Becoming who we were meant to be
10: Russian dolls
"Yo," Shiba Atsuyo says, and grins.
Ichigo's eyes are glued to this kid. Although he has no idea how old the guy is, he doesn't look a day over twenty, in human terms that is, and height wise he is definitely shorter Ichigo himself. He has mid-length dark hair that's tied up in a short pony tail on the top half of his head and cut shorter on the lower half. At first glance he appears cocky without a doubt, almost unusually cocky though, especially for a student at the academy presenting for the first time in front of two rows of captains and vice-captains.
Yamamoto mutters some sort of groan which betrays a smidge of irritation. He immediately talks, perhaps in an attempt to cover it up. "Shiba Atsuyo is a fourth-year student at Shin' O academy, and currently a member of the Shiba clan. His performance being beyond satisfactory amongst his professors, he has already passed most of the sixth-years' exams and has received results above the average of a sixth-year student. If he finishes the rest of the exams and completes the Academy's curriculum in the same fashion, he will graduate in two weeks."
This time shocked glances and whispers get exchanged in the lieutenant's row. Ichigo glances at Renji, who's stare is fixed onto Rukia. She meets Renji's appalled eyes for only a second before her own eyes fall to the ground, hands curled up in fists.
Ichigo can't help but wonder what thoughts are going through her head right now.
"Silence," Yamamoto lectures the noisy lieutenants. Renji's head turns back to the front, just like most vice-captains do. "Now, by the time Shiba Atsuyo graduates the academy, most of the first-line decisions concerning the 14th division should dealt with. One month from now, the division should be ready for the recruiting ceremony."
Before anyone can add a single word, Yamamoto tilts his head a few degrees to the side, giving orders to the guards behind him as he nods his head once. The guards move closer to Atsuyo, and the guy gives one last smirk and nods back before retreating out of the room. The heavy doors close shut behind him and he's gone, almost as soon as he came in. Without even having said more than a single word.
"That will be all for today captains, vice-captains," Yamamoto announces. "You may resume your daily duties."
People start moving out of their lines to either form little groups of chit-chatting (more like gossiping, really) or to simply leave the room in a flash. Ichigo notices Matsumoto whispering with Renji, Ikkaku and Hisagi, but his brain is running a hundred miles per hour, and he can't bring himself to move until Ukitake comes up to him.
"Ichigo," he says and Ichigo spots Shinji and Byakuya approaching quietly. "We should all go to your new barracks to discuss, is that okay with you?"
Ichigo attempts a response, but his tongue seems to get tangled up on its own. He eventually manages an answer. "Yeah, sure."
As the three captains start walking out of the assembly hall, Ichigo turns back, suddenly wondering if Rukia would be following as well. Although, knowing her, she probably wouldn't want to push boundaries.
He sees her, looking smaller than ever amongst all those other officers, and meets her dark blue eyes that stand out in the crowd. She walks up to him then. "I'm going back to the 13th, got a lot of work to do today," she informs him. "I'll see you later."
Ichigo studies her face, but he knows this isn't the time to try and get anything out of her. He nods at her, and they both shunpo away from the 1st Division and to their respective destinations.
When Ichigo arrives at the 14th brand new barracks -his barracks, he supposes-, all three captains are already standing in the room that would soon grow to be his personal office. They already seem to be pretty deep in conversation when he walks in. Ukitake wears a serious, possibly worried expression and stops talking almost as soon as he notices Ichigo.
"Ukitake-taichou," Shinji grumbles and rolls of his eyes, although something in his eyes betrays uneasy-ness as well. "Ichigo can handle himself. No need to sugar coat what you want to say."
Ichigo gives them both a puzzling look. Ukitake sighs in resignation, and of course, Byakuya stays quiet in the back of the room.
"You're right about that, Hirako-taichou. Ichigo can handle himself." He turns to Ichigo and attempts a smile. "I'm sorry, Ichigo. I know all of this is extremely sudden. I wish you could've had some time to adjust yourself to the work and the lifestyle, but I'm afraid we're quite slim on time."
"I understand," Ichigo answers. "I wish I wasn't so rushed into this whole situation myself, but I've never let time be a problem in the past, and I intend to do the same for this."
Shinji snickers in a low voice. "Wow, so cheesy," he mutters under his breath.
