Chapter 10

'Master?' Rey murmured.

Luke sighed and his face grew more relaxed. 'You overextended yourself and fell unconscious.'

Rey blinked and looked around her. It seemed nothing had changed; her surroundings were just like they had been when she had first began to attempt Force Absorb. 'How long was I out for?' she questioned.

'A minute, perhaps less.'

She tried incredibly hard not to react. The idea that all of that had come to pass in mere seconds; that her heart and her mind could feel so laden with anxiety after a few moments outside of reality, frightened her. It had all felt so real; the harsh sun of Jakku bearing down on the back of her neck and the feel of sand scratching her skin as it blew past her. Then the pain…and the pleasure. She quickly thought of other things as Luke let her go, not wanting him to read her aura, to think she were straying.

Pleasure is darkness. Desire is darkness.

She repeated the words to herself trying to drill it into her mind again though the aching in her heart could not be stopped.

It was her fault. She had given darkness the power by collapsing and overusing the Force. By calling to Kylo, by not resisting. Darkness had touched her. More deeply than it should have been able to.

Luke helped Rey up and she felt sobered. He suggested she meditate and rest for the remainder of the day and though Rey wanted to get back to training, she accepted that, feeling as if she had lost a part of herself during the illusion.

XxX

Rey could not sleep. She used every effort to make it happen, but she only grew more restless and frustrated. Everything was going wrong. Her attraction to Kylo was getting out of control and if she had not realised that the Darkness had taken on his image, she would have let it go too far. The memory of his fingers – or what should have been – and lips against her skin, still caused a shiver within her, one that reached from her heart to her stomach.

It frightened her. She'd never felt this way towards someone else and she hadn't considered how overwhelming it would feel.

She turned in her cot, looking at the crumbling wall of the temple and calling the Force to her. She willed it to heal, to be renewed and as she watched, it seemed to do just that. When several minutes had passed, she lay on her back again and then stood up, putting on her boots and walking through the passages that would lead her outside.

The nights had gotten warmer and Rey lay on a patch of grass just outside the door to her quarters, embracing the feeling of the world moving around her, the slight breeze against her cheeks and the warmth in the air. Perhaps the reason she couldn't sleep was because she hadn't in a week and it would take a short time to get used to sleeping again.

Her eyes watched the stars, trying to figure out which they were and the worlds that surrounded each of them. Ever since she had left Jakku, Rey had been pouring herself into star maps that had been mostly unavailable to her. Most of her knowledge came from what could be salvaged from abandoned star destroyers and AT-ATs, and what frequenters to Niima outpost would tell her. Rey had thought that most of what they had told her were myths. Leaving that desert wasteland and discovering that Jedi's were real – that good could still exist – made her wonder if perhaps everything she had heard growing up was true.

Rey closed her eyes and behind her eyelids she could see her friends smiling warmly at her. She wondered if they remembered her at all after nearly two months away when she had only known them for mere weeks.

Deciding to meditate and try and reach out for them, Rey sat up sitting cross-legged and sorting through the heavy emotions she had felt through the day. It felt as if her heart were tightening in her chest as the memory of Kylo could not be erased. Even though she knew it was not him, she was poisoned with the thought that it could have been. Rey knew that, that was the Darkness' intention but she could not avoid it.

As she took in her emotions of fear, anger and loss, she accepted that they would go in tandem with her path. If she could seek the light without interruption, then she wouldn't truly learn. Even if it gave her pain and triggered fear within her, these emotions, these happenings were important. Working through this helped Rey immensely and as she felt the emotions break away, she felt the Force fill within her until she could only feel its immense power. Heavy but passive.

Feeling the Force flow within her, Rey was able to seek out everything around her. To be a fly on the wall and travel the planet, to extend herself into the skies and into the vacuum of space. She sought out those she had felt connected to in some manner and she travelled further than she had before. Floating through asteroid fields and nebulae until she felt the warmth of a connection and knew it was Finn.

He was still on D'Qar and she felt his Force signature as if it were like a steady heartbeat in her own chest. As she travelled, she felt Leia there too and she wondered where Poe could be? Perhaps on another mission.

Rey continued to let the Force in, letting go of her emotions and allowing the mystical power to fill her with calm and acceptance. When she finally pulled out from her meditation, the sun had risen and she sat in the warmth of it.

She felt exponentially lighter as she stood up, walking back into her quarters to change into her training gear and take up the training Lightsaber. She had succeeded in doing what she had hoped. She had been able to reach out to her friends and feel them, even if she couldn't see them.

As Rey left the temple, she powered up the training Lightsaber and held it out in front of her. It wasn't very heavy and the dim blue light seemed to absorb the sun's rays. She smiled, thinking about what it would feel like to create her own Lightsaber. Rey had already considered what she would create and she was excited to get to that stage.

When she powered down the Lightsaber she noticed movement to her left and saw Luke walking up the small hill. His hands were pressed together in front of him and his eyes were closed as if in meditation.

