I'm not really sure about this chapter but please don't hate me ( You will see why i'm saying this) :P I just wanted to make them suffer a little more before the end, it was necessary, well, actually not but it's already written. I hope you like it :)

Logan's POV

July 6th, 2014

3 weeks later

Yesterday Mao and Carlos got married, they looked so happy together, I was really happy for them; I have known them since I was like 12 years old. Carlos is one of my best friends; it was impossible for me not to be happy for them. They had been dating for so many years that I even lost count of it, they were made for each other, I have no doubt about that.

Of course the others guys were there as well, with their respective girlfriends or wife if we talk about Kendall's situation. Even Henry went with his girlfriend, Noa, so I finally met her, well actually I already knew her but not too much, and yesterday I had the opportunity to talk with her for a while, she is a nice girl, Henry seems to be really in love with her, I'm so happy for him, he really deserves to have someone that makes him happy.

The other day, well actually it was like 2 weeks ago, I talked with James he has been a little strange lately. He asked me again about my feeling for Kendall, of course I denied everything, like I always do. He was just so fucking insistent; it was so rare to see James like that. I don't really know what is happening to him. Anyway, the important thing is that he also told me that Kendall and his wife were not going through a good time.

I really don't know what to believe, I mean, they tell me one thing and what I see is another thing totally different from what my friends told me. Yesterday they looked so happy, I even saw them kissing, and now that I think about that that didn't happen that day in James's house when I met her, I mean, they were happy together but they didn't kiss that day. Why my friends tell me that they are not fine when I see them so happy together? I don't get it.

I don't even have words to describe how much it hurt to see him kissing Hina; I should be in that place not her. I felt such a pain in my chest when I saw them. What Kendall does to me has no explanation. I felt a mixture between pain and jealousy that I really can't describe the feeling I just know that it was horrible. I'm tired of so much suffering. I was taking the situation pretty well until I saw them yesterday. Always something happens and makes all my progress go to shit. I'm tired of this I just want the pain to stop that is all I really want.

Sometimes I wonder if it was really good to have Kendall once again in my life, I was so happy before and now the only thing I do is suffer while he is extremely happy with his perfect and beloved wife.

Changing the subject, the other day when Hilary brought Ian home, she asked me something that puzzled me a little. I really don't know what is happening to the world lately. She told me that she wanted us to be together again because she didn't want Ian to grow up with divorced parents. Ian is not sad or bothered about the fact that we are not together; actually he is really happy right now. I think that it would have been a little hard on him if Hilary and I were fighting every time we see each other but we got divorce on good terms so we are fine.

I really don't understand what she was thinking when she told me that so I told her that it was not a good idea, that I was not in love with her anymore and it had no sense to come back to those times when we were together without having feeling for each other.

Then she told me that she was still in love with me, I felt so bad for her, I might not be in love with her but I still care about her a lot actually, she is the mother of my only child. Seeing her like that and crying was not a nice think to see, it really made me sad, but I was not going to lie to her and tell her that I love her when it's not true. I just hope that she finds someone who loves her and makes her happy and that can also be a good stepfather for Ian. A few months ago she was dating someone but I guess that relationship is over now.

Although now that I'm thinking about it, I wish I could tell her that I do love her, that I really want to be with her again, I wish I could really love her and be able to forget about Kendall at least for a while, like I did when I used to be with her.

...

Flashback

June 25th

Two weeks before Carlos's wedding

Kendall 's POV

I don't know what is happening to Hina but she is not going out as much as before, she actually spends more time at home with Sara. She really cares about our daughter now. This all started to change last week and I don't really know if her company makes me happy or not, but I'm happy because at least she is spending some time with Sara now, she missed her mother a lot. And I'm not going to lie; it's a good thing that she has stopped lying to me so much; at least I can stand the situation a little better this way.

I don't think that our relationship will get better, I don't even know if I want it to get better, but at least i'm happy for our daughter.

...

July 25th

10 days after Carlos's wedding

Kendall's POV

I don't know what's going on with me, I'm a little confused, Things between Hina and me are getting a lot better and it has been like this for the last few weeks. She only leaves the house when she has to work, there are no more lies or stupid excuses, and she is all the time at home with Sara and me.

