Hey guys! First of all, thank you all for the wonderful feedback on last chapter and also the encouragement and your understanding! I hope you guys know that I'm so grateful for each and every one of you! :)
Here is the new chapter, with some more thoughts from Kate and a lot from Castle. I know it's a bit shorter than usual but I didn't want to stretch it any longer. I had a hard time writing the end but I hope it won't be too noticeable! I hope you guys will like it! :)

Disclaimer: Nope, I wish I owned it but I still don't…

Chapter 10

"Castle?"

Her question cut through the soft hum of the elevator, sounding like a nervous squeak. If she didn't know it was her who asked it, she wouldn't have recognized her own voice.

The elevator doors closed behind her but she barely noticed it. She just stood there, her eyes fixed on him.

He was staring down at the ground with a grim and thoughtful expression on his face, not looking up until she spoke.

The air around them froze as he lifted his eyes to her and Kate felt like everything stopped. Their eyes met, blue connecting with hazel and she saw so many emotions passing through him at that moment, it made her breathless. She saw the initial anger and hurt, she saw his eyes flicker to the door behind her as his instincts to run kicked in. She almost smirked at that, usually from the two of them she was the one who tended to run. But there was also a strange sparkle of hope in his crystal blues, a glint similar to the one he used to have in his eyes when he looked at her.

"Beckett..." he rasped and she saw as his throat worked while he swallowed.

As she stared at him, suddenly it hit her how much she had missed him. Missed working side by side with him, missed seeing him every day.

She ran her eyes over his face and Dr. Burke's words replayed in her head.

"Whatever it is that is hanging between you two, talk to him about it, don't run away!"

And she knew that it was time. This was her chance to speak up, talk to him and tell him everything. He deserved the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

So she took a deep, calming breath, gathering all her courage and she looked him straight in the eye.

Castle stared numbly into blank space in front of him. The walls of the elevator blurring at the corners of his vision.

Here he was, standing in the familiar elevator of the 12th precinct, yet feeling like a complete stranger. Totally out of place. The files he gripped in his hand felt cold and heavy, he wished nothing more than just to get rid of them.

He shouldn't have come. He should have asked Alexis to bring the case documents in or he should have mailed them directly to Ryan or Esposito's place. He shouldn't have come here where he could easily run into her.

Or maybe that was exactly why he came, wasn't it?

He didn't have any sleep that night, he just tossed and turned in his bed, wondering how things had gotten so out of hand. Asking himself if he was at fault here. If anybody was at all... Asking himself if he should call her. He knew he wanted to. Oh yes, how he longed to speak to her, hear her voice, ask her about Josh and the breakup. Make sure it wasn't only his imagination, his crazy mind playing tricks with him. But every time he changed his mind, each time with a different reason. It was the middle of the night. She must be angry with him. He was still furious with her. Wasn't he?

Damn her that she could get to him so easily! With only those three freaking words. Damn her for making him fall for her so hard...

And now, as he stood there in the elevator his heart was fluttering wildly in his chest at the thought that maybe he would see her. Maybe they would be able to talk. How funny, he thought, just half a day ago he didn't even want to hear from her. He was so angry at her he left her alone, standing in the middle of the street, staring after him. And now, now he wished they could talk.

He missed her. Not seeing her all summer he almost forgot how good it was to be able to just gaze at her face for long minutes while she was immersed in something, usually an especially hard case or just paperwork. How wonderful it felt to be caught by her from time to time, to receive a death glare or an eye roll while the blush that crept up her cheeks betrayed her.

When she showed up at the book signing, he was too shocked and then too angry to really appreciate the fact that she was there again.

But somehow those three words, 'we broke up' broke the dam in him. Suddenly that wall of ice and coldness and carelessness that he quickly built up inside himself to protect his heart from her just broke down. He wanted to hurt her back, he wanted her to think he didn't care anymore, even if it wasn't the case. He wanted to seem distant and cool.

But he should have known better, Kate Beckett could always get to him.

With these thoughts he pressed the button of the homicide floor and waited for the doors to close.

He had convinced himself that he was there to get out of this mess, he was there to get rid of the file and quit the investigation altogether. Now he needed to admit that it wasn't his only intention. Now he knew that part of him hoped he would run into Beckett. See her once more before he completely left that world behind himself.

