Grace
By: LilyDraken
Sakura blinked, stunned. Thoughts were not a possibility at the moment; tried as she might, she could not wrap her mind around a single one. She stared, gaping at him as she struggled for words, "Sasuke, you can't— it's not okay to just— you… you kissed me."
She paused, the gravity of the realization sinking in. Emotions encapsulated her in a blurry haze. The young girl in her cried out in joy and pain: Sasuke had been her first crush, the boy she'd first dreamed of sharing her first kiss with, her first everything with.
But Sasuke wasn't that man. Her first date, her first kiss, her first time, those now belonged to other men. She could never take back those firsts to give to him, and after everything, it just-
She took a deep breath. The woman in her, the jounin medic that she was, recognized the situation for what it was.
"Sasuke," she started, punctuating the creation of emotional distance by pulling away literally, "you've been dealing with a lot lately. Being brought back, arguably against your will, probation, incinerating your family's homestead… the list goes on-"
"Sakura-"
"You're vulnerable right now Sasuke," she interrupted as she got up, headed to the door, and shoved her notebook into her satchel, "and being vulnerable, you shouldn't do anything that you might regret."
Frustrated, Sasuke started, "Sakura, I-"
She slipped her shoes on. "I should go."
"Wait."
She slung the bag over her shoulder and opened the door. With lightning speed, Sasuke shot across the room, closing the door before she could pass through it.
"Sasuke…" her voice cracked, her aloof demeanor rapidly crumbling. 'Why can't he see that this hurts?' She took a deep breath, trying desperately to compose herself, "Look, I have an obligation tonight that I can't get out of, so I have to go. We'll continue tomorrow, okay?" She plastered a bright smile on her face.
"Not okay," he replied softly, closing the distance between them once more.
Sakura finally lost her composure and pushed him away, shouting, "You can't just kiss me like it's nothing and say, 'Thank you, Sakura!' Do you remember the last time you said that to me?"
"The night you fixed my wrists," he replied calmly.
Sakura shook her head in frustrated anger, snapping, "The time before that then, Sasuke!"
He moved so quickly she didn't see him until his arms were wrapped firmly around her. Sakura struggled against him, but her arms were pinned at her sides; she had no leverage. He whispered against her ear, "I told you already, that night, what you said meant something to me. And this, what just happened…"
The tortured expression on Sakura's face, her green eyes brimming with tears, caused him to hesitate.
She seized the moment and pulled away, brushing away her tears with a swipe of her finger. "Like I said, Sasuke, you're vulnerable right now, and shouldn't be doing anything rashly."
She pushed past him to the door; he didn't stop her. "I have a rotation at the hospital tomorrow morning; you can meet me there in the afternoon and we'll continue."
Sasuke took her meaning clearly, nodding in resignation. "Alright."
She walked out. He sighed.
Night had fallen, the stars twinkling brightly in the sky above. Sasuke had just completed his check-in with Genma and continued on a long walk. Finding an open glade with little light pollution, he lay down in the grass, staring up into the starry heavens.
He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what had compelled him to kiss her. Not once had he ever done anything, outside of battle, compulsively. He didn't know why he'd done it; all that mattered was that he had, and that Sakura was obviously upset about it.
Which was another thing he didn't understand. Wasn't that what Sakura had always wanted?
"You bastard."
Sasuke turned his head in the direction of the voice he knew so well. Naruto stood there, clearly visible despite the dim light. He could see Naruto's blue eyes, which seemed to narrow and flicker red for an instant; Sasuke blinked and refocused; no, they were blue.
He didn't need to ask what it was about. "I know," he replied simply, shifting his gaze back to the sky.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Naruto persisted.
Sasuke sat up and faced him. "I'm a bastard, as you just aptly stated."
"You're a bloody disaster is what you are," the blond retorted, plopping into the grass beside him.
"You're not wrong," Sasuke sighed.
Naruto turned to him and said, "You've been in the habit of doing one stupid thing after another as long as I've known you." Sasuke gave him a scathing look. "Well it's true. I thought maybe you were gonna turn that around when you burned Uchiha-ville to the ground, but clearly old habits die hard."
"I'm not in the mood for a lecture, Naruto-sama."
"Right now I'm not the Hokage, I'm your friend, and as such, I'm obligated to lecture you on being an ass."
Sasuke turned to look at him squarely, "Has it occurred to you that perhaps I don't need you to reiterate a fact that I'm already well aware of?"
"You don't know what I'm talking about."
"I know exactly what you're talking about," Sasuke countermanded, "and it's none of your business."
Sasuke's head exploded in pain as Naruto's fist hit its target. "What the fuck, Naruto?"
Naruto got up onto his knees, facing Sasuke. "Violence has always been the only way we can ever seem to communicate. So let's have at it. You've got issues; I'm your guy. Let's do it."
Sasuke glared at Naruto. "In case you've forgotten Hokage-sama, I'm not allowed to spar without the supervision of a chaperone, which we seem to be lacking."
"Or you could remember that I am the hokage, and I can do both at the same time," Naruto replied with a smug grin.
Sasuke's fingers curled into fists. That shit-eating grin was the last straw. He struck with lightning speed, missing Naruto by a fraction of a hair. The two went at it, punching, kicking, literally heaving each other off the ground, into trees, pummeling one another senseless.
Naruto landed hard against a tree, causing a fissure from the point of impact all the way down to its base. "Is that the best you can do, teme? Pretty sad."
