John knew he was dreaming—mainly because he was standing in his office watching himself work on the computer. It was his old office—the one at the LPD that he hadn't had in five years. He wondered why he would be dreaming this and then looked over to see Bo walk in.
"John—have you talked to Natalie today?"
"No, I tried but she didn't answer—I must have had my time wrong for when her flight took off from London." She'd actually not been returning his calls for a few days and was beginning to start to worry, but he wasn't going to share that.
John knew then what this was a dream of—and wished he could tell himself that it was a mistake—she wasn't dead, but like yelling at a movie on the screen it would be useless.
Bo paused and closed the door, "There was a plane crash—a LlanAir jet from London to Llanview expected to land at 5:35 this afternoon."
"No, that's ridiculous, Bo. There's a mistake," he said and John watched himself take out his cell phone and saw the shake in his hand. A shake that told enough—how he was scared he had just lost his entire family.
When her voicemail came on he listened to himself tell her to call as soon as she got this—and that he loved her. He wondered if she'd ever listened to that message. As he watched Bo excuse himself to head over to Llanfair he watched as he rubbed his face and tried to call again and again—remembering how he clogged her cell phone until he finally gave up and went and found the bottom of a bottle.
As the scene faded from in front of him John began to wake up and wondered if this was a dream as well. Wondered if he was going to open his eyes to a motel somewhere with a woman in the bed next to him whose name he probably heard the night before, but now forgot. It was so real though—the touch, the taste, the sound of her saying his name.
But what he knew he wasn't imagining was taking both his boys to a ballgame last night—watching as they felt the excitement of their first game. He also hadn't been imagining a one year old red headed girl who already held a large spot in his heart.
Waking up more, still keeping his eyes closed, he heard her jabbering over the baby monitor and decided it was safe to open his eyes. Looking beside him he saw her—his Natalie—sleeping still. He felt like he laid there for an eternity taking her in and listening to a very talkative Alaina. They were both his—and he wasn't letting them go, he knew that before and definitely did now.
As he watched her stir he smiled when her eyes opened and looked at him, "Good morning beautiful."
"Good morning," she said as she looked at the monitor.
"She's fine—just waking up like the rest of us," he said as leaned in and kissed her deeply. "So—what are we doing?"
"I'm not sure," she laughed. "Why don't you sneak out of here, go home and get a shower, and then come back for pancakes?"
"Seriously?"
"Yes. The boys are probably asleep still—unless you want to get the fifth degree from a five year old and a seven year old. You'll be back in time to enjoy a Sunday morning with your family."
"My family," he smiled, the scenes of the dream he'd just had going through his head when he truly thought he lost everything, "I like the sound of that," he finished and kissed her deeply.
John sat in his office, his mind anywhere but work. He wanted to see Natalie—she had always been like a drug to him, one hit and he was a goner and continually wanting another. He began to reach for the phone and call her—suggest they meet for lunch and then see where that led to when a knock on his office door stopped him. When John told the officer to come in he hadn't expected him to walk in with his five year old son.
"He was downstairs asking for you."
"Yeah, thanks," he said as he got up before closing the door and squatting down to be eye level with Connor. "Hey bud—aren't you supposed to be on a field trip today?" he asked, remembering Natalie mentioned it yesterday to him.
When he got a nod he continued on with the questioning, "Did you get lost?" With a quiet no he started getting scared—it was over a mile to where the museum was at, "You walked all that way by yourself?"
"Yeah."
John let out a breath, "Ok. First let's call Mommy so she knows you are here." Dialing the phone he heard the panic in her voice and knew the school must have already contacted her, "He's with me at the station."
"What? How?"
"He says he walked. He's fine though."
"Thank God. I'm on the way."
"Ok. Natalie—calm down before you get behind the wheel—you are no good to any of us if you get into an accident."
"Sure," she said as she looked down at the speedometer and slowed down some.
Hanging up the phone he walked to his couch at sat—taking a deep breath, "Connor, come sit over here with me while we wait on your mom."
"Am I in trouble?" he asked, hanging his head.
"A little—you can't do that, ok? You know how mommy and daddy and me all work for the police?"
He nodded, "And you catch the bad guys."
"Yeah, we do. But something could have happened and we would have been sad," devastated was more like it. "So no more wandering away. Alright?"
"Alright, but it was important."
"What was?" he asked, wondering what could be so important in a five year olds mind that he had to walk all this way.
"I don't want you to be my daddy. Liam was talking about how you are going to be our daddy now, but I already have one."
"I know you do," he said as he looked back and saw Natalie coming down the hallway. "I'm going to talk to mommy—sit tight," he said as he walked out and pulled her into a fierce hug. Feeling her heart racing against his chest he whispered in her ear, "Shhh. He's fine."
"I was almost to the museum when you called—the whole way I kept thinking of Liam when he was a baby."
"But it's not," he said as he separated them and pushed her hair back away from her face. "No one pushed you off a roof and Connor got here safely."
"I know," she said as she saw the top of his head through John's office window. "And you are sure he's ok?"
"Yeah. I, uhm, already did a little parenting. Just reminded him that we deal with bad people for a living and something could have happened."
Natalie studied him, "Ok, but if he wakes up tonight with nightmares."
"I'll be over and take care of it. Sorry, I didn't think of that," he said sheepishly.
She smiled at him trying to take charge as a parent and then feeling bad when it went wrong, "Its ok. Did he say why?"
John nodded, "I'll let you handle that."
"Thanks," she said and walked in and pulled Connor into a hug. "You scared me so much, baby."
"I'm sorry, mama," he said, tears filling his eyes at seeing hers do the same.
"Just don't do that again. John says you told him why you came here—you want to tell me?" she asked as she stayed eye level with him and John walked back towards his desk to give them space.
"Liam was talking this morning about how John was going to be our daddy now. But you only need one daddy, and we already have one. I wanted to tell John that."
"Oh," she said and looked behind her at John. "You know I have two Moms, right? Grandma Viki and Grandma Roxy," she spoke and paused as she watched Connor nod. "Well, I grew up with Grandma Roxy, and I love her very much. When I was older I found Grandma Viki and you know what—it didn't change how I feel about Grandma Roxy at all."
"So I can have daddy and John also?"
"Yeah, but only if you want," she said and looked back at John who was standing there very patiently.
"Wouldn't daddy be sad if I say yes?"
"No sweetie—I don't think he'll be sad at all. I think he'd be happy for his kids. John? You want to add anything?"
"Uhm," he said as he thought of something to say—seemed to him Natalie was hitting all the points pretty well on her own. "I didn't know your dad, but from what I've heard he was a good guy—and I would be proud to get to share you with him."
Natalie wanted to laugh at John's sudden clumsiness with words. Looking back at Connor she saw him thinking it over and was again reminded of his nuances like his Uncle Michael had, "I guess that will be ok."
"Good," said John as he kneeled down to Connor who suddenly flung himself full force into John's arms. Looking over at Natalie he smiled—this was it, this was the life he'd always dreamed of and it didn't seem like anything could separate them now.