Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tomorrow was the Promised Day, the day during which Nyx would descend upon the world and destroy the will of the living.
It had been two long months filled with clashing feelings and nearly debilitating fear of the future but...
I breathed deeply and leaned my palms against the counter, resting my forehead against the cool glass mirror and closing my eyes.
Yukari, Junpei, Akihiko, Fuuka, Mitsuru, Ken, Aigis, Koromaru... Everyone in SEES has made up their minds...even Shinjiro would've if he were still with us... We are all resolved to see this through to, not the end, not the beginning, but a continuation of our lives so that we may continue to learn, experience, mature, live to the fullest capacity. Our hearts are strong... Our bonds unbreakable... The power I hold is the power that they've given me...
But, there was one bond that I had yet to mend, that I desperately wanted to mend, and that bond...is the one that I hold with Minako.
After that incident in front of Tartarus, she no longer appeared before me in that random pattern of hers; she stopped her usual habit of waiting outside for me...
Minako wasn't particularly afraid of the Shadows... Rather, she was afraid of herself.
Her very existence is a contradiction.
Just as it had been with Ryoji...
Now I know why Ryoji found her to be so familiar to him...why she was so gentle with him...the two of them are of the same essence–they are Shadows who have developed an ego.
First Ryoji and then Minako...they had both suffered greatly because of their very nature.
She couldn't tell me... She didn't want to tell me... She didn't have to tell me...
I just... I just want to see her again, but... Will she want to see me again?
A strange feeling welled up inside of me. It was a familiar, warm feeling. It was the feeling I always got when-!
My eyes snapped open and I blinked at the strange sight before I stumbled backwards in surprise for, in the mirror's image, there was a reflection of me...of another me.
This other me was sitting across from my current position on the edge of my bed.
This other me looked so sad and so lonely...
The emotions seemed almost out of place on my reflected face given how well I'd learned to hide my expressions.
But that seemed insignificant in comparison to the fact that a dark and blue aura surrounded the other me, casting shadows across his face in an almost eerie manner.
And the most notable feature was his eyes... His eyes burned a bright gold color, the opposite of my cool silver ones.
I quickly turned around and my breath hitched.
The other me wasn't there.
Instead, it was Minako.
And she wore something that I'd never expected her to wear–the Gekkoukan High School uniform for female students.
Her MP3 player had been set aside on top of my desk.
Wringing her hands together, Minako glanced up at me nervously before dropping her gaze and closing her eyes tightly.
"Well, you know what I am now," she started as calmly as she could though her voice still trembled, "I...am a Shadow, the true self. I was never human to begin with..."
How many times had I gone through this meeting in my head? Dozens upon dozens of times. And yet, despite all of that, I still couldn't find the right words to say as I remembered that night, as I remembered being utterly useless.
"I'm sorry...!" I suddenly blurt out, taking a half-step forward, "It's my fault that-!"
But she shook her head in disagreement, "No, Minato-kun, it's not your fault," her hands clutched one another tightly, "If anything... If anything, the fault's mine...!" her head was bowed but I could hear the self-loathing evident in her voice, "How could I, something so attuned to that cursed hour, have forgotten the time?"
That... That right there needed to stop. The dehumanization process that's she's putting herself through...
I took a step forward, insisting, "Stop. Stop blaming yourself," I cursed my lack of eloquence, "Please... I don't think that's the way it happened."
Still, Minako shook her head in disagreement and I wondered just how I could convince her that she's blameless, that she saved me in the end.
"Could you...sit down with me?" she asked hesitantly, still resigned to whatever self-loathing she had.
Not knowing what else to say, I complied and sat down beside her, wondering where all of my charisma and courage had gone.
She was clutching her hands together tightly again as she spoke slowly, "This situation...cannot be changed. I knew that from the very beginning, but I...I lied to myself...and to you, Minato-kun," her lips pursed as if to hold back a cry, "I am nothing more than a sword and shield...tools to be used at your disposal."
"No," I immediately interjected, "You're not. You're not a tool. You're Minako. You'll always be Minako. So... Don't think that..."
She needed to know... She needed to know just how dear she is to me. I...
A small smile, still tinge with that resigned sorrow that had come to characterized her now, appeared on her lips. "The Promised Day draws near..." she's changing topics, "You've resolved to prevent the Fall, but...you're still scared, aren't you?" I am. "Scared of leaving behind regrets." I'm terrified. "That's why you wished to meet me one last time..."
