Chapter 10

Many times I've envisioned hell, I never knew that the vision was not that of fire and brimstone but the setup of a birthday party. I forgot how persistent Sam was when he wanted something. So when bringing my friend that I hadn't for years back home didn't work, he went to the source . . . my mother. She convinced me that helping set up for Emily's birthday party would be a way to bridge the gap between Emily and me; she even had the nerve to throw in my face how I was now a changed person. She was right I had changed but I wasn't a fool and I wasn't a stepping stool. Sam being the amazing guy he was, also convinced my mother to allow him to use the large building my dad used to use to for parties, it hadn't been used for such activity since he died. My mom had actually piled a whole bunch of junk in the building and was using the area as storage; she actually called Carlisle who enlisted the help of Edward and Emmett to remove the items the night before the stupid party.

So the eve before my 25th birthday I'm sitting in the kitchen area while my mother cooked and I watched Edward move boxes and furniture back and forth. I was so thankful for the bar like area that connected the kitchen from what would be used as the dance floor. At least I would be sort of entertained . . . it was amusing watching everyone else work. I loved watching Edward whip back and for carrying huge boxes with one hand it reminded me how strong and powerful he was, it was most definitely one of his more attractive characteristics. He looked at me and smiled I hadn't even realized how intently I was staring I just rolled my eyes at him and continued to stare.

"Honey will you taste this for me." I hopped off the bar.

"Sure . . ." I touched the spoon to my lips, mom's chocolate cake batter was always delicious; I nodded to her with approval.

"You don't think it needs more cocoa?" She seemed really concerned, "maybe just a little more." She mumbled as she added more ingredients to the batter. Why did she ask me if she wasn't going to take my advice? It was crazy that she was putting such effort in creating a cake for Emily who wasn't even her child; my birthday was tomorrow I wonder if she had a cake hiding somewhere for me?

"Honey how about you make some double chocolate chip brownies?" She smiled at me sweetly. She was out of her mind if she seriously thought I was going participate in the preparation for this monstrosity and injustice against myself.

"Mom I love you I do, I told you that I would come but I'm not doing any cooking, matter of fact I don't plan on lifting a finger." I said playfully shaking her.

"Fine," she huffed, "I'm just glad to have your company sweetheart." She patted my cheek. "Emily will be happy to have your company tomorrow too."

"Yeah and we all know that Emily's happiness is my number one priority." I said sarcastically. The conversation was starting to bore me, I turned to watch my entertainment, Edward had slung a table over his head and moved it into position. By the time Sam and his pack finally made it here, there would be nothing left for them to do. I guess they'll have to make pretty decorations, it would make sense for them to let the vampires do the heavy lifting, his boys were pretty much pansies anyway.

"Hey Ms. Clearwater! Leah!" Becca came into the kitchen juggling two paper bags.

"Hey what's all this?" I looked in the bag that she sat on the counter beside me.

"A little Smirnoff and Bacardi for the party!" She squealed. "Trust me Leah we're both gonna need it." She whispered as she unloaded all of her goodies.

"Y'all should be able to have a good time without such devices." My mom said sternly. Gotta love mom for being such a stickler for what she considered lady like behavior.

"I would agree with you if the party was for anybody else but this is seriously going to test my resolve I may just a little something to calm my nerves." I smirked at Becca. My mom just rolled her eyes and returned to her cake batter.

"Great! We can test out some of my drinks now. I still make a mean electric lemonade." She said opening the one of the bottles. "I should practice now to make sure I know the exact amount of what to put in the drinks." She set up two glasses, I knew there was a reason I loved Becca.

As soon as Becca had poured her delicious purple concoction into the glasses Sam came in and stared at her as if she had loss her mind.

"What's this?" He frowned like he was outraged at the appearance of the liquor.

"I'm bartending tomorrow," she said matter of factly as she tasted the drink, "a little too strong I think." She scrunched her nose up, I took a drink and agreed with her, I hated when a drink tasted bitter.

"Why are you bartending? Emily doesn't need this." He huffed like the sight of the liquor was some horrible tragedy. I was sure that all of us were of legal drinking age and enjoyed a good buzz but of course Sam didn't think about the desires of his guest the only person in his thoughts was Emily.

