The Two Halves of the Light Force
Alone in their temporary quarters late that night, Qui-Gon tended his wrist. The pain wasn't bad; he could work around it. He'd forgotten his injury in his concern for Obi-Wan, then his dealings with Yoda and Mace. Qui-Gon felt a rush of guilt as he thought of how he'd reacted to both Jedi Masters. It was like I was facing enemies with nothing but my will. They are not my enemies, nor have they ever been. But that's exactly how they felt tonight. Because they're standing between Obi-Wan and I, between us and our happiness.
He sighed and glanced down at his wrist, which lay in a thick bacta solution. All I've lost so far is my left hand. That's replaceable. I didn't lose my padawan, nor did I lose Anakin. There is still time for things to be made right. And even if I can't see how that can happen, it can still be. The Force is wiser than I will ever be.
He closed his eyes, thinking to induce a healing trance. But a disturbance in the Force alerted him to the approach of several Force-sensitive beings. They weren't necessarily dangerous, but Qui-Gon stood, ready to meet them. He had removed his wrist from the bacta and felt it throb in protest. He put the pain out of his mind for the moment.
The chimes on his door rang softly and he answered, "Come in."
The doors breezed aside and Yoda led the way into Qui-Gon's chambers. Behind him walked Mace, Zee and Anakin. The boy looked asleep on his feet, but also determined to be present. After the doors had closed, it was Anakin who spoke first.
"They're bringing Obi-Wan in a few minutes. Master Zee and some medics are checking him one more time before he's moved."
"Hmmm," Yoda said. "Delivered your message you have, young one. Leave you can."
Anakin moved closer to Qui-Gon. "Can I stay?" He was looking at Qui-Gon's wrist.
"Sit down, Qui-Gon," Mace said quietly. "This isn't a trial."
Qui-Gon sank gracefully onto the couch and laid his wrist back in the bacta. "I don't mind if Anakin stays," he said.
"Mind I do not," Yoda said. "But very tired he is."
"I can stay awake for this," Anakin announced, sitting down next to Qui-Gon. "I won't go to sleep until I'm sure Obi-Wan's settled in, anyway."
"Care about Padawan Obi-Wan very deeply you do." Yoda made his way to Qui-Gon's side. He touched the Jedi's arm, measuring his progress. "Nearly healed you are. Concealed your wound from us you should not have."
"I was worried about Obi-Wan and didn't want a small injury to get in the way of his care," Qui-Gon answered. "I didn't mask my wound with the Force."
"But kept your mind guarded you did, all through the feast. Becoming more and more rebellious you are, Qui-Gon. Trouble ahead I see for you. Teaching your padawan to disregard rules you are. Taken many risks you always have, but stepping close to the Dark Side you have in recent months. Not of your disobedience of standing laws do I speak, but of your relationship with the Force. Dangerously unbalanced your bonds with the Unifying Force and the Living Force are. Speak your lesson about these aspects of the Force I ask you to."
Anakin moved closer to Qui-Gon, lending his silent support.
Qui-Gon felt the Force ebb and flow around him, connecting him to Anakin, to Yoda, to Mace. "The Living Force connects all physical things- rocks, trees, water, animals, people. The Unifying Force links all thoughts and deeds, past, present and future. The Living Force speaks of now while the Unifying Force speaks of the hidden things in time and in space." He wondered how recently he had thought of the Unifying Force as more than a distraction, as more than something that kept his padawan thinking about the future, sometimes chasing vague feelings.
His skin felt cold. The answer to he first is 'not often enough' and the answer to the second is 'far too often.' Have I fallen so far?
Yes. I have.
And is it because of my relationship with Obi-Wan as my lover, or did it begin when he was younger, when I first noticed his propensity for sensing things about the future? Or was it even before that, when my pride led me to try and prove my instisncst about Xanatos?
Icy fingers snaked into his flesh, burrowing all the way to the bone and feasting there on his pride and the very imbalance Yoda spoke of. I am an addict, like those who buy death-sticks. Nothing but the Living Force mattered for many years. Nothing else matters now- even my love for Obi-Wan and my hopes for the boy are extensions of the Living Force.