Her eyes were still closed. She was still hiding. She didn't want to see the cruel reality that laid before her. I didn't want to see how all of this was breaking apart before me. But she needed to... I needed to... We needed to face ourselves, to accept the path in front of us.
"Please..." I whispered, shifting closer to her, willing for her to listen to me, "Please..."
"Even now," she continued after a second of hesitation, "I don't know why I appear before you like this... Was it you? Or was it me?" I knew what I wanted. "... You already know, don't you? Feelings can become one's strength...emotions can bring about many changes."
I paused. Maybe I was going about this the wrong way. Maybe I'm the one who needs to listen, like I always did with others…but she's not an other. She's...me.
"Are you afraid?" I suddenly asked her as my thoughts raced, "Of the future?"
She was silent for a moment, and I knew that she knew that I was just biding time for us, before answering slowly, "I was... I still am...afraid. I was... I am you, after all... I am the you who was hurt after that accident."
My heart clenched at being reminded of the night that changed everything.
"That beautiful smile of yours soon faded from your face... You'd lost the will to live... You would've embraced death..." her voice had become so quiet that I had to strain my ears to hear her, "You thought that emotions were too painful to bare. Happiness... Sadness... You can't have one without the other but you didn't want to hurt anymore... So you stopped."
If I feel nothing...then I won't hurt.
"Everything... Everything was thrown away and you resolved that no one would ever have that much power over you anymore."
If I stay away from everyone...then I won't hurt.
"And so, you wore your façade, your mask of neutrality... Nothing would ever faze you, not even the things you once loved, and so nothing would hurt you."
Pain is bad. Numb my pain.
"You remained quiet and only spoke when you were spoken to... But then you came here," a small smile graced her lips again, still sad, still resigned, still lonely, but also full of pride, "You're still quiet. You still only speak when you're spoken to. But you're surrounded by your friends now. You've...changed," and the resignation overpowered all of those other emotions, "You will continue to change. It's in human nature to adapt to new surroundings. But I... Although I'm you, in a way, that doesn't change the fact that I'm a Shadow. My fate is not mine to be decided."
I didn't know what to say. There was truth in her words. I had changed since I'd come here.
Still, I wanted to comfort her so badly.
I...
I reached out a hand and cupped her face, gently stroking her cheek.
The warmth that I had felt from her in the beginning was gone.
All that remained was the coldness that I'd felt previously in her hands...the coldness that I'd sense when fighting against...Shadows.
She seemed to have read my thoughts as she smiled wryly and placed a hand over mine before placing it on her chest.
There was no steady rise and fall, no rhythmic beat of her heart.
"You see now?" she whispered, "I carry no signs of being alive. I don't even know how my body functions," she paused and cradled my hand between hers as her smile gained a bit of happiness, "But, you know, whenever you hold my hand or whenever I hold yours, I feel like I shouldn't let go...because you're so warm. I don't want to let go. But..."
She bit her bottom lip as she loosened her grip reluctantly, not wanting to part, wanting this to last forever, and her face was so obviously distraught despite having closed the window to her soul.
"Show me..." I whispered to her, holding onto her hands before she could take them away, "Show me how you feel, and we can get through this together."
A shudder racked her body as she breathed (because I won't believe that she's not alive when she's so obviously here) and hesitated before her eyes slowly fluttered open. Tears clung to her lashes as she looked up at me with her large, soulful eyes that were filled with so much despair and loneliness and hopelessness before she buried her head into my chest and cried silently.
I pulled her onto my lap and embraced her tightly.
She said that she didn't want to let me go.
Well, I didn't want to let her go either.
(And I dutifully ignored the little voice that spoke of narcissism and self-love.)
After some time, how long I knew not, Minako stopped shivering and remained contently curled up against me.
"It's strange..." she murmured as she laced her fingers with mine, "Considering what I am, I shouldn't be able to feel...and yet I have an ego," a pause, "Still... Are these feelings truly mine? I am but a reflection after all. Something born from another..." I wasn't sure how to answer that but she huffed a laugh regardless, "I don't know what to think anymore... I don't know what to feel anymore... I just..." she paused and tensed and breathed in sharply before whispering with a sort of awe that came with enlightenment, "All I know...is that my heart yearns for what cannot be."
My heart pounded and my thoughts swirled as I pondered, wondered, hoped that she was saying what I thought she was saying.
"Minato-kun, I..."
Ba-bump.
"I love you."
I swallowed thickly, trying to get my emotions under control, as I wondered about the implications of her confession.
