The past week or so has been a medical nightmare for me, full of doctor's visits and antibiotics galore, so fanfiction wasn't necessarily the first thing on my mind. It was one of those things where I'd wake up at two in the morning and think 'god, I forgot to update.' So, my apologies.
And, again, the dream haunted me.
Just as vile, just as upsetting, and just as dreadful as the night it first appeared to me. Only, unlike the other nights, I did not jolt awake when the wolf charged for me; instead, the picture froze and then flickered off as if someone had just turned off the television. I remained dreamless for the rest of the night.
But I was still restless.
Answerless questions filled my brain: why was I such an idiot? Why didn't I rebel against this dreams rules', jump in front of myself and Nathaniel, and push the two of us apart? I wanted to revolt. I refused to watch this terrible nightmare over and over again.
It was all quite clever, actually; in a way, the dream was proving its superiority over me. It was repetitively teasing my incapability to do anything. It was as if I was at a movie theater, glued to my seat and forced to continually view a horror film that I didn't want to see; and that little monster inside of me would laugh as I squirmed, as I tried to jump up and stop all the misery on the screen.
I awoke to find my face tearstained.
My eyes were painfully red and swollen, I could feel it. This sensitivity was familiar to me – the feeling of foreboding, unease. Tears were just an unfortunate side effect.
Pushing back the covers and instantly freezing over, I shivered. Once I stood, I could see the backyard from out my window; it was completely covered in at least three feet of snow, and the blizzard was still going. I groaned apathetically, my toes numbing as I made my way across the wood floor and towards the bathroom.
I went through my daily cycle of taking a shower, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, getting dressed, etc.; after which, I made my way down the steps without hurry.
Walking into the kitchen, I reached out and adjusted the thermostat a few degrees higher. I sniffed, frigid.
However, when I inhaled, I inhaled what could've been a dead animal.
But, no, it was just my uneaten lunch that I'd left out yesterday, the smell so repulsive that it could have easily killed a bird flying overhead. Wanting to dispose of it – the sooner the better – I picked up the plate and spooned all of the leftovers into the trashcan.
I ran the plate underneath the faucet, washing the plate until clean. Once the plate was spotless, I set it down in the sink's basin and leaned against the countertop, thinking. I gazed out the window above the sink.
With the ground covered in snowfall, I doubted the boys would consider surfing again today, unless they were feeling suicidal. However, it seemed as if the Quileutes enjoyed surprising me, so I could never know with them. They were different from what I was used to.
Just as Nathaniel had described, I was too blue.
The more I thought about it, the more that word fit. I couldn't do anything with over thinking it; while the Quileutes – yellow, as Nathaniel had put it – were carefree, so much so that I hoped it was contagious.
I, on a totally different hand completely, was thin-skinned, too thin-skinned sometimes. It took so little to break my heart. And I exaggerated my emotions so much that it was sensitively pathetic. Just by the way I positioned myself that I was isolated, and it was rather obvious that I wanted it that way, that I was the one that isolated myself in the first place – back slouched, shoulders braced, as if I constantly expected rejection at any moment.
Oh, how something trivial could easily ruin me!
I was about to turn away from the sink, when something outside caught my eye. Everything was white, of course, with the exception of the tall, looming dark trees that banked the edge of the forest.
However, now something else, some other dark figure, was hesitantly emerging from the gloom of the woodlands. It was hunched low, only four feet from the ground, just a blob of darkness contrasting the white ground on which it stood. I leaned closer to the window above the sink, trying to get a better look at whatever this blob may be.
As it took another step closer, I was able to make out a pair of butterscotch eyes. They watched me cautiously, experimenting boundaries. I still could not figure out what this thing was; it was too dark compared to its surroundings.
Now, taking note that I wasn't reacting to it, the thing stepped forward, faster now, about five steps closer.
And I gasped.
It was the wolf, the very same from that day in the woods, the very same from my repetitive nightmare. In my dream, the wolf looked so real it was almost tangible. But now, seeing it for the second time in actuality, I discovered how wrong the picture in my head had been.
The beast was much more formidable, much more fearsome. Its teeth were sharper and its claws, longer. Somehow, its fur was much darker and its eyes were fiery, almost.
It was taller, wider, stronger. And then I realized …
There were only a few yards and a half inch of glass between me and it.
Processing my reaction, the wolf lifted its upper lip revealing a multitude of jagged teeth. Its eyes grew vibrant, as though it were already experiencing the feel of sinking its teeth into my papery skin. Watching me with reluctant eyes, it picked up its right foot and dragged it forward in the snow, hunching down so that the arch of its throat was brushing the ground.
