I don't know how long it's been… Several hours, I think. It seemed that we still didn't accept all this. I won't be able to see this world anymore. I won't see Mayu anymore. I won't see…Shinozaki anymore. Oh god, my stomach… I covered my mouth with both hands in reaction to the nausea.
«Yoshiki-kun! Are you okay?» Shinozaki blurted out in surprise, rubbing my back from beside me. «Mm… I just… Ugh, the thought makes me…sick…!» I hissed out after my nausea gradually vanished. «The thought of…us?» she asked. I didn't reply, since I was sure my body language was a clear enough reply. Shinozaki sighed and looked up at the green sky, muttering: «I can't even imagine what mom must be thinking… I don't want to know, to be honest.»
Shinozaki's mother, Asuka… The psycopathic mother that almost killed me that day I tried to convince her to not remove the Andromeda tree. However…. I don't know shit about the «new» Shinozaki. Asuka-san mentioned that Shinozaki was still staying at a hospital because of her amnesia…which I know will never go away. The Shinozaki I know has her lost memories. Before I knew it… I got more and more curious about the other Shinozaki.
«Shinozaki? Um… Do you know which hospital your body is staying at? Y'know, the human Shinozaki?» I asked. «Huh? Why are you asking?» she asked, cocking her head to the side. «Well… I want to meet the other you,» I said. For some reason, I felt embarrased asking that, but she didn't mind. «The hospital that's right by the main building of Holy Sakura,» she said kindly. «Alright… I know I should spend a lot of time with you, but… I want to meet her, if that's okay to you,» I asked, as politely as I could. I just want to talk to her… I want to know how it is to live the way she's living.
«Oh, do as you please… But please, come back to me in the end,» she said, swallowing down her tears. «I will… don't worry,» I said, pulling her in for a strong hug. My heart got stabbed once again when I couldn't feel any kind of warmth coming from her body. It was all…plain. But that doesn't change the way I feel about her. I just want to hold her. Caress her. Love her… Should I…? «Well… I guess I'll be going now…» «Okay. I'll be waiting,» she said and smiled. Gosh… Why does she have to act like this… I gulped at the temptation and eventually gave in:
I took a deep breath, gave her a gentle peck on the cheek before nuzzling my nose gently against her earlobe. She widened her eyes at me, tears welling up in them as she hissed out: «How can you do that…! At a moment like this…» I knitted my eyebrows together in frustration and said: «Shinozaki… I know that I'm just putting salt on the wound in this situation, but… I can't hold it back, y'know. And even if I could, I wouldn't want to hold it back.»
She looked at me, a little shocked at the words that came out between my lips. She seemed frustrated because of my bluntness, but she was patient and kind to me. «Like I said… I'll be waiting,» she said, turning away from me and wrapping her arms around her knees. «I'll see you soon, then,» I said and leaned in closer to her, kissing her cheek again and whispered in her ear: «I love you.»
I heard her letting out a low gasp after I whispered that and a shiver coming from her. I chuckled and went inside the portal to get to the bus-stop as fast as possible .
Since I remembered where Suzumoto-san drove me last night, it was easy for me to find the hospital Shinozaki stayed in. I went to the female receptionist and said: «Excuse me, I'm here to visit Ayumi Shinozaki.» She looked up at me with a sweet smile, handed me a notebook and said: «Ah, I see. Please sign the visitor's book.» Taking the pen she also handed me, I signed it and gave the paper back to her. «Are you an old friend of hers?» she asked. «In a way…» I muttered. «Oh, she'll be pleased to have a visitor. Poor girl's been in a coma for so long and hasn't met anyone outside of her family yet. Plus, her memory loss doesn't really help her in making friends.»
«Yeah… I heard about that. Do you know if her mother is with her?» I asked. She rapidly tapped on the keyboard to the laptop in front of her and said: «No, she left about an hour ago. Sigh, she's so worried for her. I would be lying to myself if I didn't believe that she's partly to blame for her daughter's confusion.» I sighed in relief and asked: «So, where's her room?» She pointed next to her at a hallway and said: «Room 19. You'll find it quickly.» «Thank you,» I said and went down the hallway and looked to the left, only to find a door with a sign saying «19».
Alright… I don't want to surprise her, but she might recognize me. Fuck… Oh well, I should probably knock first. After knocking on the door about three times, I started feeling incredibly nervous. G-Geez, how different is this from talking to the Shinozaki I know?! Well, this Shinozaki doesn't know me. Ugh… I jumped in surprise as I heard a familiar voice from inside the room, saying:
«Come in!»
Okay… It's now or never. I took a deep breath, put my hand on the door-handle and said: «Excuse me.» After I opened the door, my eyes immediately fell on the bed with that familiar silhuette laying on it with the duvet covering her from the waist and down. Her eyes widened as she recognized me and she pulled the duvet over her mouth, whispering: «W-What are you doing here…? Please…Don't hurt me…!»
