A/N: I'm pretty much blown away and freaked out by the response this story is getting. Thank you so much for being nice and supportive and pretty.

Important information at the end. I mean life or death important… yes – again!

Special thanks to Daisy3853 – I can't live if living is without you. Thanks also Profmom72, LTR, and Twike – the other loves of my life.

Don't worry about Bella not understanding what Edward meant by you inspire me. He didn't expect her to get it, and he wasn't a fountain of information either. Everything is fine. I think you'll like this.

Characters are not mine.

Controlled Burn Chapter 10

Torch

I didn't sleep well after my little heart to heart with Edward outside. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I hated what I was doing to myself. Nothing good or healthy would come from my deranged fantasies about Edward. His behavior toward me had changed, but he probably thought of me as another older sister to confide in. I'd always wanted brothers, but now the thought of him thinking of me like that made me ill. I'd worked hard to quench any sort of feelings for anyone for so long. With Mike, I was safe. I knew I would never love him enough to get hurt. The kind of men who could hurt me weren't interested in me. I'd accepted that, and I had grown semi-satisfied with the protected little universe I'd constructed.

I was in the kitchen looking through the cabinets and considering having a major pity party with myself when the phone started ringing. Alice was feeding Lucy, and Edward was in the shower, so I answered it, "Whitlock residence."

"Bella?"

"Oh hey, Jake. What are you up to?"

"I'm just chillin'. Looking forward to the partay?" He asked like a gangster.

"It will be fun. You're going to dance with me right?"

"You know it baby."

"Are you brining a date? I never asked you if there's anyone you're interested in," I asked as I pulled out a box of cereal.

"No, there's a girl I'm interested in, but I don't know if I should make a move. I'm not sure if I'm her type or not," Jacob confided.

"Jacob, if I could give you any advice, it would be to go for it. You don't want to end up stuck in life in a dead end relationship with someone that annoys you. If you find someone you connect with go after her, and don't let anything stop you."

"You really think so?" he asked.

"Definitely."

"Thanks for the advice, Bella."

"You're welcome. I'll see you tonight, handsome."

I got off the phone with Jacob and continued on with my pity party. At least I could help him out, even if I couldn't help myself.

The fact that Edward seemed to be everywhere I went on the day of the fundraiser only made matters worse for me. He told Alice he wanted to help her with whatever she needed. She was surprised but almost giddy that he'd offered. He was up early and ready to assist us. He helped load the car with Alice's things, looked after Lucy, went to the venue with us, unloaded the car, carried things for Alice, and helped set up. He was right in the thick of it the whole time.

I was working on carrying the centerpieces to the tables, and I was struggling. They were heavy vases filled with marbles, water, and fresh flowers. Whoever's idea it was for me to do this, obviously didn't know me very well.

"Hey, let me get that for you," Edward came jogging up to me out of nowhere.

"No, it's okay. I've got it."

"Please Bella?" he asked and made the cutest most pathetic face I'd ever seen. I was helpless against it.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He smiled back at me and took the vase.

The rest of the day went on like that. I was convinced I was losing my mind, because I swear I saw him looking at me several times. Whenever I caught his glance, he would smile at me, sending my emotions into another tizzy. Everywhere I turned, there he was. If he wasn't busy with a specific task, he was at my side talking to me or offering to help with whatever I was doing. I wasn't complaining. I liked having him around. It made the work go by faster, and he made me laugh more times than I could count.

I realized he had never been a real person to me before. He started out as the punch line of a million jokes I shared with Alice. Then through this blog, his music, and taking every chance I could get to stare at his body, he had become some sort of archetype of lustful perfection in my mind. But he wasn't just a joke or an inappropriate fantasy, he was funny and considerate and intelligent. I liked being around him. I liked that he felt comfortable telling me about things that bothered him. I liked that he read books and wanted to know my opinion about them. I liked the way he looked at little Lucy like he adored her and the way he was affectionate toward his sister. I even liked the way he got all moody and tortured, and the way he was afraid of letting the people he loved down but even more afraid of letting himself down. He was younger, but he didn't feel younger. Or maybe I didn't feel older. I'd never been the poster child for wisdom and maturity.

We were sitting down tying ribbons on gift bags when Edward started to ask me about my work.

"So you're covering a police beat in a suburb of Boston when you went to school to cover international news?" he asked.

"Yes, and I still want to cover world news, but it's really hard to break into. I need a big break or a connection or something."

"What about my grandma? She knows everyone."

"I know, I've thought about it, but I just hate to feel like I'm using her. She's been so wonderful to me, and I just don't feel right asking her for favors."

"That's silly. She might be the key to you getting to do something you've always dreamt about, and you're afraid to ask her for a favor?" Edward said. "It can't hurt to ask."

"I know," I sighed. "I just want it to be about my talent and not my connections."

