Love Me or Leave Me
All These Things I've Done

Eiji lay on his futon, unable to sleep. It was a little past one in the morning and from all around him, he could hear the sounds of the other men who'd long drifted off into slumber. Quietly, so as not to wake them all, he sat up. He had to move especially carefully because of Oishi, who was curled up beside him. Leaving the library, Eiji walked down the hallway to the washrooom. He stopped when he heard voices coming from his parents room.

"I know," Mameha's voice sounded soothing. "It's odd for me too."

"He's our baby," Eiji's father, Kentarou, seemed on edge.

"We'll always have Yumi."

"Don't joke. At the rate she's going, she'll end up living alone for the rest of her life."

"Besides, if Eiji's going to be with someone, I like it being Oishi-kun."

"That boy." There was a pause. "I don't know what he's playing at but I feel like this...don't get me wrong, I think Oishi-kun's a nice young man. I always have. I just don't know how I feel about this situation. I want Eiji to be happy but I'm not sure that'll happen."

Eiji frowned, not understanding his father at all. Apparently, Mameha didn't get her husband either. "What do you mean? He seems happy enough with Oishi-kun. Yes, they have a few things they'll need to work out but nothing that more extreme than any other young couple."

"It's Oishi-kun's family that has me worried. Eiji's our son and we both want him to be happy. He's always been a very special child."

Eiji knew the event his father was referring to. Eiji had been born premature—almost three months. His lungs hadn't been fully developed and he'd been in and out of the hospital with all kinds of illnesses. Until he was about eight, he hadn't had much of a childhood outside of what little he could do with his siblings. And his parents hadn't fully relaxed around him until he'd entered junior high.

"Eiji cares so much for other people," his father went on. "He's always more concerned with making others happy than working on his own well-being."

"That is our Eiji."

"I just have a feeling he's going to get hurt. It's fine and all for him to be gay—it'll take some getting used to, I admit. And we do have two other sons. Our family won't die with him. But Oishi-kun's family..."

Eiji closed his eyes. Without knowing it, his father had hit on the stop that worried Eiji the most.

"I think Oishi-kun has a younger sister." Out in the hallway, Eiji nodded. His mother went on, "but Oishi-kun is his family's only son."

"Oishi-kun's the type to do anything and everything out of the duties he holds towards his parents."

"And you're afraid Eiji's going to get caught up in the middle of it all and get hurt."

"Exactly."

Mameha yawned loud enough that even Eiji could hear it. "Eiji's a smart boy and I have faith in Oishi-kun."

Things were quiet and Eiji guessed his parents had gone to bed. Still, his father had brought up a good point. It was one Eiji had realized almost right away. Oishi's parents were highly traditional and they wanted their son to succeed, for him to get the job, get married, and produce the perfect heir. Thinking about this, Eiji wandered downstairs to the kitchen.

"Oh."

Saki looked at him, an odd expression on her face. Partially guilty, a hint of embarrassment, and lots of anxiety. A very odd combination, Eiji thought, for someone who was getting married in just a few hours. He felt like laughing a little when he saw what she was eating.

"Don't even," she warned, seeing the look he had. She dug out a spoon from the silverware drawer. "Here."

Eiji accepted it. "No bowls?"

"Shut up," she playfully growled. "I wanted ice cream."

Chocolate ice cream, from the looks of it. Eiji took a spoonful, savoring the taste. "What's got you up so late?" He wondered.

"I can't sleep."

"Nervous?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." She sighed. "What about you? It's not like you're the one getting married in the morning."

"I can't sleep either."

"Is it about earlier? Look," she told him, "I'm sorry about that."

"Why'd you say it?"

"Things—they're complicated."

"Saki," Eiji drew her name out, his voice hard.

She sighed again. "I don't want to be a failure or a disappointment. Kei's always been the oldest, the mature one. And Ken's been the joker. Yumi's been the odd one and you, you're the miracle baby." She took a big bite of ice cream. "My only special thing has been that I've been into western culture."

"Saki," he drew her name out, this time soft.

She shook her head and went on. "When I joined Father Ryousuke's church and met Sho, I felt like I found somewhere I belonged. I wasn't the younger sister of the other three. I was Saki and I was who I said I was. No one judged me on what they knew about those three. It was freeing. You of all people in this family should be able to understand that."

It was true. That had been one of the reasons why Eiji had fallen in love with tennis. It was tough having an older brother who got perfect grades, another brother who made everyone feel comfortable and relax, and a sister who was known for being strange. Of all his siblings, Saki was the most normal and average. In tennis, Eiji had been the special one. No older siblings who always had to have their say and no older siblings to be constantly compared to.

"There are times at that church that I feel like I'm failing though." She rested her elbow on the counter. "Like when we get to a passage in the Bible and it just doesn't make sense. Or why we'll do things at ceremonies. Others tell me it's fine and that I'll understand with time and Christ's love."

Eiji listened, ice cream forgotten for the moment.

"But every time I don't get something or I get lost during the service, I feel like I'm failing. I don't want to fail."

"And that's why you want to keep Father Ryousuke so happy," Eiji deduced.

Saki nodded. "If he's happy, it makes me feel like I'm doing something right, that I'm not failing."

"Saki, whose happiness is more important, yours or Father Ryousuke's?"

The two siblings turned around. Sho stood in the doorway. "I couldn't sleep either," he told them as he walked over to join them at the counter. Sho looked at Saki. "I'll tell you whose happiness I think is more important. I want you to be happy, not because you're making someone else happy, but because you just are. When you're happy, it makes me happy. Father Ryousuke's nice but he's not the one you're marrying."

"Of course not," Saki said quietly, softly shaking her head.

"Your family is important to you," Sho went on. "Don't try to deny it because I won't believe you. All of you Kikumarus' are close. I know you don't want to go through tomorrow with any bad feelings or doubts."

"But I don't-"

Eiji reached forward and tapped his sister on the nose with his spoon. "Listen to Sho-kun. He's pretty awesome."

"You and your brother need to settle this," Sho yawned. "I'm going back to bed. I think I'll be able to sleep now." The two siblings watched him leave.

"So..."

"So..."

They looked at each other and laughed a little. "I really didn't mean what I said earlier when I was talking to Father Ryousuke," Saki explained.

"I know."

"And I really do like Oishi-kun. If I didn't, I never would have invited him here. He is my other little brother." Saki took a spoonful of the half-melted ice cream.

"You're under a lot of stress and pressure." Eiji did the same.

"Father Ryousuke's my friend and I'm not going to tell him about you and Oishi-kun," Saki warned, "but, that's more for everyone's benefit. He's very traditional in his views so he'd just go on and on about you two, making everyone miserable."

"As long as you don't try to hide us or pretend you don't know anything," Eiji nodded in agreement. "Believe me when I say I never wanted or intended to screw up your big day. Besides," he added, "everyone whose important knows and seems to be okay with me being this way and thats what matters."

"This ice cream is not worth it to try and keep eating, is it?"

"Not at all." Eiji took the container from his sister, putting it back in the freezer, their spoons in the sink. "Now, Miss Bride-to-Be, I think you should really get some shut eye before you become Mrs. Hinagami Shotaro."

A/N: So, as always, don't own. Also, does anyone think I'm updating too often? Because sometimes I feel like I'm always updating on here. I'd also like to say that it's kind of odd for me to put these up and still be all the way back here in this story. I'm handwriting it in a notebook, or rather, notebooks since I'm on my second and the events are so different and spread out. It's crazy for me but I'm glad because it's constantly forcing me to make sure I know the story.