I went patrolling more than I needed. It was honestly the only way I could get my mind off things. Well, most of them.
Autumn stood beside me, tense and afraid to look into my eye. She glanced away every time I tried to hold her gaze. It made me so frustrated! I wanted to know what pained her so badly! Why she wouldn't look at me the same. If not in the same loving eyes as me, why not the friendly kind? Why?!
I huffed and turned to Quil, he pranced to a tree and sniffed it. I rolled my eyes, ever since he learned to mark his territory he's been doing nothing but.
Why do you mark everything you see? I asked watching as he lifted a leg. I turned my head.
Because its fun! When Paul gets near this tree his face gets all weird! Like…like he smelt a vampire or something! I saw his tail wagging as he explained it.
I do not! Paul said walking over. Then he saw what Quil was doing and looked away in disgust.
I heard a mental sigh, Will they ever grow up? I knew that voice. It was forever in my memory, stick like peanut butter.
Autumn was walking away from the whole pack into the dark forest alone. I watched her till she nearly faded. What was her last thought about? Maybe it wasn't intended for us to hear.
I built up my courage and followed her. I heard Quil and Paul arguing, naturally, in the back ground.
Her snow white figure stood out from the rest of the pitch black woods, which was good, since I could spot her. Unlike me and my dark brown coat.
She stared straight forward and kept her thoughts to herself, blocking them I guess. I sighed softly so she wouldn't here and continued to follow. She seemed so out of it these days. I wonder if I had done something wrong. Maybe that night we had alone was too much. I probably went to deep into our conversation.
I accidentally stepped on a twig and froze. Crap, blew my cover. She stopped in her tracks, the slowly turned around. Her sky blue eyes held my once they connected. She looked at my furry face, but kept silent. I studied hers, it seemed to hold a secret of some sort. Sadness, grief, confusion, and lost. If I was human I would have held her in my arms, but then again, maybe that wasn't the best idea.
What are you doing here? her soft voice rang.
I perked up at her voice, You were alone. I answered, cautious of my answer.
That doesn't mean you have to follow me, I can defend myself. she said sternly, though softly again.
I nodded, I know that. I know that because of Paul. He still stiffens every time she is around. His lips always in a tight line, holding back his flow of words that might set her off.
And yet here you are. Why is that so? she asked raising an eyebrow, if that's possible.
My sigh came out shaking, she had a huge effect on me, Because…I wanted to talk to you.
She looked behind me for a moment, then back. Suddenly she sat down in her spot and crossed her paws, Well, speak. she said urging me on.
I didn't know how to start. How was I going to suddenly tell her that I wanted an explanation for her not speaking to me. And why does she not ever look at me anymore? It drives me mad, but still, I didn't know if I even WANTED the answer. What if it would hurt me to know? I shook my head from the bad thoughts I gave myself.
I sighed and looked at my paws as I sat, Why do you avoid me? I asked after rephrasing what I was originally going to say.
Her eyes suddenly grew tight, I do not know what you mean. she lied.
I looked at her with a frustrated look, Don't give me that Autumn. You know that you have been avoiding me.
Jacob, I have not avoided you. Now if this is all you want to discuss then--
Autumn, I said in a low voice, please, spare my feelings. I would go to great lengths to understand what you are feeling. Just…please. You can tell me what is bothering you. I said trying to convince her.
I needed to know, to share her pain. After all, she was my pain. And just by saying that, I would suffer from pain if I really wanted to.
Her sky blue eyes that pierced me so, scanned my face. Her sigh came out shaking to, Jacob…there is sort of something bothering me. She confessed, then she dropped her head, That night we were together…I felt, odd I guess. I just spilt everything personal about my family and didn't even edit like I usually do. I cant explain how I feel now, but, it was stupid of me. So stupid that I feel ashamed. After all you barley know me. So why am I, some stranger, dropping my life story like a bomb on your head? she said talking to her self at some point.
I looked at her, then my pants that were tided around my thigh. It was something I've been dieing to do all day.
Wait, I said. She looked up at me, Just wait right here for a moment. I said.
She eyed my pants tied around my thigh, then went back to staring at the ground in shame.
I ran into the edge of the woods and swiftly transformed into a human. I panted and slipped on some pants. After tying back my now long hair I raced back. You know, for a smart girl as herself, she can be so misunderstood, to herself more than others. She doesn't understand that no matter what she tells me, I will never feel the need to erase her from me forever because she was too dramatic. She could be the most filthiest person known to man kind, and I wouldn't have her any other way. She is my soul, and that's that.
I ran back to our spot and found her in a shirt and pants as well. Her cheeks flushed when she caught sight of my bare chest.
I took one step…two steps…then walked straight up to her with no hesitation. She stiffened at me getting so close, I had forgot that she doesn't see me the same way, though one day, hopefully, she will. Hopefully.
"Autumn," I breathed, "I would NEVER…EVER think those things about you." I said looking at her face.
She looked down, "I never understood you. Why don't you see me the way I think you would see me? As some stranger that you would avoid. Like someone that is just another new group member. I just…don't get you Jacob Black." But if you did, you wouldn't be this close to me, I said to myself.
I sighed, "Because
your not just some random person Autumn. You may be new, but that
doesn't mean that I wouldn't try to get to know you," I took
her hand in mine, she froze and held her breath, "You're the most
amazing person that I know. And what I don't understand is how you
would get those thoughts so rapidly. Don't you understand? I don't
judge people the way you think I do." Especially her.
She
quickly pulled her hand away from mine, "There is something else,
I've been wanting to say." she said looking into my eyes.
I waited for her to say something, though I already knew the whole conversation.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "When you took me out to dance, and then…you know…before the rain," the kiss, well, almost kiss, "I think that was too much for me." she said quickly.