"Oh come on," Edward rolled his eyes. "You said it yourself; it's a hard field to break into. You might need to use your connections in order for people to have the chance to recognize your talent. It's not like just because my grandma gets you an interview somewhere that they're going to hire you even if you're terrible. You'll still have to prove yourself."

"Okay, Okay, I'll call her," I laughed.

"Good. You need to. I want you to be happy."

The way he said it took my breath right out of my lungs. Why did he care? But two could play this game.

"What about you? What would make you happy?"I asked.

"I don't even think I know," he shrugged and kept tying the most perfect little bows on the sacks. My bows looked like a 12 year old tied them.

"Come on, tell me your hopes, your dreams, your fears," I nudged him with my arm.

There was a long pause as Edward seemed to be forming his answer. He looked up at me with almost a sad expression and said, "I hope for earth shattering, mind blowing, all consuming love. I dream about her almost every night. I fear I'm living in a fantasy world, and it will never happen." Reading his words on my laptop was one thing, but hearing something like this come out of his mouth was enough to kill me.

"Um… oh. I… um. She's a lucky girl." I blurted out and started focusing intently on the ribbon I was tying.

"I don't think luck has anything to do with it," he mumbled.

After an awkward silence, I asked, "So, this secret thing you're working on. Have you thought anymore about telling your family about it?"

I needed desperately to change the subject. The thought of him writing and dreaming about some girl made me feel nauseous. I had no claim on him. I was nothing to him. Why was I feeling like he was everything to me? Edward looked away for a second, and some of the intensity he'd been speaking with had drained from his eyes when he spoke again.

"I've been thinking about the situation a lot. I think it's time I did some growing up. I need to start living my life, and I have to believe that in the end my happiness will make them happy. For one thing, I don't think staying with Alice is a good idea. I love her too much, you know? Being in such close proximity isn't good for our relationship."

"I'm sure it will all work out. I never understood the way she talked about you before. It was like you were more than her brother. You were her closest friend. I thought it was a little bit concerning at first, until I knew your family better. Now I get it."

"Alice and I are alike in a lot of ways. We've got different temperaments, but there's always been a part of each other we just understand. Over the last couple of years some of that has changed. I've needed to make some of my own choices, and she's having trouble letting go. I get it, because I get her, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"I think I understand. But it's obvious how much you care about each other. I love that about you two." I fiddled with the ribbon thinking about all the other things I loved about him too. "So do you make enough money to live on your own? I mean if you are really planning to move out."

"Bella, seriously, I would never let you be my sugar momma," he joked.

"That's not what I meant, silly." I laughed and then he laughed which made me giggle and want him. The feelings I had for him started to bubble up inside of me again, and I was sure I was acting like a silly flirty girl.

"Money's not an issue for me," he said when I finished giggling like a teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert.

"Whatever," I smiled and rolled my eyes. He was probably just trying to act independent, or maybe his parents still gave him an allowance.

"Bella, we need to go!" Alice yelled from across the ballroom. "We only have a few hours to get ready before we need to be back here."

"Coming!" I yelled back. "Well, I guess I'll see you back at the house," I said to Edward. He stood up and held out his hand to pull me out of my chair. I'm pretty sure I had some sort of awestruck stupefied grin on my face and heat on my cheeks as I put my hand in his and stood.

"I'm actually looking forward to one of Alice's events for once." He smiled at me and hadn't let go of my hand.

"Yeah, well she's not doing your make-up or inviting Rosalie over to fix your hair," I grumbled.

Edward laughed, took two steps backwards and squeezed my hand before letting it fall. "I'll see you tonight, Bella."

Alice's event was the annual Black and White Ball benefitting the Mental Health Association. I couldn't help but think about what a yuppie little housewife she'd become. Black tie events were a far cry from digging in the sand in Jordan. I wasn't really looking forward to being stuck in a room with a bunch of people I didn't know, wearing uncomfortable shoes, and pretending to have fun. At least most of Alice's family would be there. They would make it bearable.

Rosalie came over to get ready with us, which was really code for – Rosalie came over to help Alice fix me. I wore a simple strapless black dress with white polka dots. It went to my knees. I insisted on leaving my hair down, so Rose insisted on curling it. All in all, it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be. I wasn't going to take anyone's breath away, but I didn't look that bad.

Alice had to be there early, so I stayed back to ride with Jasper and Edward. When I arrived in Seattle, we talked about the gala at the end of my trip. Now it was here, and it was reminding me that I would be leaving soon. My heart was already aching. Every time I said goodbye to Alice, it was hard. I never knew when I'd get to see her again, and I always felt like I was leaving part of myself behind. I'd been surrounded by fun people the whole time I was here. The thought of going home to my empty house alone made me sad. It was hard living alone.

I was sitting on the couch reading Edward's book and waiting. I couldn't stop rubbing my lips together and popping them. The thick MAC lip gloss Alice made me wear was so cool and sticky.

"Hoping those things get some action later, Swan?" I looked up and Jasper was standing in the doorway smirking at me. His hair was wet. He had on black dress pants and a white undershirt. He was pretty freaking hot.