A memory surfaced. He and Obi-Wan were fleeing the flooding cave on New Apsolon where Tahl had been tortured for almost five days. As Qui-Gon cradled her against his chest, all he felt was her fading connection to the Force and his own determination that she would not die. I couldn't feel the Unifying Force then; even if I'd tried to, I might have been barred from touching it.
Everything ached. I had only just bound myself to Obi-Wan three months ago, after he narrowly escaped death. I flaunted the Unifying Force in both instances, sure that my strength- physical and emotional- could keep them both alive, in spite of the Unifying Force.
Gradually, the cold receded, leaving him shivering, but at least alive and able to warm himself, though slowly. Turning his eyes on Yoda, he said, "Yes, I have lost my balance. Thank you for helping me to see that, Master."
Yoda nodded and placed a hand on Qui-Gon's arm. "Always a quick study you were, Qui-Gon. Found your mistakes quickly you usually did. Took longer this one did, but unsure of the reason for that I am. As are you, I sense." He held up a hand. "Here to accuse you I am not, Qui-Gon. Here to explain things I am. Here to explain the reason for the rules of the Code I am. Know them you do, but put into a new light it will not hurt for them to be."
"I understand the reason for one, at least, Master."
"Hmmm." Yoda settled himself on a nearby footstool. "What rule do you speak of?"
"I know now why the Jedi are not supposed to love." Qui-Gon's lips twitched. It's like a bantha was sleeping in my bed: how could I have missed it? "To love is to be deeply connected to the Living Force, to the exclusion of all else. This is especially dangerous because, at first, it seems as if your connection the Force is only deepening, strengthening, with love.
"But, Master Yoda, I still believe that particular rule is more cautionary than strict. Love can still exist between two Jedi, or between a Jedi and another, but the love has to be balanced not with the Force but within the Force."
"Master Obi-Wan knows how to balance it," Anakin said. "He explained it to us."
Yoda was silent for a moment. "Speak to Obi-Wan when he recovers we will." He turned towards the door. "Rise you will not, Qui-Gon. Finish healing your injury must. A new hand you will be given when return to the Temple we do." Then, just as the door chimed, Yoda called, "Enter."
The doors parted and Obi-Wan was carried in on a stretcher. His eyes were open, and Qui-Gon was relieved to see the passion returning to Obi-Wan's gaze. The medics moved him from the stretcher to a sleep couch, ensured that he was comfortable, then left.
Anakin ran to Obi-Wan's side and took his hand. "Master?"
"Padawan mine," Obi-Wan answered. His voice was a whisper, but at least he could speak. He smiled. "How was your dance with Queen Amidala?"
"Perfect," Anakin answered. "She taught me six different dances: four fast and two slow." But the boy's smile fell away and he turned to face Yoda, Mace and Zee, who were helping Qui-Gon (and his bacta) to move to a seat beside Obi-Wan. "Can you tell me what ber'Nac did to him? I don't understand."
"The Force can heal, Anakin," Zee said when it became apparent that the other two masters were busy helping Qui-Gon get settled. "When the Force helps a Jedi to heal, that Jedi enters into a deeper partnership with the Force. But the Force can also be used to injure. At such times, the Force becomes a half-tame beast that, once released, may or may not be called back. It can be driven back by the Light Force, but it can easily kill its victims. Obi-Wan was injured physically and metaphysically."
Anakin frowned.
"When I was attacked metaphysically, Anakin, my connection to the Force was cut," Obi-Wan said. "That's why I couldn't reach out to you, why I couldn't ask the Force to help me heal." He smiled wanly. "I can finally feel the Force again, and my rate of recovery will increase. But for a while, I had no help except time, which weakened ber'Nac's control as it passed." He closed his eyes and lay still, his chest rising and falling only the slightest bit.
Qui-Gon laid his good hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "And that little speech cost him every bit of his accumulated strength." He shook his head. "Sleep, Padawan mine. There will be time for further talk in the morning."
In moments, Obi-Wan was fast asleep.
Anakin drew a blanket over the padawan and then yawned.
"Time for you to sleep as well it is," Yoda said. "Discovered much this evening we have. More questions to answer there are, but progress made today there has been." He turned to Mace and Zee. "And now sleep we will, as well, I think" He glanced over his shoulder one more time. "Need help getting to your couch you do, Qui-Gon?"
