A/N: Sorry for the delay, here is chapter 10. Hope you fine people are
enjoying this. There will be much more to come.
Disclaimers: Same thing my friends, same thing. And we do not own the song "Send The Pain Below", Chevelle, one of the best bands does!
Clarice passed the cubicles, the people; her co-workers and fellow agents, and pushed the door to the flight of exit stairs open. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She leaned up against the door and wiped them away. Minutes passed.
She reached her hand up and pulled her hair out of its bun, it falling in a messy auburn shower around her shoulders and in her eyes. She glanced out the small window in the door...she'd never see this place again. She thought she should feel more...empty. But she didn't...she felt...free. Not a single regret was at the back of her mind. She stood back up straight and went down the rest of the stairs, never looking back.
Rainfall reached Clarice's ears as she opened the exit door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. She didn't bother to find shelter from it; it felt cleansing, like it was trying to clear her of troubles. Clarice let it pour over her as she walked back to her car.
~ I like having hurt,
So send the pain below where I need it ~
Freedom was something Clarice hadn't tasted in a long, long time. Though she felt release unlike any she had felt for a decade, her heart still ached from the years of torment. This ache would never go away. It was buried too deep, they had scarred her forever. But she knew was going to go on.
~You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing ~
She was going to prove them wrong, she was going to show them that she didn't need them, that though her whole life had been a mistake, she was going to turn it around. It was never too late to change your life.
~ But long before having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below ~
Clarice rested her forehead against her palm that was pressed to the window of her Mustang. A silent sob escaped her throat. What if all this about changing her life around was a lie just like everything else? What if nothing ever changed or became better? Her head hurt from thinking and she didn't think she could take another day like this, let alone the better half of a lifetime. There were still too many unanswered questions, and she didn't know if she would ever find a resolution to any of them.
~ Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating ~
A hand touched Clarice's shoulder, and she looked over slowly to see Ardelia beside her. She was as soaked through by the rain as Clarice was, and her eyes showed a deep empathy.
~ I'd send the pain below,
Much like suffocating,
I'd send the pain below ~
"Hey girl, it's alright." She reached up and folded a lock of wet hair behind Clarice's ear. "You're okay." Clarice turned her head away so Ardelia couldn't see her cry. A pause came before Ardelia began speaking again. "I was up there. I heard you storm out. Hey Clarice, you're going to be okay. You're the strongest person I know, girl. You're a survivor." Clarice shook her head. "I'm not what you think I am, Delia."
~You used to run me away
All while laughing ~
"Sure you are. You're that girl who tells people flat out what she thinks, who doesn't give a shit when some sons of a bitch try to take her down, who talks back to a serial killer...?" Clarice shook her head, the faintest trace of a painful smile crossing her lips. "I can't do this forever, Delia. I quit the FBI, but I don't think that's even going to help anything. I'm cursed. Stuck forever in this dream."
~ Then cry about the fact,
'Til I returned ~
Delia shook her head slowly and reached out, putting a gentle hand on Clarice's. "I can't see how anything is going to get better. It's getting hard just to breathe." Ardelia moved closer and her arms came around Clarice's body in a strong embrace.
~ But long before, having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below ~
"Girl, it's all about faith. Now I know whatever you might think, there's a part of you that wants to believe you'll turn your life into something worthwhile and leave this all behind you. And that's the part you gotta listen to. No matter how small, you gotta have that faith that it can be stronger. Faith, Clarice," she cradled Clarice's face in an upturned hand, and pushed it up so that they locked eyes, "Faith."
~ Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating ~
~ I'd send the pain below
Much like suffocating
I'd send the pain below
Much like suffocating ~
As these words bore into her heart and soul, Clarice buried her face into Ardelia's shoulder. She began to feel amazed that she had these many tears to cry. "God, Delia, it's so hard." She sobbed. "I know girl, I know. But you're strong."
~I can't feel my chest, Need more, drop down Closing in ~
~ I can't feel my chest, drop down ~
Clarice's hands clenched Ardelia's jacket in fists and her breaths came in sobs that were painful even to hear.
~ I liked having hurt
So send the pain below
So send the pain below ~
~Much like suffocating (I liked) So send the pain below ~
"Hey Clarice," Delia said gently after a moment. "How about I stay with you tonight? You shouldn't be alone like this."
"I...think I want to be alone tonight," Clarice managed to say in a surprisingly steady voice.
~ Much like suffocating (having hurt)
So send the pain below ~
"...No girl, I really don't think you should be alone. I'll take the couch; we don't even have to talk. But I want to be there."
Clarice nodded silently.
"Thanks, D."
"No problem, girl. You go home and rest, I'll be round at about seven." She turned her head to the side and gave Clarice a light kiss on the forehead and one last reassuring squeeze before releasing her and walking away.
Wiping her tears away and taking a deep breath, Clarice got into her car numbly and pulled out, not knowing exactly where she was going, but wanting to get far, far away from this place and it's unbearably sickening memories.
