DISCLAIMER: I neither own Glee nor the characters. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. This is purely for fun. Enjoy! :)
A/N: OK, kids, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. Get the tissues!
The Dreamers
Chapter Ten: The Fight
Someone was yelling, she could hear it, clear as day. The Guggenheim Museum was a circular shaped building with fabulous acoustics, so the screams bounced off of the walls and echoed throughout the spacious museum, shocking the guests who had been expecting a quiet gala for the elite. Instead, she saw the faces of the other patrons morph into snobbish masks of distaste as she realized that the yelling sounded somewhat familiar to her.
Jesse was poking her on her sleeve, and she pulled away from him a bit, trying not to mess up the intricate ruffles on the shoulders. "What is it Jesse?"
"Rachel? Is that Finn?" Jesse was pointing towards the exit, shocked, and Rachel's heart fell into her stomach when she looked towards the door and saw her normally carefree boyfriend being held back forcibly, screaming at the top of his lungs. Looking around her, she paled at the shocked and offended faces scattered around the exhibit as they took in his appearance. Finn was screaming like a madman, still in his dirty work clothes, while the people in attendance were wearing suits and dresses that probably cost a small fortune.
Her face erupted in a fierce, embarrassing blush that she couldn't control. How dare he come to her event, crash it, and make such a scene! What was he doing here?
She ran towards the exit, Jesse trailing behind her, hoping that her boyfriend wasn't going to get arrested for pulling such a foolish stunt. When she came closer to the doors, Finn was finally able to spot her, and he struggled against the security guards even more.
"Look, there she is! I have to talk to her, get the fuck off of me!" He was incessant in his attempts to reach her, no matter how hard the other security guards pushed him back. Finally she approached the exits, and he pushed through the large men to get to her, grabbing her by the arms tightly as the other guards still tried to grab him.
"No! Please, he is with me!" She placed both hands up in a placating gesture and the other guards gave her the stink eye. Finn's grip on her tightened.
"C'mon, Rachel, let's go home." His voice was gritty and rough, so unlike the soft voice that whispered love into her ears every morning. She glanced a look at his face and he looked almost feral, like a wild animal, coiled up and ready to pounce at any second. He looked around at the guards who looked like they wanted to grab him again and he tensed. Jesse came up to him slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.
"Just calm down, Finn. This is a really important night for Rachel. Do you want a drink? Someone get this man a beer!"
Finn shook the hand off and scowled deeply. "Fuck off, St. James. I don't want a drink, and I don't want your fake-ass bullshit. I am taking Rachel home and she's coming with me now." People started to circle around the three of them, and she could feel everyone's eyes on the trio of her, Finn and Jesse. The air grew thick with tension as the spectators continued to gather.
She whispered to him, low and urgent. "Finn, please, stop. Why are you doing this?" She was so mortified she felt like she wanted to disappear. But he was either ignoring her, or he couldn't hear her, because he started to push past Jesse, who had placed his other hand on Rachel's shoulder. Finn started to glare at Jesse with murder in his eyes.
"Get off of her, and let us go." Rachel could hear the warning in his voice and she shuddered, knowing full well that Finn was capable of hurting Jesse if he was provoked. But Jesse still wouldn't move.
"Finn, I think you are doing a detriment to both yourself and Rachel's career if you keep up with these juvenile antics."
Finn's response was a swift punch in the face, and when his fist connected with Jesse's jaw, she couldn't control the hysterical scream that escaped her lips.
Jesse went down quickly, falling into a group of guards who had been standing behind him. She could hear the appalled gasps of the elite crowd that had surrounded them, and she could see the disgust written all over their faces as she felt Finn pull her out of the lavish event. People were screaming after her, but all she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears as Finn pulled her out onto the Manhattan sidewalks, the night air hitting her face and snapping her out of her trance.
Finn was practically dragging her down the street, and she started to trip over her tall shoes. "Finn, stop!" He kept going and she was starting to panic. She never saw him act like this, not in all the years that she'd known him. Looking into his eyes before was like looking into a stranger's. "Finn, STOP!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, smacking him on the back of the head with her tiny clutch.
He finally stopped walking, turning around to look at her with something akin to betrayal in his eyes. "What is it?" He practically spit at her. His body was still tense and he looked more angry than she had ever seen him.
