Yet again another sick day, and yet again, watching Fruits Basket, eating food, and being CRAZAY!

Time for… A SILLY BUS ADVENTURE!

I looked up the words 'Elvin' and 'Elfin' on my computer's dictionary. 'Elvin' had no suggestions for synonyms, but 'Elfin' said 'Petite, fragile, etc'. So I'm gonna use Elfin!

Episode Ten: The Elfin Object (Starring Hatsuharu!)

"Moo!"

"Moo, Hatsuharu!" Tohru greeted Haru-kun as he slammed through the paper door. They were all sitting in the elaborately decorated bathroom. Actually, they were sitting in the dining room watching ABC News at 7 A.M.

"You younglings should go to school," Shigure said over his morning hamburger.

Haru-kun glanced at the burger nervously and cleared his throat. Shigure hid the burger under the table until further notice.

"I don't want to go to schoo!" Kyo whined. He really wanted to go splunking.

"Well, too bad. Eat your taco quietly," Yuki demanded. He was trying to watch WGN9 News at 7:08, which was kind of hard because channel 7 was on, not 9. Yuki dearly wished to be a mother.

"We have a hugemongous problem," Hatsuharu, who will now be known as HATSY confessed.

"Oh no! It must be if it's hugemongous! Please, HATSY, tell us your woes!" Tohru encouraged him.

"MOO! Well, there's someone on my front porch and they just won't go away," HATSY confessed.

"Did you punch him?" Kyo asked.

"Yeah," HATSY confessed, ashamed.

"What happened?" Yuki wondered.

"His butt fell off!"

"Haha! HATSY said BUTT!" Shigure laughed, slapping his knee for dramatic affect. He surreptitiously took a bite of the Big Mac that was chilling out under the table.

"Oh dear, HATSY!" Tohru exclaimed. She wanted a Big Mac too, but didn't say anything.

"I need your help," HATSY confessed.

"Okay," Yuki accepted, because he and HATSY are good buddies.

"I'll be glad to come!" Tohru accepted, because she and Kagura are good buddies.

"KOKOPELLI!" Kyo screamed, because he and the toilet are good buddies.

Haphazardly, the quadruplet left Shigure to watch WGN9 News at 7:08 and eat his Big Mac in peace. They crawled down the street to HATSY'S house.

There, amidst all of the commotion, stood a man with no butt. He was shorter than Your Mom and wore a muffin hat. No, not a muffin as a hat, a muffin hat! Look it up on Google!

So anyway, the buttless man was just standing there, just as HATSY had confessed. "Ah!" Tohru screamed, because the sight was quite frightening.

"Brotha, dis ain't yo porch-izzle!" BLACK HATSY confessed in a loud voice. "Y'all gotta slide downtown tuh ya own turf!"

The buttless man stood still, smiling his smile as if it were painted on.

"BLACK HATSY, calm down for a second," Yuki held BLACK HATSY back as he tried to smack or attack the cracked-butt man.

Yuki had an idea.

"Hello, sir," Yuki smiled soothingly, leaning forward. "What is your name?"

The buttless of the group did not say anything, but somehow, Yuki knew that his name was Melvin Buttle.

"Melvin Buttle-san… why have you come to HATSY'S porch?" Yuki tried to coax the answer out of Melvin by offering pie like a mother.

"MUFFIN!" Kyo declared, and gobbled up the pie like an eighty year old.

Melvin Buttle said nothing.

"Look at his silly ears!" Tohru pointed rudely.

"Oh no," HATSY confessed, no longer BLACK HATSY. "It's worse than I thought…"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Kyo shouted at the side paneling of HATSY'S house.

"Poo!" the side paneling answered, happy that someone had chosen to talk to it. "Garbage Truck!"

"That's not a buttless man…" HATSY confessed in a classroom voice. "That's an elf."

"OH NO!" Everyone except for HATSY shrieked in outside voices. The side paneling was busy saying "BUM-BLE-BEE! BUM-BLE-BEE!"

"Well… what is this elfin object doing on your porch?" Tohru wondered.

"I like pie!" the side paneling shared with them.

"I don't know," HATSY confessed.

"Let's ask it!" Kyo declared.

"Okay," Yuki whimpered, forgetting he had already asked and Melvin hadn't answered. "Melvin… why are you here?"

Melvin Buttle remained silent.

Actually, he hopped away, giggling.

"NOOO!" everyone except for HATSY shrieked.

"Hatsuharu… are you talking to the lawn gnome again?" HATSY'S mom yelled from inside the house.

"Golly, that crazy HATSY!" the side paneling giggled.

Because it wouldn't stop talking once it was on the wagon, the four quirky teens ripped it off of the house and ate it. Then they went to school.

-

A million years later—well, actually only a few minutes later—Hatori stepped out of his house. He was going to the store to buy 31 boxes of Kleenex brand tissues, 5 out of 6 guitar strings, and a battery powered helicopter. However, there was a buttless man shorter than Your Mom standing on his front porch, blocking his view of that section of the veranda.

"How may I help you?" Hatori asked, tearing his eyes away from the hole where the butt was SUPPOSED to be.

Instead of answering, Melvin hopped inside buttlessly. Akito ate him later, and the side paneling giggled inside of your stomach.

"KONNICHIWA!" the side paneling declared. "I WATCH THE ANDY MILONAKIS SHOW!"

I do watch The Andy Milonakis show. Haha. So silly. Isn't HATSY an awesome nickname? WHEE!

That one… really did not make sense. Ah well. I enjoyed it so.

THANKS FOR READING!

Brenna

+The Girly Man+

Episode Eleven: The Lawn Mower