A/N: As a warning, there is an anxiety attack in the beginning of this chapter. So if you want to avoid reading that, skip down to the second -:- thing

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

Zoro really wishes he could have prepared himself for this conversation. The cook just kind of threw him into this. He wasn't expecting to be doing this when he woke up this morning. Last time when he talked about it he was about 3 bottles deep and the anxiety was dulled, but right now there is nothing to hold it back. It was different telling Sanji. Sanji was just one person, and a person who he has grown more comfortable talking to about himself, but even then Zoro still is not that comfortable letting him all the way in. He had been thinking about telling Sanji. He had not been planning on ever telling anyone else. He can feel unease settling in his chest.

He hears Sanji and the others talking but he's not paying attention to what they're saying. Talking about this out loud is freaking him out more than it is everyone else. He stands up quickly and excuses himself to the bathroom. He doesn't want this to get any worse. And Sanji can handle the conversation; this is all his plan anyways. He's the one who wanted to tell the others.

In the back of his mind he can feel that urge coming forth that he gets after thinking about executing a kill for too long. A feeling he knows looks deranged when expressed on his face. The feeling he needs to bury deep into his subconscious with alcohol. That's what set him off. He doesn't want to feel that near other people, especially his friends. He doesn't want to scare them. This is all getting really personal, something Zoro is not used to, and it is getting really close to a topic he is not comfortable with.

Zoro takes a few deep breaths and splashes some cool water on his face from the sink. He sits down on the side of the tub for a few minutes to calm his breathing. He's ok. The urge didn't manifest so much that he couldn't push it back down. He can feel the anxiety starting to recede. He calms himself down and makes his way to the kitchen to get some water.

Nami, Ace and Sanji are still talking between themselves, but it seems they have settled whatever it is they had talked about because everyone is now standing near the door and looking to Zoro.

"Come on, Zoro. We're heading to Ace's. We need to catch everyone else up with what's going on." Nami holds his keys out to him. Zoro swallows. He's not sure he can handle talking to that many people at once about this. What if something happens? He holds himself together and follows his three friends down to where they parked and they head off.

-:-

They've been sitting in Ace's apartment waiting for everyone to show up for about an hour. Zoro's nerves are fried. On the surface he looks like he couldn't care less; years of concealing emotion has made that easy.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and flinches slightly. Hopefully no one noticed that. "Zoro." He looks to his left and sees Robin. When did she get here? "You've been rather quiet. We were asking about Sanji and your relationship. It seems you have both failed to inform us of your involvement." She gives him an encouraging smile.

This is a much more comfortable topic for Zoro. He can talk about the cook. His nerves settle slightly. He smiles back at Robin at the thought of the blonde. "Oh, yeah. It's not that we didn't want to tell you guys. We were just curious to see if you'd pick up on it since both of us have only ever been interested in women before. And well, it kind of feels weird to just come out and make an announcement about it now."

A knowing smile appears on Robin's lips. "I do believe you were not so subtle, Mr. Zoro. I, at least, caught on one of the first times you felt up Mr. Cook rather indecently around everyone. I was only hoping you two would choose to tell everyone before I asked about it, I know how you like your privacy. I'm interested to hear how your revelation about how you feel toward the cook had affected you at the time. That must have been a very interesting thought process for you." Robin and her psychological digging.

"It was weird at first, but I got over it." Zoro is not one to talk too deeply about his feelings. He's not even really sure how figuring out that he liked men had made him feel. And he likes Robin and all, but the way she can manage to get any information out of you is a little freaky. He likes to keep his answers short with her.

Robin looked like she was about to delve further into Zoro's thoughts and emotions when Nami caught everyone's attention. "Alright. We're all here now with the exception of Chopper since he couldn't leave the hospital. But we can fill him in later."

"Yeah, what exactly are we filling him in on?" Usopp. Zoro hadn't even thought about how all of his friends would react to this news, but now that he thinks about it, Usopp is probably never going to come near him again. And Chopper? Is he going to have to tell Chopper himself? He feels almost like a little brother to Zoro, he can't break this kind of news to him. Chopper saves lives. Zoro takes them.

And even though Sanji, Nami, and Ace don't seem to have much of a problem with Zoro, he can't just assume they don't feel fearful of him at all. There has to be some kind of underlying fear knowing someone you're close with is capable of hiding his kind of macabre profession, that they're capable of doing it at all. How is everyone else going to react to this? Zoro can feel his heart starting to pound again and his breath getting harder to find.

He can hear everyone talking around him but is unable to make out the words. Everything is just a hum beneath the blood he hears rushing in his ears. Now everyone is looking at him. It's quiet, and everyone is focused on him. They're waiting for him to speak. He looks around at expectant faces. Eight people staring back at him.

He feels a full anxiety attack coming forth and this time he doesn't think he can stop it like he did earlier when he was at home and escaped to the bathroom. He feels the panic spread inside his chest.

He shakes his head. "I can't do this."