She fell in love with me despite knowing about the severity of the situation.
Through her interactions with me, she slowly learned and accepted that, not only did she carry my discarded emotions but that, she had developed her own as well.
As she went through this, she had been crying out for help.
And I was the only one who could hear her.
Was our meeting pure fate?
Or was it something that both of us yearned for?
Either way, I too came to accept her as a person.
I too...had fallen in love with her.
Too much... I was feeling too much...!
I parted my lips to answer her but a pale finger stopped me and I stared at her, willing her to understand.
"Don't..." she whispered as tears began to fall, "If you love me in return, then don't tell me. It would hurt too much to know..."
Her cold hands cupped my face as she rested her forehead against mine and I knew what would happen next.
Minako began to glow a bright blue aura as power surged through my body, causing wind to circle around the two of us.
Her body began dissipating and I quickly stood up despite knowing that I could do nothing and yet wanting to do something.
I heard the familiar shattering of glass as the blue aura transformed into who I recognized as Orpheus...my Orpheus.
And yet, somehow, this Orpheus felt so much less empty, so much brighter, as if his colors were somehow given life.
And then he glowed again as the blue aura around us intensified into white light, blinding me for a moment before settling down.
Orpheus had transformed, incorporating certain aspects of Minako's Orpheus, as his face lightened into a porcelain color, his hair took on the hue of the sun, and his torso was dyed red and accentuated with gold.
Thou art I… And I am thou… Thou hast established a genuine bond…
Those mysterious words echoed in my mind as Orpheus, no...as Orpheus Telos faded and took on the form of a tarot card, the very one that represents the bond between me and Minako–the Fool whose number is 22.
As the rush of power died down and the card disappeared, I felt a weight settle on my free hand and held it up.
It was a mask, plain and featureless.
Just then, I heard a familiar voice speak within my mind.
"Well, well… It seems that you've discovered each of the Social Links, and formed strong bonds with them all." Igor chuckled with evident delight, "In order to have gotten on so well, with so many different people… You must have worn so many faces…" I grimaced at that; it made my bonds sound so...fake, "Perhaps you'll find this useful, since you seem to be able to adopt any sort of face… A cipher like you… should have this." What was a mask supposed to do? "With it, you'll be able to summon… that Persona…" My heart jumped at the thought and I clutched onto the gift a little tighter. "I'll be looking forward to it. Until another time then..."
His voice faded and I suddenly felt drained as I stumbled over to my bed and flopped listlessly onto it.
Having listened to Igor speak, I suddenly recollected the time I visited the Velvet Room after...that night...
(Flashback)
"I...am nothing after all... Nothing...but a Shadow."
Her words continued to circle around in my mind as I slowly made my way into the empty alleyway underneath Mandragora Karaoke Bar. The Dark Hour had been long gone by the time I'd snapped out of my daze. But I hadn't wanted to return to the dorm so quickly, not when I had questions that needed to be answered. Especially since Minako...
My heart gave a painful thump.
Taking a moment to compose myself, I rubbed my hands over my face and breathed deeply before pulling out the Velvet Key.
A familiar lightheadedness passed over me when I stepped foot into this other dimension before I sat down in the chair provided for guests such as myself (though I'd yet to see another Wild Card).
"Welcome to the Velvet Room. How may I assist you, valued guest?"
Igor was, as always, sitting across from me on the opposite side of the round table.
The Velvet Room was still on its seemingly endless path ascending upwards but I ignored it as I asked, "What can you tell me about the Fool? More specifically, the Fool whose number is 22?"
The dwarfish man fixed his unblinking and bloodshot eyes on me but I pushed back the uneasiness that usually came with his close scrutiny. After a moment, he raised a hand and two cards from atop the tarot deck, which was placed in the center of the table, flipped over to reveal the two Fools.
"The number zero," Igor started to say as he folded his hands underneath his long nose, "I have told you that it is a number of endless possibilities; this was a reference to the number of Personas that you could call upon." I nodded in understanding. "It is also the beginning of a journey and often represents the adventurer himself, or you in this case." Again, I nodded in understanding. "In reference to your Social Link, this Arcana represents your group of friends, yes? They were the beginning of this journey of yours."