"What are you doing here? Why did you punch Jesse?" She had so many other questions but she didn't even know where to begin, he was glaring at her in a way that was making her skin crawl.
"You know what I'm doing here?" He asked her, scaring her with the harsh sound of his voice. "I was standing in our bedroom, the room that we've shared together for almost two whole years, reeling from the fact that I'd just proposed to you, and you didn't even care!" Something ached painfully deep in her gut; he had been serious. No wonder why he was so upset. "I realized something then, Rachel. No matter what, I'd made a promise to you that I would follow you wherever you'd wanted to go, and be with you no matter what; but what have you promised me? What have you sacrificed for me? Everything you've sacrificed has been for your career. So I needed the proof that I still matter to you. I'm here to bring you home, Rachel. I've had enough with this, this life, that we've been living for the past few months. It's not enough for me anymore."
She had to resist rolling her eyes at him. And people called her a drama queen! What has been up with him lately, doesn't he realize that everything she'd done had been for them? "Finn, I said that I was sorry about breaking our plans tonight, but I have every intention of making it up. . ." He interrupted her rudely, cutting her off and not letting her elaborate the plans she'd made for them the next day.
"That's not good enough, Rachel. Not anymore." He stood in front of her with his arms crossed, and she struggled to find meaning in his last comment.
"What do you mean 'that's not good enough'?" She copied his stance and went on the defensive. "You knew what you were signing up for when you followed me to New York, Finn." She regurgitated the words that Jesse had told her over and over again. Her justification for working when she should have been with Finn. "You have no idea the sacrifices I've made to try and make this work."
"So what, spending time with me was what you sacrificed? I'm the one who gets pushed aside? No way Rachel, not anymore."
His words put her on edge, and her heart started to pound in her chest furiously. "What does that mean?"
"It means that I'm done feeling like I'm not good enough for you. I'm done feeling like a loser no matter where I live. I'm done with thinking that my own girlfriend would rather go to a stupid party than be with her boyfriend!"
"That stupid party is what's going to help me win a Tony. This is the life I chose, Finn. Deal with it."
"No." His refusal was so swift and sudden, she needed him to elaborate.
"What did you just say?"
"I won't deal with it. I need to know the truth, Rachel, about your priorities. And I want you to make a choice." He took a deep breath and made eye contact with her, leveling her with his stare, making her feel like she was on trial. "It's either me or Broadway, Rachel. You know that I love you, and right now my love is all I have, and all that I can give to you. But it's real, and I would take care of you, no matter what. But if your career is really that important, more important than me, I need to know."
It felt like her chest was caving in on itself, a hollow, dull ache that spread throughout her like a numbness. She wasn't supposed to to have to choose, she was supposed to have it all, just like she'd always wanted. Now, the man that she loved was making her choose between the two halves of her own heart.
How dare he!
A rush of indignant fury blazed within her, threatening her grasp on her self control. He had promised to support her and be with her no matter what! She wasn't the kind of girl who liked to curse, but fuck him if he thought she was going to stoop down to his level of pettiness. Was he seriously forcing her to make a choice between the two things? How could she choose?
Broadway had always been her dream. Her aspiration. Her life. Performing was in every cell of her body, in every breath of air that she took. Before she had ever heard of a boy named Finn Hudson, she had been dreaming about joining the ranks of the greats like Barbra Streisand, Patti LuPone and Bebe Newirth. When she'd been cleaning slushies out of her hair and eggs off her clothes, she was dreaming of the day when she would be able to rub her fame in all their farm-boy faces.
She loved Finn, but her dreams had been with her longer than her high school boyfriend had.
She knew her choice.
"I'm sorry, Finn." She took a deep breath and tried to put on a calm facade, but inside she felt like screaming. "But my dreams have always been bigger than you, and they always will be." The look on his face was going to be burned into her heart forever. How had it come to this? "If you insist on making me choose, I choose Broadway. I choose New York." But it doesn't mean that I don't love you. . .
"So that's it, after everything we've been through, you're choosing your career."
"Why are you being so unreasonable? I don't understand why I have to choose anything!"
Suddenly his voice was booming, surrounding her and filling her with guilt and anxiety. "Because I've never had to make a choice, Rachel! For me, there was always one thing, and one thing only. You. I gave up my friends, my family, my job at Burt's auto shop, all to follow you. You were always my choice. But I'll always be second place to your career."
