New York, July 1925
"I know so little about you"
The question itself was to be expected considering how little of your true history that passed your high, iron clad walls. The timing of the said expected question was what threw you through the ringer. The fine china cup brimming full of hot tea nearly had slipped out of your hands, the response of your body had caused the grip of your hands to loosen on the handle just enough for the teacup to only slightly move forward, edging towards the table seated comfortably between the two of you.
Queenie was poised, with her cup held daintily in her hands as she patiently waited for your answer. The brief moment of silence that settled was for you quietly nerve wrecking. It hung there like a black cloud, hovering ominously over head as you contemplated the words into a sentence that wouldn't be mindless nothingness or a stream of lies. You didn't have the stomach to lie directly to Queenie's one more time even if in the past it had solely in the name of survival.
You were almost grateful that you had the forethought to invite her over for a spot of tea. This prevented the possibility of being part of an embarrassing spectacle for all who dared to be in range to see. The tingle as the flushing red creeped across your cheeks before you started to slip down into your chair, desperately trying to hide from those eagle eyed stares waiting to see what you would do next.
Those stares, those empty expressionless gazes were one of the many reasons that you would actively avoid places of social gatherings like cafes and restaurants. The chance of slipping up, becoming their fool was just too high. You were naturally clumsy, this was a fact that you had never grown out of especially after all these years of endlessly existing.
This was your life, it often made your question why. Why you, why him and why were you the only one to just go on. Would you ever experience what it was like to die? To feel that indescribable ending when your light was extinguished as death blew you out and took you into their arms, carrying you into the beyond and whatever lay after for just you.
You'd never be able to answer those questions, for who would hold such an answer that wasn't just for your peace of mind. For now you'd just have to put this particular innermost conflict on the back burner. One day you'd might find your answer, hopefully.
"Fear keeps me from letting anything truly slip through" It was time to be honest. You sighed heavily as you spoke, your shoulders drooped as your defence began to slide. Was Queenie going to laugh or get up, let the door slam shut behind her when you spoke the words you were longing to say. You were petrified of the very idea of losing someone who broken through your walls, penetrated the very heart of you when you weren't looking.
Those long hours filled with streams of merriment in between working your socks off. You had felt lighter than you had in decades, your soul had been soaring as high as an eagle as it flew amongst the clouds. You had found a true friend, you hope that your next words wouldn't frighten her away.
"Yet I find myself wanting to pour my heart to you Queenie, I haven't felt like this since…" Your words trailed off as thoughts of Mary entered your mind. Her smile face when she announced that she was with child for the first time and that she hadn't told her husband just yet but she had to tell you, her nearest and dearest sister. Tears welled up in the corner of your eyes as the memory flooded back through hitting you hard, bringing the aching loneliness back to the surface.
"Mary, since your sister" Your head shot up, locking eyes with the blonde who too was the verge of tears. Your sorrow had reached her through your thoughts, the waves of grief, emptiness and sorrow crashed down in heavy rolling waves when your dear sister entered your mind. She was a gaping, aching wound that never had truly healed. Instead it just lingered there, forgotten as the years rolled by, passed you.
You were an Icarus who had flown too close to the sun but the burn, the pain was slow and only just starting to reach you. Your feathers were scorning as the wax melted away now all you had to do was close your eyes and wait to fall back to earth.
"Yes she's gone but that was over a hundred years ago. Queenie I can't die"