Hello! 'Things are finally going to pick up! I am sorry it is going at a slow pace but I think I am getting better on length and the dramatics. Next chapter will be great! So keep reading and if you have time review! If you haven't read my other stories, please do! I don't know which one to update next so if you read them, please give me your preference! Or maybe I should start another story? I don't know! Leave your opinions!
Love. Have I betrayed you in a way? Have I been unfaithful? Did I not give you enough attention? Did I not consider sinning for you?And this is how you repay me? Mercy is not in your repertoire of words because if it was, Ciel would be in my arms, not hers. Instead, an exhibit of your magic has been carefully set up for me tonight. Well, I must say. You out did yourself. I know now that I will never trust you again. It's time I ignore your call.
I lean against the door, trying to mend the pieces of my divided heart. I give in to the moment and let tears narrate my weakness. The car of the Milford's taunts me. Screaming at me that it belongs there and that I don't and never will. I feel alienated. Alone. Unwanted. I cry more. I visualize smashing the car with a rock. It is only fair, for the owners' did the same to my heart. The only thing that halts me is that it is wrong. I shall not succumb to those feelings because I would shame my Lord.
I trudge away from the house. I do not dare to look back. I keep walking, leaving a trail of my tears in my wake. The romanticized night I had envisioned had taken a hellish turn, and I all need is to crawl to my sanctuary.
On my way home, I see a bar that I have passed many times. During the time of Ciel's disappearance, I felt the pull of the place on numerous occasions. However, I gravitate to it more today. I never realized until now, but I must have known that Ciel would return. I guess the engaged couple made it clear that Ciel would never return to me or return my feelings. I ignore my judgement and enter. I don't last a minute before I high-tail it out of there. I once again head home.
I arrive at the church. I collapse onto the pews closest to the entry. I weep for my lost, but a small piece of me rejoices. Maybe tomorrow will bring me light. Maybe I can start to surround my thoughts on my Savior rather than Ciel. This was for the best.
I come to with a sore neck and heart. It is early. The sun barely peaks out and shines through the painted glass. I get up and rush to my room before anyone comes for morning prayers. I sluggishly take a shower, washing away the tears that I shed and any misery that clung to my skin. I exit and look into the mirror. I saw a shell of myself. Hollow and dreadfully empty. I attempt to smile but a scowl takes over. I am in a foul mood but that would change. It would have to in order to keep up appearances. I envelop the familiarity of my cloths, finding comfort in the safety it promised. I am okay, I lied to myself. Just fine.
I repeated that mantra until I cross the threshold of my haven. I will erase him for the time being. That was my resolution until he showed up with his parents in tow. Discombulated. That was the word that described how I felt. Did they come here to torture me? Knowing what they were capable of, their intent could possibly be malicious.
"Father! Oh, how are you feeling?You left so unexpectedly that it gave us a scare! Tanaka reassured us that you had felt unwell, but I still wanted to check up on you. He told us to wait it out to today," Rachel fuses. She's worried, and uplifts my spirits briefly. She pauses so I can interject.
"I must have been a bout of tiredness. I have not been sleeping well. I am sorry if I caused any troubles," I bow my head in apologies. This also gave me the chance to recollect myself because I saw him. The devil of my eye.
It is Vincent that responds, "It caused no complications at all. Except...you had missed on the second part of the good news," If the other half was like the first, I might have to move to another state to get away from my heart-break. "We decided that to amplify Ciel's transition from a boy to a man with values and prestige, he needs to be taught morals. And who is better qualified to teach him about righteousness than a priest himself. We understand if you were to decline our proposition. It is last minute, but we would be awfully grateful if you would consider taking Ciel as an apprentice of sorts. Ciel will be on his best behavior when he is in your vicinity." Hope. His face as well as Rachel's were full of hope. I feared to hope. I should say no. Make up a reason why Ciel couldn't be here. Here with me. Nothing good can come out of it. I knew this yet...the allure of the forbidden fruit was too much. Ciel's charm was irresistable.
"I...would be more than honored to have the privilege of being Ciel's mentor. I don't want to let down your expectations, though," It was the truth. Teaching him of scriptures and morality seemed uncomplicated, but keeping his innocence intact might be more challenging. Self restraint was a given in my kind of work, but this was pushing the limits by far.
"You could never disappoint us, Sebastian. We whole heartedly belive in you," Rachel swears. Vincent mimics her agreement with a firm nod. Being in the line of work he was in, Vincent rarely displayed how he truly felt. Ciel had inherited that from his father, I suppose.
She hugs me and embraces Ciel for a minute or so. I am perplexed. I wait until she releases him to inquire the meaning behind her actions. I am cut short when Vincent offers a handshake for Ciel then tugs him forward for a brief, tender bear hug. My puzzlement grows. That is when I notice the suitcases in the distance. I must have been more weary than I thought.
Vincent follows my line of vision and volunteers an explanation, "We had an inkling that you would agree in regards to your kind nature. Rachel and I came to a consensus that Ciel would learn more if he were to be immersed in this environment and your company. If that is too much to handle, you can always decline or send him home. You know where we live, after all," I could tell Vincent was a little hesitant. As if I would revoke my compliance. If I were reluctant before, I was jubilant now. Second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour: I had him to myself. Without her. Without the chains that bind him. Then again, the shackles that had been uplifted from him should transition on to me, for precautionary reasons.
"He can stay here. If he gets too homesick, we will venture back to your home. He will be fine. I promise you that," I capture his gaze. I try to convey that I would die before I let any harm come to Ciel, and by the way his eyes soften, he comprehends my message.
"Thank you so much for this, Father. We will come tomorrow to see Ciel's progress," a weak defense from Rachel. It is hard for a mother to let go of her only son, especially so soon after she had just gotten him back. It was only natural for her to worry. She gives him one last squeeze. She whispers something in his ear, but it is so low that I can not pick up what is being said. Vincent does the same after she relinquished her grip on him. She turns to me and bids me a goodbye. Vincent steps closer to me, and I feel something pressed against me. I feel my robes rustle and the pressure gains in strength. I look up at him. He leans in. He disregards my personal space because I can smell him. Cologne, suiting his power and a tinge of something soft like lavender. It was very peculiar, mainly because he was closing more of the distance between the two of us. I can feel his lips lightly brush my cheek until he reaches my ear. I can feel each word he says to me more than I can hear it. The object that was held to me transfers to my hand as he finishes up what he needed to say. He remains close to me, giving me the shield I required to hide the thing into my robes. He steps back, clasps my shoulder, and then places his hand on his wife's back and leads her out. The doors closes, leaving me with Vincent's final words and my sin. They echo and reverberate in my temporal lobe. The item that he gave me feels heavy and becomes more dense as I glance at Ciel. Everything makes sense to me now. The engagement, the impromptu lessons, the sudden need to relocate their son. How could I be so ignorant?
"Sebastian, please..."