A/N: Hey, guys! Been a while, hasn't it? Ehhh heh. I got a bit caught up in writing Nine Lives instead, but I hate the idea of leaving anything unfinished, sooo I'm going to try to wrap this up in a few more chapters (which is what I was planning on doing anyway) while I figure out where I'm going with the NL sequel.
Anyways... someone suggested having the Avengers go grocery shopping, so... yeah. That happened.
Shopping Around
The air was heavy with hostility. Tony tried to smile disarmingly at his friends, but it came out rather sheepish. He glanced at Loki, who for all appearances looked too concerned with cleaning the dirt from under his fingernails to notice the matching sets of glares aimed their way. He caught Tony's eye and smirked, and somehow Tony could not find it in himself to be angry or annoyed with him.
The Avengers, Pepper, and Loki stood in a cluster along the sidewalk while SHIELD worked on fumigating the mansion. Apparently fleas needed to be exterminated even if they could sing and dance and perform Mama Mia! in perfect miniature. Naturally, Loki found the whole thing hilarious.
"Well," Steve said after the silence had stretched beyond awkward. "We won't be allowed in for a while, so we might as well get some errands done."
The others offered a few half-hearted mumbles of agreement.
Pepper tapped away at her smart phone. "I can't," she said. "I have a meeting. But do you think you guys could pick up some groceries?"
"Sure thing!" Steve graciously agreed.
Thor seemed to brighten at the idea. "Ah yes!" he exclaimed. "We shall return with foodstuffs enough for a feast!"
"We're not throwing a feast, Thor," Tony sighed. At the sound of his voice, the Avengers and Pepper bore into him with identical glares, reminding him that this was all at least partially his fault. Tony wanted to remind them that this was his mansion they were fumigating, but he doubted that would go over well. "Or... maybe we are?" he amended, and the glares turned away.
"Not cool," Tony said, turning a stern look Loki's way. "That was totally not funny, man."
Without so much as a blink, Loki smirked and said, "It was a little funny."
Tony thought about it for a moment and sighed in defeat. "Yeah," he said, fighting a grin. "Yeah, it was."
He caught sight of the other Avengers' glares again, and hid his chuckle behind a cough.
Loki watched him, expression guarded but almost... affectionate. Primly, he reached out one long-fingered hand and patted Tony on the head. Tony was sure it was supposed to be condescending, even mocking, but he was too surprised that Loki was actually invading someone else's personal space – without any murderous intentions, anyway. Loki smirked and went back to examining his fingernails.
Tony forgot, sometimes, just how tall Loki was. Next to Thor, he had always looked like this gangly shoot of a man, but here, up close, Tony had to tilt his head back just to look at Loki's face. God, Tony didn't want to know just how small he looked next to Thor.
"Not cool," Tony said again. This time Loki did not bother to reply.
The Avengers and Loki bundled into a painfully unstylish SHIELD van, complete with tinted windows and paneled sides, and wasn't that just wonderfully sketchy? After a short, if awkward, ride and an even more awkward Stop & Shop entrance – "No, Loki. Just because the sign says you need a shirt and shoes to enter the building does not mean that you do not have to wear pants!" – the Avengers' shopping expedition had commenced.
As the lone voice of reason, Steve was left to take charge, pulling out a shopping list from his pocket. The others didn't care enough to argue.
Except for Loki, anyway, but Tony suspected that was more for show than anything. "We will get this done much faster if we split up," Loki said in an authoritative – if somewhat snobby – voice. Tony looked again and realized that Loki was leaning on a carriage and reading a replica of the list where none had been before. He decided to just go with it. "Tony and I will handle the fruits and vegetables, Thor and Clint can handle the sweets – by the Tree, just how much sugar do you mortals need? – and Steve and Natasha can – !"
"Hold on," Clint growled, snatching away the list. Loki's eyes slid to pin the archer with a narrowed glare. Tony swore the temperature dropped about twenty degrees. "There's no way we're leaving you and Tony alone, especially not together!"
Tony knew he should probably take offense at that, but – well – he still had those Mama Mia! songs going through his head, so...