He then gestured to the other Fool, "Now this one...the number 22 is the last of the Major Arcana; it signifies the highest trump." A trump card is one that outranks and prevails over another; for it to be the highest one... "But heed my words," I straightened up with alarm as Igor rarely gave away straightforward answers, "The greater the victory may also mean the greater the loss." A chill ran down my spine at the ominous words as I was suddenly reminded of that strange takoyaki lady's warning. "For every side shown, there is a side hidden, secret, rejected from reality." I was confused as to where he was going with this but it didn't stop the bad feeling from growing. "But what happens when this part becomes tangible? Even more so, what happens when this half...loves?" I wasn't sure what to make of his cryptic words but I knew that they held some weight to my situation. "Regardless, valued guest, you must remember above all else that you have but one rule to abide by as per your contract."
I smiled wryly at that.
"I chooseth this fate of mine own free will."
And he grinned.
(Present)
"The highest trump..." I murmured aloud as I lifted my hand and stared at the Colorless Mask, "My Ultimate Persona... Orpheus Telos..."
A sigh heaved itself through my lips as I dropped the mask over my face and closed my eyes.
Too many things had happened... Too many things have changed...
Minako...
Muffled music played from beside me and I snapped back to reality, jerking upright.
Looking around, I paused as my eyes fell upon a familiar cylindrical device coupled with those nostalgic red-accentuated headphones.
Minako's MP3 still existed.
Slowly setting down the mask on top of the table, I carefully picked up the music player and leaned against the headrest of my bed.
Placing her headphones over my ears, I pressed play when the music died away and froze upon suddenly hearing my voice sing from the earpiece.
I recognized it from the time we did karaoke together...
"Mabayuku kagayaku hitotoki minna to issho datta
kakegae no nai toki to shirazuni watashi wa sugoshite ita
imawa tada taisetsu ni shinobuyou I will embrace the feeling~"
So this was why Minako asked me that question...and why she reacted the way she did when I told her that I liked songs that make me happy.
I was the reason why Minako would wear that beautifully bright smile of hers; even though I'm a pretty boring guy, even though I was bad at being honest with my feelings...she was happy being with me.
And then I realized.
Intentionally or unintentionally, I may have ended up hurting her regardless.
Should I really have kept quiet about my feelings and not confessed my love for her?
"Don't... If you love me in return, then don't tell me. It would hurt too much to know..."
She said that and yet...
It seems that, no matter which way I look at it, Minako was going to get hurt in the end.
If I had confessed to her, then Minako would've suffered because she wouldn't be able to stay by my side.
The other option... The one I chose by listening to her and not telling her how I feel... She disappeared without ever knowing that I felt the same way.
It was then that I noticed something trickling down my face.
Reaching up, I touched my cheeks and pulled away to find my fingers wet with tears.
I was crying...
(I hadn't cried since Mom and Dad died...)
My heart wrenched painfully as I tangled my hands into my hair and bent over.
It hurts...like I'm being torn apart from the inside out...
But are these tears truly mine...?
She's as much a part of me as I am a part of her.
Or are these tears hers...?
Minako...
Forging an unbreakable bond...it doesn't change the fact that she's no longer here.
Minako...
No longer could I hold back my feelings as I heard my voice singing the last words to the song that I'd finally come to know as Memories of You.
"Kimi wa ne tashika ni ano toki watashi no soba ni ita
itsudatte itsudatte itsudatte sugu yoko de waratteita
nakushitemo torimodosu kimi wo I will never leave you~"
Minako, I love you too...
Fool Social Link: XXII – MAX!
Author's Note: And so this social link comes to a close. At first glance, Minato had to hang out with Minako every chance he had. I'd like to give a big thank you to Gin Nanashi for helping out and made sure we saw this to the end. Personally, we both we're going to cry our eyes out. Are you guys crying your eyes out too? Make sure that you leave your reviews on how this social link did overall! Will we see another story done like this? And since this story is complete it will fade into the shade of memory… If there was a song that describes this social link, it would be LoveStruck by EGOIST. If any of you are interested into listening to the song, check it out on Grooveshark. A new poll will be made and make sure to answer the question! And now some words from my partner Gin Nanashi:
"Hello, everyone! I haven't said much before now but I'm glad to see that you all enjoyed this story. I was a bit wary about adding all the details that I did but, since you all seem content with it, I guess I did pretty well. ;P I would also like to thank those who reviewed and especially KazuyaYamura, TrueSuffering and Ari Moriarty for keeping up with it so...THANK YOU! And, of course, I can't forget to thank the lovely ReachingOutFES for giving me the chance to help her out with this awesome idea so...THANK YOU, PARTNER! Well, that's all I've got so...until another time then! :)"
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