Everything is better and I'm feeling fine but at the same time I'm a little confused. Everything is getting better and I think this time is for real, evenour relationship is better. The other day we had sex; we hadn't done that for years, more than two years to be exact. I believe that little by little I'm falling in love with her all over again, now she is the Hina I used to know, the Hina I used to love when I was younger. I can finally say that now I can see Logan just as a friend, I would be lying if I said that I don't love him anymore but at least it doesn't hurt to know that he will be just my friend for the rest of my life at least it doesn't hurt as much as it used to a few months ago.

My life is finally changing for the better, for the first time since Sara was born I can say that I can see us like a real family, everything has change so much in this last month that I can't stop thinking that it's too good to be true, but I'm pretty sure that is actually true.

This whole situation feels a little weird, but it's good at the same time. I don't know what is going on with me, I really thought that my relationship with Hina was ruined forever, but now I can see that I was wrong. Now, I can believe that everything will change for the better. For the first time in many years I can say that my life is not as bad as I thought it was. It feels weird to feel like this, I have to admit that there was a time when I was really depressed but now I hope that feeling is gone for good.

Of course I'm not cheating on her anymore, well actually the last time I did that was like four months ago. I didn't used to do it all the time anyway, I just did that when the opportunity was there and I couldn't say no. I justify myself by saying that compared to the many times she had cheat on me, what I was going was nothing.

I haven't told anyone that things with Hina are getting better; first I wanted to be sure that it was not a thing of just one week, but now almost one month has passed since everything changed and I really want it to stay this way. After a long time I can finally say that I'm really happy with my life.

I'm going to tell James first, I owe it to him, he always worries about me, I hope he will relax a little when I tell him this, and I hope that he believes me that this time it's true. At least he will stop bothering with his idea that I should divorce and will stop telling me that I have to take a risk and all the others things that he always tells me.

I don't know if I want to tell this to Logan or not, I don't even know if he knew that Hina and I were not going through a good time but anyway I don't want to be the one who will tell him that, I'm going to be honest I don't want to tell him because if his face shows me sadness or pain I wouldn't know what to do, I couldn't stand to see him hurt because of me and besides that would mean that he still has feelings for me and I wouldn't know how to handle the situation but on the other hand if his face shows me happiness or indifference that would hurt a lot because that would mean that he has no feelings for me anymore and that would really destroyed me so I prefer to live with the doubt for the rest of my life than living having the certainty that I'm already part of his past.

July 16th, 2014

One day later.

Normal POV

Kendall was at James's house, he was ready to tell him that his relationship with Hina was better and this time was for real and that is what he did:

"James, there is something I want to tell you"

"Wow, I can't believe my ears, now you are the one telling me thing without me asking or forcing you to tell me, I'm really surprised" James said jokingly

"Ha, very funny, but put the irony aside or I won't tell you anything"

"Okay, I'm sorry, tell me" James told him.

"Hina and I are a lot better now"

"Oh, really Kendall?"

"Yes"

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" James asked again.

"James, this time is for real, I'm not lying, I swear, please believe me"

"Oh yeah sure, and tomorrow you will call me to ask me if I can take care of Sara, right? Anyway I wouldn't be bothered if you actually do that"

"I supposed you were not going to believe me but I'm so fucking happy that not even your irony can bother me right now " Kendall told James smiling like an idiot.

James got serious after he heard that because he could see that Kendall was telling the true.

"Wait, are you being serious?"

"Yes James, this time is for real"

James just stared at him without understanding this too much.

"We even made love a few days ago" Kendall added.

"Wow, I didn't want to know that much, I think I believe you, I haven't seen you as happy as you are now for a long time"

Kendall laughed and said:

"I just told you that to show you that I was not lying and I'm also going to tell you that we hadn't done that for two years"

"Two years? The great Kendall Knight spent two year without sex? "

Kendall wasn't thinking about what he was going to say when he said:

"Ey, what do you think? That I can't live without sex? And besides I never said that I spent two years without it"

James was really surprised when he heard that. He stayed with his mouth open and eyes wide open for a while.