This conversation was making her uncomfortable now; it sounded too much like he was breaking up with her. Something that definitely should not be happening on the streets of Manhattan. "Finn, I think you should just go home, eat your noodles, and we'll talk after I get home from the party."
He nodded to himself with his lips curled up in a wicked sneer, and he looked at her like she was dirt under his nails. "Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable!" He threw his hands in the air and started to pace frantically, making him look almost unstable in his riled-up state. "You know, If I would have known that the woman I loved was going to turn into a selfish, diva, bitch, I wouldn't have ever left Lima." His words cut through her like a knife, leaving her feeling raw and gutted on the pavement. He started to walk towards his car, leaving her alone in the middle of the sidewalk with tears in her eyes from the insult. Not wanting him to have the last say in the argument, she screamed back the worst thing she could possibly think of.
"Well then why don't you just go back to Lima, Finn? It's where you belong!" She could hear his tires screeching down the streets of New York, leaving a trail of smoke in its wake. Rachel seethed to herself before collecting her wits and heading back into the event. When she got home later, they were going to have one hell of a talk. Hopefully he will have calmed down by then.
She walked back over to the Guggenheim, and the guards who had been witness to the previous fight blocked her entrance to get back in. They looked at her the same way the other guests had looked at Finn. Like she was unwelcome, a fly in their food.
"I need to go and see if my friend is all right." She hoped that Jesse was okay; she knew that Finn could land a solid punch if he'd wanted to. But the guards wouldn't move, saying that she wasn't allowed back into the party. Mortified beyond belief, she turned on her heel and tried to call Jesse's cell phone from the street. He actually picked up and Rachel felt more than a little relieved. He was her co-star, after all.
"Jesse, are you feeling alright? Finn left but they won't let me back in."
"It's okay, Rachel. You've had a hard night, just go home. I'll call you tomorrow." His voice sounded detached, and a bit cold, but he was probably still mad at Finn for punching him in the face. Hell, she was still mad at Finn, as badly as she felt about their fight. She didn't even know what to expect when she got home, but she knew there had to be a way to fix this. To show Finn that even though her dreams came first, her love for him was just as important and all-encompassing. She shouldn't have even made a choice at all, but he'd wanted to know.
She hailed a taxi and made it back downtown to their apartment, crippled with guilt, anxiety, fatigue, and a million other emotions she couldn't sort out. As she was climbing up the four flights of stairs, she regretted every single aspect of the day. All she wanted to do was climb into her bed with Finn and try and work something out. Maybe she should take the next few days off of the show and dedicate it to him. Show him how much he really mattered to her.
But when she entered her apartment, she knew immediately that something was wrong. The TV was all askew, and furniture had been moved in the living room. Finn's video game systems were all gone, ripped right out of the TV as empty game boxes were littered on the floor. She ran into their bedroom and it looked like a tornado had blown through it; there were clothes everywhere and his toiletries were all gone from their bathroom.
She collapsed onto her couch, not truly believing what had happened.
He left her. She made her choice, and Finn was gone.
From now on, it was just Rachel against the world.
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Her alarm rang loudly, snapping her out of the nightmare that she'd been trapped in for the better part of a decade. It figured that she would dream of that now, mere hours before she had to talk it through with Finn. There were so many things that had gone wrong in the past, so many things that they could have done differently. As much as she'd wanted to keep those terrible times buried in her memories, she knew that she had to talk to Finn about it today. She'd made a promise, and she had to keep it this time.
She got into school extra early to meet him, like they had planned for over the weekend. Normally she didn't get to school until about 7:30, but today she was in at 7; early enough that she and Finn could talk without being bothered. She had to will herself to walk down the hallway, walking so slowly towards his office it was like she was dragging her feet along the linoleum of the floor. When she finally approached his office, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and knocked.
He opened the door immediately, and smiled at her timidly before allowing her the space to enter. "Good morning, Rachel. How was your weekend?" Her nerves were making her shake a little, and she answered "Fine," with a nod and a small smile. He moved a chair for her to sit down in front of his desk, and he sat down as well, pushing a small cup of coffee towards her.
"Grande Caramel Latte with Soy Milk. I still remembered." He looked more than a little proud of himself while she picked up the cup and smiled graciously.