Ichigo is suddenly tempted to punch Shinji in the face but Ukitake brings him back on track. "The next two weeks will probably be very busy, and most likely not the most exciting, but it will be crucial in order to build a solid ground if we want to get this division ready for recruiting." He gestures to two captains next to him. "Kuchiki-taichou will guide you towards building the organization and policies of your division. I'll guide you when it comes to kido training, as well as recruiting and future tactics. Hirako-taichou on the other hand, will help you with…hm…" Ukitake suddenly pauses and hesitates, almost uncomfortable to continue what he wanted to say.
"Basically, I'll help you deal with your hollow," Shinji finishes for him in a brusque, nonchalant way.
Ichigo's eyes widen on their own accord. Somehow it feels strange to bring back the subject of his hollow onto the table, after not dealing with it for so many years. And with Shinji on top of that… Old memories start resurfacing despite his best efforts.
"…To put it bluntly, yes." Ukitake says with a sigh.
Ichigo hesitates and narrows his eyes at Shinji. "I don't think that's gonna be an issue. My hollow hasn't been a problem for years."
"Yeah, because you weren't pushing your spiritual power out of a very restricted comfort zone." Shinji retorts, arms crossed, looking quite unimpressed. "Tell me, has he been completely quiet since you got here?"
Ichigo opens his mouth to snap back but closes it not long after as he recalls that day in the assembly hall, when he heard him for the first time in years. The words he spoke then in his own head resonates in his ears, but only for him to recall.
Good to see you're finally back, King.
Ichigo stays silent, and it's pretty obvious what this silence means. He notices Byakuya opening an eye to observe him from the corner of the room.
"That's what I thought." Shinji says after studying his reaction. "Did he threaten you in any way?"
Ichigo shakes his head. "No, he hasn't."
"Good," Shinji scratches the top of his square-ish head. "We'll make sure it stays that way."
Ichigo's eyes fall to the ground, but he eventually nods in agreement. Having someone making sure his hollows stays in check is better than the alternative, if he had to guess. But having people talk so openly about it feels weird, and he suddenly feels the need to change the subject.
"About this Atsuyo Shiba," he brings up the new topic with a frowned brow. "Should we be, I don't know, worried? It seemed like the situation is completely out of our hands, and I only became a captain yesterday, technically."
"Yamamoto's behavior seemed off to me," Ukitake adds with a worried blank stare.
"He's throwing two inexperienced officers at the head of a division which hasn't even seen the first sight of daylight yet," Byakuya's hard voice pierces through the room as he joins in on the conversation for the first time today. "He couldn't agree with something that reckless."
"Kuchiki's right," Shinji notes. "If there's one thing we're sure of it's that Yamamoto wasn't down with the idea."
"Then, what does that mean exactly?" Ichigo insists. "If not Yamamoto then Central 46 ordered for this Shiba guy to be my lieutenant, there's gotta be a reason why."
The room falls into silence. It seems like all three of them already know the answer to that question, but Shinji is the one who speaks it aloud.
"Unless someone's pulling the strings on the other side," he says then scoffs. "Something tells me it involves some kind of noble house bullshit."
Ichigo frowns at Shinji's words, Rukia's troubled face suddenly entering his mind.
"Ichigo," Ukitake suddenly cuts in. "The last ting I want is for you to burden yourself with this. We wouldn't want to read anything into it. I want you to focus on the next two weeks; they're going to be crucial for whatever comes next.
Ukitake's right. He has enough to worry about for now without adding the headache that is trying to understand noble houses. Karin now studying to become a Shinigami, his family back in the human world waiting for answers, not to mention his own future now that he has to carry the weight of forming an entire squad from basically nothing. No need to add another problem to the list.
He nods in agreement, influencing his own mind into pushing that worry aside for now. For the next two weeks, he will have to focus on fitting into a captain's shoes, and that only.
After what turns out to be a pretty sleep-less night, Karin puts on the white and red uniform she had been given and attempts to tame her black hair into a high ponytail before she exits her room, class schedule in hand.
It takes her at least twenty minutes of searching hallway after hallway before she finally spots the right classroom and walks through the doors with only a few minutes to spare. Perfect, not to early that she'd look desperately nervous and nerdy, yet not too late to start off her time at the academy on the wrong foot.
As she enters the classroom, Karin does her best to quickly spot an empty seat without shooting more than a rapid glance at the people around her, which turns out to be harder than expected as most people in the room glue their eyes to her the second she steps in. Some of them are sitting alone with their notebooks, eyebrows frowned as they see her, while others literally stare in silence for a good ten seconds before turning back to their groups of friends, whispers echoing left and right.