I recoiled, terrified.
The corner of the wolf's jaw loosened on one side as it pulled itself back up from its hunched position and brought its foot back to where it had been before. My mouth hung open as I discovered what it was doing.
The wolf was teasing me.
Absurdly enough, I was offended by an animal. I walked away from the window exasperatedly, refusing to let that beast have control over me; I was the human, the dominant species – what ever happened to it's more afraid of you than you are of it?
I lifted up the telephone, enraged, punching the numbers. But, as it began to ring, I lost my determination.
What was I doing calling animal control? What would I say when they asked why I wanted rid of it? 'Because it's mocking me, and I want it off my property'? At first it sounded like a legitimate complaint, but the more I said it inside my head, the more ridiculous it sounded.
I slammed the phone back into the dock before anyone could pick up and glanced out the window. The wolf was gone. How could I be so petty that I let an animal play head games with me?
Startling me, there was a loud banging on the door.
I exhaled, calming myself, as I walked over to answer it. There was no reason to be frightened, I told myself. The beast obviously was just testing me, taking its chances. I doubt after Mason fooled it before, it still feels the need to put my life in jeopardy again – if dealing with Mason were the consequences, that is. All I have to do is not let it know that Mason wasn't here, and then I'd be safe.
I continued to ponder naively, overreacting, as I reached for the door.
"Good morning," Nathaniel greeted, his genuine smile instantly wiping all my worries away – or at least considering them irrelevant for the rest of the day.
"Ten o'clock already?" I sighed, grabbing my coat that had been hanging on the banister.
Nathaniel laughed as I slipped on my jacket.
Once we were out the door, I glowered, "Ice?" My shoulders fell in vexation. "Why me?"
"That's what I'm here for, remember?" He laughed, grabbing my forearm and helping me down the front steps. "I'm your Superman."
I smirked. "Just what the doctor ordered."
He helped me along the walkway and practically saved my life once we reached the drive – forget the wolf, black ice was my mortal enemy. Once we were safe and sound in his car, Nathaniel turned up the heat; as soon as the warmth crept through our jackets, we loosened up.
"So, what are we doing today?" I wondered as we backed out of the driveway. "And, please, don't say surfing. I doubt you guys are stupid enough to risk hypothermia."
"No," He chuckled. "Not even we are that stupid."
I grinned.
"Well, we're probably gonna spend the whole day at Robyn's," He replied, but then he added hastily, "But if you don't want to do that, that's okay."
"It's fine. Robyn's great," I smiled. "Besides, whatever you want to do is fine with me."
Nathaniel uttered a low laugh.
"What?" I looked over at him.
"I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable or anything," He simpered. "But, there are a lot of things that I would like to do with you."
"Okay," I swallowed. "That does make me feel a bit uncomfortable."
"I thought it would," He sighed. "My friends think it's stupid, though."
I said nothing.
"I mean," He shrugged, pausing to think. He surprised me, talking like this so openly. "When you're twenty-five, is it valid to still call it a crush?"
I laughed, "I guess so." I was shocked at how relaxed I was too.
"I'm really sorry if this is weird for you," He apologized. "It's just I think that why even attempt a relationship if you can't be straightforward with someone?"
"That makes sense," I allowed. "And I'm sorry if this puts a damper on things or anything, but I hope you realize …"
He interrupted, "I'll wait."
I raised an eyebrow. "How long are you willing to wait?"
"As long as it takes," He answered, shrugging.
"What if it takes awhile?" I pushed my hair behind my ear, noting how his posture and expression never changed, no matter how awkward the conversation became; he remained at ease all the while.
"Then I'll wait awhile."
"Nathaniel, I want you to know something," I sighed, looking out my window as I spoke. "Even if we never start dating, I love you." In my mind, it wasn't a sudden statement, even though we hadn't been hanging out very long. It felt right to say it and, once it was out in the air, I knew that I meant it.
Now his disposition changed. "Hmm. You do?"
"Yes," I nodded. "And I always will."
"That changes things," he sighed.
I glanced over at him briefly but then my eyes returned to the passing scenery. "And what does that mean?"
"That changes things," he repeated, and then continued, "I'm even more confused than I was before."
"I don't mean to confuse you," I watched the lines on the road as they endlessly emptied into the horizon. "I meant to make it simpler."
"But I'm still confused, anyway," He watched me hesitantly. "If you love me, then why …?"
"Not that way," I corrected.
His voice grew small. "Oh."
"But I still love you," My eyes lingered over to him.