He hears shouts from his friends calling his name from behind him as he exits through the front door. He needs to get out of this situation. He's afraid he's going to start feeling the urges if he talks about it again. He's afraid everyone is going be scared of him. They should be scared of him. Why did he think telling anyone was a good idea? Why did he think getting close to anyone was a good idea? He should have just kept his distance from people. He should just disappear again. He needs to grab his swords, get on his bike and leave. He can keep in contact with the organization; keep taking jobs for money and to keep everyone here safe. They're much safer if he isn't around from the organization and himself. That's what he should do. He needs to get out of here.

"Zoro, can you hear me? Hey, you're all right. Just breath, it's ok." Zoro opens his eyes and sees that he is sitting in the hallway outside of Luffy and Ace's apartment leaning against the wall nearly hyperventilating. Sanji is crouched in front of him trying to get his attention. "Hey. There you are. Can you hear me?"

Zoro uses Sanji's voice to ground him. He focuses on the cook's visible eye. He tries to take deeper breaths. He nods to Sanji; yes he can hear him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even think how this might affect you. I should have thought about that." Sanji puts his hand on Zoro's, but Zoro pulls his away. He's still second-guessing his decision to be around people. Sanji's face falls at the movement but doesn't try to force physical contact. "Zoro, I'm really sorry. Do you want to be alone?" Zoro nods and averts his gaze away from Sanji. "Alright. I'll go talk to everyone. You don't have to."

Sanji stands up and heads back in to the apartment. Does Zoro still want him to tell everyone? Is he going to be able to face everyone once they know? Once they know that he's been taking lives for eight years? Why would they just accept that? Why is this a good idea again?

Sanji is already on the other side of the door. It's too late to stop him unless he wants to go back inside which he really doesn't. He can't.

So he decides to leave.

-:-

Sanji feels really bad for forcing Zoro into this. He didn't know talking about this would elicit this kind of reaction from the man. He didn't even think about it. But it makes sense, its something he has kept to himself for so long. It's kind of a big deal, revealing to all of your friends that you kill people for a living. He really should have known; he'd been getting similar reactions anytime he had gotten close to an answer about the topic before Zoro had confided in him. It has to be a difficult thing to admit. And now Zoro is most likely angry with him. Rightfully so, but still not something Sanji wants. Giving him a little space right now seems like a good idea.

The poor man was catatonic and hyperventilating out in the hallway for about five minutes. When he finally came to his eyes were wide and fearful and he didn't say a word. Sanji really hopes he is going to be ok. He just left him out there, though he did seem to come back around. He'll come back inside when he's ready.

The blond sits back down on the couch where he was before he went to check on Zoro. "He's ok. This has to be a really hard thing for him to talk about. I'm sure you're all aware of his aversion to speaking about himself. And there are a lot of us in here right now. It was kind of cruel to expect that from him. So I guess I'll be the one to do it." The room is silent again while everyone waits for Sanji to begin. "For the past eight years, Zoro has been a part of a group that pays him to take people out. He's, from what I understand, more or less an assassin. But he doesn't want to be anymore. He needed the money when he first joined, but he's done. The group won't let him leave though, so we've decided to help get him out."

The room stays silent as everyone goes over the information they just received. A few of them look contemplative while others have shock written across their features. Sanji can understand how this would freak out Zoro; divulging disturbing personal information and waiting for a reaction.

Sanji does his best to answer any questions his friends have about Zoro's predicament and occupation and what the overall plan to help free him is, but there is a lot he doesn't know. He wonders if Zoro would be willing to aid in this part of the conversation.

Sanji decides to check on the green haired man. He heads back outside, but he doesn't see Zoro. He calls for him, but doesn't get any response. He goes to look in the stairwell; maybe he moved locations so he could have a bit more privacy, but still no Zoro. Sanji is starting to get worried. Zoro left. He got so panicked that he left, and now he is alone and most likely lost in the city, or worse. Zoro has said he's disappeared before; he disappeared for five years from a powerful organization that owns him. He could easily disappear from his friends if he feels he's revealed too much.

He quickly heads back inside. "He's gone."

"What do you mean he's gone?" Luffy looks to Sanji with his head cocked to the side.

"I mean he's gone. He's-he isn't out there." Sanji is starting to feel panic of his own seep in. Zoro can't disappear. Sanji tries calling Zoro's phone. No answer. He tries again. Nothing.

Sanji tries to convey his fear of Zoro disappearing to the crew. They all agree that he could very well be panicking and begin to search for him. They split up across the city. He's not at home. He's not in any of his usual bars. They don't even know if he has any one else he could go to in town. And what if he left the city all together? They continue calling him, and sending him messages. They just need to hear something from him, they need to know that he's ok. They want to be sure he isn't going to completely disappear. Sanji won't let his phone leave his side. He needs to find Zoro.

-:-

Zoro looks around at his surroundings. He doesn't know where he is. He doesn't remember how he got here. He must have blacked out from excessive stress.

His body is very exhausted. He must have been on the move for quite some time. From the feel of it he must have been running. It's beginning to get dark. But he doesn't know how to get home. And he doesn't see any bus stations around here.