«I won't. I promise. If I do however, feel free to call for help,» I said, crossing my arms. I really don't want to raise my voice, as she's scared enough as she is. She looked surprised at my quote and lowered the covers, biting her lower lip. «I'm Yoshiki Kishinuma,» I said, reaching my hand towards her. She looked startled but took my hand and said: «I'm Ayumi Shinozaki.» «I know,» I said, laughing at her. She didn't laugh with me, which made the scene so much more awkward. «Um… Why are you here?» she asked. «I'm here to talk to you… Only if you'll let me, of course,» I said. She gulped and said: «Yesterday… Mom told me that she came to your office. She said that you were acting rudely, so…» Ugh, are you kidding me…
«Like I said, I'm not intending to hurt you,» I repeated. She silently nodded, letting me speak. I sat down on the chair next to her bed and said: «First of all… I'm really sorry I acted that way towards you when I saw you that day.» «I guess I understood that you knew me when I had my memories…right?» she asked. I crossed my arms again, not answering her. I would just leave her really confused. «Um, is there anything else?» Shinozaki asked. I nodded and asked:
«Do you really…not remember anything?» She shook her head and said: «I really don't, unfortunately. But, I really…I really want to remember a few things, at least!» «What if your memories were terrible?» I asked. She turned to me and asked: «Do you know of my past?» I bit my lip and hesitantly nodded at her.
«I see… Mom won't tell me how I got my amnesia. She just told me a bit about my family and background…» she answered with a sad look in her eyes. I wonder if I should tell her that I'm technically in love with her… Sigh, I don't know. I might just make her feel guilty and all.
«Apparently… I loved the legend about something called the Andromeda heaven or something…» she muttered. I raised my head and asked: «The Andromeda tree?» «Yeah, that's it! Mom won't tell me any more details though. She gets kinda mad every time I ask her about it…» she said. «Well, that'd because your mother wants to get the Andromeda tree cut down!» I almost yelled out.
«Huh? Um…Okay? It's just one tree. I'm sure she has a good reason why she will, right?» she assumed. I groaned and said: «She doesn't. She just…ugh, it's all because of her selfish wants!» «K-Kishinuma-san….» she mumbled. «You wouldn't understand, Shinozaki…» I explained. That only upset her more. Why did I even come here? This is nothing like talking to the other Shinozaki.
«Kishinuma-san… Were we friends before?» Shinozaki asked. I looked at her and muttered: «It's…kinda complicated.» «Come on, there must be a way to explain it to me! I promise, I won't tell my mother!» she begged. I sighed and nodded, but my mind was a complete mess. Okay…I'll tell her in the most legitemate way possible…
«How should I say this… We didn't know each other for very long, but we did have a bond that most best friends don't have. But your mother doesn't approve of me at all, as you know. You were so full of joy, playfulness, compassion and kindness. Before I knew it, your pure heart drew me in,» I said.
Her cheeks were getting red and she blurted out: «Y-You were in love with me?» I chuckled and bluntly stated: «I still am, to be honest.» «Kishinuma-san… I-I don't know what to say…Um, did I return your feelings?» she asked, still flustered. I shrugged my shoulders and said: «Every time I expressed my feelings, you seemed frustrated. That was to be expected though, based on the situation we were in. We couldn't stay together,» I said, struggling to hold my tears back.
«Why…?» Shinozaki asked. «That's the complicated part. I can't explain it to you without you thinking I'm insane,» I said. «Oh…» she muttered and laid back down on her bed. Oh my god, I can't believe I said all that.
«To not remember my own family even… It's tough…» she breathed out sadly. «It must be,» I said. «When I woke up here…It was like being born. My reflex was to just breathe, even though I didn't know where I came from, where I was or even who I was… I was surrounded by an unfamiliar world…» she whispered. I didn't really know how to reply to that, so I just remained silent.
«Kishinuma-san… You should've seen her. You should've seen my mother when I asked her who she was. I didn't recognize her, no matter how many times I refreshed my mind. She was a complete stranger to me. «Shinozaki…» I whispered, patting her head compassionately. She turned to me, her eyes filled with hot tears when she whimpered out: «Her pupils got this small… I felt like a monster when she started crying… I made her cry, just because I didn't know that she was my mother…!»
She started sobbing and let her tears overflow. «I'm sorry to hear that, Shinozaki…» I whispered gently hugging her. «Kishinuma-san…» she whispered, resting her hands on my shoulders. Even though this wasn't the real Shinozaki I adored… I still felt a connection with her. And now, I could even feel warmth as I embraced her….Even though this wasn't the real Shinozaki I adored. I kept comforting her until the sun started going down, which meant that I really had to get to Shinozaki fast.
«Kishinuma-kun… Can you come here again sometime…?» she asked, just as I was going to leave. I smiled at her and muttered: «We'll see…» She closed her eyes and smiled pleasently. «Goodbye then…Kishinuma-san,» she whispered, allowing me to leave.
«Shinozaki! I'm back! I'm so sorry for arriving so late!» I yelled out, panicked that the sun was going down by the time I got to the Andromeda tree.
Yoshiki-kun…
«Shinozaki…I'm so…so sorry…» I whispered.
Yoshiki-kun…You big dummy…
The process to the barrier and out of it…It all seemed like a dream or a daze that I woke up from when I felt Shinozaki's arms around me. Almost like I could only remember when I was by the tree and teleported into Shinozaki's arms.
«Yoshiki-kun… You idiot!» Shinozaki yelled, burying her face in my chest. «Shinozaki…I didn't mean to…» I said, stroking her back. Yes… This is the real Shinozaki. «I told you, didn't I…It's so lonely here without you! And when you told me…that before leaving, how could I possibly let you go!?» she shouted. «I'm here now… I won't leave you for now…» I whispered, comforting her. «Good…» she whimpered out, not letting me go as she embraced me so tightly.
I…I can't even imagine a life without Shinozaki now.