And I wished I hadn't. His eyes were despondently glued to the road, avoiding my gaze. His lips were curved down in one of those frowns where it seems unlikely the person will ever laugh or smile again. It was upsetting to see such a joyful person so crestfallen; and it was even worse to know that I'd caused his pain.
"I didn't mean to offend you …" I never tore my eyes away from him; that was the least I owed him – my attention.
"You've said that before," His said curtly.
"Well, maybe since I've said it twice, I actually mean it," I replied matter-of-factly, crossing my arms against my chest.
He turned to me, obviously enraged, "Well, have you ever thought that maybe since you've said it twice already, you're offending me a bit too much?"
He'd caught my flaw, but I refused to give up. "You can't assume that."
"And why can't I?" He spat, fuming.
My voice became so insignificantly inaudible, one could doubt that the words even came out of my mouth. "Because it only counts if I've said it three times, because that's the number where everything starts counting."
He laughed flatly at my stupidity, and I agreed with him by nodding.
"And who decided that?" He smirked.
"No one decided it," I shrugged, my voice still small. "It just happens that way. Fate decided it."
He frowned, his eyes returning to the road. "Fate decides a lot of things."
Piercing the silence, Nathaniel's cellphone rang, startling us both.
It was at his ear in seconds, "Hello?"
"Is it one of your friends?" I wondered.
"Shh," He shot a reprimanding glance in my direction. Then his attention returned to his call. "No, sir, I haven't yet but I …."
I figured it was a business call.
"Really?" Nathaniel exhaled exasperatedly. It was a long time before he said anything more into the receiver. "Yes, I'm still here …. Well, I have someone with me in the car right now, so I can't really …. Right, I understand. I'll see you in a couple minutes."
He pressed end and then threw his phone into the cup holder, provoked.
"Is everything okay?" I asked.
"No," He sighed. "I'm sorry, but I have an urgent call and I have to go to the station. I can either drop you off at Robyn's or take you back to your house."
"I don't want to be alone," I shook my head.
"I know," He nodded. "So, I guess, that means I'm taking you to Robyn's. Sorry, I can't spend the day with you, but I'm sure you'll still have fun with my friends." He sped up a little faster, almost twenty over the limit.
"Won't you get a ticket?" I pointed to the speedometer.
He smirked, "I'm a cop. Cops don't get tickets."
"Can you answer something for me?" I wondered. He nodded hesitantly. "Does it have something to with Asher?"
"No," He frowned. "It's about the case on those wolves."
All color drained from my pale face, making me even whiter, if that were even possible. The dream was all I could think about – I couldn't even formulate words. I tried to push the picture away, but it was persistent.
"Two hikers died this morning," he continued. "A couple miles north, in the Hoh Forest. I hope we find these things before they get too close to your house."
"Too late for that."
"What did you just say?" Nathaniel's eyes darted over to me.
"I saw the wolf," my voice was barely articulate. "A couple minutes before you showed up, I saw it outside my kitchen window."
Nathaniel turned off the road and onto the incoherent shoulder – which was just a small patch of grass covered in muddy snow; mere feet sat between the road and the forest's edge – and slammed on the breaks, both of us jerking forward.
"Are you sure it was the wolf?" he turned to face me, watching me with urgent eyes.
"I-it didn't hurt me," I stammered.
"Yes, but have you seen more than one at a time?" He questioned.
"No," I shook my head. "I always see the same one."
"And it never tried to hurt you?" he raised an eyebrow. "Did it react?"
"Well, it kept stepping forward," I explained. "I think it was testing its limits, how far I would let it go."
Without another word, Nathaniel slammed the gear shift back into drive and then spun the wheel, swerving us back in the direction of Forks. We went from zero to eighty in a matter of seconds, zooming towards town. He didn't say a word as we hurried down the main street, so I didn't either, afraid that I would break his concentration.
It wasn't until we reached town – which was pretty much a highway with a bunch of amenities breaking off of it – that Nathaniel slowed and glimpsed over at me, "You are not speak unless spoken to, understood?"
I nodded.
He turned into a small parking lot, in front of which stood a small wooden building with the Forks seal on the side. The lot was crowded, dozens of police cars scattering the asphalt, along with one little silver Toyota on the far end. Nathaniel immediately parked and pulled the key out of the ignition, hopping out; he was making his way around the hood to open my door, but I was already out.
Nathaniel helped me up the icy steps absentmindedly.
Pushing open the front door for me, Nathaniel wrapped his arm around my waist, guiding me away from the bustle at the front desk and to the side of the room, where an impressive man in uniform stood.
His eyes were stern, beady, as he overlooked all the action that went on. His hair was dark and fading to gray, his face strewn with age. As Nathaniel and I approached him, the man's eyes remained austere.