Karin feels her ears heating up, and she immediately hates it. She's never liked undesired attention, especially when being the only focal point. In the human world, she was used to being the intimidating one at school, not giving two shits what people really thought of her. Aside from her soccer team, people didn't bother her, and that's how she liked her life. They sure as hell didn't stare as if she was some new piece of meat on the market, ready to be torn apart and eaten up for gossip.
As the class becomes more crowded with students, Karin pretends to focus on something on her schedule, although there isn't anything new to study on that sad little piece of paper. When the teacher, an old man wearing a grey shihakusho, finally walks in, Karin lets go of a breath she had been holding in. If class starts, people won't have a choice but to turn their attention to the lecture, right?
Right?
"Welcome back to Introduction to Kido," he addresses politely, and people shut up as soon as he speaks the first word. "Before we begin the lesson for today, we have a new student here today that should be properly introduced."
Uh oh.
Whispers erupt once again through the classroom and Karin literally feels the blood draining from her face as she realizes what's about to happen.
Only every new student's worse nightmare.
"Kurosaki Karin, if you would please stand up and introduce yourself."
Oh…fuck.
Her ears are buzzing with the sound of her last name coming out of the mouth of every possible person in the room.
"Kurosaki?"
"Why does that name sound so familiar?"
"Why is she joining in mid-way through classes? That never happens."
"There's no way… Are they related?"
Karin swallows, painfully. She licks her lips in apprehension before forcing her legs to stand up, her chair making an awkward grazing sound against the floor as every pair of eyes turns to her, curiosity dominating in the air.
"Uh…hello."
Okay, so not the best first words she could've said, but she would rather be skinned alive than going for the cliché of repeating her own goddamn name, especially when the teacher literally just said it.
Really, there's nothing else to add.
Silence chokes her and nearly drowns her with its weight, as you suddenly could hear the sound of a fly landing on a desk. Even the teacher says nothing, as if waiting for her to add something, anything really, to her greeting.
"Oookay," he eventually says with a short laugh. "Kurosaki will be joining us as of today as a first-year student," he announces to the other pupils. "Thank you, Kurosaki, you may sit down." Karin does as she's told, heat spreading down to her neck.
The teacher then walks up to her holding a large volume and hands it to her. "We are currently at chapter five. I suggest you start reading right away not to fall behind too much. You may ask for someone's help if you need."
A tutor? No thanks.
Karin bows her head as a thank you to her new professor. He returns to the front and starts off the lesson, but Karin is far too petrified to concentrate. Especially when she can hear a few people still talking about her in the back.
Somehow this feels like high school all over again.
When the class finally ends, Karin feels like saying she is completely lost in all that theory would be the world's understatement. Aside from her training, if one could even call it that, with Urahara, she's left totally in the dark. Throw in a couple of weak hollows and basic incorporation of reiatsu into physical movements, and you've pretty much got her entire knowledge on the matter.
And on top of that, she still has four other classes she has yet to unveil. Guess she won't have much of a choice but to spend most of her nights reading and studying.
Karin gets up from her chair and enters the hallway, somehow doing an okay job at ignoring all the stares coming her way. Probably because she's too busy wondering what the hell she just signed up for.
Kido volume in hand, Karin takes out her schedule to try to find exactly where she's supposed to go next, when a few girly whispers reach her ear.
"I'm telling you, it has to be his sister!"
"Miyori, there's no way that's possible."
"How do you even know what he looks like anyway?"
"I heard he was tall and-"
Karin suddenly stops in her tract, irritated sigh leaving her lips abruptly. She can endure people's curiosity, but female gossips, she has no patience for. She turns around and glares at the three girls.
"How about you guys just ask me to my face instead of gossiping behind my back?"
The three girls widen their eyes so wide, it's almost ridiculous. They're small, innocent-looking things and probably not even in their teenage years yet.
"Uh, um…sorry," one of them looks down with apologetic eyes and Karin almost feels bad about lashing at them so suddenly. Almost.
"Is…is your brother Kurosaki Ichigo?" another asks with hesitation, yet boldly enough to cause the third girl to widen her eyes in shock.
Karin suppresses another sigh. "Yeah, he is."
"Oh my god," she hears the faint exclamation somewhere further down the hallway and realizes a few people have stopped to listen in on the exchange.
The three girls in front of her, on the other hand, widen their eyes yet again. The bold one in the middle smiles wide enough to show her pearly white teeth.
"Really? Do you think you could…erm, introduce us?"
Oh…god.