The Jedi master hesitated. On the one hand, yes, he desperately needed the help. But his pride… I think I've given pride enough offerings lately, thank you. "I wouldn't say no to a little assistance."
oOo
Yoda curled up in Mace's arms and closed his eyes with a sigh. "Much learned there has been. The source of Qui-Gon's imbalance his love with Obi-Wan was not, though increased the imbalance their love did." He yawned. "But work on it Qui-Gon will now that identified it he has. Want an imbalance in the Force he does not. Sought the Dark Side he never has."
"Except when Tahl died," Mace noted. "Only her call to him- impossible though it may be- and Obi-Wan's unflinching support saved him. I'm afraid that if Obi-Wan died, there would be no way to bring Qui-Gon back." There was a beat of silence. Then, laying his chin on the top of Yoda's head, Mace said, "I have sinned against the Jedi Council."
Yoda pulled away and sat up. "Explain that you must." His eyes flashed in the dimness of their room.
Mace met his husband's gaze. "I was more worried about Qui-Gon than Obi-Wan. I was perfectly willing to lose Obi-Wan if we could keep Qui-Gon. I know my behavior didn't show it, especially when I accused Qui-Gon of using his influence to get Obi-Wan in bed with him, but that was my goal."
"Always apparent this was," Yoda answered. "Hoped, I did, that see it you would." He smiled sadly and slipped back under Mace's chin. "Sinned against the Code I tried to as well. Sought to protect Obi-Wan from all attacks by the Dark Side I did. Saw Qui-Gon's advances as akin to ber'Nac's I did."
Mace's arms tightened around Yoda. "You knew?"
Yoda sighed. "Consciously suspected I have for a year now. Subconsciously… perhaps much longer."
"You were right not to say anything."
"Perhaps. Even if wrong I was, change the past we cannot. But this remains: saw Qui-Gon's advances as a threat to Obi-Wan I did. Now not so sure I am. Loves him Obi-Wan does, but convince me that does not. Qui-Gon loves Obi-Wan. This now apparent is." He snuggled closer to Mace. "Meditate before sleep we should."
Mace nodded. "We need to ask guidance from the Force." He kissed the top of Yoda's head gently. "Yoda, if we're both being tempted by our own feelings instead of being led by the Force, what does that mean about our connection to the Force?"
"Tentative it may become if stop its receding we do not." Yoda sighed again and a slow, deep shudder passed through him.
"You know how to stop it but don't want to go that way," Mace said, hugging Yoda against him, rubbing his back.
"Anakin bring balance back to the Force will. In him our hopes for the future must be. But much danger I see in his path. Fear as well as anger. Unsure his future is."
"Can we afford not to take him back?"
"Hmmm. Afford anything we can. Lose the Force do we wish to? A choice it is."
The man didn't press. Everything they needed to discuss would be better left alone until morning. He took Yoda's hand. "We should meditate now."
Yoda nodded. "Agreed." They sat up on either side of the bed, closed their eyes, and began to sink into themselves and reach out to the Force. But before they could get very far: Mace?
Yes?
Love you I do. Patient and wonderful and caring you are, even when in need of help you are. Love you I do.
I love you, too, Yoda.
Yoda smiled in their minds. Now meditate we must.
oOo
Obi-Wan?
It was an hour before dawn.
Master?
Anakin was fast asleep on the couch near Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon lay close at hand, his eyes open but turned inward as he centered on his padawan's presence.
Are you awake?
Yes, Master. A wry smile.
You were crying out in your sleep. I'm not sure if it was aloud, but I heard you.
If I never dream of Xanatos again, it will be too soon. Obi-Wan sighed. I dreamed of him late yesterday, but that wasn't so bad; it was a memory, and so it ended well because you picked me up and held me at the end. He blushed, a trace of his embarrassment carrying across the link. But this dream… He kept coming. He pushed you to the Dark Side, killed Anakin and took me to the Sith Lord. Obi-Wan shivered. And on top of all that…
What happened, Obi mine?
I… I wanted to be there. A part of me hoped I could find and rescue you, but much of my mind was taken up by anger for what the Dark Side had done to Anakin. And what wasn't take up by anger and worry… quite a bit of my mind, actually… was filled with lust. The Sith Lord wanted to bed me; I wanted it, too. He shivered harder. Not to save you, not to make him pay for Anakin's death, but because he made me excited. I know dreams are just dreams, that they don't have to mean anything, but why would I even dream something like that? Have I… Have I played the part of a whore for too long? Have I given in even though I kept telling myself not to give more than my body to Xanatos, to ber'Nac? Xanatos was so long ago… How can I still be dreaming of him? I thought I had healed, and yet here I am again, practically back where I started when we returned to the Temple after Xanatos... you know.