Nathaniel nodded respectively, "Chief Donahue."
"That was fast, Redborn," The man's voice was gruff. "Hope you weren't speeding."
"Of course not, Chief," Nathaniel lied skillfully, pulling me closer.
Chief Donahue's eyes lingered on me only for a moment, "I hope I didn't interrupt anything."
"You know as well as I do that it's never smart to mix personal life and work," Nathaniel said politely, a practiced tone in his voice. "I wouldn't have brought her otherwise."
"Then why is she here?" Now the man fully appraised me. I wasn't sure if he approved – his impassive face was unreadable.
"She saw the wolf, Chief," Nathaniel reported. "It was by her house."
Donahue was about to speak, but the door on his left opened and immediately his attention was taken.
It was Coop, his eyes bloodshot and weary from working.
"Coop?" I raised an eyebrow. Nathaniel tightened his grip around me, reprimanding me for disobeying his request to remain silent. I ignored him. "What are you doing here?"
Coop seemed equally as surprised to see me. "I was just about to say the same to you."
"So much for a vacation, eh?" I smiled, trying to restore Coop's stamina at least a little before he passed out from exhaustion.
He laughed, shrugging, "Yeah."
"You know this guy?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," I nodded. "I work with him at the hospital."
"In that case," The chief exhaled, taking me from Nathaniel and handing me over to Coop. "Perhaps you could make use of yourself and help Dr. Cooper."
"There's not much more to examine," Coop shook his head and pushed me back into Nathaniel's grasp. "The couple is dead."
"There was nothing you could do?" Chief Donahue asked.
"Tried all I could," Coop frowned. "They're gone."
"Alright," The chief sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Redborn, you know what to do now, correct?"
Nathaniel grimaced, and then said grudgingly, "Yes, sir."
"Then get to it," Chief Donahue began to walk away with Coop in stride, but then he turned to look back at the two of us. "And how about this, kid? Once you get your job done, I'll let you go home for the day." His eyes retreated to me. "Looks like you've got a lot on your hands."
"Yes, sir," Nathaniel repeated, grabbing my hand.
Once the Chief was gone, Nathaniel relaxed, his shoulders slouching. He held my hand tightly, as if it were a life line, as if it were the only reason he was breathing right now. Walking slowly, he pulled me down a hallway and into a back room, pushing me gently into a chair once we got there.
The room was very small and very empty. There was only an old fashioned metal desk, massive and bulky in size. A chair sat in front of it and another sat behind it. On the desk were a few things: a telephone, a bunch of scattered papers and about a dozen pens pilled up into a pyramid. Altogether, the room was very grey, lifeless.
Letting go of my hand hesitantly, Nathaniel turned and shut the door.
"May I talk now?" I wondered.
"Yes," He exhaled – the way he breathed sounded like he'd been holding his breath. "You can talk now."
"You seemed very professional out there," I commented, smiling. He pulled up a fold-out chair and opened it up to sit beside me.
"I have to be," he leaned back in the chair, reaching out for my palm again.
"So, I have a question …"
"I thought you would," He laughed. His disposition grew composed – I guess that meant our dispute in the car had been forgotten.
"What is it you have to do now?" I wondered.
"Uh," he sighed, staring up at the ceiling for a long time, breathing a lot and talking a little. He squeezed my hand, almost in a pumping motion now, as if I were supplying him blood. "This is what I hate about my job. The new kid gets stuck with all the tough stuff."
"So, what's so difficult?" I asked, resting my elbows on my knees, not letting go of his hand – I knew he wouldn't allow it.
He glanced over at the telephone before answering, "I have to call the families of the two who died."
I looked away from him. "That sucks."
"It does …" He agreed, his voice disappearing into the uproar outside the door. That mob of police officers by the front door must not have left yet.
"But it has to be done," I finished for him.
Nathaniel face fell, nodding.
I interceded, "I could do it for you."
"You can't," he shook his head.
"Why not?" I sat up straight, instinctively reaching to flip my hair but he refused to let go of my hand even if it was just to fix the mop on my head. "I'm trying to be helpful."
"I know you are," He acknowledged. He sounded like he had lost all his energy in the past ten minutes. "And I really appreciate it. However, it's my job and I'm the one that has to do it."
I frowned, watching as his face grew gloomy. He reached over for the phone with the hand that wasn't cutting off the circulation in mine, but he indecisively pulled his hand away.
"Well, get to it," I exhaled. "And then, after you're done, we can go to Robyn's and we can be with your friends … and you can forget all about this for the rest of the day."
