Nicole sat on the ground of the shower rocking back and forth. The cold water ran over her shoulders. She ignored the coldness of the water. It was the only feeling she had felt since Connor had forced himself on to her. She couldn't stop trembling. Her skin was red from her scrubbing at the skin so hard. She just felt filthy and disgusting.

Why would he do that to me?

she asked herself over and over. Yet she couldn't never find the answer. The water cut off from above. She looked up to see Connor standing above her with the sadistic smirk on his face.

"I think you are clean enough." He said grabbed her arm and pulling her to her feet. She yanked her arm from his grip wrapping her arm around her chest. She walked passed him grabbing the towel from the counter. She was slammed forward into the wall. She let out a cry dropping the towel. Her hands were flat against the wall.

"You need to learn respect." Connor hissed in her ear pushing his body against hers.

"I'm sorry" She whimpered tears strolling down her cheeks. "I won't do it again."

"Damn right you won't" Connor pulled away from her. She bent down grabbing the towel. She wrapped it around herself exiting the bathroom. Connor followed her like a dog. Her wobbling legs almost gave out but she fought to stay up. "You'll learn Nicole. The sooner you do the easier it will be for you here." He explained digging through one of his bags. He decided to move into her room earlier that day. She nodded her head continuing her way towards her clothing. She paused when she seen her journal opened on the desk. She stepped over to it running her fingers along the paper.

She knew Connor knew what had happened to her. He must have known who she was with before this happened. The man had said something about Rick. She knew it had to be the man from her dreams. He knew her and she knew him. Somehow. She looked over her shoulder at Connor. She could ask him everything that happened. She doubt it would tell the truth but at least she get something.

"Who was Rick?" Nicole asked causing Connor to freeze. She watched his fist clench as he slowly looked over his shoulder at her. His jaw was clenched, his eyes had a dangerous look about them, a chill ran down Nicole's spine. "I think I deserve to know what I did to deserve this." She crossed her arms over her chest as Connor stood up straight.

"You want to know about Rick?" Connor asked his lip curling to a look of disgust.

"Yes, I want to know who he is" she paused taking a deep breath. "To me." She flinched when Connor stepped towards her. He narrowed his eyes at her dangerously.

"Why do you want to know?" He asked in a snarl stepping closer to her. She pulled the towel tighter around her. She figured maybe this was a bad idea.

"I need to know." She whispered looking down at her bare feet. "I want to know who I was."

"You were a manipulative, easy, stupid whore. That's what you were." Connor growled causing Nicole to flinch. She slowly looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Who was he to me, Connor?" She asked ignoring his insult. "Tell me please." Connor rolled his eyes before sighing.

"The better question would be what he wasn't to you." Connor mumbled looking at her. She creased her eyebrows together in confusion. He rolled his eyes again at her. "You looked at him as if he was a God. Your hero. You looked at him the way I wished you would have looked at me. Even before the out break you never looked at me like I was the world." He let out a bitter laugh looking at her. "I'm sure he didn't love you though. You know with you killing his wife in all." Nicole's eye widened in horror. She did what? She bit her lips nervously and continued to listen. "You were so different. Stronger, fiercer, braver. I liked the new you, the problem was the new you didn't like me very much."

"So you decided to kill me?" She asked in disbelief.

"No I decided to kill you when you told me you loved him and not me!" Connor roared in her face. She stepped back in fear he'd hit her. "With your last breath you called for him." he hissed reaching for her. She allowed him to grab her face. If she would have fought it would been ten times worse. So she didn't.

"Are you going to kill me?" Nicole whispered as Connor tilted her head so his breath was on her lips. He smirked his grip tightening on her chin.

"In due time Nic." The back on his hand ran up her thigh before his hand rested on her hip. He tilted his head looking over her face through hooded eyes. "Now tell me you love me."

"I lo-love you" She stuttered frightened of him. She let out a sigh of relief when he released her chin. But flinched when he grabbed a hand full of hair on the back of her head. He pulled her head back making her look up at him.

"Now say you love me more than him." He hissed tightening his grip on her hair. She let out a small whimpered before opening her mouth.

"I love you more than h-"

"No Nicole say his name." Connor growled pushing her against the wall. She choked on her words. Not sure why this was important. She wanted so badly to spit in his face and tell him to go fuck himself. But she couldn't. She was afraid. Everything about him told her he would kill her in an instant and not care.

"I love you more than Rick" she whispered with hostility. He smiled before moving his lips against her ear. She felt him nip at her ear before nipping her jaw line.

"I love you too." he whispered before pushing himself away from her. She let out a sigh of relief before sliding down the wall. She stared at her hands not looking up until she heard the door close. Sighing she leaned her head against the wall.

"You have a funny way of showing it."