"So what, the perfect Miss Emily doesn't drink anymore I'm pretty sure she used to when we hung out." We were underage but we thought we were grown but that was back when Emily had a back bone, it soon disappeared after Sam stuck his dick in her vagina.

"It's not that of course Emily drinks, or she used to, she can't drink because she's . . . pregnant." He mumbled and my mom squealed with delight. He looked at me with apologetic eyes. He shouldn't feel sorry for me feel he should feel sorry for himself, he was the one going to be on diaper duty for the rest of his life.

"Oh Sam another baby! This is so exciting I'm so happy for you both!" She embraced him and I swallowed my drink whole. I hated that my mom still had such a strong bond with Sam I wished she just hate him like I did. The acidic burn tackled my stomach and caused me to feel like I could upchuck.

"Becca?" I said.

"Already gotcha babe." She began to pour more liquor into my glass.

Three more drinks and the world had gone fuzzy. I wondered what Rebecca put in her drinks to make them so . . . electric. I was hanging off the bar and the one thing I could fully focus on was Edward. Why is he so fucking hot anyway? It's kinda of annoying watching him bend over and move things. I watched the definition in his muscles and he maneuvered large objects, I just wanted to reach out and touch him. I remembered why alcohol never agreed with me it always made me horny it was like as soon as the burn passed my lips and entered my system it made in between my legs ache with want. I sighed desperately as I stared at Edward. My mom had made a run to the store and I was left in the kitchen with Becca.

"Hey Becca," I motioned for her to come closer to me, "Guess what?"

"What?" She laughed she clearly hadn't had as much to drink as I had.

"I. Want. To. Fuck. Him!" I whispered and then fell back laughing but she just stared at me confused.

"Who Sam?" I quickly sobered enough to look at her like she was crazy. I hadn't even noticed that he was in the same area as Edward until she mentioned his name.

"No stupid! The hot one over there . . . well actually he's kinda cold." I laughed as I pointed to Edward, she slammed my hand down so no one would notice my behavior. How could anyone look at Sam and the Edward and then choose Sam . . . that would just be dumb.

"Leah shhh!" She put her hand over my mouth and I licked her.

"Eww Leah grow up!" She frowned but then laughed at my stupidity and shook her head. I couldn't remember the last time I had gotten this drunk . . . yes I can it was that night in the hotel.

"Seriously, I miss him," I sighed, "in here." I said pointed to my pants she just shook her head again.

"Well, you are living with him just tell him that you want to fuck him. Aren't you supposed the blunt bitchy one this shouldn't be that hard for you." She said as she sipped on her drink.

"It's not that simple, we're friends now, buddies, chums, comrades, and he is now the peanut butter to my jelly." I said as I went to sip out of my empty cup. I sat it back on the table disappointed by it's lack of liquor.

"I always thought that peanut butter and jelly were more than friends . . . I mean they're always smashed together." I she murmured and laughed at her own joke; I just rolled my eyes and ignored it.

"And stupid Emily is pregnant . . . again! I can't even have one kid!" I pouted.

"I know honey, I'm so sorry." She stroked my hair momentarily then I pushed her away.

"Don't pity me!" I said hopping off the counter I fell and the shit hurt. "Shit!" I think I hurt my fucking ankle I grabbed it and groaned. I thought of the millions of times I had jumped off the counter this is the first time I landed on my ass.

"Everything alright in here?" Edward asked; he was now kneeling in front of me he made eye contact and slowly the corners of his face turned upward, he was obviously amused by something.

"You are so pretty," I smiled at him, "such a pretty hot sexy pants man!" I pinched his cheeks.

"Thank you," he smirked he was amused and concerned at the same time. "How's your ankle?" He touched it.

"Ouch!" I punched him. "You're no longer pretty!" I pouted as I rubbed my ankle.

"Can you stand?" He helped me up and held me in his arms as he assisted me in standing up right.

"You care about me sooo much Eddie pooh!" I said as I wrapped my arms around him. "Why do you care about me? I'm bad icky poison ya know? Everyone else hates me but I don't give a FUCK about them!" I said making sure that everyone who needed to hear it did.

"I don't know because I'm crazy as hell I guess and I didn't get the memo that you were someone I needed to hate." He pulled me forward encouraging me to limp forward; I guess he was trying to see if I could apply pressure to the ankle. "Just a sprain." He said and looked at Carlisle who nodded.