You can speak of his death, Obi mine. It does not draw on me as it once did. He sat up and Obi-Wan turned his head, meeting his gaze across the short distance. May I hold you?
How is your wrist?
Healed. It has lain in bacta for the best part of six hours.
If you don't mind… Obi-Wan made room on his sleep couch.
I never mind, Obi mine. In less time than it takes to tell, Qui-Gon was sinking onto the couch beside his lover and drawing Obi-Wan close. Obi mine, you are almost panicked. Stop for a moment. Reach out to the Force. He nodded to himself as Obi-Wan obeyed, his heart beat slowing. You are still dreaming of Xanatos perhaps because of your injuries. Or perhaps it is because we fought the Sith, an ancient evil that we thought had been wiped out. Whichever it is, I can tell you what it is not. You are not having the dreams because you lack in dedication to the Light Side of the Force. You are not having the dreams because you are failing in meditation, in your thoughts or in your general practice of being a Jedi. Your emotions may have something to do with these dreams; being paralyzed by ber'Nac must have tested your faith in the Force and in yourself. But you long ago learned how to channel your feelings, let them direct you thorough the Force instead of away from the Force. Have faith in your own abilities.
Obi-Wan nodded, his mind suddenly focused. Besides, we have other things to worry about this morning. He made as if to sit up, but Qui-Gon forestalled him.
Padawan, I have something to tell you. Quickly, calmly as he could, Qui-Gon told Obi-Wan of his own failing in regards to the Force. A few things had resolved themselves in Qui-Gon's mind as he slept, among them the decision that he could, with meditation and more talks with Yoda, still love Obi-Wan without falling to the Dark Side. Now all he had to do was convince Yoda that the laws of the Code had been written to keep a Jedi on the right path, but that he could walk the straight way with help. He must convince the Council that Obi-Wan was part of that help, that they must not punish his padawan who had, after all, stayed closer to the heart of the Light Force than Qui-Gon himself. I will convince them. I will not let them take Obi-Wan from me. He has kept to the heart of the Code beautifully; he must not be punished for that.
Obi-Wan sat perfectly still for several moments while the sky lightened outside and the first birds began to sing. "I didn't realize you had such an imbalance. I am sorry I didn't feel it, Master." He glanced up at Qui-Gon. "I always thought I had too much of the Unifying Force in me, that I should lessen it until it matched yours." His smile was rueful. "But I couldn't give it up."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "The wiser man is you, Obi-Wan. In that, at least." He kissed the corner of Obi-Wan's mouth. "If each of us steps towards the other, you increasing your dependence on the Living Force and I concentrating on the Unifying Force, we will both find balance." He paused for a moment, then added, "And you know that relying on the Living Force a little more won't make you a lost-kitten collector like your Master, right? You know that you will feel a deeper connection to everything, but this will help you, not turn you into something you are not. The Force never changes our views from one side of the universe to the other; the Force simply finds our best qualities and sharpens them."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, but Qui-Gon could sense his relief. Seeing that he was found out, Obi-Wan added, "I have always been a little nervous about trusting other beings, maybe because of what happened to me at Temple, but more likely because I thought…." He blushed. "Well, I thought…"
"You thought you would become just like me, a half-crazed mother hen running about the galaxy, dismissing laws right and left just to help a little chick. True?"
"I wouldn't say half-crazed, Master. More like three quarters."
Qui-Gon swatted Obi-Wan's shoulder. "You're growing quite brazen, Padawan mine. Do I take it, then, that you will try accessing the Living Force more often just as I will make more contact with the Unifying Force?"
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan slipped off the couch and stood. "I need to get cleaned up. I feel filthy." He stripped off his tunic. "You didn't by any chance being extra clothes, did you?"
"I'm sure we can find something," Qui-Gon answered. "Take it slowly, though, Obi mine. You are not yet fully recovered."