"Okay," he shook his head, picking up the phone and dialing in a number that was written down on a piece of paper behind him on the table.
He turned to look at me with uncertainty as the dial tone buzzed. Eventually, someone picked up on the other line.
"Hello," Nathaniel cleared his throat, his face become as emotionless as the Chief's had been. "This is a call from the Forks PD concerning your son, Peter …. I'm sorry, ma'am, but your son has passed."
All of sudden, there was a burst of muffled crying coming from the other line.
"Yes, his wife died as well," Nathaniel continued, his expression never faltering. He was very good at remaining cool, calm and collected. "There have been several attempts, but the pack has been getting closer to town. We should be able to kill 'em soon, there's nothing to worry about."
The woman said something, bawling uncontrollably.
"We'll get it – I promise," He vowed, and then as the woman said something else, Nathaniel sighed, "Your son was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and there is nothing we can do about it."
The person on the receiver made yet another remark, sniveling.
"You have a good day, ma'am," Nathaniel said politely, and then he shook his head, his emotions returning, "Ms. Daniels, I understand you're upset. Losing someone isn't easy, I know. But if there is anything I can do individually to help, I promise, I'll do it."
She said something quieter.
"No, the police wouldn't have anything to do with it," I frowned. "I'm actually not allowed to let any personal actions get in the way of work, but I …"
Silence for a moment.
"Well, I'm sorry I can't do much more, but I just want you to know that I'm always here to help you," He nodded caringly. There was silence as she responded. He continued, "Thank you so much. You're welcome. I try my best. Have a good day, Ms. Daniels."
And then he hung up.
"That was very sweet of you," I smiled.
"Do you even know what I did?" He looked deep into my eyes, as if he were searching for something.
"Well, I caught a good chunk of it," I lifted our intertwined hands, taking my other hand and making a little cup around his one hand. "I'm sure Chief Donahue wouldn't have tried to console her."
He looked out the window at the snow, ignoring me.
"And why did you say thank you?" I wondered.
"She said she was very grateful for my sympathy," he exhaled. "And that she would call the girl's parents for me. Turns out that couple had been just married – they moved to Forks about a month ago. Sad, isn't it?"
"Very," I agreed, but I was rather detached – my thoughts were far from the topic at hand; I was being selfish.
Marriage, huh? I wouldn't want to rush Mason, or try to pressure him in any way, but it would be nice. To have a man that loved me and would never leave me. To have and to hold, until death do we part. … I wouldn't dare put Mason in that position, though. Besides, it was up to him to decide anyway.
"Well," Nathaniel snapped me back to reality. I hadn't noticed he'd let go of my hand. "I feel like I'm exposing you to too much, little girl."
"What?" I stared up at him hazily as he stood.
"You're so secluded and then, all of a sudden, I bring to the hub of misfortune," He rubbed the nape of his neck. "I shouldn't have brought you to the station … at least you didn't see the bodies …"
I stood, putting my hands on my hips, smiling. "You don't have to treat me like your little toddler that you always have to be conscious of. I know what I'm doing; it's not like any of this is new to me."
Nathaniel put his hands up defensively. "Well, excuse me, missy."
I laughed tiredly, standing.
"We better get to Robyn's before she wonders what we're up to," He reached forward and opened up the door, putting his arm over my shoulder and leading me out. "She's good at letting her imagination run wild."
All the tumult in the front room had subsided, the majority of the police officers now slowly filtering out to their cars one by one.
Nathaniel's arm drifted off my shoulder and down my arm to grip my hand just before we reached the front door. He lifted me down the icy steps effortlessly, stepping into the lightening snowfall. Once we reached his car, I stood by the passenger door as he went around the hood. As he fumbled for his keys, my eyes curiously wandered about the parking lot.
And my heart jumped into my throat.
I hadn't noticed before, but only several feet away from where I stood was an ambulance with flashing lights that practically blinded me. Coop stood by the rear of the vehicle, watching as two men piled a stretcher into the back of the ambulance.
On the stretcher was a young girl – well, young to me – twenty or twenty-one at least. Her body was limp, bloody; her skin was lifelessly pale, a sickly color almost. Blood drenched her golden hair: gashes were strewn randomly about her arms and legs, carelessly bandaged. Coop must've known, as soon as he began tending her wounds, that it was a lost cause.
As the two men that had been hoisting the stretcher into the ambulance shut the doors after putting her in, I felt my heart skip a beat.
Death was mercilessly bloodcurdling to me, a black hole that one day would consume us all, and I refused to let the fear get to me – otherwise, I would go off hyperventilating like an idiot.