Now it was her turn to widen her eyes, nearly feeling repulsed by the horror that was this conversation. After taking in a second to get over the shock, Karin rolls her eyes, turns around and starts walking in the opposite direction.
"I-is that a yes?" the girl calls out to Karin's retrieving figure.
Seriously, what had she gotten into?
Ichigo spends the rest of the day going through books of boring and honestly quite useless guidelines. Back up a few hours prior to when Byakuya threw a pile of thick ass volumes in his arms and told him it was absolutely essential for him to get accustomed to these manuscripts. Manuscripts such as Taichou: Code of Honor, Leadership of the Seireitei, or even Rules of the Gotei 13. Seriously, the whole thing felt like he was taking a Seireitei for Dummies class, and if Ichigo wouldn't have felt his eyelids dropping reading line after line, he might've given out a chuckle at how everything was clearly repetitive and over-explained.
Ichigo jerks himself awake when his head drops so far down it nearly reaches the desk. He blinks fast and repeatedly, mentally slapping himself to stop falling on the edge of sleep. He's been reading for what feels like actual years and even though Byakuya isn't here making sure he doesn't procrastinate, the words he said before leaving this morning hunt the back of Ichigo's mind.
"Don't think I won't find out if you lift your eyes from these books even longer than a second."
Hence why he had decided to swallow every instinct and sense of reason and get this reading done, no matter the headache.
When he finishes the second volume, Ichigo's vision is blurry and blue spots appear out of nowhere, probably from focusing close-range so much and for so many consecutive hours. After yawning widely -and quite ungracefully, one might add- Ichigo rubs his eyes and decides to allow himself a first look outside his window. To his surprise, the sky is now dark, any sign of sunlight long gone.
He gets up for the first time in 12 hours (or perhaps even more than that) and stretches, the sound of his lower back giving out a crick-cracking sound, making Ichigo flinch an eyebrow. He stretches his arms above his head and lets out a heavy, long sigh before glancing at the clock behind him. Byakuya had changed its location to make sure it wouldn't be a temptation, and to Ichigo's surprise, it worked.
His eyes quickly scan the clock and widen a little as he realizes how late it is; nearly midnight. He had wanted to go check on Karin; make sure her first day hadn't been a complete nightmare, but at this hour she was definitely tucked into bed in her room. Hopefully tomorrow he'd get a better chance.
Ichigo slides his office door open and steps outside, the air fresh and smelling like those spring nights where you just know it's going to rain. Ichigo steps off the wooden porch, his sandals nearly getting buried by the long green grass, and he stands still for a moment before he feels a tiny drop fall on the bridge of his nose. And there you have it.
Ichigo sighs deeply in the silence of the night, a few quiet droplets falling here and there without much strength and for a moment it almost feels peaceful. At the very least it's not like it's pouring down.
Rukia enters his mind as he suddenly wonders if it's too late to go look for her. She was probably sleeping already, or maybe she was still up, doing paperwork by the candle light, not even aware of the tardive hour.
Regardless, Ichigo can't help the instinct dwelling in the back of his mind telling him to leave his quarters to go see her. He uses shunpo not a second later, and after finding Rukia's office empty; paperwork neatly filed in different piles and candle burnt out, Ichigo quickly travels through the empty streets of the Seireitei.
By the time he reaches the small porch in front of Rukia's room, the rain is coming down harder. At some point during his shunpo the droplets must've turned to drops because he notices the wetness of his shihakusho, as well as the tip of his hair, soaked and dripping down on his face. He stops and hesitates in front of Rukia's door, raising a knuckle to gently knock on the door before he drops it not long after. She's probably had a long ass day, maybe waking her up wouldn't be a great idea after all.
Ichigo turns around, staring at the rain now falling down hard yet quietly onto the grass. He sighs and sits down crossed-legged on the wooden porch, now protected by the little roof extension over his head. He closes his eyes.
"What are you doing?"
His eyes flip open in an instant when Rukia's voice covers the sound of the rain. She's standing over him, her short hair looking even darker as it drips water onto her collarbones.
"I…" he starts and hesitates for a second. "I just spent the day reading incredibly boring stuff and needed to clear my head," he blinks at her. "Did you just get back from the 13th?"
Rukia shakes her head as she sits down next to him in a similar position. "Nah. I was on the roof when it started raining."
Ichigo scoffs, but it's barely audible. "You know I have to ask; do you ever get any sleep?"
She doesn't answer right away. When she does, Ichigo hears the amusement in her voice, but she also sounds…tired. "I do," she responds, tugging at her earlobe. "Usually sleep four or five hours."