"What?" Kendall asked him.

"So, are you telling me that you were cheating on Hina as well?" James asked really surprised.

"Oh" At that moment Kendall realized what he had confessed before.

"I can't believe it Kendall, when you told me that Hina was cheating on you, you never mentioned that you were doing the same"

"Ey, James, don't jump to the wrong conclusion, I just started doing that after 6 months of knowing she was doing that, before that, cheating on her had never crossed my mind"

"Oh" James was still a little surprised about that confession.

"I haven't done that in over three months anyway"

"It's your life Kendall; you can do whatever you want"

"I don't want you to think the wrong thing, you have no idea how it feels to know that your wife is being unfaithful and not be able to do anything about it"

"It's okay Kendall, I'm not judging you, it just surprised me a little. That is all"

"I'm not proud about what I did anyway"

"Kendall, it's fine, besides you don't have to give me any explanations"

James then smiled and told him:

"By the way, I'm really happy for you… I think" James told him a little confused.

"Thank you"

"Wait; there is something I'm not understanding, are you happy with all this? I thought you didn't have feeling for her"

"Yes I'm happy for our daughter and if I have to be really honest I think I'm falling in love with her all over again" Kendall said smiling.

"Oh" That was everything James was able to say.

"What's wrong? You're acting a little weird"

"No-nothing, it doesn't matter, I'm just happy for you, at least Sara will have a real mother now"

"Yes, she will be so happy"

"And you a wife" James added then.

"That's also true" Kendall said smiling.

'"Should I ask him or shouldn't I?"' James wondered 'Oh god, I have nothing to lose I will ask him'

"A-and Logan?"

Upon hearing the name Kendall got serious and a little tense

"What about him?"

"Nothing, it's just that I was wondering if…" For some reason James was feeling as if he was entering a place he shouldn't enter.

"Tell me" Kendall told him a little confused.

"If you still feel something for him"

"James, please, not now"

"I'm sorry" James told him

"I have already accepted that my love for him is an unrequited love, keep on talking about it, isn't worth it, please James"

"But..."

"James, stop it, please, now I just want to think about Hina and Sara, my feeling for Logan are part of the past, now he is just my friend"

"Sorry"

"It's okay, don't worry"

James's POV

Today Kendall told me that thing between him and Hina were a lot better and this time I'm pretty sure he wasn't lying. I don't know how to feel about all this, he even told me that he was falling in love with her again. I'm glad that they are fine again but, am I really happy? I don't know, I have a bad feeling about all this, I saw Kendall so happy, I haven't seen him like that in years and if Hina starts to do the same again Kendall will be totally devastated and knowing her I'm pretty sure she will do the same sooner o later, but I hope she won't do it again. I don't want to see Kendall as depressed and sad as he had been these last few months. Agh I'm so confused, I don't know what to think.

However I really wanted Hina and Kendall to break up, I was still hoping that Kendall would have the courage to get divorce and would tell Logan how he really feels. Even if Logan denied having feeling for Kendall I'm pretty sure he was lying to me. They both will be so happy if they were together, I'm sure about that, I don't understand why they are so stubborn but I guess it might not be easy for them. And now with everything that is happening with Kendall and Hina my hopes are gone, I don't know now if I will see them together once again. I'm so confused because I really don't know if I'm happy for Kendall or not. Anyway, Kendall is not a kid so I guess he knows what is better for him. I just hope he doesn't fall into depression again, that is all I want. I really care about my friends.

But I really don't want Hina to be in his life much longer, I don't like her, I never liked her, I don't know what Kendall sees on her, I really don't know.

July 26th

Ten days later.

Logan's POV

Jet and Henry are at my house, they came here to spend some time with Ian, I told Jet that I wanted him to stay a little longer when Henry is gone; I need to ask him something.

2 hours later (Henry is already gone, Jet is still there)

And here I'm, about to ask Jet what I want to know, where to start? Well there is not too much to ask really, but for some reason I don't want to have this conversation, maybe I'm afraid of the answer.