Robyn and Adam's cabin looked magical in the snowfall.
In just the past few hours, all the leaves dropped from the trees like flies; now the evergreens were the only things left standing with protection.
Tommy's van was parked arbitrarily by the front porch, already buried in the blizzard. Alongside that vehicle was a different car, an elderly Chevy, probably from the mid-seventies; its paint was faded and wearing away. There was no snow on top of the car and its tire tracks were still fresh.
I glanced at Nathaniel, wondering if he knew who's automobile this was.
"Oh my god," He gulped.
"What's the matter?" I asked him, as he pushed the gearshift into park. Hesitantly, he unbuckled, not looking at me.
"My mother's here," His eyes were wide.
The look on his face was comical – it was as if he was a child, caught doing something he shouldn't have done. I smiled, concealing a laugh.
We climbed out of the car, Nathaniel cautious at first. Once we reached the front door, though, he seemed to gain a bit of confidence, but my hand was once again on the verge of being crippled by his tight grip.
Was this woman really that scary?
Nathaniel pushed open the front door, his foot not even in the first room before something or someone lunged for him.
He was so shocked that he let go of my hand, stumbling back onto the porch. I stepped away, out of the line of fire. The person on Nathaniel was hugging him as if she hadn't seen him in years, kissing his cheeks.
"Oh, Nathaniel!" She cried. "God dammit, boy, I don't know where the hell you run off to half the time. And you don't even call!"
"Mom …" Nathaniel stepped forward, dragging the woman along with him and shutting the door behind him once they were inside.
I heard laughter to my right and glancing over, I saw Tommy sitting at the head of the dining room table, a bunch of books sprinkled around him.
"Nathaniel, I was so worried!" the woman exclaimed. "Are you alright?" The woman stepped off of him then, holding his chin between her index finger and thumb and turning his face side to side in search of mortal wounds. She watched Nathaniel expectantly, "Are you okay?"
Nathaniel immediately exhaled, happy he was out of the woman's grasp and able to breath again. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around my waist again. "I'm fine, mom."
It was then that I first caught a glimpse of the woman.
She was about my height, if not a little bit shorter. Her brown eyes were flat, definitely not as profound as her son's. Her hair was down to about her shoulders, insanely curly as mine used to be, and black with little silver strands gracefully brushing her cheeks.
When Nathaniel said nothing, her sympathy was replaced with frustration. "Nathaniel Andrew Redborn, did I raise you to run off without telling people where you're going?" She paid no attention to my presence whatsoever.
"I told Robyn, mom," Nathaniel replied. "I …"
She interrupted. "You told her you were going to Forks and back."
"And I did," He shook his head, tightening his grip around me.
"It doesn't take three hours to get to Forks and back," She protested, putting her hands on her hips. She sounded strong, indefinitely sure of herself. "It takes an hour and a half at most."
"I stopped for breakfast," he sighed. "And had to run by the station …"
"And you didn't call to say you'd be a bit late?"
"I wasn't going to be late," He frowned. "Besides, late for what? Sitting around and watching TV? I doubt that I needed to call and let anyone know that I'd be late for that. What are you doing here anyway?"
"Robyn called me, asking if you came to my house," she exhaled, watching us with her careful eyes. "She was worried, no doubt, considering you didn't come back when you said you would. Mother's instinct, I suppose." – she paused to think – "But you should have called at least!"
"I'm sorry," Nathaniel grimaced, not looking his mother in the eyes.
"What were you doing in Forks anyway?" Ms. Redborn raised an eyebrow, still not noticing me.
"To pick up her," Nathaniel glanced over at me.
She appraised me with wide eyes, after which she looked back at her son, curious.
"That's his girlfriend!" Tommy shouted from the other end of the room, not looking up from any of his books.
"Is not, you little wretch!" Nathaniel shot back at him.
"Hey, watch your mouth," she admonished, walking up to me and taking my hand, the one that wasn't pressed up against Nathaniel. "Goodness, you get a girlfriend and don't even tell your mother? I feel so forgotten."
"She's not my girlfriend, mom," Nathaniel exhaled, eyeing Tommy still.
"Of course not," She rolled her eyes at her son, marvelously sarcastic. Her eyes returned to me. "Looks like I'm not the only girl in his life anymore. Oh, you should've seen the days when he was still afraid of cooties – he was such a yellow-belly when it came to girls."
"Mom!" Nathaniel protested, making me laugh.
"Relax, Nate," She teased. "I could be one of those mean mothers and pull out your baby pictures."
"Don't," he commanded, as she walked away from us and into the kitchen.