'How was your meditation?' Luke asked, dropping his hands and opening his eyes.

Rey smiled brightly and bowed a greeting to her master. 'It helped lighten what felt like a load on my shoulders.'

Luke smiled and gestured for Rey to join him on his walk up the hill. 'I'm glad. Though you discredit your skill in harnessing the Force, you do fall into using it very readily. You doubt yourself too much Rey.'

'I think I'm just in a hurry to get better,' Rey responded as they began to ascend the hill.

Her master nodded and once they had reached the small fire pit, he ignited the wood and began to heat up water.

Rey gathered their cups and took to filling them with water but Luke held out a hand. He reached into one of his pockets and took out a small foiled packet.

'Perhaps this will help since you haven't slept,' he said.

She took the packet and opened it, immediately being hit with the smell of instant caffa. 'How many years have you been saving this for?' Rey asked, amused.

'I wouldn't say saving, but I still had some in my stock as well as some polystarch portions.' He reached into his other pocket and held the packets out to her. 'They aren't the most delicious thing, but they are a change from what we normally eat.'

Rey smiled, taking the packets from Luke. 'I didn't realise I'd start to miss the bland taste.'

The water began to boil and Rey poured some of it out into their cups, then added the caf. She handed a cup to Luke and he took it, waving his finger over his and stirring the contents. Rey copied her master's actions and smiled at the small whirlpool that formed in the liquid.

'How is it?' Luke asked once Rey had lifted the cup to her lips.

She smiled and nodded. 'It still tastes good.'

Luke smiled brightly and Rey put her cup down and poured the rations, as well as their usual grain into the pot. She mixed it with the Force and after a few seconds had passed, the liquid turned solid until it resembled a large loaf of pale bread. Rey reached inside of the pot and removed the loaf and tore it in two, handing one half to Luke.

He bit into it and seemed to approve, so Rey followed his lead.

'I think adding the grain definitely improves the taste,' Rey commented.

Luke nodded in agreement and took another sip of the caf. 'You won't be able to have this again for a while, though.'

Rey nodded and took another bite into her bread. 'What will we be doing today, Master?'

He looked over her carefully. 'I want us to practice Alter abilities again, but I don't want what happened yesterday to happen again. If it gets too much you must stop, do you understand Rey?'

'Won't that halt my progress?'

'Keeping you alive is more important,' he responded.

Rey ate in silence for a few moments and then looked back at her master. 'I want to do as you wish master, but what if I don't improve any faster? You said we can't be here much longer and we haven't even begun Form IV. What if something happens and we must leave even sooner?'

'I understand your fears Rey,' Luke began, placing his caf down. 'Though worrying too much about time will not help your progress. Concentrate on now and do not rush yourself. Too much power in too short a time has corrupted even the purest of minds.'

She wanted to say something, to rebut somehow, but she knew Luke was right or he wouldn't have said it. Her master always spoke from experience and despite her own thoughts she nodded and finished her breakfast.

'We will begin Form IV too.'

When Rey looked to her master, he was eating and drinking from his cup. She couldn't hide the smile from her lips and stood, quickly bowing to her master to prepare for the days training, her fatigue forgotten.

XxX

The difficulties of Form IV were obvious to Rey immediately. Despite having practiced her acrobatics the two weeks previously and gaining the skills of the other forms, the sheer athleticism and use of the Force needed meant Rey was often on the floor, knocked down by Luke.

He had seemed to up his use of the Force in comparison to when they were practicing Forms I to III. At every instance of Rey leaving herself open, he'd take advantage of it; winding her, knocking her off her feet. Rey fell naturally into using Form III defensive techniques, but it did not stop her from receiving several Lightsaber burns on her legs and arms. Luke did not seem to slow despite her injuries and Rey came to the realisation that he would no longer treat her easily.

Luke only stopped to substitute a training droid in his place, watching Rey's form from a distance and instructing her on how she could improve her posture and leg positioning during somersaults and where she could utilise the Force more or where she needed to be wary of her limbs being too wild a Lightsaber could remove them with one swing.

Rey stopped when she felt herself succumbing to the dizziness and her burns began to cause her eyes to water and cloud. She dropped down to one knee, powering down the training Lightsaber and Luke stood in front of her, a pail of water in his hands. She took a long drink and he sat, gesturing for Rey to do the same.

'This is now an opportunity to explore Force healing,' he murmured, gesturing to the black and dark red markings that covered her clothing.

Rey did not mention that she already knew what it took, having been able to heal Kylo even if that was just within her dreams. Though it was an ability that utilised the Force, it seemed as if it fed off emotions too – that it fed off a connection to the Light.

She took Luke's instruction however, listening to his technique carefully and replicating it to the best of her ability. Rey had not healed herself before, though it wasn't much different from healing Kylo, the only difference being that she could feel her skin heal. She could feel her skin knit back together and it was a peculiar tickling sensation that allowed her to understand why Kylo had been so surprised by it.

