We woke up to utter darkness. I stood and wobbled over to the windows, pulling back the curtains. Light filtered in and Arthur gazed at me lovingly from his bed. His head was propped up on a hand while his elbow was set on the sheets. He stared at me and I turned to look out the window. It overlooked the lower town and most of Camelot. I stretched and gave him a little peck careful not to touch any bruises or cuts. "I better go, Gaius will think you've beaten me senseless if I don't," I said and stood in his doorway. "I love you and I'm sorry." He nodded and started to get ready. I walked out and got looks when I did but I didn't care, Arthur was back, the real Arthur.
"Where have you been?" Gaius asked angrily with Mordred right behind him scowling.
"I'm fine Gaius. Arthur is back to normal and it's alright," I said walking toward the bedroom. Mordred grabbed my arm and looked at me.
He could have killed you! What if he had killed you and we had no idea, what would have happened to me? What would have happened? ANSWER ME! He projected into my mind and dug his nails into my arm.
It's alright Mordred, everything will be okay. Nothing will happen I promise, I said laying a hand on his arm and getting his nails out. I went to the back bedroom and changed into a new set of black clothes. Today was going to be better. I was going to go back to the lake and bury the bodies properly. If he wanted I would bring Mordred with me.
I walked out and retied my hair back from my face. "Mordred, I'm going to bury them, so you want to come with me?" I asked. He nodded solemnly and I went back into the bedroom and handed him some black clothes. "Go put these on and we'll go." He changed quickly and we set off for the stables. I saddled up two horses and mounted up. I waited for Mordred to and I heard someone yell my name. Gwen, Lance, and Arthur stood there and Arthur rushed over.
"Where are you going? You're not leaving are you?" he asked.
"I'm going to bury my friends Arthur. No I'm not leaving, but they deserve a proper burial in our customs," I said. Spurring the horse on. We trotted along and then I lead them on a full gallop. We arrived fairly quicker than when I was walking. We stood on the edge of the camp and looked at the pile of dead bodies. We began unstacking them and when we found Rose Mordred broke into harsh sobs. I tried to comfort him but he ran off and I decided to let him cry alone for a while.
I put the families together and that's when the sky decided to take a turn for the worst. It got dark and started raining lightly. I got a shovel from one of the tents and began digging. Shortly after Mordred walked up and we both were digging. We sang a mourning song while we dug their graves and when we set the first family in their graves I prayed over them. "Spirits, please guide them through the underworld and into the halls of eternal peace. Forever shall they stay with their loved ones, lost by natural or unnatural means." We started recovering the hole and I fashioned a headstone with magic marking their names on it. We did that through the day and into the night until we came upon Rose and her new husband.
I petted Rose's hair and decided I wouldn't bury her like this. I braided her amber hair and decorated it with a wreath of leaves and wildflowers. I kissed her hand and closed her eyes. Mordred set her gently into her grave and kissed her forehead. I fashioned her Gravestone apart from her husbands. It read:
Here lies Rose
She was a brave valiant young girl
Aged nine and ten years
Loved friend and wife. Killed.
I know I didn't need to add the last part but it felt like a bit of closure. I prayed over her. "Spirits, please guide Rose and her beloved through the underworld into the halls of eternal peace, where she may meet with her loved ones like her mother and father and beloved. May she rest peacefully with her beloved forever more."
We slowly buried my friend and when we were done I felt empty inside. I walked through the camp that I been my home for years and I found most of it destroyed. I walked to Rose's and it was intact. I walked in and saw the dress that she had made for me, "For when the time comes," she had said, "for you to have your own family." The dress she had made for me to get married in. I fingered the silky fabric and smelt her scent in the fabric. I picked it up and when I did a small envelope fell out. I opened the seal carefully and read.
Merlin,
If you're reading this it means that you're going to get married soon. I hope that you'll be happy with whoever you choose and I'm glad we got to be friends, you know that I lost my sister in the flood a few years ago and you helped me through that and now I get to pay you back. I love you as if you were my sister and I hope you're going to be as happy with your new husband as I am with my fiancé, which hopefully by the time you read this we'll be married. I hope you find happiness as I did.
May the Spirits guide and watch over you Sister.