"Oh, I'm definitely tempted," She laughed, reaching into the fridge.
Nathaniel loosened his grip on me as we walked over to the dining room table – we both sat down in the mismatching chairs next to each other. Tommy was currently writing away frivolously on a deck of flashcards.
"What are you doing?" I wondered.
"I have exams starting tomorrow," he exhaled. "I just remembered 'bout them last night so I have to cram it all in by eight o'clock Monday morning."
"Ah, exams," I exhaled, recollecting my high school memories and then almost instantly shoving them away. "That was hell."
"Here," he pushed the flashcards in my direction as Nathaniel stood and walked over to the fridge. "Quiz me."
I watched Nathaniel amusedly as his mother began to fix his hair.
"Alright," I began, glancing down at the flashcard. "How many days are in a year?"
"That's not on my exam," Tommy shook his head, looking up at me. "Which flashcard are you looking at?"
"It's not on a flashcard – it's just common knowledge," I shrugged – my eyes floated over to Nathaniel. "What about you, Nathaniel? Do you know how many days are in a year?"
"I stopped counting," He smiled widely.
"C'mon, Scarlett," Tommy looked over at me. "I gotta get this down."
"Fine, fine," I exhaled, trying to decode Tommy's scribbled scrawl. "This term means you become guilty of a crime retroactively."
"I know this!" he sat up straighter his fingers drumming on the table. "It's something in Latin."
"Hey, Tommy," Nathaniel called over to us.
"Shut up, Nate," Tommy had his eyes closed now as he searched his brain for the answer. "I'm trying to think."
"Where's everybody else?" Nathaniel asked, nonetheless.
"I don't know," He shook his head. "They said something about going to Shane's to pick something up."
"Well, are they coming back?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"I think so," Tommy nodded, eyes still closed in meditation. "Now, shut up. I'm trying to concentrate."
"Don't strain yourself," Nathaniel laughed, pulling a soda from the fridge. Ms. Redborn sat at the kitchen table, flipping through a magazine.
I looked at the flashcard and then back up at Tommy again. "You want me to skip it?"
"No, no! I know this!" He exclaimed, rubbing his temples.
"Well, you keep thinking while I get a drink," I rolled my eyes, putting the flashcards back down and standing.
Nathaniel had a soda can extended in my direction by the time I reached him. He smiled as I leaned against the counter, "You wanna leave?"
"No," I exhaled. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, I just thought you wouldn't want to spend the whole day sitting around studying," He grinned. We both glanced back at Tommy, who was stealthily trying to peek at the flashcards.
"No cheating," I called over to him. Guilty, he snapped his hand away.
"So, Scarlett," Ms. Redborn smiled at me, bringing my attention to her. "You live up in Forks?"
I nodded.
"I don't recall ever seeing you," She commented. "It used to be a talent of mine, knowing everybody in town."
"I moved here just a few months ago," I told her.
"Oh," she smiled at me, but then she glimpsed at Nathaniel with a hint of heartache in her expression. The grief faded in seconds, her friendly personality returning. "You like it in Forks I hope?"
"Yes, it's very nice," I nodded.
"Well, I'm glad you came along," She grinned. "It's nice to have someone to calm things down."
I raised an eyebrow, wondering what she meant.
"Hey, mom," Nathaniel smiled, putting his soda down on the countertop. "Scarlett and I are gonna go out the porch. We'll be right back."
"The hell you will," She scolded. "It's freezing out there."
"We'll sit in the car," Nathaniel rolled his eyes, quickly grabbing our coats and guiding me to the front door.
He didn't head for his car like he'd told his mom. Instead, he walked over to the end of the porch, leaning against the banister and looking out at the falling snow. I sauntered over to him, wrapping my jacket tightly around me.
"You want to talk to me?" I guessed.
"Sorry about my mom," He shook his head. "She's very headstrong."
"I noticed," I giggled. "But she seems really nice."
"Yeah," He shrugged, exhaling.
"So what did she mean in there?" I asked. "'It's nice to have someone to calm things down'? And what was that look she gave you?"
"She's still kind of mad at me about everything," He told me.
"About you running away?"
He glanced over at me curiously. "How did you know about that?"
"Robyn told me," I looked out at the snow. "I must admit, I'm surprised."
"Why?" He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't everyone hope that the grass is greener on the other side? Don't tell me you never thought of running."
"Of course, everyone feels like making a run for it sometimes," I exhaled. "But you ran off without telling anyone … because you were scared and lost. You had no idea where to go or what to do."
He said nothing in response.
"Remind you of anyone?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Are you really going to bring up that Asher Mason kid now?" He looked away from me and into the woods.