He reaches to his pocket to grab his phone. His heart stops momentarily when he doesn't feel it, but quickly relaxes when he finds it in his other pocket. He looks at the screen. He has about 20 missed calls and just as many texts.

That's right he ran out on everyone. They're probably wondering where he is. Zoro heaves a deep sigh and wipes a hand over his face. They all know now. He pushes down the thought. He doesn't want to think about that anymore.

Zoro stares at his phone. He should probably let them know he's ok. How long has he been gone for? As he tries to figure out when he left Ace's, he feels a few drops of water, and then a few more. And then the sky opens up and it starts to pour. Great. He's not really near anything that can cover him. He pockets his phone to keep it from getting ruined and chooses a direction to look for some kind of shelter from the storm.

He eventually comes across a building with an awning and stands under it. He takes his phone out again and thinks about who he should call. Sanji. He should probably call Sanji. He's probably really worried. Just as he is about to hit the call button for the cook his phone lights up with an incoming call. Sanji is calling him again. He quickly answers.

"Sanji?"

"Zoro?! Oh my god, Zoro, where are you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm not really sure where I am. Nothing looks familiar. And it's raining so it's kind of hard to see what's around here right now."

"Do you remember how you got there? By any chance do you remember what direction you went after you left Ace's?"

"No. I kind of blacked out I think." Even if Zoro was aware of what was going on after he left there was no way he was going to be able to direct Sanji to him. Sanji must have known that was a long shot, but he may as well try.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah. Hey the rain is letting up. I'm going to go look around and see what I'm near. Maybe there's a street sign around here somewhere." Zoro just wants to get home. He wants to get out of his wet clothes and burrow under the blankets and take a nap. He finds some kind of marker and Sanji is able to figure out where he is. It will take some time to be able to get to him; he made it about a half hour outside the city. He really did run all day.

He settles back down under the awning he found earlier and waits for the cook to arrive. The exhaustion from the day catches up to him and he closes his eyes for a nap.

A warm hand on cold skin wakes Zoro. He opens his eyes to see blond. Sanji. An overwhelming feeling of guilt rushes over him.

"I'm sorry."

"Zoro, you don't need to apologize. I should be the one apologizing. I pushed you too far. I should have let you tell everyone in your own time."

"I still shouldn't have done that."

"It's ok. You're safe. You're here. You're still here. I was so afraid you were going to disappear on me." Sanji places a hand on Zoro's cheek and leans his blond head against Zoro's green.

Zoro pulls him into a tight hug and kisses him to reassure him that he is most definitely still here. "Let's go home."

Zoro doesn't mention that he almost did leave. The last thing he remembers thinking before leaving Ace's was that he wanted to disappear. He's glad he didn't. He let's the blond wrap him in a towel and lead him to his car.

Sanji doesn't let go of Zoro's hand the entire drive home. Zoro's glad, he doesn't want him to. He's pretty sure the blond is the only reason he didn't actually leave.

They make it back to Zoro's after a lengthy drive and Zoro gets a sense of how far he actually ran. His muscles get even more tired thinking about it. Sanji pulls him by the hand into his bathroom and gets a warm bath drawn. Zoro's body rejoices: he is soaked and freezing.

The two slip into the warm water, Zoro sitting in front of and leaning back on Sanji. The blond has his arms around him, Zoro has his head resting on Sanji's shoulder. Sanji draws shapes on Zoro's skin and traces the scar that mars his torso while leaning his forehead against Zoro's temple. All of the anxiety and fear leaves Zoro and he finally feels relaxed for the first time today. Neither of them mentions what happened. They sit together silently enjoying being near the other with the occasional thoughtful kiss until the water gets too cold. Then they relocate to Zoro's bed and under the covers.

"Hey, cook."

"Hm?"

"How'd everyone react?" This is was what Zoro was fearful of, the reactions. As much as he doesn't want to know, he needs to. He needs to know if he can be near them.

"I'm sure a lot better than you're thinking. They were shocked, but who wouldn't be?"

"Do they hate me?"

"What? No, they don't hate you."

"Are they afraid of me?" He really doesn't want those he calls family to be scared of him.

"No. A few may be a little apprehensive around you at first, but as long as you show them that you're still you they won't be. Is that why that happened? Because you thought they would be afraid of you? "

"Because I know they should be." He knows what he's capable of all too well. And he knows they would be afraid of him if they knew how much he liked it.

-:-

Sanji pulls Zoro closer to him. "They have no need to be. You wouldn't hurt them. They know that. I know that. Don't you know that?"

He doesn't give Sanji a response. Zoro is afraid of himself. Sanji wants to break Zoro of this mind set. He wants Zoro to see himself like Sanji sees him. Like everyone else sees him. They really need to get him away from the organization as soon as possible. Sanji doesn't even care how it happens; they just need to be out of Zoro's life. This man has had to live through enough hardship without these people controlling him.

Sanji holds Zoro tight. He can tell Zoro has fallen asleep by the sound of his breathing. "I love you, you shitty moss. Now let's get you out of this mess."