My Old Ways

I spent the whole time I was in the shower thinking about what Julie had shouted. We were flirting; and it wasn't even because we were acting in front of the others. I'd always passed it off as friendly banter; it was what we did and always had done. I'd never thought that to outsiders it may have looked like something else. I wondered if it looked like that to everyone or only my family because they thought we were a couple. Did we look like a couple?

By the time my shower had finished, I decided that there was no point worrying about it. We were spending the weekend acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, which was the only reason we gave the impression we were.

"Who's hogging the bathroom now?"

"Some of us have to get beautiful," Winked. Wait, is that considered flirting?

"Whereas I just achieve it naturally,"

"No," Corrected her. "You could spend 24 hours in there and still look like a tramp, so there's no point even trying,"

"You're so charming sometimes,"

"I try my hardest,"

It turned out afternoon tea wasn't overly thrilling. Surprise, surprise. Then a few more people arrived and, although the massive influx of people was going to occur on Sunday, I still felt the need to hide from the strangers. I wasn't in the mood to gush about how perfect the bride and groom were; there would be enough of that the following day.

By the time it came to getting ready for the evening meal, waiting for Nikki to get ready had become tedious. I decided to not bother getting changed and went off in search of any male member of my family. As I wondered past the lounge area, I noticed a rather large group of males stood around the bar. Instantly recognising the garish jumper that Mum had bought Mike, Joyce and Bryan's only son, last Christmas, I made my way over to them.

We had a competition to see whose partner spent longest in the bathroom, which ended up being a draw between myself and Dave, something I wasn't surprised at, as every time I met up with Julie she was late.

"I can't believe you're actually in a proper relationship." Mike mused. "You've always been the perpetual singleton," I thought for a while and worked out that I had been the only single male in my close family for the past 4 years. I'd never actually been aware of this fact or even thought about anything along those lines, but somehow having a fake girlfriend seemed to make me even more conscious of the fact I was single. Painfully conscious of it, in fact.

"It's unfair; I've been living precariously through you for years," Mark, Maggie's husband, was my favourite of all my cousin-in-laws. "Your conquests were my conquests,"

"They weren't really conquests..."

"Course they were, you were a right man whore," I developed an understanding as to why Nikki hated it when I called her a slut; it hurt. I've known it all the time, if I was really honest with myself, but hearing it being said by another person makes it get under your skin so much more. It stung. I think that's the only way to describe it. Stinging.

"Where are your kids?" Rubbish subject change attempt.

"The hotel has a babysitting service thing." He dismissed my attempt at redirecting the conversation. "I really can't believe you're actually with a girl, monogamously."

"I wasn't that much of a slag."

"Do you love her?" I faltered. Couldn't he have asked something else? A smaller question, one I was more equipped to deal with, instead of pushing me right in at the deep end. Just my luck, as per bloody usual.

"What's love?"

"Don't dodge it, do you love her?"

"I don't know." I think that was the first truth I'd said that weekend when faced with a question about Nikki. "How do you ever know?"

"Well, you guys were best mates, right?"

"Still are."

"Exactly. Best mates love each other, platonically. In your case, you liked each other romantically as well." I wondered if Mark had been a psychiatrist of some kind in a previous life. "It makes sense that the platonic love would turn into romantic love as soon as you slept with each other."

"Ok, Jeremy Kyle,"

"Harry, you really need to stop using the Jeremy Kyle comparison every time someone gives you advice or talks to you like an adult," I don't know how she managed it, but Nikki had somehow crept up on me, without actually knocking anything over or tripping up in the process. Surge of pride; maybe she wasn't so clumsy after all. She leaned over my back."It's getting old," Why did she kiss my neck?

"Nikki, may I say something?" Mike's voice brought me out of my temporary daydream/deep thought process. Why did she kiss my neck? It must have been pretend flirting. We're good at that.

"Of course," Nikki was halfway through the process of buying herself a gin & tonic. Somehow, she'd managed to get the barman's attention and he served her straight away, whereas I had had to wait at least 10 minutes. I suspect it had something to do with my lack of cleavage/blonde hair/dress. I think if I had been wearing a dress, I would have probably been avoided for even longer.

"You're hot. Like really hot. Don't tell Sandra I said that." Sandra, Mike's wife, was my least favourite of my cousins-in-law. She was nice enough as a person by herself, but when she was in wife mode, she became a controlling and scary dragon; reminding me of one of the matron's when I was doing my residency. The mere thought of that woman brought shudders down my spine.

"Where is Sandra?" I asked, hoping to finally turn the conversation away from me and Nikki.

"Went to check on the kids," Nikki flapped her hand at me, trying to get me to move off the seat. "They're really cute by the way,"

"Most the time they're not. Toddlers are a nuisance," Mike had inherited family trait of loving kids, but never openly admitting it. If he's like everyone else in the family, he'll grow out of it once they hit 18 and spend the whole time phoning them just to say 'I love you'.

"Tell me about it, I work with one," I reminded myself to ask her to stop smiling at me after she's insulted me, it makes her too cute to be angry at.

I just realised that Harry's uncle started as being called John and has now been converted to Bryan. I'm a gunna stick with Bryan. I understand that maybe all of Harry's extended family is going to get incredibly confusing; it confuses the hell out of me. Maybe I'll write out a little family tree sort of thing for you. Maybe I won't. It's not that important to the incredibly cheesey and fluffy and predictable storyline I have concocted/stolen from practically every rom-com ever made. Also calling characters Mike and Mark probably doesn't help with being able to distinguish and understand everything.

EmmaJ1996, I managed to escape from my birdcage. Damn bars, so hard to chew through.