"Yes, I am," I crossed my arms across my chest, but my bulky jacket made that difficult. "How could you have no sympathy for him if he's so much like you? He's just as confused as you were …"
Nathaniel interrupted. "I wasn't confused."
"C'mon," I laughed flatly. "You had to be a little bit crazy and impulsive."
"No," He shook my head. "Ask Robyn. I had it all planned out. I knew when I was going to run and I knew where to. And I was levelheaded the whole time … well, towards the end, I got a little crazy."
"How could a teenager plan his escape out?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Just plan it," He shrugged, watching me out of his peripheral vision.
"I don't think you understand my question," I shook my head. "How can something like that be planned? I thought it was all spontaneous and random …"
"I'm thinking you never planned to run in depth, did you?" He smiled.
"No," I sighed. "After college, I eventually came back home. But, you abandoned your family and friends like it was no big deal."
"It was a big deal for me, Scarlett, there's no doubting that," He frowned.
"Then why was it so easy for you to just …" I took a big breath. "Run?"
There was a long silence between us, and only the wind was brave enough to break it. Nathaniel stared at me, but I could tell there was a lot going on behind those chocolate eyes. I remained inert, not sure if I should say something or let him think in peace.
Finally, he said, "How did you feel when Mason left you?"
The name felt like a thousand nails were punctured into my heart. Why does this hurt so much? I thought angrily. He's coming back. Just wait!
"Are you going to answer me?" Nathaniel raised an eyebrow after a few quiet moments.
"No," I replied in a small voice.
"Just answer it," He pressed.
"I felt thick and lost and anxious and petrified and …." I stopped before the tears could come.
"Well, that's exactly how I felt," He shook his head. "Why not run?"
I paused, my mind racing. I repeated after him, "Why not run."
"It hurts, doesn't it?" He exhaled. "To feel alone."
There was a short hiatus where not even the wind dare speak.
"I've been alone for a long time," He frowned. "Always believing that she would come back. Always hoping that one day I'd see her again. But then I realized she can't come back. She's gone for good."
I wanted to speak, but my mouth refused to open to release how I felt.
"So, when I found you," He exhaled. "I felt whole again. I'd refused to let anyone in for seven years, but then you came along and I just … needed you."
"I know where this conversation is headed so I'm just gonna say it now," I shook my head. "I can't think of you that way."
"I know!" He laughed as if he had just heard a bad joke. "You don't have to keep reminding me, because every time you do, I forget you said it two minutes later. You can't stop me from loving you."
I rolled back on my heels, biting my lip.
"The reason," He paused. "… my mother said it's nice to have someone to calm things down …"
He stopped to inhale, and then let it all out in one massive breath.
"Is because she's afraid," He shook his head. "Everyone is … of me. Not of me exactly, but of me running again. It wasn't until I got back that I realized I wasn't the only one that felt the pain while I was gone."
He paused again.
"I was selfish enough," He continued. "To believe that I would return to open arms, I'd be treated like a hero for being a good little boy and coming home. What a shock it was to come back to a bunch of slaps in the face."
He paused again.
"My cheek was stinging red for weeks," He laughed silently.
"Well, what do I have to I do with any of that?" I snapped, avoiding his eyes. "How am I going to 'calm things down'?"
"Everyone is so glad you're here now," He answered. "They think, if you stay, I will, too."
I glimpsed over at him, but then looked away.
"They don't want me to leave again," Nathaniel sighed. "And I can't hurt them again."
After a long while, I spoke, "And they think I'll make you stay put?"
"Yes," He nodded.
"I'm your motivation?" I sighed, almost angrily.
"Yes," He said again.
"I'm a bit of a hindrance to myself," I frowned. "What makes you think that I can help you if I'm in need of help myself?"
He nodded, pausing to contemplate. The snow began to blow malevolently this way and that, a torrent of flurries sprinkling from the clouds. After a few moments of deep thought, he replied, "You know how you made a deal with me?"
"Yeah, for three weeks, I'm yours," I reiterated.
"Well, how about I make a treaty with you?" He suggested.
I exhaled, staring deep into his chocolate eyes as if expecting to find an outline of every single thing he thought. "What do you propose?"
"It's quite similar to yours," He explained. "If in three weeks, I can't show you I love you to the best of my ability, I will willingly let you go."
"Is it all really that easy?" I stared at him disbelievingly.
"Is it required to be much harder?" He countered, staring at me with a certain light in his eyes.
"Alright, then," I extended out my hand. "It's a deal."
"No, it's not a deal," He smirked, walking around me and opening up the front door for me to enter. "It's a promise."