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"I'm telling you everything I know. I told you the location that should be enough. We have to go get her. If she is still alive!" Sawyer demanded slamming her fist on the map. She narrowed her eyes at the group of men standing around her. Rick stood across from her looking over the map. Daryl and Glenn stood at his sides looking at her.

"We need a plan." Rick demanded still looking at the map.

"Here's one for you. Go and bust up in there and get her!" Sawyer snapped. "He's crazy. She doesn't know who she is and he's playing with her like a doll! We can't leave her there."

"We won't! I won't allow him to have her!" Rick hissed looking up at her. Sawyer narrowed her eyes leaning forward. She placed her hands on the table getting in his face.

"Then what are we doing here?" She asked narrowing her eyes.

"If he sees us coming. He'll kill her with out a second thought. I can't allow her to die." he sighed looking down at the map again.

"So we kill him first!" She offered getting a look from all the men. "Right you've already tried that." She sat down with a sigh frowning a little. "I just don't want to leave her there."

"We won't."

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Pain. Blood. Tears. All mixed together on her hands. She stared down at the blood in horror. What had she done? She was a horrible person. She was a disgusting human being. Her hands closed into fist before looking up at herself in the mirror. The dark lines under her eyes stuck out like a sore thumb. Her lips were purple from loss of blood. Her hazel eyes that once held so much light were dull. The light had been blown out a long time ago. She stared crying more at herself. With a bloody hand she wiped away the tears on her cheeks. Only making the blood smear across her cheek. She let out a scream slamming her fist against the mirror. It cracked but didn't shatter. She placed her hands on the red stain ground letting out sobs.

"What have I done?" She whispered clawing at the ground with her fingertips. "What have I done?"

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Nicole stared at the ceiling blankly. No tears, no pain, nothing. She felt nothing. Everything was dull. Connor moved his arm around her waist yanking her closer as if she weighed nothing. She allowed him. He couldn't do anymore damage to her. Her mind was shot, her body used, her soul eaten away, her life, ha, who was she kidding she didn't know her own life. Her mind drifted to Rick.

Twisting the ring on her finger. She knew it was his. Connor said something about him being married and her killing his wife. She cringed at the thought.

She wondered if Sawyer had gotten to him. Maybe just maybe they would come for her. She had asked Connor why she was alone but he didn't know the answer either. Nor did he know why she blocked out her memory. Something caught her eye out the window. She removed Connor's arm from her waist. Slowly, she eased from the bed. Picking up a tank top, she pulled it over her head.

There was a flash of something in the distance. She stepped closer to the window trying to get a better look. It blinked again then disappeared. For some reason the thought of Sawyer popped into her mind. It was flashlight. Somebody was here.

"He came for you." Nicole jumped turning around quickly. Connor was staring past her out the window. She didn't even here him get up. She should have known he would have woken up from her moving.

"What do you mean?" she asked wrapping her arms around herself. He smirked stepping away from the window. He looked down at her before placing his hand on her cheek.

"Your presence hero as come to rescue you." He smirked before pulling away from her. Nicole turned around to look out the window. She couldn't stop the smile that appeared on her face. She dropped the smile when she heard the click of a gun. Quickly, she turned around to find Connor holding a handgun.

"What are you doing to do?" Nicole asked stepping towards him.

"What all villains do." Connor smirked looking down at the gun. Nicole's stomach twisted when he looked up at her. "Kill the hero."

"You can't!" Nicole yelled before she could stop herself. She covered her mouth with her hand. Connor grabbed her wrist yanking her closer to him.

"Don't try anything stupid Nic. Because when I find you I will end you. Do you understand?" He hissed his hand crushing her wrist. Nicole whimpered against him.

"I understand." She whimpered staring at the grip he had on her.

"Now you be a good girl." He kissed her head before tossing her to the ground. He paused at the door looking over his shoulder at her. "And you remember everything that has happened lately is because of him. Not me, or you or anyone else, but him. He's the cause of all your misery. He's why I am the way I am towards you. Your precious Rick is the reason you're going to die by my hands." And with that he slammed the door behind him.

"Connor!" Nicole screamed running towards the door. She slammed her hands against it. "Let me out! Connor!" She backed away from the door when he didn't answer. Running around the room, she gathered her clothes. Her underwear, bra, jean skirt, and her boots. She quickly got dressed before looking back out the window. "Turn out the light." She whispered to them as the flashlight continued to blink. She turned towards the door when she heard the lock click again. She stepped away from the window staring at it. It opened in one quick movement. She let out a sob when she seen who it was.

"How did you get in?" Nicole asked as Sawyer rushed towards her. She threw her arms around the girl in a tight embrace. She quickly pulled away from the girl looking at her. "You have to tell your friends they know they are here. We saw the flashlight." Sawyer smirked stepping towards the window. With her thumb she pointing out the window.