"Fuck you," Sasuke shouted, launching himself into aerial attack position. Naruto slid out, avoiding the blow by a second. He kage bunshined, grabbing Sasuke with the clone, then slipping behind him and kicking him literally in the ass, sending him skyward. With the bunshin, he grabbed Sasuke mid-air, holding him tightly as he landed softly on the ground, preventing the Uchiha from landing on his bruised and battered behind.
"Feel better now that you got your ass kicked?"
Sasuke returned a scathing look. He'd thought initially that this was Naruto's version of therapy; he was under the impression that Naruto would hold back and let Sasuke land a few to get out his frustration; he was rather surprised Naruto hadn't. And yeah, his ass hurt like a bitch.
"You know," Naruto said conversationally, sitting back down in the grass as though nothing had happened, "using me as your method of suicide was pretty fucked up."
Sasuke's eyes widened.
"I'm actually pretty pissed about it to be honest. You could have found a hundred different ways that wouldn't have resulted in me hating myself the rest of my life."
"I wanted it to be justice for you," Sasuke said quietly, "and penance for me."
"Penance means repenting, and doing the hard work that goes along with it. You know, Sasuke, you've always taken the easy way out."
Sasuke glared angrily at Naruto, "You deserved justice for all the shit I've put you through. Fuck, Naruto, how many times have I damn near killed you?"
"Tried to, teme, tried to. Not once did you succeed, and no, it's not because you held back at the last possible second; it's because I'm that good. And I can read you like an open book.
"You forget Sasuke that I know you better than anyone. I know when you're full of shit, which is most of the time, granted, but you were an absolute idiot to think I'd fall for that line of bull you fed me when we fought. All you have are distorted facts of the truth, but do you know, do you truly know the truth about what happened with Itachi and your clan?"
Sasuke sighed. "More than I ever cared to know, Naruto," he said quietly. "That's why I burned it, to wipe it from the face of the village. I'm wiping the slate clean, taking Sakura up on her advice that I redefine Uchiha."
Naruto grasped Sasuke's shoulders, looking his square in the face. "You can't do that until you know the truth, the real truth, behind your brother's sacrifice."
Sasuke's eyes were locked on Naruto's, his breath baited, "What truth?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"The truth that your brother loved you more than anything, but that he couldn't allow even you to destroy what he'd worked so hard to protect. He loved this village, more than his own clan, but not more than you. He couldn't give you up Sasuke. He made you hate him in order for you to become strong. He wanted you to become the hero of his tragic tale."
Sasuke scowled, "You're not telling me anything I don't know."
"That time we met, your brother talked to me through tsukiyomi, told me that if you ever became a true threat to the village he sacrificed so much to protect, he asked if I would have the guts to bring you down. I said I would. Not even for you Sasuke, would I sacrifice the village. So Itachi imbibed part of his power in me, so that should that day come, and I needed to draw upon it, I could.
"More importantly, he asked me to become your brother in his place. To love you like a brother, no matter what it took."
The information hit Sasuke as hard as one of Naruto's punches.
"It wasn't asking much, because it was the way I always felt. I would never give up hope on you Sasuke, and now that you finally know that, now that you finally see how much I value and love you," he said, tears burning in his eyes, "all I can feel is happiness that I have my brother back."
Sasuke stared at Naruto, speechless.
He continued, "You've been manipulated your whole life. Your brother manipulated you by doing what he did to you, and regardless of his motives, it was fucked up and cruel and wrong. Orochimaru played on your rage for your brother, manipulating you in order to get what he wanted. Didn't work out so hot for him, but that's beside the point.
"You have your all-out battle with your brother, which you were manipulated into by him, in order to exact the revenge that Itachi had already staged. Then just as that grand manipulation is over, Madara turns you into his bitch; he uses the truth of your brother's sacrifice as a way to manipulate your emotions, inciting you to react the way he wanted you to."
Sasuke rankled at what Naruto said. It was hitting way to close to home and he didn't want to hear any more of it.
"Here Sasuke, now, is the first time in your entire life where no one is manipulating you. No one is using your volatile, intense emotions against you. You are free to make your own choices.
"But with that freedom comes responsibility," Naruto continued, his tone gentler. "You can't afford to act without thinking now. Even well intentioned actions, if not thought through clearly, can hurt others."
Sasuke processed Naruto's words. He was right. Sasuke hadn't thought about kissing Sakura, it was spur of the moment. She was there, so close, so understanding of everything he was, and everything he wanted to accomplish, he just… kissed her.
But he'd forgotten that Sakura once had feelings for him, beyond that of love of teammate and friend; it had never occurred to him that perhaps her feelings for him were still there. She'd certainly given him no inclination that there were, but…
"Just be careful," Naruto gently warned, his meaning clear.
Sasuke absorbed everything. He nodded.
Naruto yawned. "Well, glad we got that all settled. I'm heading to bed."
Naruto vanished with a poof, leaving Sasuke alone with his thoughts.
He hadn't taken the possibility of Sakura's feelings into consideration. He enjoyed being with her. She was comforting, soothing, and he trusted her. She was right; he was vulnerable right now, but he trusted her with his vulnerability, something he had never entrusted to anyone before.
But he needed to be clear on his own feelings where she was concerned. If she did still have feelings for him, however vulnerable and needing of her he might be, it would be unfair for him to take advantage of her in that fashion. 'Tomorrow, I'll set things straight, establish boundaries in our relationship so I don't risk hurting her… or losing her.' Losing her… that was a thought he couldn't bear.
A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this little segway chapter. More to come shortly. As always, thanks to my reviewers. Please keep them coming!
~Lily