"I know it well." Obi-Wan headed for the 'fresher. "I'll be out in ten minutes."
oOo
Anakin awoke to an empty room and a dark, hovering mass, more like a floating steam trunk than a light cloud, in his mind. He moved from laying down to standing in one fluid motion. Glancing around quickly, he confirmed he was the only one in the room, then reached out to the Force. He sensed Obi-Wan after a moment; the padawan was refreshing himself in the bathroom. Qui-Gon, though… Where had he gone? Anakin glimpsed the bacta solution standing by Qui-Gon's sleep couch and hoped the Jedi Master hadn't been taken in the night to have his hand replaced. He shouldn't have to go through something like that alone. But that's what the Jedi do; face things alone when they have to.
The mass took on form. It was a giant ladder made of dark wood. Each step was wide enough for a man to lay down on it. And on each step were heavy boxes, some decorated in lurid colors, others simply brown or black. After gazing at it for a long moment, Anakin realized that he was looking at it from below. More; he was holding up his loaded ladder and it was heavier than anything he'd ever lifted in his mind. He couldn't understand what it was, but he knew one thing: he could not hold it forever alone. Reaching out, he called, Master Obi-Wan?
Obi-Wan's presence in his mind made two of the boxes above him disappear. Confused and nervous- Anakin prided himself that he was never truly frightened- he tried to forget the strange image. It faded slightly, but refused to leave just yet.
Good morning, Anakin. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?
Anakin shook his head. You can feel everything I feel, can't you?
That will be the case until you learn how to build shields for yourself.
But if you can feel everything, don't you know what's wrong? The ladder grew taller and Anakin groaned.
I connect to your surface impressions, nothing more. It's like taking a shallow sounding in a deep well.
That's confusing, Anakin told him as the ladder moaned and swayed.
Obi-Wan chuckled, but there was a tense edge under the sound. I'm starting to sound more and more like Qui-Gon. Anakin, what-?
Where's Master Qui-Gon? He didn't go to have his hand worked on, did he? The Council didn't arrest him, did they?
He's gone to hunt up some clothes for me. He should be back soon. And we're still on Naboo, Anakin; we won't meet with the Council until we're back on Coruscant. A pause, then, Master Yoda spoke differently last night. I have hope for all our futures that I didn't have before… Anakin, may I come fully into your mind?
The boy hesitated. I'm ashamed of my fear.
Shame is part of the Dark Side, Anakin, as is fear. Please let me help you.
I can't stop you from coming in, so why bother asking? Anakin hated himself for how bitter he sounded, but the ladder above him was becoming more than he could handle. He felt half-crushed already.
Anakin sensed Obi-Wan's hesitation, sensed him weighing his words before he sent, Entering your mind without permission is the equivalent of rape. I would never do that.
And, behind the hesitation, Anakin felt how much he had hurt his Master. Another box was added above him and he said, "Please help me."
At once, Obi-Wan was in his mind; Anakin could see him. As the image of the ladder sharpened, so did Obi-Wan's presence. The padawan shouldered much of the burden, then looked up at it. What's this?
Anakin winced. I'm not sure. I woke up and it was here. I thought it was just a bad felling at first, but it's… I can feel it now, physically.
So can I. Obi-Wan reached up and removed a box, balancing the ladder on his shoulders. What's in here?
I have no idea. Anakin shivered. But I'm not sure I want to find out. What if it's something bad?
Obi-Wan turned the box in his hands. It's heavy. He looked at Anakin. But anything that's in these boxes is in your mind already. So if something dangerous is here-
I'm already in danger. Anakin nodded. He moved half a step closer to Obi-Wan. Open it.
The padawan did, bracing himself for a howling wind or a clawing beast or something of that nature. Instead, nothing flew out and he glanced down into the box. The boy of a deformed something lay at the bottom of the box, shriveled and pale as a fish that has never seen daylight. Obi-Wan didn't remove it, but urged Anakin to look at it. What is this, padawan mine?
Anakin took in the light brown tunic and the darker brown of the robe. It's a Jedi. He shivered hard and the ladder whined in protest. It's you. You as… as ber'Nac was going to leave you. As the Sith was going to leave you. Qui-Gon and I weren't in time to save you and you look like this…
Obi-Wan balanced the box in one hand and took out the ailing Jedi with the other. He could see the similarities between himself and the dying man in Anakin's box, but he refused to let it frighten him. I could never be like this, Anakin, because even if I died I would die in the Force. My life energy would still exist.