"You mean that one?" Sawyer asked still pointing out the window. Nicole nodded confused. "That my friend is a decoy. The group is out back we have to go."

Nicole started to gather her things tossing them into her backpack. She grabbed her journal from the desk shoving it into her bag before turning back to Sawyer.

"Let's go."

Sawyer moved away from the window grabbing Nicole's hand. They closed the door behind them before running down the dark hallway. Nicole could barely see and almost tripped over her own feet a couple times. Sawyer let go of her hand as they ran down the stairs. Nicole ran a head of Sawyer, as Sawyer told her directions.

Nicole rounded the corner only to stop at the sight of shadows of three people standing there. Sawyer almost slammed into the back of Nicole as the girl froze. Nicole watched as one of the men turned towards them. She stepped back fearing it was Connor. She didn't want to know what he would do to Sawyer when he found out she had came to rescue Nicole. Nor did she want to know her own punishment.

"It's okay." Sawyer whispered taking Nicole by the arm. "Come on." They walked in a steady pace towards the dark figures. One stepped out the shadows weakly smiling at her. Nicole slowly pulled her arm from Sawyer.

"You remember me right?" He asked her. Nicole nodded her head. Of course she remembered him. She had been him the other day. Connor had almost killed him like his friend.

"You're Glenn right?" Nicole asked rubbing her arm nervously looking at the other two figures behind the man. She noticed one was a woman with short brown hair. Nicole turned to the next man. He was looking around the halls with a crossbow in his arms. He turned to her giving her a small nod. She nodded back before turning back to the man in front of her.

"Right." Glenn gave her a small smile. Nicole jumped when she heard something slam from upstairs then her name being called.

"Connor" Nicole breathed before everyone took of running. Nicole followed, Sawyer behind her.

"Keep moving don't stop." Sawyer demanded as they ran down the hallway. Nicole kept up best she could. Her legs were sore from Connor. They came to a door the boys pushed it open allowing the girls to run out first. Nicole stumbled forward tripping over the stairs. She was caught by the arm by Sawyer. "Watch your step." Nicole nodded regaining her footing. She continued to run towards the gate.

"How are we going to get over the gate?" Sawyer stopped dead in her tracks sticking her arm out to stop Nicole. They were stopped about twenty feet from the gate. Sawyer let out a loud whistle. The men ran up behind Nicole waiting for what was about to happen. There was a click then the wall exploded. They were blown back from the impact. Nicole landed on her back, her ears ringing. Pieces of rock hit her arms and legs as she covered her head. She felt something cut her forearm. She was sure it was a piece of metal that had been blow off.

She picked herself up on her arms. As ashes fell around her. Sawyer was already on her feet pulling Nicole to hers. She couldn't hear a thing from the explosion knocking out her hearing. She looked around as Connor came busting out the doors. He was yelling something but she could make it out. Sawyer pulled her causing her to look away from him. She pulled Nicole towards the hole in the wall.

They were running blind. Smoke, darkness, was making everything difficult to see. Somewhere along the way Nicole lost her hold on Sawyer. She laid her hand against the something. Letting out a yelp, she pulled her hand away from the burning surface. Holding her hurting hand to her chest, she continued to walk away from the screaming and gun shots.

"Sawyer!" Nicole yelled before falling over in a coughing fit. She took a breath before getting knocked backwards. Something heavy slammed into her. She landed on her back with a yelp. She crawled backwards staring at the person above her.

"Connor said I couldn't kill you but I could beat the hell out of you if I wanted. I'm going to enjoy this." Ashley smiled up from above. She slung a knife down. Nicole caught her wrist before flipping the girl over her head. Nicole pushed to her feet turning around to look at Ashley. The blonde was already on her feet twisting the knife in her hand. "I didn't think you would actually fight. I guess that spirit of yours is still in there."

"Fuck you." Nicole hissed causing Ashley's smile to fall. She let out a yell running towards Nicole. She went to stab Nicole but the girl easily caught her wrist. Nicole slammed her arm over her knee making Ashley drop the knife. Using her knee, Nicole hit Ashley's gut before throwing her to the ground. Ashley swept Nicole's legs out from under her. She hit the ground knocking the breath out of her. Ashley jumped on top of Nicole pinning her arms above her head.

"I don't know what he sees in you. You don't compare to me." Ashley hissed her face inches from Nicole. Nicole struggled underneath the girl.

"You forget I had him first. Tell Ashley me how do I taste?" Nicole asked before slamming her head against the blondes knocking her off. Nicole rolled on to her feet panting and holding her bleeding arm. Ashley looked up at her from the ground with narrowed eyes. Nicole stumbled backward before taking off into the woods. Thorns tore at her bare legs as she pushed through scrubs. Her hands were scratched from clawing at the vines that stood in her way of freedom. She wasn't sure where she was going but she knew she wasn't going back.

