Last chapter from Sirius' pov! So.. What do you guys think? We need a date-chapter? Just the one? Or should the story just be over now.. Loooong chapter because Sirius and James spend some time between going to the coffee and the moment Remus finds them. For the extra vibe, read chapter 5 once more so you have a little more insight on how Remus went into this and how Sirius actually feels.
'Bitch please.' Sirius made a face. 'If you can handle being rejected by Lily for years at an end then I can surely handle this little fling. Besides, any other place and I'd have had to hear your complaining about a certain lack of red all day. No thank you. I'm fine.'
That was a lie. He wasn't fine. As soon as they came in Sirius had walked up to the counter and jokingly inquired where the gorgeous colleague with the cardigan was. Lily had frowned at him but then spoke.
Remus? No. Why?'
And his heart had jolted, flip, stopped and made overtime at the same time at that perfect combination of letters.
Now Sirius was wondering whether he'd ever be fine again. His crush, his fling, this thing or whatever it was now had a name. Remus. He kept repeating it in his head and was sure it was the most perfect name he ever heard. It embodied everything he hoped Remus would be. Oh god. He was getting sappy. Was he about to-?
But that thought got interrupted as someone bumped into him and he bumped into James.
'Dude, careful!' James shouted.
'Some guy bumped into me. Sorry.' Sirius mumbled as he tried to remember the vague smell of the guy that had, indeed, almost run him over. Chocolate.. His stomach twisted and Sirius shook his head. This was getting ridiculous. Was he getting turned on simply by the smell of chocolate now? He needed to get laid and bad. He'd give going out another try tonight. Who cared it was a Monday.
'So, you got something big today at work?' Sirius asked James to distract himself.
'Sports campaign. With that dude you shagged. Surely you knew.'
Sirius grinned but it wasn't as sincere as it usually was.
'He wasn't much good. Hopefully he'll do better on your posters.'
'I wonder if I'll ever work with a guy that hasn't come to my office through yours.'
'My office? That's nice, James. You can call it the broom closet it actually is.'
James shook his head.
'I really don't get you. You are a freaking genius and still you refuse to become anything higher than an errand boy.'
Sirius shrugged.
'I prefer people not expecting too much of me. People have been expecting too much of me all my life with being an heir and all. See where that got me. Plus, I don't need the money. I like it better this way.'
'I know.' James said. 'I just wish.. You know. You could see things detached from your past.'
'I wish that too.' Sirius mumbled but then slapped James on the back. 'At last we get to spend butt loads of time together and that's what it's all about.'
'Hear, hear.' James answered as he wrapped his arm around Sirius' shoulder for a second and squeezed him tight. Sirius knew James knew he didn't want to talk about his past and his family. Sirius also knew it bothered James that he was still in some sort of phase where he had casual sex with pretty much every slightly handsome stranger to try and fill the gap the past had left him with.
'It'll be okay.' James muttered quietly in the crowd of people ready to get to work.
'I know.' Sirius smiled as he nudged James. 'I love you, dude. Maybe we should get married.'
'We most definitely should not.' James made a face and Sirius smiled again. No matter how fucked up your life is, it's always better with a James around.
They continued walking in silence. Not many people believed these two were capable of that kind of thing, but they were. Sirius was lost in dreaming of chocolate against his better judgement, James wondering how he could impress his client without putting out. For a moment it seemed as if nothing would break that silence until a hand erupted from the crowd and took a firm hold of Sirius' shoulder. It startled him, though Sirius Black would never admit or show, and he turned around to face the offender. It was Chocolate. Excuse me. Remus. He stared into golden eyes and even though they looked frightened, they were still the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
'I need to talk to you. Right now.' Remus blurted out. Shouted, more. He was really there. Sirius raised an amused eyebrow and turned to James with a jolt shooting through his body. Was he nervous?
'Go ahead without me. I'll be in the office in a moment. Or not. You'll see.'
'Whatever you wish, sir.' James saluted and disappeared in the crowd
Sirius turned back to Remus.
'So. What's up.' He sounded about as casual as he wanted to. Or so he hoped. Remus didn't need to know how he had been messing with Sirius' head over the past weekend. He leaned with his hands in his pockets, leather jacket adding to the 'we might just as well be talking about the weather' vibe.
'You are wearing a leather jacket.' Remus said.
'That I am.' Sirius said, raising his eyebrow again. Did he miss something? Was 'leather jacket' slang for something he wasn't aware of? He liked to think he was the coolest thing in town but if it was, it was completely lost on him. He decided to just go with it. Perhaps it was going somewhere. 'And yet I am completely unaware whether you are wearing a cardigan.' But the Gods knew he hoped Remus was. Apparently geeky turned him on. Or perhaps just in this case?