"What did you want to ask me?"Jet asked him while he sat on the couch

"Mm, it's, I it's, I, that, mm" Logan shook his head to reorder his thought and then he said:

"It's just that I have been wondering for quite some time wh-why everyone tells me that things between Kendall and his wife are not good when I always see them so happy"

Jet got serious and a little pale; he already knew that Kendall and Hina were better.

"Logan, mmm I,-wh-mm" And now Jet was the one who couldn't speak.

"Agh, how can I say this?" Jet said after.

"What? Tell me" Logan was a little afraid of what Jet might say.

"Whe- when I told you that things between them were not good, it was true, look, Kendall always told us that they fight all the time, I even remember asking him why he was still with her and he told me that it was only fo-for Sara" Jet was a little nervous.

"Since I know her I have seen them fine, like a normal couple" Logan said.

"I have known her for a long time Logan I have seen them together longer than you and to be honest, at Carlos's wedding it was the first time I have seen them kissing in a long long time and I was really surprised"

Logan was a little confused, he couldn't understand why it was so rare to see them kissing, after all they were married so maybe it was true that they were not good at all, that was what Logan thought at that moment.

"It's true that thing between them were not fine, I really thought that they were going to divorce, Kendall was not going through a good time, even if he tried to hide it everyone could noticed that he was not fine" Jet continued.

Logan swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and said:

"yo- you are using the past tense, wh-why is that?" Logan asked him, really afraid of knowing the truth.

Jet sighed and said:

"Logan, they have been in good terms again for more than a month, their relationship has gotten a lot better, I don't know why, but that is what Kendall told me a few weeks ago"

Logan was shocked, he heard what he was dreading and he didn't want to believe it. He could see that things between Hina and Kendall were good but knowing that it was actually a fact was a great blow to him, he was still hoping that one day Kendall would divorce, if it was true that he was not going through a good time with his wife, and Logan would have taken advantage of that moment to tell Kendall how he feels about him, to confess his feeling toward him once again but now all his hopes were gone, everything was lost, his hopes were dying little by little and that hurt, that hurt a lot. It was destroying him inside little by little. He was just wishing that Jet would tell him again that Kendall's relationship with his wife was falling apart, but that was not what happened, and all his hopes died when he heard what his friend told him.

"I'm so sorry Logan" Jet told him feeling really bad for his friend.

"It's okay" Logan said staring vacantly at the wall in front of him.

Jet realized that Logan needed some time alone so he decided to leave.

"I have to go now"

Logan got up and went to open the door without saying one word till he said good bye.

"Bye, Jet"

"Bye, see you"

Logan's POV

I don't want to believe what Jet told me, I can't believe it; I was still hoping that one day Kendall would divorce. Why? Why? Why does he have to be with a woman like her? I can't understand it. I can't understand what he sees on her, I just can't, maybe I'm just jealous but I can't really see anything good on her.

This is killing me, all this is really killing me inside, all my hopes are gone and I can't do anything to change it. Why didn't I tell him something when Jet told me that their marriage was crap? Why? I lost my only chance and now I can't do anything, the only thing I can do is regret it for the rest of my life.

But I was doing the right thing, he was still married, I couldn't do anything, I was not going to break up that marriage, I wouldn't feel good with myself. I was not 100% sure if Kendall still had feeling for me but something inside me was telling me that he did, something in eyes was telling that he still wanted me but now I don't know anymore. He is better with his wife right now so there is no place for that possibility anymore. Now I can't tell him anything, it's too late, I was waiting for the right moment to tell him, I was waiting till they divorce, but now I know that is not going to happen and how much it hurts to know that, it hurts a lot actually, my chest hurts and I can't control it, I can't stand the pain anymore.

I don't know how I'm going to see him again, I won't stand it. Life doesn't prepare you to suffer because of love and that is a suffering that you don't understand till it happens to you and it's not nice, not at all. I just wanted it to stop. I just want the pain to go away and the tears to stop falling. I don't know what is happening to me, I didn't use to cry before. Why does Kendall do this to me? It's just not fair.