"Yeah you're crazy to care about lil old bitchy Leah, but I'm glad you care because I lov," I was drunk but I was not completely without my sense. "Cullen, I'm a little buzzed." I whispered.

"No Leah, you're wasted." He laughed.

"Shut up!" I shoved him and he smirked. Then a wave of sadness came over me. "Edo guess what?"

"Emily's having a baby." He said sadly and pain covered his face, great now he pitied me too.

"How'd you know . . . hey don't read my mind I'm trying to talk to you here." I slurred I think I may have accidentally spit on him.

"Sorry I have an overactive mental ability." He said as he rubbed my back trying to take my pain away.

"We could never do that ya know?" I murmured lazily as I laid my head comfortable on his shoulder.

"What was that?" Edward's body tensed slightly.

"I could never give you a little baby? Bella gave you Ness . . . we could have had a awesome kid Cullen . . .you and me . . . together . . . would be great." That's the last thing I remembered before everything went black.

I was dreaming. I openly welcomed any dream that wasn't consumed by me fucking Edward. I was in the forest sitting face to face with myself in wolf form. I glanced all of the attributes that made her beautiful and amazing. The slant of her eyes and the different hues of gray in her fur reminded me of the pain and joy of my past. She just stared at me calmly waiting for something.

"I miss you," I whispered to the familiar entity and the power I used to possess. I reached out to touch her and she growled as she backed away from me and then began to run.

"Wait . . .wait!" I chased after her. As I whipped through the forest trying to find myself, the ground began to shake, the wind began to whip intensely through my hair, and rain began to pour like buckets of water from the sky. I finally found her sitting peacefully by a small framed young Native American woman she smiled at me, she seemed familiar but I swear I'd never seen her before in my life.

"I've been waiting for you," her voice, that voice has been running through my mind for months now. "It's all yours now." In her hand she held a small golden globe that glowed as if it were on fire, she held it out to me with pride in her eyes. I reached out and slowly placed my hand on the item in her hands once I fully possessed the item the acidic burn that I had became accustom to in my chest and stomach traveled through my whole body and felt like it was eating me alive. "You are now home and centered, exactly what you were meant to be . . . good luck my daughter." She vanished as if she were never there and left me with my former self. She approached me and bowed to me pressing her head against my stomach.

"We will always be one," I said to the beast, "you will always be wildest care free side of me." I touched the side her face and she cradled into my hand and whimpered softly and then disappeared. All that was left was me just me.

I lie with my eyes still closed but I feel cold smooth touch along my forehead. I opened my eyes to find myself on the couch in our apartment with Edward kneeling in front of me.

"Are you well?" He said handing me water and aspirin for the headache I should have, but I don't. I felt fine I was actually quite energized. I was more confused than anything else.

"I'm good Cullen trust me. Although I know I got wasted earlier. I don't really remember anything. Did I do anything interesting like punch Sam or dance on a table?"

"Unfortunately no on both accounts," he smiled at me as he stared at me. His eye contact was intense, he said that if was supposed to have an alluring affect on his prey I just considered it creepy, but once I adjusted to the characteristic I had to admit I could see its appeal.

"Damn, well then that was a waste of a buzz I will have to do better tomorrow." I laughed and he frowned slightly.

"You shouldn't get carried away tomorrow Ness will be there and she looks up to you I wouldn't want her to see you in a bad light." He said carefully.

"Yeah I wouldn't want her to see me trashed either." I decided that drinking tomorrow was most definitely out if I gave way to one drink it would open me up to desiring more. I would just have to live with the annoyance that was Sam and Emily.

"Hopefully there will be other activities that will distract you from there presence. Just because the party is for Emily doesn't mean you have to socialize with her." He stated calmly. He did have a point no one was going to twist my arm on the matter. Even though as a norm I hated when we was right, this time I was glad he was.

"Yeah I'll try to hang with Ness and the other kids all day, there usually good for a laugh. Where's Ness by the way?" I said as I stretched and turned to my side so that I could view him fully.

"Staying with Rose and Emmett again, but this time I asked them to." He smirked devilishly and I immediately became uneasy, I couldn't handle him trying to seduce me right now because I would give in but it would be for all of the wrong reasons.

