Dr. Joan Leland, head doctor at Arkham Asylum, was distracted from giving thanks that all of the usual inmates were presently incarcerated (a rare occasion considering how frequently they escaped), when the phone on her desk rang.
"Hello, Dr. Leland's office?" she said, answering it.
"Dr. Leland, this is Mercy Graves, personal assistant to Mr. Luthor," said the woman on the other end.
"Mr…Luthor?" stammered Dr. Leland. "The President?"
"That's right, Dr. Leland, the President of the United States," replied Mercy, calmly. "He's on his way to your asylum as we speak, and he wishes to be granted a private interview with the Joker. He's just phoned him."
"Oh…I see," said Dr. Leland, slowly. "The Joker did tell me he was using his phone call to contact the President, but I thought he was just…joking. Uh…well, of course we'll be honored by his presence…"
"He wants to skip the formalities, Dr. Leland," interrupted Mercy. "That's why I'm calling in advance. He's a busy man. He just wants to see the Joker in private. Make sure you can accommodate him. See you soon."
The phone clicked off. Dr. Leland stared at it for a few moments, and then left her office, heading towards the Joker's cell.
"Um…Joker…it appears the President of the United States would like a word with you," she said, calmly. "If you'll follow me to the visiting room."
"Bet that's something you never thought you'd say to me, huh, Doc?" he chuckled.
"Not to you, or any other patient," agreed Dr. Leland. "Unless the President of the United States was code for a doctor or something."
"Oh, me and Lexy go way back!" laughed Joker. "You remember those tabloid rumors during his election that he used to be the head of a secret organization of supervillains? Well, this is why you should always trust the tabloids, especially during election season. They're the only ones dirty enough to print all the dirt that's fit to print!"
"Just try not to cause an international incident, ok?" sighed Dr. Leland, leaving him in the visiting room.
"No problemo, Doc!" he chuckled, saluting. "Haven't caused one of those since the 80s!"
He whistled while he waited, banging on the table in front of him and singing. "Oh, the wonderful thing about Jokers, is Jokers are wonderful things! They're a criminal class like no other, they build bombs outta duct tape and springs! They're smiling, guiling, lying, violent, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing about Jokers is I'm the only one! Jokers are comical fellows, Jokers are awfully neat, everyone else is jealous, that's why I repeat, repeat, the wonderful thing about Jokers, is Jokers are marvellous chaps! They're loaded with vim and with vigor, they love to set up Bat-traps! They're laughing, bashing, smashing, slashing, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing about Jokers is I'm the only one! I'm the only one! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
The door opened and Lex Luthor strolled in with a scowl. He folded his arms across his chest. "You have precisely sixty seconds to explain why you called me here, and why I should give a damn about what happens to you," he muttered.
"Good to see you again too, Lexy!" chuckled Joker. "Still bald, I see! Y'know what I blame your hair loss on? Stress. You never learned how to relax."
"Relax?" repeated Luthor. "I'm the leader of the free world! I'm an incredibly busy man with a lot on my mind, so I repeat, get to the point!"
"All right, I'll skip the 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President,' routine," said Joker, grinning. "But it would have seduced you out of your pants, even if it ain't your birthday. My point is you need me, Lex. You need me out there."
"Why would I need you out there?" demanded Luthor.
"To stop these aliens and their crazy robots, obviously," retorted Joker. "I know you can't possibly want them out there patrolling our streets anymore than I do. And who's the one who let these freaks walk in here and take control? The Justice League. They're obviously never going to lift a finger to take back the earth for humanity – they're content to let these weirdos takeover."
"And you're going to be all heroic and save humanity, is that it?" asked Luthor, sarcastically. "This is a joke, isn't it?"
"No joke, Lexy, I promise!" said Joker. "Look, you know I don't love humanity, but I do love causing chaos. And the only thing that stands a chance against these order Nazis is good, old-fashioned, human insanity. They won't even know what hit 'em. It's something they can't fight against because they can't predict it. We lunatics are the only ones who can stop these aliens from taking over, and the only ones capable of sending them back to the disgusting, peaceful, hellhole of a planet they came from!"
Luthor stared at him. "You're asking me, as President of the United States, to authorize the release of a bunch of homicidal lunatics onto the street?"
"Hey, it wouldn't be the craziest thing a president has ever done!" chuckled Joker. "And these are desperate times, Lexy, old kid. Are you gonna keep letting those alien jerks push you around with their commands for peace? Or are you gonna show 'em how we do things on planet earth, and fight back?"
Luthor studied him carefully for a few moments. Then he turned and left without another word, heading down the hall toward Dr. Leland's office.
"Mr. President, it's an honor…" said Dr. Leland, standing up as he entered.
"Release the inmates," he interrupted. "All of them."
Dr. Leland gaped at him. "Uh…sir…I…I don't think I have the authority to do that..."
"No, but I do," retorted Luthor. "These are desperate times, Dr. Leland. It's time for a desperate measure or two. Let them all out. And tell them whoever destroys the most robots wins a prize. But don't tell them what the prize is, since I haven't thought of that yet," he said, heading out the door.
"But…but Mr. President, sir…" stammered Dr. Leland.
"The aliens don't seem to understand why there's still violence on earth," continued Luthor. "Because peace causes unhappiness and hatred and dissatisfaction. Nothing brings people together like a little war, or in this case, an alien invasion. I mean, just look at the Justice League. They wouldn't even be working together if not for the violence of humanity," he said, smiling to himself. "And I can't wait to see how they deal with this."