'I am.' The boy said, sending another jolt through Sirius stomach, then shaking his head. 'But that's not what I wanted to talk about'
Sirius was getting confused. Was there some unfinished business between them? Sirius had asked him out, Remus said no. He clearly wasn't gay and that was that. He had tried all weekend to accept that. To get over whatever ridiculous crush it was he had. But now Remus was standing here in front of him and it took him too long to realise the flushed colour was starting to turn a pale white.
'Are you alright mate?' Sirius said, reaching out for Remus' blood drained cheek but the latter cringed at the upcoming touch. Something that didn't go unnoticed by Sirius. 'Alright..' Sirius retrieved his hand. He was disappointed 'I'll see you, then.' And he turned around to follow James, led in his stomach.
People had always been either outright repulsed by him or charmed so that wasn't new. But it kinda stung that Remus that obviously didn't want to be touched by him. Fucking hell. Was this what being in love was like? He didn't like it one bit. Perhaps this would make it easier to forget him..
'You have a great ass!' Remus blurted it out.
Sirius turned back around. There was no way in the world he heard that right.
'Excuse me?'
The pale-faced boy was now flushed and started stuttering. If Sirius hadn't been confused, he sure was now. What was going on here.
'I.. I meant.. What I wanted to say was.. I said..'
'That I had a great ass? At least that's what I heard.'
Remus blushed furiously and buried his face in his hands.
Then Sirius felt a pang of guilt and something else in his stomach. This boy was clearly upset about something. This was not the time to be selfish and only care about himself. He watched as Remus' shoulders slumped and kept hiding in his hands as if he hoped the world would stop turning.
Sirius carefully tapped the boy's shoulder and cocked his head as Remus looked up from his hands, face still flushed and eyes panicking. Whatever this boy was trying to do, it frightened the shit out of him. The least Sirius could do was overcome his initial disappointment and be a good humon. Help him out.
'Let's try this again?' He offered and Remus nodded 'Great. So. You said you needed to talk to me. I send James off. Now talk to me.'
He watched how Remus opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out and he looked to panicked all together. Sirius wanted to hug him until he felt better but decided that probably wasn't the best option right now. Still he moved a bit closer and frowned.
'How do you know my name?'
'Ah. There you are. For a moment I thought you'd lost your tongue.'
'How do you know my name.' Remus repeated, as if it was some sort of crime.
'I asked Lily.'
'When?'
'This morning. It went something like Hey, isn't the gorgeous guy with the cardigan working today? And she said Remus? No. Why?'
'Go-gorgeous?' The initial surprise was replaced by a stutter and a blush returning to the pale cheeks.
'Yeah. I might have said that.' Sirius nudged but then held up his hands in a protective manner. 'But I'm not coming up on you if you don't want me to. Despite what you may or may not have said about my ass.' Great, now he was apologizing. Sirius Orion Black was turning soft for a geek. Who knew.
Remus made a face at the mentioning of his earlier outburst but then shook his head and then took a deep breath. Sirius didn't speak, waiting for what would come after the deep breath.
'That's what I wanted to talk to you about, though. Not your ass! But you coming on to me.' Another deep breath and Sirius' heard and head that started pounding. He was apologizing. He was nervous. He was.. well. Very unlike himself and somewhere deep inside a little voice told him some emotional vulnerability would do him good. Not that he was listening. How could he when that voice belonging to those golden eyes blurted out words he never thought he'd hear.
'I think I'm in love with you.'
Alright. Perhaps that was a bit too straight forward.
'In love with me?' Sirius asked. Remus cringed a bit but Sirius didn't notice. 'What happened to you not being into men?'
'I'm not.' Remus admitted. 'At least I wasn't.' He waved a hand through his hair. 'Alright. I'm going to tell you everything. But please don't interrupt me because I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage to bring it up again. And before you know it one of us will be kidnapped by aliens and we'll never even get the chance if we would ever find the courage again.'
Sirius nodded.
'I will. Okay. Here it comes.' Remus took a deep breath while Sirius held his. 'I've never thought about being gay. I had a few girlfriends and that never really worked out. But I thought that was just me or them or the combination of me and them. Gay was never an option because the combination of me and another men seemed even less logical than me with any girl I could imagine. But then you sort of asked me out, I think. I hope, really, because I'd be making a damn fool of myself right now if you weren't asking me out. Either way. That's not the point. Ever since you may or may not have asked me out, I can't stop thinking about you. In many ways. Is it even possible that an encounter with a stranger suddenly makes you gay? Makes you fall in love? I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to stop thinking about you. Well. I wanted a few days ago. But now I no longer want to. You confuse me. But I want to be confused with you. I guess. Does this even make sense?'
