda...knew she always had his back yet. Thick and thin, from the academy to SHIELD missions, even after his death yet untill the phone in that bloody cockpit….he had had hers. But being so blinded by hurt… that was his mistake. He was paying the price for that. The team too in the way of the loss.

What did they think of him now? The agent who killed an agent of the same agency...A friend…. In cold blood. Did they think of him less than before. Probably. They all saw it no doubt, on the security feed.

They watched him fight her, hurt her….then kill her. But they had also seen her disappear. He had no idea what happened her to her body, once this was over...he'd have to bury an empty box. Even if he had her body...they wouldn't be able to take her with them. If her body had stayed, she'd be at the Providence base beside Koenig in that morgue. A base that would no doubt be home to new faces. Hydra or Military. Either way they wouldn't have gotten her body back. May that would have been worse then her disappearing.

But nonetheless, he had been the one to be the cause. Coulson's eyes flickered open, starting down to his hands. Now...all that anger had gone...he could perfectly remember what he had done...what he mad missed. The scratches in the back of his hand, just visible, but he could remember feeling her claw at his hand, trying to prise them from her neck. An act of pure desperation before she gave up.

Remembering that now...It made his skin crawl...

Melinda May gave up.

Of course she'd give up to him. She couldn't have gotten out of his grip. Not with that broken rib he inflicted onto her. He had felt the bone cave with that kick, then, he hadn't noticed it. That was what made him win. Pain. It slowed her down, especially in the area of the body that dealt with so much movement.

Even if he had stopped sooner...what saved her from a punctured lung? He knew he pressed against her and dropped her. Was it possible he had done that as well? Without a body...or an autopsy there was no way to know. He didn't know how hard he had been. She had barely been alive when he let go. She should have been able to breath then. Did he damage her neck which made it impossible to breath in after?

Coulson barely noticed the knock on the door, more questions filtering into his head.

"Stop thinking so hard. It's not good on you for now." Skye said, almost making him jump, his eyes darting to her but she was collecting up some tissue, holding it out to him. He took it after a moment, picking some of the glass from his hand then mopped up the red mess, holding it against the cuts.

"It...I.. Killed her." He started. "It doesn't feel real…I killed my friend."

Skye said nothing but he felt her stare, but her expression wasn't what he expected.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked, looking away from her.

"Like what?"

"Like a normal person."

"Coulson.." She shook her head after a moment, stepping in more then slid down beside him. "I'm not judging you for that."

"You should. Fitz, SImmons and Trip...they watched me do it. I didn't even let her have time to talk...or to explain. Now that I know….I remember everything I did...and her reactions." His eyes went back to his other hand, going to the faint white lines clawed into his wrists.

"Coulson. It was a set up."

"But I hated her because she had been spying on me, That wasn't a set up."

"Ward used your feelings towards her against you. There's nothing you could have done to stop him."

"No, but If i had been more open minded...I wouldn't have used such drastic measures to contain her. Now, May's dead...She gave up, Skye. You knew her, she never gave up. But with me...she did."

Skye had no answer for that which didn't surprise him. His heart pounded in his chest, his face feeling hotter as well as his eyes.

"She was my best friend, Skye. Ever since we met at the academy." He shook his head, "I tossed it all away…." He flexed his fingers, pain stinging down his hand before he grasped some of the glass in his wound, pulling it out. "We need her now…"

"We have to make do, Coulson. With what we've got." Skye said after a moment. "I miss her, even if she wasn't as friendly to me. Sure, I felt betrayed when i found out about the phone because she reported on you. But we need to take down Ward….and Garrett. We can't do that sitting on a floor in a bathroom."

"I know." Coulson answered, more of a grumble this time. He knew what hed needed to do. But something else just bugged him, not just about killing her. "But after I killed her, Skye, Her body disappeared."

Skye frowned softly.

"Watched her die in my arms, so I know it wasn't some twisted trick. She was there a second but gone the next."

"What do you think happened?"

"I don't know. But her clothes were left behind. Once this is over, I think I'll have Fitz look into what happened, the...footage is saved so I guess we'll have to look into that." He stiffened through but if they got around to it then maybe they could find her body sooner or later.

"Yes, But for now, let's get back to business, grieve about May after." Skye moved to stand back him, accepting her help but he headed to the sink to clean his hand, sighing as the water hit his hand, pushing some of the shards from his hand away down the sink.

"What's that?" Skye said after a moment, he looked to where she pointed, landing on the Intel Maria had given her.

"Intel, Maria brought it to me. We have an unknown asset that dug it out my grave." Coulson answered.

"Are you gonna watch it?"

Coulson shrugged after a moment. "Probably." but he knew he would have watched it with… May if she hadn't died. She would have been the person he would have been most comfortable sharing his problems with.

"Can I watch it with you?"

This made him pause a moment. Then slowly he nodded. Out of the others, He knew he could trust Skye to help him. She knew how personal things had gotten.

He finished up watching his hand, wrapping more loo paper around his hand and headed out the bathroom. Skye had gotten her laptop in that time, opening it up, taking out the intel ad plugged it in. Coulson sighed deeply as he slid into the seat beside her, watching her as she opened it up.

He blinked in surprise as his own face popped up.

"Good morning, Director Fury. I regret to inform you that I'm handing in my resignation. I know you brought me on to Project T.A.H.I.T.I. because you trusted my judgement, and it's that judgment that telling me that i can no longer, in good conscience, let the testing continue. I understand you started the program to potentially save a mortally wounded avenger. But the side effects are too Extreme."

Coulson inhaled deeply, watching with rapt attention.

"We had initial success with the regenerative properties of the Guest-host tissue, but after the initial physical recovery, the subjects began to deteriorate Mentally, Displaying Hypergraphia, Aphasia, Catatonia, or just complete psychosis.

We don't known if it was the biology at play or the simply the awareness of what was done, but the only course of action that showed any promise of stemming the side effect was memory replacement- erasing complete awareness of what they'd been through. Even those results were very inconsistent.

To be clear, I'm recommending the termination of Project T.A.H.I.T.I. Under no circumstances should these procedures or drugs be administered to anyone ever. The cost is too great. Thank you sir."

The screen turned black with 'end of Transmission' popping up on it but it left him stunned to silence along with Skye.

Sorry this chapter too long to get too, I found it hard to get into the angsty mood this week to write it. Please leave a comment onto it, I'm a little uncertain on how it went.