"Because I have a surprise for you," he looked at his watch, like he was waiting for something to happen, "it's after midnight we could now if you wish."

"Where are we going?" I huffed.

"That's the surprise." He pulled me from the couch and I groaned. I wasn't tired I just didn't like when he pulled stuff like this.

"Cullen I make a point of not getting in a car with vampires when I don't know where I'm going? You could take into the middle of the forest," he put a blindfold over my eyes, "Hey what the hell!" Now I was more that pissed.

"As much as I would love to hear another one of you hilarious jokes about me killing you, we have somewhere to be." he hitched me over his shoulder and slapped me on the ass. He knew I didn't like when men did that but at this point all could do was laugh, I was completely out of control well not really I could take the blindfold off and squirm free. Edward immediately tightened his grip.

"Don't take the blindfold off! I promise you will like this surprise." He said in a calming voice as he placed me in his car. I sat there trying to stare through the white sheen and make out where we were going, after a few minutes I gave up. He was lucky I was playing along it wasn't like he had bound my hands I could take the stupid blindfold whenever I wanted to, but I didn't want to ruin whatever he had planned. To distract myself from the uncertainty of not knowing where the hell I was going I decided to make small talk.

"So did anything interesting happen after I passed out."

"Your mom came back she saw that you had fallen asleep, or at least that's what I told her before placing you in the car . . . nothing else you should be concerned over." I could tell he was smirking and I didn't even have to look at him once an ass always an ass.

I heard the car stop and he quickly opened the door and assisted me to wherever he was taking me. "You can remove your blindfold now." He said removing his hands from mine.

When I opened my eyes I looked around I knew exactly where I was. "Leah Land," I whispered the last time I had been her I had defiled the area with my sick yearning for Cullen but he had come and made it beautiful. He placed dark red and crème colored ribbons surrounding the area, he had reconstructed my fort and added a tire swing with was really old school but awesome just the same. "Cullen this is . . . you are . . . thanks a lot." I said as I hugged him he placed his hand on the small of my back and cradled me into him. Nobody had ever put so much time and thought into anything for me. My chest became heavy with appreciation and exhaled hoping that that release would be enough to help avoid crying like a pansy.

"I know I'm not your father but I wanted to bring your memory back to life. I bought you a gift." As soon as he spoke the words he was gone and back again. He placed the long silver box in my hands. "This could be your secret gift Leah between you and me." He said with happiness coloring his voice, I smiled softly and thought of him and my dad. My dad who loved me so much and gave me so much time and attention, and Edward who loved . . . who was my best friend. I sighed deeply and a burst of wind came through the area causing reek havoc on my hair as soon as the area stilled I opened the gift. One single long stem single white rose lay in the box it was beautiful. I lifted the rose to my nose to take in its smell, soft and sweet, just like Edward. I looked at the stem and noticed a silver chain wrapped around it. I unwound the chain and at the bottom found the most beautiful ruby cut in the shape of a heart surround by a silver casing framing it like a cage.

"My God," I mouthed as I twirled the jewelry around in my hand, it would be the most beautiful and most expensive jewelry I'd ever owned. Sam had never bought me jewelry he always bought me lingerie, but that wasn't really for me he was the one always gawking at me in it, but with Edward I could be in cotton underwear and he would still mesmerized by my body.

"You like it?" Edward asked and I looked at him as if he couldn't seriously be asking me that. I had never held anything so gorgeous.

"Yeah duh, Cullen this is amazing!" I said embracing him again.

"Do you get the meaning behind it?" He asked and I stared at the necklace, the message was pretty obvious.

"It's a caged heart," I smiled but for the first time since I known Edward I couldn't meet his stare.

"One day when you trust someone enough, you will allow someone to save your heart." He placed his hand on my chest, I laughed a little, he should know by now not to say things like that around me or to me.

"Cullen seriously?" I laughed, I decided to let his corny line slide and appreciate his awesome deed. "Thanks again for making 'my day' special." I said sitting in my new tire swing I rocked back and forth allowing the breeze to take me over. I hadn't so felt so peaceful in a long time I watched the sky, it seemed to share my sentiment, no clouds were in sight and the stars shine so brightly it was as if they were putting on a show for me. It took a moment for me to realize that Cullen was sitting in front of me staring at me. I jumped off the swing and landed right in front of him, I landed a little closer than I would have liked, I almost fell on him.