"Thanks, I needed this." She took a deep sip of the proffered coffee and allowed the caffeine to do it's trick. For about another minute, they stood in the tiny office, waiting for someone to make the first move. Rachel continued to nurse her coffee, using it as a crutch so she didn't have to go first.
"So." It was amazing how one syllable could hold so much meaning to it.
"So." She returned the statement, hiding her face in her coffee once more.
"Why wouldn't you marry me?" It was a simple enough question, but unadulterated panic flowed throughout her as she contemplated that night and her memories of New York. It had been so long ago, even though most of the memories to her were still clear as day. But this was it; there was no turning back. They were going to discuss this, and get it off their chests once and for all. She placed the coffee on his desk and got ready to talk.
"To be honest, Finn, at the time I didn't even know you were serious. I thought you were being dramatic and over the top because you were mad that I was going out to the party. I had no idea that you honestly meant you wanted to get married, at 20, with no money or job." The look on his face was that of pure shock as he absorbed her words, processing them along with his memories of that night.
"You didn't think I was serious?" He ran a hand over his face in frustration. "Rachel, I loved you. I wanted us to get married."
"I wanted us to get married, too, Finn! But not at 20. Not when our definition of a night out on the town was giant pretzels in the park. Not when all we had was that crappy four-floor walk-up with no A/C. I wanted us to wait longer so I could become established in the business. Earn money. Support us."
"Then why was I always being the one pushed aside? Why was I the one who was always being sacrificed?" She could see the raw pain in his eyes, making her feel guilty for putting him through so much pain for so long.
"Finn, do you realize that I was only 19 years old? All I'd cared about back then was making it in the business and performing, and becoming a member of that world. I think I would have done anything back then to become a star, you know? It was so close I could taste it. All I'd ever wanted was right there, in my hands, and all I had to do was skip our private dinners and stay out late. I had to smile and pose and laugh when my heart wanted to be in our little apartment together, watching movies and TV." She laughed bitterly to herself, knowing how selfish and juvenile she'd been. "Some people say that they would sell their soul for their dreams, and in a way, it was like I did." She could see him staring at her with an ancient pain set deep in his eyes. "It was so easy to ignore you when I thought I was doing it all for our relationship. It wasn't until after you'd left when I realized exactly what I'd done to us." She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes, making them sting, making her vision blurry in Finn's tiny office. Her voice started to break and Finn passed her over a box of tissues from the corner of his desk. "And I've had to live with that for ten years, so excuse me if I wasn't inclined on discussing it so openly with you before now. I'm not proud of what I did." She took a second to let herself drown in the painful memories of their past, feeling like everything that had gone wrong was her fault. When she heard Finn moving around the office, she looked up and saw him crouching right in front of her, making them eye level with each other.
His voice was soft, reminding her of the days when they would talk for hours about nothing, whispering lovely things into her ears. "Please, stop crying. Haven't we cried enough?" He was looking at her softly, with tears in his own eyes as she continued to wipe hers away.
"Why did you make me choose, Finn?" As much as she wanted to stop crying, the tears continued to flow of their own accord. "It was supposed to be Finn and Rachel against the world, not just Rachel! Out of all the things you could have done to me, why did you make me choose?"
This time it was his turn to look guilty. "I thought I was losing you, Rachel! I was desperate. I just wanted you back, but I wanted all of you, I didn't want to share you with anyone any longer."
She laughed bitterly and continued to wipe the errant tears away. "And you called me the selfish one."
"I just felt like a loser all of the time in New York. It was like, no matter what I did, I thought I was going to end up a loser either way. If I would have waited for you to make money, I would have just been a trophy husband. There was nothing I could do there besides fix cars, and even that made me feel lower than dirt. It felt like I was going nowhere fast, and the only good thing I had in my life was you. So I wanted to keep you, forever, as the one thing I could call my own." Shaking his head, he laughed without any humor. "And I pushed you away by making you choose. What's that called? An Altima?"
She had to laugh at him, the feeling lifting her spirits a bit. "No, that's a kind of car. You mean an ultimatum."
"Yeah, that's it. An ultimatum. I gave you one of those and it backfired in my face."