But your body… And we can't keep our energy together once we die, right?
Believe me when I say this, Padawan mine: our bodies should always be treated with respect, because they're the only ones we get in a lifetime. But the Force is to be treated with reverence. When I die, it will be serving the Force. He cast the box aside and turned the feather-light body in his arms. Focusing on the face before him, he filled it with the hope of the Force, of the continuing mission of the Force to work through people and change the universe for the better. Soon, he was gazing at his own face, pale in death, but resolute. The body gained weight in his arms and Obi-Wan turned to Anakin, whose eyes were wide. This is how I will be when I die, Anakin. Maybe not so young, but my expression will be the same. I will die serving the Force and so I will be content.
Master, I never thought… Then to be a Jedi is to be ready for death when it comes, not seeking it, but ready for it?
Yes, Anakin.
Anakin nodded and watched as the body of his master and the box it had been in disappeared. Above him, xix other boxes vanished.
Did my death weigh so heavily on you, Padawan mine?
Yes, Master. I didn't know what it was like to fear for someone's death until I saw what ber'Nac did to you. He added after a moment, My mother and I could always be killed and no one would care, but we lived with that every day. I've never seen anyone as close to death as you were. I couldn't even feel the Force around you.
Acknowledge your fear, draw it into yourself, then breathe it out. Fear is a path to the Dark Side, Anakin, but it is a path you can turn from the instant you see it before your feet.
Will you and Qui-Gon ever get tired of telling me that?
No, but you'll soon get tired of hearing it and tell it to yourself. Soon you will notice unease before it turns to fear and set yourself on the right path. Obi-Wan gazed up at he remaining boxes. Should we continue?
I feel a lot better now, but I guess we shouldn't just leave all my fears up there.
Not all will be so easily dismissed, Obi-Wan said. Some must be noted, then tended to over time through talking, meditation and the natural changes that will happen to you over time.
I understand. And I'm ready.
oOo
"How long have they been like this?" Mace asked, gazing at Obi-Wan, who was leaning against the 'fresher wall, his eyes open but blind. He wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing, but didn't seem to be cold. Sometimes his lips moved, but mostly he was still. In the other room, Anakin stood by his sleep couch, his eyes just the same. His lips moved a little more because he wasn't used to talking in his mind, but the resto f his body was just as still as Obi-Wan's.
"It's been ten minutes since I found them this way," Qui-Gon answered. "Neither of them seems to be in danger, and they are talking, so I didn't want to interrupt. But Obi-Wan should have sensed my presence."
"Maybe he is, and just not acknowledging it." Mace frowned. "Though you'd think he would have moved or said something when I came in." Turning away slightly, he said, "There is only a sense of the Light Force here, but they can't stay like this much longer. Obi-Wan isn't strong enough for one; he'll get cold, for another. I don't want to disturb them, but maybe it's time. They've had over ten minutes."
"Some lessons take hours." Qui-Gon turned his eyes back to Obi-Wan. "But I agree; they can do this later, I think." He stepped into the 'fresher, then glanced back at Mace. "Maybe I should awaken him alone."
Mace smiled, reminded suddenly of the first time he'd surprised Yoda, naked, in a refresher. "I'll be out here with Anakin."
When he was alone, Qui-Gon touched Obi-Wan's arm and spoke softly. "Obi-Wan? Can you hear me?"
At once, Obi-Wan's eyes focused. "I've been aware of you since you came in. But Anakin and I had much to discuss." He was silent for a moment, then smiled. "Anakin says he sensed you before you entered our quarters but that he wanted to finish what we started."
"And did you?" Qui-Gon wrapped a towel around Obi-Wan's shoulders.
"For now." Obi-Wan began to rub himself dry. He gestured with his chin at the bundle of clothes under Qui-Gon's arm. "Are those for me?"
"They are, unless you want to pose naked for Master Mace again?"
Obi-Wan blushed and snatched the clothes from his lover. "It took all my concentration not to interrupt my work with Anakin so I could cover myself."
Qui-Gon laughed as he hugged Obi-Wan against him for a moment. "Indeed."
Obi-Wan whispered, all humor gone from his voice for a the moment, "I need to find time to tell you something."
"What better time than the present?" Qui-Gon stepped back and put his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders.