"Why? Is your dad going to be there?"

"No, he was going out with your mom tonight, the last time I talked to him."

I smiled at my old friend, and he smiled back at me. "I'm almost ready. I just have to get dressed and then run to pick up the sitter and Jacob. He's insisting on riding with us so mom and dad can have a date or something like that. Edward's in the shower, in case you want to go see if you can help him scrub anything."

I rolled my eyes. Jasper laughed and walked off. Great, now I was stuck waiting and picturing Edward in the shower. Actually it wasn't such a bad way to pass the time.

I heard the water turn off. About ten minutes later Edward came out wearing black pants, a charcoal dress shirt, and a thin grey tie. He was beautiful.

I sat on the overstuffed chair in the living room, and he didn't notice me at first. He looked at himself in the mirror hanging on the couch, straightened his tie, ran his hands through his hair, looked toward the hallway, and sighed.

If I didn't let him know I was there soon, it was going to be awkward when he noticed me.

"Edward?" I said trying to get his attention.

I hadn't meant to scare him, but when I said his name, he jumped and snapped around so quickly that he lost his balance a little and hit the corner of the entertainment center with his face.

Oops. I jumped up and ran to him.

"Oh my gosh! Edward! Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Please tell me you're okay!"

I grabbed his arm and held onto him in case he was too hurt to hold himself up. With his other hand, he held his mouth where he hit.

"What are you doing, Bella?" he groaned.

"I wasn't trying to scare you. It was an accident."

"Well, I'm terrified." He looked at his hand to see if it was bleeding. Thankfully it wasn't but his lip was swollen.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so clumsy, even when I'm sitting down, I make a mess of things."

"It's okay." He put his hand on my shoulder like he was trying to comfort me. I was the one who'd just maimed his perfect face.

"Oh my gosh, your lip. We need to get some ice on it." I was standing so close to him, I could smell his soap and his cologne, and I don't think I'd ever realized just how tall he was before. He was big enough to make me feel small and protected even. I wanted him to hug me and make me feel better for assaulting him.

Instead I kept holding onto his arm and pulled him with me to the kitchen. I sat him at the table, and he obeyed. I went to the fridge and got out a bag of frozen broccoli, and I could feel his eyes following me. I turned back around expecting to find him glaring at me, but he wasn't glaring. He was staring.

"You look, um… really nice," he said.

"And you just hit your head," I scoffed and stood in front of him so our knees were almost touching. I reached up to put the cold pack on his lip, but he caught my wrist. "No, you're beautiful."

I felt my face flaming. "Thanks," I whispered and quickly glanced down. He dropped my wrist, and I put the bag of broccoli on his face. He reached up and put his hand over mine holding it there. He looked up at me, and I looked down at him. There was some sort of heat radiating between us, and I feared it would consume me.

I heard the front door open, and in an instant, Edward dropped his hand, and I dropped the broccoli on the floor. Jasper walked in, and I felt like I'd just gotten caught doing something very, very bad. Jasper didn't seem to notice; he just mouthed the word 'sorry' at me and shrugged his shoulders. Jacob followed him in and had his hands behind his back. He was decked out in a suit and had gel in his hair. I wanted to pinch his cute little cheeks; he was so adorable.

I heard Edward mutter, "What the hell?" under his breath as Jacob moved his arm and held out a small bouquet of really beautiful hot pink roses for me.

"Bella, I was hoping you would be my date tonight?" Jacob asked. I glanced at Edward who looked furious, but he looked furious most times Jacob opened his mouth. I looked back at Jacob who had the cutest little hopeful smirk on his face, and I started giggling uncontrollably. I wanted to make out with a 22 year-old, but a 17 year-old was standing here asking me out on a date. Could my life get any more ridiculous?

"That's very sweet, Jakey. It will be just like Alice and Jasper's wedding."

I swear I heard Edward growl behind me, but when I snapped my head around, he just gave me a faint smile and nodded his head.

A/N: Well – I can't think of a good threat to save my life, so I think it's time to bring up the children. I work with very poor mentally ill children. They don't have much. I try to give them what I can, but I feel like I can give them more when my love bucket is full. Reviews fill my love bucket. Won't you fill my love bucket? For the children? You have the power to make a difference in their lives. Hallelujah

LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANCE: We did it! Yippee! Thank you Thank you Thank you! Unspoken made it to the final round of the Jasper contest! NOW IS THE TIME TO RALLY! Go straight there and vote people. We can do this! We can do it! Hands in… 1, 2, 3… Unspoken! (By the way, I'll die if I don't win but no pressure). Link is on my profile. PLEASE!

Thankfully my bffs Daisy3853 and Profmom72 also made it. I need every other one of you to also vote for one of them, because you can only vote for two. You guys can figure that out amongst yourselves. Their stories are better than mine, but don't tell anyone I said that.