She reached out in front of her and placed a hand on his hair, running her fingers through it, remembering how soft it had always felt under her fingertips. "Well, I thought I could have it all, and that backfired in my face too." She let the hand slip down onto his cheek, and she held his face in her hand gently, stroking her thumb up and down his cheek. "We both really messed up." Her voice cracked once again, and she used all of her willpower to stifle round two of her tears.
"Yeah, we really did mess things up." Their eyes locked and all of a sudden it felt like they were those two young kids again, off on their own in the big world with nothing to hold them together but each other. She realized in that moment, that this conversation should have happened ten years ago. She should have followed him home that night, and this should have been the conversation they'd had, curled up against one another, apologizing and trying to make up for lost time.
Unfortunately, there was no way to make up on ten years of lost time, and the two ex-lovers knew it better than anyone. This conversation was a decade too late, and the damage had already been done. But that didn't mean they both didn't need their closure. And although it might have seemed moot to anyone on the outside, they both knew that they couldn't move on until they'd heard the words they'd been wanting to hear for ten whole years.
"I'm sorry I made you choose." The apology was written all over his face and she could already feel her heart healing in her chest. Her voice rasped as she made her own apology, the thing she'd wanted to say for years.
"I'm sorry I made the wrong choice." It was the truth. She had made the wrong choice a decade ago and tried to blame Finn for it ever since. But not anymore. An errant tear hit her lip and before she could wipe it off, his lips were on hers, strong and firm, kissing away the pain that was threatening to swallow her whole. With each kiss it was like a wound from the past was being healed, and it felt like a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her heart didn't feel so heavy anymore, and the guilt and shame she'd associated with her past was melting away with each breathy moan and sigh that escaped their lips.
"I missed you. Rachel, I missed you so much." He rasped out in-between kisses, swallowing her moans in his mouth, making her feel more alive than she'd felt in eons. He broke apart the kiss to stand back up on his feet, pulling her off of her chair and into his chest where he continued to kiss every part of her he could reach. She wanted to bury herself here and never let go, reveling in the memories of their youth and lamenting on all the lost time they'd missed out on. She was surprised she still fit so snuggly into his chest; they had always been like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.
"I missed you too, Finn." It felt good to say the words; cathartic even. She looked up at his face and his smile was brighter than a thousand watt bulb, almost blinding her with joy. This closure thing was amazing!
The warning bell for homeroom rang in the distance and they both had to meet with the Glee kids quickly before school. So Rachel picked up her coffee and bag, wiped the remaining tears away from her face, and followed Finn to her office in the choir room. For some reason, people kept staring at her, and she almost tripped while looking down to see if she had spilled anything on her clothes. What were they looking at?
Finn shot her a confused look as both students and teachers pointed at them and whispered to each other as they walked down the halls together. She shrugged her shoulders and suddenly smiled, "They're probably talking about Invitationals, and how awesome the kids looked on Saturday." Finn smiled, looking relieved, and they continued their walk towards the music corridor.
Entering the choir room, all their students immediately started to holler and yell, whooping and screaming in delight while Finn and Rachel shared looks of confusion. They all started to chant "Hudsonberry! Hudsonberry!" as if it was some strange portmanteau.
"Whoa, calm down guys! What's going on?" Finn stepped forward to calm down the screaming while some of the girls threw jealous looks at Rachel, which she couldn't even begin to fathom. Suddenly, the choir room erupted in various exclamations.
"You two are so cute together!"
"When are you gonna have babies?"
"Mitchell was so right about you two!"
"Kiss her again, Mr. Hudson!"
The two educators shared a look of pure, unadulterated horror. What the hell was going on? How did they all find out about their relationship?
But before either of them could open their mouths to speak, someone standing behind them had cleared their throat loudly. They turned around to find Principal Ryan by the door, shaking his head in disappointment and frowning deeply. "Mr. Hudson, Ms. Berry, please come with me."
The class was silent as the two teachers stared at Principal Ryan in a panic. You could hear a pin drop in the choir room as Rachel followed Principal Ryan out into the hallway, Finn following close behind. People were still staring at them in the halls, especially because they were walking with the principal, and Rachel was seriously doubting she would have a job by the end of the day. As they stood outside of his office, waiting to enter, they both shared the same, terrified look.
They were so screwed.
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Salut mes amis!
Evil!Minsk is at it again! Muah ha ha!
Until Next Time *sings* Don't Stop. . . Reviewin'!
Merci Mille Fois
The Minsk