Her lungs were on fire from running so much. She pushed her legs to go fast. Years of track finally paying off. The sun started to come up on the horizon as she slowed down her pace. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked deeper into the woods. She didn't know where Sawyer and her group were but she couldn't hear anymore gunshots. She kept walking hoping she would come upon something or somebody.

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Sawyer and Maggie were the first to come running out of the woods followed by Daryl and Glenn. Rick got of the truck looking at them. He took in their sweat and panting. They must have ran the whole way. He narrowed his eyes at the redhead when he noticed Nicole wasn't with them. She was bent over forward placing her hands on her knees trying to caught her breath. Rick grabbed her by the collar of her jacket making her look at him.

"Where is she?" He asked through clenched teeth. Sawyer narrowed her eyes yanking away from his grasp.

"Don't touch me. You aren't my leader." She snapped dusting off her jacket before crossing her arms over her chest.

"We lost her in the trees." Maggie sighed shifting her rifle on her shoulder. She looked over at the sun rising over the hill. They all were standing in the middle of the road about ten miles from Connor's location.

"How could you lose her? I set everything up. I distracted them. I had everything mapped out. How could you lose her?" Rick asked furiously. He was sick of getting so close only to end up having Nicole slip through his grasp.

"Hey! Don't get mad at us for your shitty idea. I told you to let me do the flash light and you go get her but no you refused! So don't go blaming us!" Sawyer demanded crossing her arms over her chest.

"You had one job! One!" Rick hissed holding up one of his fingers. "Get Nicole. And you failed!"

"Shut up!" Glenn snapped causing everyone to look at him. "We can't stand here all day and argue. We should get back out there and look for her" Rick sighed, before opening the truck. Rick pulled away from the truck looking past everyone in awe. He closed the truck door moving to the front. Sawyer gave him a look before looking over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. She gasp at the figure standing on the hill.

Rick looked at her in disbelief. Blood was dripping down her arm from her finger tips. Her knees were scraped, shirt torn, bruise on her cheek, she looked like hell. Though she looked beaten and tired, her lips were still in a smile. She took off running towards him with her arms open. He smiled at her but frowned instantly when she brushed past him throwing her arms around Sawyer. He felt the familiar twitch of hurt in his heart.

Wiping the emotions from his face, he looked over his shoulder at the girls. Daryl moved away from them closer to Rick. Glenn and Maggie stood away as well as Nicole and Sawyer talked. Rick cleared his throat grabbing their attention. Hazel eyes flickered to him from the corner of her eye before snapping away.

"Your arm is bleeding pretty bad." he suggest slowly reaching towards her arm. He had to touch her. Make sure she was real. Nicole flinched stepping away from him. It hurt to watch her step away from him. She use to lean into his touch, not reject it. She looked at her arm.

"I cut it on the wall. It doesn't hurt." She shrugged still looking at her arm. "I'll just bandage it."

"I'm sure Hershel can help her, right Rick?" Sawyer asked frowning at Nicole's reaction as well. She had didn't know why Nicole was being so distant. This was the man Nicole had searched for yet she wasn't looking at him in the eyes. What exactly did Connor say to her?

"Yeah we'll get you back to the prison and he'll fix that right up." Rick sighed. Nicole nodded before looking around the group. Once again she avoided Rick.

"Thank you all for coming to save me." She whispered nervously shifting on her feet. She jumped when a girl laid her hand on Nicole's shoulder. Nicole looked at the hand before it's owner.

"Of course we could come for you Nicole." the girl gave a small smile before slowing pulling away her hand. Sawyer took in the action looking over Nicole. She was being really jumpy and acting nervous. Something had happened. And damn it she was going to find out.

"Are you ready to go? To your real group Nicole?" Sawyer asked the brunette. Nicole smiled before nodding her head. Sawyer allowed Maggie to lead Nicole to the truck as she caught Rick's arm. She pulled him away from the group so she wouldn't be overheard. Rick looked away from Nicole down to Sawyer in question. Sawyer stepped closer so Rick could hear her. "Do you think she's being a little jumpy? I mean she wasn't like that before I left. I think something might have happened."

"You think Connor did something to her?" Rick asked curiously. Sawyer looked over his shoulder at Nicole before turning back to him.

"Yeah I do." She whispered.

"You'll have to talk to her." He mumbled before sighing running his hands down in face. Sawyer frowned at the man's reaction.

"Are you okay?" She asked placing a hand on his shoulder. Removing his hands from his face, he nodded.

"Yeah let's get going." He stepped away heading towards the rest of the group. Sawyer couldn't imagine what he was going through. Nicole wouldn't even look at him. Sawyer let out sigh. This was going to be hell.