"Agreed," Natasha muttered. Thor nodded, ignoring Loki's glare.
Steve sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "How about we try this as a group and see how that goes?"
Loki rolled his eyes and exchanged glances with Tony but did not argue.
The wheels squeaked under the carriage as Steve tried to herd it in the right direction. Thor had originally been in charge of carriage-duty, but after watching him crash into the cereal aisle and accidentally bury an old lady in an avalanche of Fruit Loops, Steve had stepped in.
He wondered if it was some universal law that he had to end up with a carriage that veered to the left.
Thor trailed sullenly after him while the others skittered along the fruit aisle. Steve drew to a stop – the carriage squeaked in protest – and Thor drew up next to him. They watched Loki and Tony poke at the produce and bicker like an old married couple.
"Loki's a bad influence on Tony," Steve said.
Thor smiled. "Yet Tony is a good influence on Loki," he replied.
Steve shrugged. "You know your brother better than I do. Is this legitimate, or do you think he's just using Tony... and us?"
Thor frowned and watched his brother for a long moment. "With Loki, one can never be sure," he murmured, "but this friendship... it seems legitimate. Asgard is a realm of warriors. Perhaps he is merely glad to be around an intellectual equal for once."
They watched as Tony balanced a pair of cantaloupes, one in either hand. "Hey!" Loki glanced at him over the bushel of apples he was inspecting. "Check out my melons!" Tony snickered and held up the cantaloupes at chest height. An old lady on his left shot him a nasty look.
Steve glanced at Thor. "What were you saying about intellectual equals?"
Thor blew out a tired sigh and rubbed his forehead. "I don't even know."
They watched Loki sigh and shake his head in a similar show of long-suffering. "Just make sure they are the proper size and firmness, Tony," he called. "You should be an expert at it by now." He examined a gala apple and slipped it into a plastic bag.
Tony made a face. "Really? I'd expect you to be the expert in fruit, not me."
A gold-and-red apple smacked into Tony's forehead, and Steve decided it was time to move on to the next aisle.
"Can I ride in the carriage?"
"No, Tony."
"How about now?"
"Still no."
A few moments of blessed silence, and then, "Now?"
Steve closed his eyes, sighed, and made a mental note to pick up some Tylenol on the way out.
"I will take your prized calf!" Thor announced across a counter of sandwich meat.
Loki pressed his thumb and middle finger to his temples and blew out a sigh. To the bewildered – and disturbed – human on the other side of the deli counter, Loki offered a cringing smile. "Ignore him," he said, gesturing in Thor's direction. Behind his hand, he whispered, "He's a bit... 'special'."
The human's brow smoothed over in comprehension as he smiled in relief. "Gotcha," he said, sotto-voice.
Thor frowned and eyed his brother narrowly. "Loki," he boomed, "I am trying to provide victuals for our feast this eve – "
"Hush, Thor. Adults are talking."
"Ooh! Could we get some ingredients for s'mores? I want to see if I can use my suit to – "
"No, Tony."
"But – !"
"No."
"Really, Steve. You're no fun."
Standing at Steve's shoulder, Natasha sighed. Steve glanced at her and saw that her eyes were pinched at the corners. She rubbed at her forehead. "If someone doesn't shut him up, I'm going to kick him into next Tuesday."
Steve all but jumped out of his skin when Loki draped an arm about his shoulder. "I have an idea," he said in a sugar-sweet voice. Steve did not find that reassuring.
Within minutes, Tony was munching happily on a handful of animal crackers while Thor pushed him in another carriage. Loki marched alongside them with a hand on the side of the carriage, pointing out food to them and handing them things like a mother to her children. Tony was peaceably quiet for once in his loudmouth life, and Thor wasn't accidentally destroying things. That was the worst part, Steve decided: Loki's method had actually worked.
"How?" Clint sputtered. "What?"
Loki smiled. "Clearly you've never had children," he blithely replied.
Exchanging glances with Clint and Natasha, Steve said, "I think Loki has adopted Tony."