Love,
Rose
I felt the hot tears rolling down my face as I read the note over and over. I carefully put the note back in the envelope and put it in my pocket. I looked around the room and found a bag labeled with my name. Inside were some dresses, tunics, trousers, neckerchiefs, and a pair boots. I felt the soft leather of the boots and I felt tears pricking my eyes. These were made soon before she died because you could still feel the polish. I folded up the dress and stored it in the pack. I slung it over my shoulder and walked out. Mordred had the rest of his possessions packed and we walked back to the horses riding somberly to Camelot but on the way out I saw a sign that I hadn't before.
These people are to be example of what happens to magic-users.
I ripped it down and tucked it into my tunic pocket. No need for those tepid signs to be there any longer. We rode back to Camelot in silence and we went slowly. It was a custom that you go slowly and don't talk on your way back from a funeral or for the next day. When we arrived in Camelot the rain had let up and we were soaked to the skin. Mordred shivered and I pulled him to me trying to warm him. He shivered against my side and we walked back to Gaius's chambers quickly with our eyes downcast.
When we got there Arthur was waiting there. He tried to hug but I ducked under his arm. He grabbed me gently and pulled me to him. He stroked my hair and kissed my head. I felt his tears in my hair. Arthur was silently crying. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rubbed circles on his back. I pulled back and his face was downcast and when I looked him in the face his eyes and nose were all red. He had almost the look of a pouty child that just finished with a tantrum. And I should know Mordred had thrown plenty as a young child.
I placed my hand on the side of his face and he looked away. I pinched his cheek and made him look at me. I just conveyed what I was thinking through my facial expression. I forgive you. Everything will be fine. I leaned our foreheads together and his hitched breathing ghosted over my face and neck. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck and he just tried to regulate his breathing. I grabbed the sign and shoved it toward him in a silent question. "Merlin talk to me," he said hoarsely. I just shook my head. "Please!"
I grabbed a piece of parchment and scrawled onto it.
It's not that I won't it's that I can't. It's tradition that you don't speak for a day after the funeral of friends or loved ones. It's part of my mourning Arthur. You have to respect that.
"I will respect your traditions Merlin but can't this wait until morning?" I sighed heavily and shook my head. He nodded and I gave him a chaste kiss and he left. I slumped down onto one of Gaius's benches and laid my head on the table. I felt a blanket being laid around my shoulders and there was Arthur standing over me. I was sitting on the edge of the bench and he slipped in behind me. I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep. Arthur leaned me against his chest and I hummed a light approval. He stroked my hair lovingly and leaned into the touch.
"Merlin, I want to apologize. I've hurt you and I've hurt your people and for that I'm so sorry," here he choked on his words. I looked at his face by turning a bit. He truly had a great deal of remorse. "I'm no better than the soldiers that killed Mordred's mother and father-" I pressed my fingers to his lips to stop him. I tried to project into his mind but it was so closed that I felt like I was touching a brick wall. I tried to get him to open up but he refused.
Arthur it's me. It's Merlin. When I said this he shivered and I felt so odd. Arthur open your mind. That's when I felt his mind open a slight amount and I decided to take it. Arthur you are the most worthy person I know. You fight for what is right whether everyone's against you or not. You truly love your people. You are the greatest man I have ever met. I crushed his lips with mine and he just sat unresponsive. I pulled away and he looked down.
"I'm not worthy of your admiration Merlin. Your people were nothing but kind to me and how did I pay them back? By taking their healer to a place where she could easily be killed and by slaughtering them because my father told me to. I'm not worthy of your love or even your skills to heal me. You should have left me to die in the forest. It would have caused you less pain," he said it slowly and I made him look at me once more.
Arthur, Uther should be the one apologizing to me. You are NOT your father. I have half a mind to tell him who I am and have him imprison me. I want him to know what he's done to me! I will! I stood and started toward the door and Arthur trailed behind me. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I walked right up to the door and released his hand, Stay here. I need to do this alone. Arthur nodded and I knocked.
"Enter!" Uther yelled from the other side. I walked in eyes downcast and he stared at me surprised. "What may I do for you young lady?"
I stayed silent not knowing what to do. "Well," I said my voice cracking from not using it. I looked up and Uther was staring at me quite rudely. "I uh… I just…" but I couldn't finish because Uther kept staring at me.
"I understand completely dear," he said smiling which unnerved me.
"Y-you do?" I stuttered getting nervous as he got closer. He nodded slowly.