Ichigo's neck turns to stare at her. "That's it?"
Rukia stares back in silence for a long second before she scoffs, her thin bang falling over her eye. "Five hours is plenty."
Ichigo fights back the temptation to roll his eyes and before he can talk back, Rukia brings another topic onto the table.
"Before you worry too much about Karin, don't. Matsumoto-san paid her a quick visit tonight; says her day went on without too much drama," Rukia laughs slightly, her eyes admiring the rain, somewhere far away in the distance. "She's already got her head buried in books, according to her."
Surprise spreads across Ichigo's face, eyebrows high. A part of him feels relieved she managed to survive her first day at the academy. But another feeling makes his eyes drop slowly as a bittersweet smile appears on his lips. "I wanted to check on her, I just…it was already midnight when I looked at the clock-"
"Ichigo… If Karin were here she'd tell you how she's not a child anymore, wouldn't she?" Ichigo's mouth falls closed. "She's stronger than ever, and with years she'll learn to become even stronger. You don't need to constantly worry about her."
"I know that-" he interrupts suddenly. "I just…don't want her to feel overwhelmed."
"You mean the way you feel overwhelmed?"
Silence takes over him; somehow, he hadn't expected that kind of statement. A strange, heavy fume spreads into his abdomen and he sighs, then chuckles in a decrepit way that lacks genuine amusement. "I mean yeah, if we're being honest, of course I'm a little overwhelmed." Ichigo's voice raises in volume and it almost sounds like anger, directed at himself. "But it's not just about me. I mean, just look at you. We say we're friends when I haven't even properly, truly thanked you for what you did -everything you did." Rukia's eyes are widened from surprise.
He scratches the top of his wet hair, frustrated, and suddenly it's like all the anxiety and the uncertainty and the weight from the past week, ever since his sister fucking died come pouring down in his chest. He squints his eyes like he's in pain, and Rukia's throat tightens.
"You had to press pause on your lieutenant's duties to help with Karin, then to help me with this whole captaincy and noble houses shit-fest, all the while juggling with the 13th's squad training and paperwork. No wonder you're fucking exhausted. I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess-"
"Ichigo," she suddenly interrupts him in a harsh voice, two hands on his shoulders. He has to stop, he just has to. What's it gonna take for him to understand…
She straightens herself in front of him, trying to force him to face her. "Everything you just listed, I do because I want to, because I need to. I'm not forced to do anything. I wasn't dragged into anything." She licks her lips briefly, then continues before he can retort in any kind of way. "I don't know anyone who could've done what you've been doing these past few days. With your sister, with your responsibilities, all of it. You have to give yourself some credit."
Ichigo's eyes are piercing holes somewhere on the far-left corner of his peripheral vision. He knows if he looks at her he'll give in, although, he's already getting weaker with her words and her voice and- god… just…her. He can already feel his anger slipping away as his heartbeat slows down.
She continues, her voice a little softer. "My squad and my captain can count on me because it is my duty as a Shinigami, and as a lieutenant. As for everything else, it's my duty as your friend. You don't have to do anything to thank me for me to know you mean it." Ichigo's eyes drop, and his shoulders relax under her touch; the place where her hands rest on him starting to feel warmer, as if it would later on leave gentle marks on his skin.
"Look at me, you idiot," Rukia murmurs. His eyes follow her instructions and he looks at her. She's close, so close he can smell the scent of her damp strands of black hair. It smells like rain water and cherry blossoms traveling through his nose and calming the smoke of anxiety that had taken place in his gut. "I want you to always be able to count on me, no matter the reason."
Ichigo keeps silent for a second, then two, then three until the anger has entirely vanished and he can barely remember it. "Fine," he finally gives in, and his voice sounds small. "But just know that you can always count on me too."
He takes her small hands in his, taking them off his shoulders in the process. Rukia blinks at the gesture but stays immobile. She grins softly. "I already knew that."
Ichigo chuckles at her words and relief makes its way in deep, and it feels so goddamn good after all the crap that's been tormenting his mind lately. It's like finally getting a breath of fresh air.
His eyes fall onto their joined hands. He doesn't know how but their fingers became interlocked at some point or another; the tip of his index strokes Rukia's inner wrist and he feels her pulse beating softly under her skin in a steady rhythm. And that's all he needs to feel to be at peace.
The rain around them still hasn't stopped, yet that doesn't stop him from feeling…
Alive.
a/n: random drinking game: take a shot every time I write 'overwhelmed'.