"Mama!" Zola shouted. She climbed onto my bed, bouncing up and down. Bailey followed in pursuit, but struggled to get onto the bed. Blearily, I slowly sat up, then helped Bailey onto the bed.

"Mommy!" Zola screamed again. It was too loud, too early. "What are we going to do today?" She was still bouncing up and down.

"wud we do, Mama," Bailey joined in with a smile.

I looked out my bedroom window and saw the sun streaming through. It was the last day in August, and it would be one of the last warm days of the year.

"Why don't we go to the beach today?" I asked.

"Yes!" Zola said happily, clapping her hands. The same reaction came from Bailey. Today was going to be a beach day.

After eating breakfast, getting everyone dressed, and packing, we finally made it to the beach.

I put sunscreen on Zola and Bailey before giving them plastic shovels and buckets to play.

Once they were settled and happily playing, I let out a sigh before giving a sideways glance.

I had lived in Seattle almost all my life where it had been rainy. Add that to a deserting mother who rarely took me anywhere, and I only owned two bathing suits, both of which were bikinis.

I had felt self-conscious putting the bikini on this morning, and I dreaded taking off my shirt now.

I finally decided to leave my shirt on, but soon enough, Zola and Bailey wanted me to take them to the water. I was not going to spend the rest of the day in a wet shirt.

I ripped the Band-Aid off by quickly tearing off my shirt and stuffing it into a bag.

I looked down at my protruding stomach with a low sigh. I didn't like baring my stomach for the world to see. My bare baby bump was a thing just for Derek to see, not everyone at the beach.

There was nothing I could do about it now, so I took Zola's and Bailey's hands and we walked towards the water's edge.

"It's cold!" Zola shrieked when she felt the water.

I laughed at Zola's shock. The Pacific Ocean was rarely ever warm, so today's cold was not too much of a shock for me.

I picked Bailey up and settled him on my hip, his legs wrapped around my distended stomach.

I took Zola in my other hand and we waded into the ocean despite the cold. However, it was just a few short minutes before Zola had decided she had had enough, so we walked backed onto the beach.

I settled Zola and Bailey on the sand and they started to play. After toweling myself off, I put my shirt back on, glad to have my bump covered.

Zola and Bailey were happily playing in the sand as I watched on from a chair.

After a while, Bailey became tired and crawled into my lap and feel asleep. Bailey was in a light sleep; we were both uncomfortable. He was sand-covered and kept trying to lean against my chest, but my bump was in the way.

Zola was entertaining herself, building some sort of castle, but after a while, she too became bored. Beach day was over, and just in time too. The grit of the sand rubbing against me was driving me insane.

Once at home I rinsed Bailey off and put him in his toddler crib for a proper nap.

I then took Zola to my bathroom to give her a bath. Deciding to clean myself too, I took off my clothes and carefully climbed into the bath with Zola.

I sat with Zola facing me, her playing with her bath toys, splashing the water.

I washed Zola, rinsing her carefully before leaning back and breathing deeply. A warm bath was nice.

After a while, Zola looked up at me, taking a break from her babbling.

"Can I sit in your lap, Mama?"

"Sure," I said, "Come here." Zola sat sideways across my lap, our legs crisscrossing. Her stomach curled around the outside of my stomach, her head resting on my swollen breasts.

We sat in silence for a few moments. I could tell Zola wanted to say something, but she was nervous.

"Mommy, are you going to love me when the new baby comes?" she asked finally. My heart broke into two.

"Of course I'm going to love you! You're my Zozo! I will always love you," I said, giving her a small squeeze. Zola put her hand on my stomach, then gave it a wet kiss just above my belly button.

"And I will always love the baby," Zola said happily. She smiled, then all of a sudden turned sullen.

"What's wrong, Zola?"

"Do you think Daddy will be able to love sissy from heaven?" Zola asked.

I tilted my head to the side, trying to stop the tears. It was questions like these that hurt my heart.

"Of course Daddy will be able to love your sister from heaven," I replied to Zola, trying to stop my voice from cracking. I wish Derek was here to love the baby for real. I wish he was here to massage my tired feet, help with the kids, and run to get food to satisfy my late-night cravings. I wish Derek was here to hold the baby and love her when she came. I wish Derek was here to love me.

Zola had pondered my statement for a minute before looking at the ceiling and saying, "I love you, Daddy." She scooted off my lap to reach her toys.

Trying to hide my tears from Zola, I splashed my face with the soapy water

I watched her play until the water lost its warmth, then got out of the bath and dried off, doing the same for Zola. We had just gotten dressed when I heard Bailey over the monitor.

The rest of the day went quickly, and Zola, Bailey, and I all went to bed early, exhausted from the beach.

A/N: This is not supposed to be the scene shown on Grey's where Meredith, Zola, and Bailey were at the beach.