Would he be able to do that? Of course, he wouldn't stop returning the boys' calls, he wouldn't recline every invitation to drinks or poker nights. But he wouldn't be shadowing her anymore. He wouldn't bring her coffee every morning just to see that brilliant smile brighten up her face.

It made his heart clench painfully in his chest. He loved her. God how he loved her. Her hair, her face, her eyes, her smile, her voice. He adored everything about Kate Beckett. But it also made him vulnerable. She was his weak spot.

And she hurt him. Hurt him bad. And he didn't think that his heart could take it anymore. He had always come back, hoping that someday she would stop pretending, open her eyes and see that he was right there. Give him a chance. Every time she pushed him away, he came back. He was like a boomerang, a magnet. Always being drawn back by her.

But it has come to a point where his heart was too broken. And as he started to mend it together again after her, he realized he wouldn't be able to do it once more. If she broke him again, he would be unrepairable. He had already been spiraling down into a dark hole and he could barely struggle out. He couldn't risk his heart again.

So even though it hurt like hell he had to let her go. Let go of this illusion, this perfect image of happiness with Kate. The image of a life with her, waking up beside her every morning and having breakfast in bed on her day offs. One of a perfect, white wedding with Alexis and Lanie being bridesmaids, the latter crying her eyes out, and with Kate's father smiling proudly as he led his daughter to the altar. Kate's happy, carefree beam as she said 'I do'. The image of children, giggling little ones, the perfect mingle of him and her. With sparkling blue eyes an gorgeous auburn locks.

He had to say goodbye to all that. And it was hard. It was painful.

So here he was, hoping for a last chance to talk to her, see her smile maybe before it was time to say adieu.

He gazed down at the floor of the elevator as the doors began to slide closed, feeling nervous and confused all of a sudden, his fingers getting a bit sweaty around the files.

He couldn't decide which would be easier, seeing her once more or not. Deep down in his heart he longed to see her, to talk to her and maybe figure things out. But how could they do that? They never talked...

But then again, he could never leave her just like that. Without a word, without a proper goodbye. She meant to much to him.

Yes, maybe that was why he was here in the first place. He needed to see her, clear things up. Ask her about why she and Josh broke up. He convinced himself that it was about something else, but he had to realize actually he was giving them another chance. He just needed to know.

The story. The damn story that always got to him. Damn Kate Beckett again and again for being mysterious and making him hang on her every word, every movement.

God how he loved her. Even as he tried his best not to, knowing it would be better if he didn't. He loved her. And the heart wanted what he heart wanted.

Castle was so deep in thought, wondering of the great mystery that Kate Beckett was, what love was, that he didn't even notice the hand shooting between the automatic doors, stopping them and the person who stepped into the elevator with a flourish.

That is until that person spoke up with an unmistakable voice, making a chill run through him.

"Castle?"

He blinked once, making sure that he wasn't just imagining her voice. But no, he could see her shoes, the killer high heel boots that made her taller and her legs even more slender.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his suddenly racing heart. He wasn't ready to see her, to talk to her. Yes, he hoped to bump into her but he wasn't ready for it. He didn't expect to meet her so soon and now they were in this closed space together, just the two of them and he could feel the tension in the air, vibrating and heavy. It made him want to flee but the doors had already closed, he was trapped.

He dragged his eyes away from the ground and up until they settled on her face. There was a hint of a quickly fading smile in her eyes, just a sparkle that was swallowed by surprise and discomfort and maybe some desperation.

"Beckett..." he muttered, his throat dry.

A small, hesitant smile curled up her lips again and she averted her eyes for a second before meeting his gaze bravely.

"What… what are you…You came back?" she asked him and his stomach tightened. Was that hope in her voice? Or just surprise?

"I…uh…" he couldn't answer straight away. He couldn't help it, she still took his breath away, made him speechless. He didn't know if she knew that the new captain, Captain 'Iron' Gates practically kicked him out. And he didn't even fight her. He knew he could easily find a way back, he knew all he needed was a phone call to Bob and Iron Gates would back away with her tails between her legs but he just stopped caring. There was nothing for him to be there for. No reason to fight. She must know, he was almost sure the boys had told her. She must have asked where he was… Right? Yeah, she must have…

He realized she was still waiting for his reply, looking at him with a slightly tilted head and a raised eyebrow. She was infuriatingly cute. Why? Just why…?

