A/N: For the record, I've created a poll on my profile. Go ahead and take it:)
"John, have you noticed any new neighbors here on Baker Street?"
"For the records, I no longer live in the area. How would I know?"
"There are all sorts of rumors going around, and I'm getting worried."
John Watson started. To hear Sherlock admit to being worried was cause for concern.
"Not... assassins?" he asked warily.
"No. Worse."
John paled.
"There's talk of a young woman moving in somewhere in these parts, and trying to get a hold over me. If rumors can be believed, her powers of deduction are greater than mine, and she possesses every advantage I don't have. She is a master manipulator and seductress and she's trying to get me to fall in love," the detective spat disgustedly.
"I'd love to watch that happening," John chuckled.
Sherlock glared at him murderously. "She's beautiful, sings like an angel, is kind and compassionate, yet cunning and assertive, she is an expert in martial arts, has connections all over the world, is a freelance secret agent, and I DESPISE her!" Sherlock ranted.
"Alright, calm down. I won't force you to marry her. Who is she, by the way?"
"I'm trying to follow some leads. She might be Mrs. Hudson's niece or granddaughter, Lestrade's daughter, or you secret sister-"
"I have a secret sister?!"
"It's just one theory. She goes by many names, but I think I've found her real one." The detective grinned smugly. "It's Mary Sue."
"What's that, Sherlock?" John eyed the colored papers stuck on the wall warily.
"Oh, that. An experiment, obviously."
"Ooookaaay," John said slowly. "So you're matching up random people, for what purpose again?"
Sherlock shook his head, as if to say, "Your hopeless."
"I've become aware of a phenomenon known as 'polling'-"
"Congratulations," John muttered sarcastically.
"A popular polling question is to give a choice, between two characters, of which one you would prefer to be stuck on a deserted island. In the interest of getting a better understanding of the ordinary mind, I've endeavored to create such a poll myself. I will give choices that don't require too much of a complicated thought process to pick, in the interests of keeping it- how would you put it?- relatable."
"That's nice," the doctor murmured absently, observing the papers. Sherlock had color coded each pair. "Donavan or Lestrade? Easy."
"I know. Lestrade would just stuff his face with doughnuts, while Donavan could at least make herself helpful by doing the washing and cooking."
"You ABSOLUTE-" John was too flabbergasted to finish.
"Mycroft and Moriarty?" he questioned tremulously, afraid to hear the answer.
"Moriarty would be much more entertaining. Besides, no one should ever be stuck by themselves with Mycroft. No one."
"Please tell me this is a mistake," John pointed to the papers reading "John" and "Anderson," respectively. He wondered if it was time to plug his ears.
"Anderson is much easier to shut up. Your talking would be distracting," Sherlock answered cheerfully.