I didn't say a word. I was a fool to think that this wouldn't come into our conversations one day.
"I don't think, you see me the same way I do." she said lowering her voice and looking at the ground.
I laughed, "You think that I like you?" I said trying to cover it up.
Her eyes suddenly looked pained, "Well…don't you?" she asked now trying to take back everything she had said.
"Well sure, just as a friend." I said stomping on my toe mentally. As I had said before, I was a fairly good liar, but this was the worst lie I had ever told. How could I say that I only liked her as a friend?! That's ludicrous! She is my life for god's sake!
Her eyes slipped to her shoes, "Oh," she laughed humorlessly, "Sorry, I was mistaken."
I rolled my eyes, "I guess I just get to lovable on people. One time Jared thought I was gay because I was being too nice to him once." I said trying to make her lightened face come back to its natural self.
She laughed, but only weakly, "I can tell."
We stood there in silence like so many other times before. She stared at her shoes probably embarrassed and I was slapping myself for making her think that I didn't like her. Which wasn't a total lie. Because I didn't like her, no, I loved her.
She sighed and looked to the side, "I best be going. Leah invited me over to her house." she said never once looking at my face.
I nodded, "Same here…about the leaving thing. Not the Leah thing." I said sounding like a complete idiot.
She nodded, "Yeah…well, see yah." she said walking off with her hands deep in her pockets.
I grabbed her arm and pulled her face to look at me. Her eyes were tortured when they meet mine, something I NEVER wanted to see. She was frozen under my hold, and I felt her fingers pry mine off of her, "Goodbye." she whispered.
"Autumn." I said once she was walking away. I knew right then and there, I had made the worst mistake in the history of my life. Besides not roaming the earth to find her.
"It's okay Jacob, we were suppose top be this way. Friends." she said walking backwards while talking to me.
Friends, what a odd word to fit the way I did for her.
Before I could say anything, she raced off towards the wrong way. But knowing her, she was running for Leah, which Leah was in the wrong way of the pack because she was with Austin.
I reached out for her, but there was nothing. Only air. And though she was my air, it still wasn't enough.
My hand fell to my side and balled into a fist. My anger was noticeable at that time. I blew it! I totally told her the wrong thing! Of course I didn't want to admit that I was in love with her, because she only wanted to be friends right? RIGHT?!
"GOD!" I said a punched a tree with my fist. It vibrated wildly enough to make me think that it was going to break.
I examined my now bleeding knuckles. It resembled my heart, for now I had made it that way. Torn.
"ARGH!" I slammed into the tree again. Then again, and again, and once more, till the tree fell.
I heard its roots crack, snap, then fall. The tree was no longer living. I panted and placed my hands on my knees, bracing myself.
"Jacob." I heard a voice from behind me.
I turned to see Sam. He eyes the tree that I made fall, then at my knuckles.
I wiped my nose with my bloody knuckles and walked over to him. He braced himself for the worse.
"Yeah, I knocked the tree down." I said as he didn't stop staring at it.
His eyes snapped back to me, "Autumn." he said not as a question, but a statement.
My nose flared and I looked away, "Yes." yes she was the reason I made the tree fall, no I was not mad at her, yes it was impossible to ever be mad at her, and no, I did not want to be her friend. I wanted to be more.
"The many things that happen when you imprint. You sacrifice your role to her just to please her." he said knowing that we were entitled to be just friends.
"I would do anything for her." I growled, mostly to myself.
He nodded, "I see. Me and Emily were in your stage at one point. She wasn't sure if we were suppose to be just friends or not. So she went towards the friendship, and I had no choice to go there too. Because I will be whatever she wanted, and everything she ever wanted." he told me.
I put my hands on my hips and evened out my breathing, "That didn't work, did it?" I said knowing.
He sighed, "I was in love with her WAY too much. Being friends was plain misery." he said looking away.
I nodded, "Believe me, I know that feeling." I'm in it right now.
He looked back at me, "Just remember Jacob, friendships never last. Well, not when your head over heels for them." he said smiling.
Getting a lesson from Sam about love was pretty much odd, but surprisingly pleasant. I mean, heres someone who knows what's going on, and probably more. I wish I could be in his spot, only with Autumn instead of Emily. What I wouldn't GIVE for Autumn to see right through me. Though, it may pain me to see her wanting to be friends for the rest of eternity.
He grabbed my shoulder, "Just be patient. That's all I can say. Maybe it will be a friendship thing, maybe it wont. But just let her know that you will always be there for her." he said.
I didn't need him to tell me that when I had already dedicated myself to always be there for her.
I nodded, "If that's everything she ever wanted, then that's everything I' am."
(A/N: Video on my profile. Told you I was going to put it on here!)
I
walked the line It took the seasons going by I tried to be perfect, tried to be
honest Its been so long You told me once It took the seasons going by I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest I wanted you I tried to be perfect,
tried to be honest I tried
to be perfect, tried to be honest
Leave it all behind
I've been waiting
forever
Lets go back in time
When I could read your mind
So
long I've been waiting
To know
its not my fault
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to
be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but
you
Since you've been home
I used to
wait up forever
I used to say a prayer
Wishing you were
there
And I'm still waiting
You'd
show up
But I fell for that
Everything You Ever Wanted Lyrics
on I fell to pieces
Then I
woke up
To no one,
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left
in pieces
To know its not
my fault
Tried to
be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried
to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you
I
need you
I want to believe you [x2
tried to be everything but you
Tried to be everything that you
ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried
to be everything but you
So that's how they became friends….no I'm just kidding. There are plenty of chapters left. Doesn't this song go SO well? I thought so. Now, review! And my newest story will be up sooner than you think…