"I just came to give you this." he said after he remembered that he was still clutching the case files in his hands. As he extended it towards her he noticed that the edges became wrinkled and a bit wet from his hand.

He glanced up at her and then away again, waiting for her to take the file. He couldn't look at her, couldn't allow himself to get lost in her because he was walking on thin ice now. One wrong move or word and he would be gone, he would fall. He felt confused and unsteady. And hurt. Over all, just so freaking hurt and lost.

She reached for the yellow folder with narrowed eyebrows and a perplexed expression. Her fingers closed around the papers and Castle let go of it instantly.

His job was done here. He got the files to her safely and from now on she could go on with her investigation. No need for him to stay anymore. He saw her for one last time… But then why did leaving feel so bad right now? Why did it break his heart more than anything before?

He felt the start of it, the pull that started the fall. And he couldn't allow that, it was time to leave now. Until he could.

"Uh…thanks." she murmured but it sounded so uncertain, more like a question really. She wasn't looking at him now, she was staring down at the papers in her hands, the folder still closed but Castle could imagine just how much she wanted to open it and start to study them already. How the fresh leads, the clues they found over the summer called for her. Just like he felt his falling, he could almost feel hers as well. It killed him to know that she would burry herself into these files, she would spend night after night looking through reports and thinking about it. Just thinking and thinking, trying to figure it out. Obsessed.

Her fingers moved just slightly towards the edge of the folder but stopped before reaching it. She tapped her index finger twice on the paper inaudibly and really if he wasn't staring so shamelessly, he wouldn't have noticed it at all.

The elevator came to a halt with a ding and Castle finally looked away and at the opening doors. There was his chance to escape, a way out. It didn't matter on which floor they were, he would just take the stairs down. He didn't need to go up to homicide now, he gave her the file.

He involuntarily looked back at Beckett and their eyes met. He could see it in her eyes that she knew exactly what was in his head. She knew that he was going to flee the awkward scene. And he also saw a wave of disappointment and sorrow cross her face which made him hesitate for a second. He saw a flicker of something, saw her take a breath and prepare to say something. Something that he didn't want to hear just yet. He wasn't ready to hear another apology or a try to make them right again. He needed to figure out what he wanted before that happened.

Castle broke the eye contact and with a slight, apologetic smile he walked past her. He only looked straight ahead, knowing that once glance sideways at her would make him stop. It would make him reconsider everything. It would make his heart break. So he fixed his eyes on the currently empty hallway (why was it empty in the first place, didn't somebody call the elevator?, the thought flashed through his brain) and moved the exit the elevator.

"Castle wait!" her voice made him freeze again, just in mid-step, almost out of the elevator. Her tone was a bit breathy and hoarse. She cleared her throat and he squeezed his eyes shut, not turning around.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound uninterested and cold.

"I… There is something I need to tell you." she said and she sounded so serious Castle's heart started to race.

"Beckett… I really don't think this is the right time. I'm…I'm sorry." he shook his head and took another step forward, intent on leaving this time. He felt the pull that urged him to stop and go back to her, talk it all out but he also felt the burning pain of heartache in his chest.

"Rick!" his first name rolling off her tongue made his lungs tighter. Oh how he loved as she said that. "I…I lied." she admitted, her voice trailing off shyly.

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and he repressed a groan. Why couldn't he just walk on when he still had the chance? Why did he care?

"About what?" he muttered through gritted teeth, more angry at himself for being interested than at her. His hands that he shoved into his jacket pockets the second he gave her the file now were curled into fists.

Her next words however made his blood run cold and his brain go completely blank.

"I… I remember. I remember the shot. I remember everything…"

So, this was it. What do you guys think? I'm really interested in your opinions so please write me a review! Even if it's just a couple of words, it would mean the world to me to know what you thought! :)
Thank you all for reading and an enormous thanks to those of you who take time to review! I love you guys!
This story will have one more chapter and then an epilogue, I just thought I would let you know! :)
The next chapter will be up, at the latest in a week! Until then, xxx