"A poor girl of your standing, I understand." He grabbed my waist harshly. I gulped, this was not at all what I meant. I tried to put some distance between us but he had a grip of iron on my waist.
"Sire, I actually wanted to talk of other matters. It has to do with Arthur," I said.
"Why do you want to talk about him?" he asked slurred. I just realized that he had too much to drink. I projected as loud as I could praying Arthur would hear me.
Arthur! Help me! Almost immediately Arthur burst in and he grabbed me from his father. He pulled me to his chest and I felt like crying.
"Father! What do you think you were doing?" Arthur demanded. "It's alright Merlin." I had broken down and started crying.
"She came to me Arthur," he said taking another drink of what I assumed to be wine. "She was all embarrassed and she must be a maiden then. So she's not yours then, so why do you care?"
"I love her!" When he said it I felt a swelling in my heart when I heard him say it. "Yes she's a maiden and I've never been with her," he blushed, "like that but that doesn't mean I don't care for her! She was trying to talk to you but I can see you have no intentions of just talking this night so I'll just wait until tomorrow."
"Think of it Arthur," Uther said leaning against the table. "A young beautiful serving girl like her being a maiden, you with those rippling muscles of yours could easily take her. She seems to have feelings for you so she'd probably be more than willing."
Arthur looked down at me almost like he was seriously thinking about Uther's statements. I looked up at him so scared he was going to give in and take me like that. My eyes widened in fear.
"Go on Arthur, she's just a serving girl. We can easily dispose of her later," Uther said. Well Arthur whipped his head up and he turned completely vicious.
"She's not dispensable to me! I'd never do that to her! She must come to me willingly for something…like that!" he roared and he picked me up. He slid his arm under the back of my knees and supported my back with the other arm. He carried me until Uther grabbed his arm.
"You really are missing out Arthur, girls like this don't come around every day. Your mother was the same as that girl. A beauty, gentle, feisty when she wanted to be, a lover not a fighter," As Uther said the last bit Arthur jerked his arm away and carried me away.
"I'm sorry Merlin, I didn't think he would do that. I never have heard of him sleeping with his maids. I never imagined that he would try to take you," he said. He placed me back on the floor but I wobbled so he lifted me back into his arms. He took me to Gaius's and that's when Gaius decided to be there. I refused to look at him or Mordred because they would never look at me the same if I told them what happened.
"Merlin! Are you alright!" Mordred asked frantically. I nodded and I kissed Arthur's cheek. I walked to the bedroom holding onto Arthur's hand.
"What is it Merlin?" he asked kneeling in front of me.
"I don't want to talk to them, I've already broken my silence enough tonight," I laid down on the bed. He went to get up but I grabbed his arm. Please stay a little longer.
"I shouldn't… but I guess I don't have much to lose now," he said and settled behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and settled me to his chest. I fell asleep quickly and I realized how tired I had been.
When I dreamt I was in Uther's room in the same position we were in and when I called for Arthur he wasn't there. I felt the panic well up in my throat and I felt tears prick my eyes. Uther pinned me against the wall and I felt his mouth on mine. It was rough and cold and was filled with lust but I couldn't find the strength to fight him off. After a while he threw me onto his bed and was messing with his belt when I woke up screaming.
"Merlin! Merlin it's okay!" Arthur said and hugged me. I heard glass shattering and the window of our room shatters and a vase exploded next to us. I stopped screaming as bits of glass flew onto us and Mordred in the corner. He sat up and pulled out the glass from his hair. I sobbed violently and Gaius ran in and Arthur just held out his hand. "Shhh. Merlin it's alright, it was just a dream."
"I was there! I was there again but when I called you, you weren't there! I couldn't do anything!" My whole body was shaking.
"It's alright, I was there, nothing happened. I won't let him hurt you," he said stroking my hair. "Just don't break anymore windows or vases okay?" I let out a weak chuckle. He held me and Gaius walked out and Mordred went back to sleep.
"Thank you," I said and went back to sleep. I dreamt that me and Arthur were walking through a forest but we were different. We were happy and dressed completely in white and gold. We were happy and I unconsciously snuggled closer to Arthur.
A/N: Sorry this took so long but remember those looks from Uther that Merlin got when she first arrived. Well this is where it lead me! This is what I get for listening to Gabriel Iglesias while writing.