Disclaimers: Same thing my friends, same thing. And we do not own the song "Send The Pain Below", Chevelle, one of the best bands does!
Clarice passed the cubicles, the people; her co-workers and fellow agents, and pushed the door to the flight of exit stairs open. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She leaned up against the door and wiped them away. Minutes passed.
She reached her hand up and pulled her hair out of its bun, it falling in a messy auburn shower around her shoulders and in her eyes. She glanced out the small window in the door...she'd never see this place again. She thought she should feel more...empty. But she didn't...she felt...free. Not a single regret was at the back of her mind. She stood back up straight and went down the rest of the stairs, never looking back.
Rainfall reached Clarice's ears as she opened the exit door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. She didn't bother to find shelter from it; it felt cleansing, like it was trying to clear her of troubles. Clarice let it pour over her as she walked back to her car.
~ I like having hurt,
So send the pain below where I need it ~
Freedom was something Clarice hadn't tasted in a long, long time. Though she felt release unlike any she had felt for a decade, her heart still ached from the years of torment. This ache would never go away. It was buried too deep, they had scarred her forever. But she knew was going to go on.
~You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing ~
She was going to prove them wrong, she was going to show them that she didn't need them, that though her whole life had been a mistake, she was going to turn it around. It was never too late to change your life.
~ But long before having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below ~
Clarice rested her forehead against her palm that was pressed to the window of her Mustang. A silent sob escaped her throat. What if all this about changing her life around was a lie just like everything else? What if nothing ever changed or became better? Her head hurt from thinking and she didn't think she could take another day like this, let alone the better half of a lifetime. There were still too many unanswered questions, and she didn't know if she would ever find a resolution to any of them.
~ Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating ~
A hand touched Clarice's shoulder, and she looked over slowly to see Ardelia beside her. She was as soaked through by the rain as Clarice was, and her eyes showed a deep empathy.
~ I'd send the pain below,
Much like suffocating,
I'd send the pain below ~
"Hey girl, it's alright." She reached up and folded a lock of wet hair behind Clarice's ear. "You're okay." Clarice turned her head away so Ardelia couldn't see her cry. A pause came before Ardelia began speaking again. "I was up there. I heard you storm out. Hey Clarice, you're going to be okay. You're the strongest person I know, girl. You're a survivor." Clarice shook her head. "I'm not what you think I am, Delia."
~You used to run me away
All while laughing ~
"Sure you are. You're that girl who tells people flat out what she thinks, who doesn't give a shit when some sons of a bitch try to take her down, who talks back to a serial killer...?" Clarice shook her head, the faintest trace of a painful smile crossing her lips. "I can't do this forever, Delia. I quit the FBI, but I don't think that's even going to help anything. I'm cursed. Stuck forever in this dream."
~ Then cry about the fact,
'Til I returned ~
Delia shook her head slowly and reached out, putting a gentle hand on Clarice's. "I can't see how anything is going to get better. It's getting hard just to breathe." Ardelia moved closer and her arms came around Clarice's body in a strong embrace.
~ But long before, having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below ~
"Girl, it's all about faith. Now I know whatever you might think, there's a part of you that wants to believe you'll turn your life into something worthwhile and leave this all behind you. And that's the part you gotta listen to. No matter how small, you gotta have that faith that it can be stronger. Faith, Clarice," she cradled Clarice's face in an upturned hand, and pushed it up so that they locked eyes, "Faith."
~ Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating,
Much like suffocating ~
~ I'd send the pain below
Much like suffocating
I'd send the pain below
Much like suffocating ~
As these words bore into her heart and soul, Clarice buried her face into Ardelia's shoulder. She began to feel amazed that she had these many tears to cry. "God, Delia, it's so hard." She sobbed. "I know girl, I know. But you're strong."
~I can't feel my chest, Need more, drop down Closing in ~
~ I can't feel my chest, drop down ~
Clarice's hands clenched Ardelia's jacket in fists and her breaths came in sobs that were painful even to hear.
~ I liked having hurt
So send the pain below
So send the pain below ~
~Much like suffocating (I liked) So send the pain below ~
"Hey Clarice," Delia said gently after a moment. "How about I stay with you tonight? You shouldn't be alone like this."
"I...think I want to be alone tonight," Clarice managed to say in a surprisingly steady voice.
~ Much like suffocating (having hurt)
So send the pain below ~
"...No girl, I really don't think you should be alone. I'll take the couch; we don't even have to talk. But I want to be there."
Clarice nodded silently.
"Thanks, D."
"No problem, girl. You go home and rest, I'll be round at about seven." She turned her head to the side and gave Clarice a light kiss on the forehead and one last reassuring squeeze before releasing her and walking away.
Wiping her tears away and taking a deep breath, Clarice got into her car numbly and pulled out, not knowing exactly where she was going, but wanting to get far, far away from this place and it's unbearably sickening memories.