"I want to give you the time to react to this in private."
"Obi-Wan, I am a Jedi Knight. I think I can be trusted to keep something to myself until I have processed it."
Obi-Wan frowned, then stepped back and slipped his tunic over his head. "Okay, but remember: you asked." He met Qui-Gon's gaze as he worked to get his trousers on. I'm pregnant.
Qui-Gon winced and sucked in his breath. Obi-Wan… Obi-Wan, are you sure?
Positive. Obi-Wan couldn't resist the grin that leapt to his lips. If you are the typical example of a stolid Jedi Knight, perhaps I should learn from another padawan how to hide my reactions.
Obi-Wan….
Qui-Gon… The padawan's grin broadened. Do not be angry with me, Master, but you have to admit that you overstepped yourself a little this time.
I was not expecting to hear those two words! Qui-Gon closed his eyes to compose himself as Obi-Wan donned the rest of his clothes. At last, the Master opened his eyes again. How do you feel?
Tired beyond measure and craving foods I haven't wanted in years. His laughed echoed in their minds. And you, my Master? How are you feelings?
Insolent whelp. I am well, thank you. Qui-Gon focused on Obi-Wan's face, taking in his pallor and the way he leaned against the wall. "Enough of this. You need to sit down and I'll see about breakfast for the three of us. I'm sure Master Mace has better things to do than wait for us." He led the way into the living room. Anakin sat alone on his sleep couch, but he jumped up when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan entered. "Did Master Mace leave?" Qui-Gon asked.
Anakin nodded. "He said to be ready in an hour for breakfast with the Queen." Then he saw how pale Obi-Wan was and added, "He said if Obi-Wan wasn't strong enough, he could stay here and food would be brought to him."
Obi-Wan made it to Anakin's sleep couch unaided and sank to the cushions with his usual grace. "Perhaps if I rest for a little while, I will have the strength to see her Highness. It would be an honor to eat with her."
"Do you need something before then, Obi mine?" Qui-Gon asked, dropping a hand on the younger man's shoulder.
"Water would be a blessing."
As Qui-Gon left the room, he heard Anakin say, "Our talk weakened you again. You've lost all the strength you had this morning."
"It wasn't only our talk, Anakin, and we needed to talk. I'll be all right if I can rest."
"I'll only ask one more question, then. What else is it?"
A moment of silence. "I'm pregnant, Padawan mine. Some of the men on my planet are just as likely to get pregnant as women."
Anakin seemed to take this in stride; Qui-Gon was amazed by how quickly he came back with, "Is it Qui-Gon's or ber'Nac's?"
"Qui-Gon's. I'd say I'm about four months pregnant. My first mistake with ber'Nac happened less than two months ago."
"How do you know how long you've been pregnant?"
Obi-Wan chuckled. "I can sense it. And didn't you promise to only ask one question?"
"That was before you said you're carrying a baby. What will happen to it? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"
"The answer to both questions is: I don't know. And before you ask anything else, I must rest."
"You can lay down if you want."
"Thank you. I will after I drink."
It was only then that Qui-Gon remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He went to the sink, filled a glass, and brought it back to Obi-Wan. As his lover drank, Qui-Gon took in Anakin's wide-eyed expression and smiled.
"You'll have to keep this news under your hat, Anakin," he said. "Obi-Wan and I have enough to deal with, I think."
"We can't hide this from the Council," Obi-Wan said, setting the glass aside. "We might succeed, but they need to know. I have faith in Master Yoda's words last night. I think he will look on us more compassionately now."
Qui-Gon frowned, but said, "I did sense a change in Master Mace, though I'm not sure we can trust them to forgive everything."
"Lesson one in the Unifying Force," Obi-Wan said. "Trust. There is nothing to be gained by lying to the Council and everything to lose. But there is hope in truth. Only by speaking the truth can you be open to the Unifying Force."
Anakin blinked as Qui-Gon considered that. "You're the master now, Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan smiled. "In a manner of speaking, though only in this. There is much I need to still learn from Qui-Gon."
"Not so much as you think, Padawan mine," Qui-Gon muttered, his gaze still in-turned. Then he shook himself. "Enough. Anakin and I will get ready to go, you will rest, Obi-Wan, then we shall see if we'll all be attending this royal breakfast."