Sirius stared at the rambling boy in silence up until the moment he seemed to realise that and pressed his lips together as if he never wanted to speak again. Something Sirius could not agree with. Hearing him speak this much at an end.. It was like drowning in.. Whisky, or something. Something good that burned like a soaring heat you'd never get enough from.
'Well. That was a lot of words. But I did ask you out, yes. And if I'm not mistaken, which I damn well hope I'm not.. Wait. You seriously never thought about being gay before I asked you out?'
Remus shook his head and Sirius felt an incredible pang of guilt shoot through his guts. He really hadn't been gay but now..? Holy shit. That was almost cruel. Sirius had seduced straight men before. And despite was James was willing to believe, he did sleep with several. Perhaps not with Shacklebolt but you know.. Some. But never, not once, had he thought about hitting on straight men being a life changing event for them. Probably because no one ever told him so. But now.. Now he just felt guilty. He had had a bad weekend, yes. But Remus' had probably been even worse. Shit.
'Bloody hell. Wow. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you through all that shit over one weekend.'
'That's okay. I guess.' Remus shrugged.
There was a short silence in which Sirius got himself a second to think. Jumping the boy and snogging him senseless was probably not the best course of action right now, no matter how much he wanted to. But he could.. He probably should… And he did.
'So. If I tried to ask you out again. Would you say yes? Or would you prefer my great ass to ask you? Though I warn you, its tones aren't nearly as indulging as the ones that come out of my mouth.' Way to go, Black he chastised himself but to his pleasant surprise, Remus burst out laughing. And that made him grin in return. Remus had a sense of humor. Whether it was because of stress relief or not, it was good to know someone could appreciate his rude sense of humour. When Remus finally stopped laughing and wiped away his tears he nodded his head with a subtle smile.
'I'd say yes.' He admitted. 'Even though I'm scared to death about this.'
'That's alright.' Sirius smiled. It was a new smile, again. A sweet one. 'It might not seem that way, but I can be a very patient person.'
'My arse!'
A third voice, not Remus' and not Sirius' erupted from the crowd but they couldn't find the source. Bot, however, knew damn well who it was.
'Prongs! Get your arse out of here, this is a very pretty moment!'
'My arse it is. You are in the middle of the street!'
'GO AWAY!' Sirius bellowed, momentarily opting to throw his shoe at the culprit. James laughed and Remus blushed as the voice no longer answered and the laughter slowly faded.
'Alright. Let's try that again. My apologies for my retarded friend.'
'That's alright.' Shaking voice and god that was sexy.
'Good. Here we go. Remus. Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?'
'I.. Yes. I will.'
'Excellent.'
There was a short silence.
'I'll pick you up at eight tonight?'
'Tonight?'
'Yes. I'm not going to give you too much time to think about it. You might change your mind.'
'I might.' Remus said but grinned when Sirius seemed to panic.
'Mister Bashful my ass!' He barked as he pulled his wallet from his pocket and took a pound from it. 'Here. Have a chocolate muffin on me. Don't want that vixen to go all gagging you with muffins again.'
'She's not a vixen! And she didn't gag me.'
'I know.' Sirius winked. 'But I have to keep pretending I don't like her. It makes James go nuts.'
'You are a cruel man.'
'I am.' Sirius admitted a pretend guilty look on his face. 'But I'm still picking you up for dinner tonight. How shall I find you?'
'We'll see each other in front of the café?' Remus offered and Sirius placed a hand on his heart and made a romantic face.
'Where it all started! How perfect.'
Remus nudged Sirius' shoulder and the other man tapped his nose.
'The café it is.' He agreed. Then he seemed to hesitate for a moment to touch Remus again but withdrew. 'I'm dying to hug you. Or even kiss you. But I won't. I'm an honorable man, or at least I'll try to be. I'll take you out to dinner first. Tonight at eight, at the café. Promise you'll be there?'
'Promise.'
'Excellent.'
'Now if you'll excuse me. I have a red-haired vixen to explain my odd behavior from the past few days to.'
'You do that. If you'll excuse me, I have a certain knucklehead to torture.'
'I'll see you tonight then.' Remus said and he offered his hand.
'I'll see you tonight.' Sirius answered and took the hand.
It made his stomach disconnect from all other organs, flip a couple of times and then re-attach with a satisfied sigh.
So.. date chapter?