"Take a picture Cullen, it will last longer." I laughed then stuck my tongue out at him.

"I could have said the same thing to you earlier but I guess I'm just a nicer person than you." He countered with an arched eyebrow.

"Whatever the night was boring, it's not my fault that you were the most entertaining thing in the room and trust me that's saying a lot." I rolled my eyes at him and then extended my hand to him. I had decided that I wanted to visit the pond there was nothing more beautiful than seeing a full moon reflecting off the water. He rose and followed me. When we got to the pond it was as I expected it to be the dark water was made entrancing by the moonlight I quickly slipped my feet into the water, I allowed the cold water to tickle and excite my toes. Edward stood behind me again watching me. I grabbed his ankle and he smirked at me.

"I hate when you stand behind me! It's creepy!" I untied his shoes and he stepped out of them. "Sit with me." I smiled at him and rolled his pants up to his knees so that he could enjoy the feel of the water, of course I gave myself the opportunity to caress his leg and enjoy the tickle of his manly stubble. He sat beside me but made sure not to be in touching distance, I closed the gap.

"Why do you do that? Sometimes you act like you don't want to be around me, then sometimes you act like you can't get close enough." I smirked playfully and nudge him in the shoulder.

"The . . . the temptation of being around you sometimes is too great; to continue our platonic nature I have to know my limits." He looked out into the water unwilling to make eye contact to me.

"Look at Edo admitting he has no self control," I crawled even closer to him wrapping his arm in mine.

"And yet you continue to test my resolve." He countered wrapping his arm around my waist.

"It's what I do best!" I laughed. As I moved I wiggled my feet in the water, kicked him slightly and then brushed my foot up and down his leg.

"No one gets under my skin like you Leah Clearwater," He ran his finger along my jaw line, "no one makes me behave so erratically." He leaned in closer like he was going to kiss me and then decided against.

"You know they say that it is good luck, to kiss someone on their birthday, it means the whole year will be filled with happiness." I spouted my bullshit proudly with conviction.

"Really, and now you're going to tell me that you believe in luck Leah?" He arched his eyebrow.

"I don't know about luck," I said as I pulled his face closer to mind but, "but at the moment I do believe in kissing you." I said before placing my lips on his and surrendering just a little to the feelings he provoked in me. As we kissed the wind began to dance around us. Just as I bit him gently asking for allowance into his delicious mouth he pulled away.

"Leah . . . all or nothing . . . I meant that." He panted as he tried to move away from me. I held him in place which looked like it surprised us both. If I was turning human I most definitely shouldn't be able to control the movement of a vampire, but all of that was small thought in my subconscious in comparison to what I really wanted at the moment which was the nearness of Cullen. I pushed him on to ground and lay my head on his chest and obtained the closeness I desired.

"I want to sleep here," I said resting my arm around his abdomen. I inhaled and took in his scent the slow burn actually relaxed me and made it easier to drift.

"That's fine with me I can lay still until you wakeup," he said as he swept his hand through my hair.

"You don't have to stay here all night . . . just until I fall asleep, then by all means do whatever, if someone asked me to lay still for a couple hours while I sleep I'd be like," he placed his finger over my mouth.

"Shhhh," he smiled at me. I shoved him slightly. I was rambling which was something I did to avoid something or if made nervous by something.

"Don't tell me what to do." I murmured with my face buried in his chest and fell asleep in his arms under the night sky.

"Leah?" Edward whispered and I couldn't tell if I was dreaming our not.

"Hmmm," I murmured and shifted closer to him letting him know I wasn't ready for him to leave me quite yet. I intertwined our legs to clarify the point.

"I know I'm taking the easy way out by telling you this now while you're partly unconscious but . . . I'm in love with you and I don't think I will be able to carry on existing without you loving me too. Will you please love me?"

I had to be dreaming because the real Edward knew I would kick his ass for saying something like that to ruin our platonic ecstasy. I just put my hand over the dude's mouth. "Shhhh." I laughed as I enjoyed the strong scent of my best friend and traveled even future into a blissful sleep.

Author's Note:

Again I'm a little annoyed that we still have not made it to the party. The chapter was getting too long so I had to split it up. I will be putting the next chapter up really soon (probably tomorrow). I hope you like this one please read and review.