Once Rey had gone to her quarters that night, tired but healed, she concentrated on sleep, willing it to come and to allow her to rest after being awake for seven nights and eight days, meditation her only solace.

Rey opened her eyes in the wood, illuminated by moonlight. She knew it was the very same wood of Kylo's dreams because the house lay behind her. From outside it looked abandoned and old but benign, it didn't seem as if it could hold the darkness that crawled within its darkest recesses. Then she could see the huddled silhouette of Kylo, his back against a great oak facing the house, sitting and looking up at the moon.

She couldn't help the memories coming back. Of him appearing in her illusions and then Darkness taking his place and trying to corrupt her. Or maybe it had succeeded, because Rey couldn't stop the uncomfortable swirling within her stomach, or the strain in her chest as she looked at him. It was with discomfort that she watched him and she was thankful that being in his dreams, he could not see into her own mind, he could not know what she had seen, what she had allowed to pass.

Kylo looked down then, his eyes meeting hers across the clearing. He seemed to assess her, as if checking if she were real. A hand that was resting against his knee screwed into a fist and he stood, moving over to her with excessive speed.

'You've finally returned, then?' he questioned.

Rey didn't know what to say as she looked up at him. He was standing at his full height and she felt like she could flounder in his presence if she let it happen.

'Where did you go?' Rey asked suddenly.

She received an expression of confusion from Kylo and he swallowed, taking a step away from her. 'I was taken from my meditation,' he responded. 'Though that question seems more relevant to you.'

'This is the first time I have slept for over a week,' she responded weakly.

He guessed the meaning of her words. She had meditated instead of slept and he wasn't foolish enough to think it was to avoid him, but to further her training. He wished that he could have been in her dream then, to sense how much her training had progressed, to understand why she looked at him with weariness and not the usual determination.

Rey looked back at the house, solidifying the knowledge that she had freed him and it had held. When she looked back at Kylo, when she felt his emotions, they seemed far more balanced. She wasn't arrogant enough to believe that she had changed his allegiances, but she could feel that in a sense, healing his mind to some extent had improved his composure.

'Thank you.'

His tone mirrored the one she had used in her illusion and Rey was driven to silent acceptance. She would never have expected the words to come from his mouth, whether directed at her or someone else. It confused her more and she convinced herself that his eyes had not softened and that his aura hadn't become warmer somehow.

They were both silent and Rey looked to the house, wondering how it could have even come to be, but knowing it wouldn't have been wise to ask Kylo. She looked back at him and frowned at his expression. She imagined it resembled Kylo of the past, when he was still Ben Solo. Rey knew that if she thought too much about it, she could imagine that Kylo Ren had fallen away, at least in their dreams.

'I've been trapped there for twenty years.'

Rey looked to him as he broke the silence and his brow furrowed and he gripped the hilt of the Lightsaber at his waist, uncomfortable.

'From the moment I felt compelled to the darkside and it has only grown over the years. To the point where it got out of my control and rather than a place to seek…I don't know…an understanding of my path, it became a nightmare.'

'Why are you telling me this?' she questioned. Why was he giving her more fodder to use against him? Why was he opening himself up?

'I don't know.' He looked at her, his gaze holding hers. 'I feel as if I owe you something. I feel like I have nothing left to hide, you know it all. If you go back in there, you'll see everything you could want to know.'

Rey felt her lip twitch and she was surprised. Was his plan pulling her to his side by using her empathy? By exposing himself, cutting himself open so that she had no choice but to try and heal the wound?

'You know who I am, don't you?' he asked. He seemed to unexpectedly stand even straighter, as if her knowing was something he could take in his stride. 'You can't help but know.'

She shook her head, though. 'That would imply that you know me and you don't, you could never.'

'I know you because we are similar, we feel the same way, the only difference is you chose the wrong side. It's not too late, though. My master is waiting for you to join us.'

Rey swallowed and sighed heavily, her eyes narrowing at Kylo. 'You are so arrogant. You think I will go to your side because I yearn for power so badly? Yes, I want power, but only so I can stop you and your master – so that I can heal this universe that you have tried to destroy.'

Kylo stood his ground though, looking at her squarely. 'Do you really think that it will be any different? That your rebel friends have purer intentions than my master? You need to see the bigger picture. It's more than just this eternal fight between the First Order and the rebels, it's more than a battle between light and dark; a battle which we are winning.'

'Then I won't let it be the case for much longer.' Rey replied, her hands in fists before Kylo.

He smiled, which was a surprise to Rey. 'Good. Keep that confidence. It's why I think it can only be you and nobody else.'

Rey couldn't help frowning and she wanted to punch him to rid his face of his smile, but she didn't move, only stared at him. At the way his dark hair shifted in the slight wind, how his lip twitched as he smiled and how the scar which just grazed the bridge of his nose, stretched across his cheek.

'Let's agree to disagree,' Rey said amicably, taking several steps backward to create some distance between in the hope that it would change something within her too.

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