It was the middle of the night and everyone was deep asleep, everyone but James Potter. He had been trashing and turning ever since he went to bed, tired to death, still unable to fall asleep because his mind just wouldn't shut up. He'd had a lot of sleepless nights lately. If this wasn't getting better soon, he might as well become insomniac.

He didn't even know what the problem was. Everything was great. Lily had finallly forgiven him and after some long conversations ( and some hot make-up sex) they had decided to give their relationship another try, and this time for the long run. He had known she was the one, had known it for years and it was a great relief to him that she had acknowledged she felt same about him.

There was just one little issue bothering him about their reunion. When he had asked Lily why she had changed her mind, she had smiled and said: "Sirius talked some sense into me". And although James should be happy to have a friend like Sirius, someone that would fix his relationship when he himself couldn't, a little nagging voice in the back of his head proudly proclaimed: " Sirius just never wanted you that way and you were stupid for even assuming it for a second."

And hadn't he? Wasn't that the real reason he lay awake? That he couldn't forget about. Sirius, about what they had done together. He wasn't seeing Sirius a lot lately, James spent most of his times with Lily and Sirius seemed to be avoiding him, always gone from their dormitory and the common room, seducing, kissing, fucking a different girl every week.

He wasn't even sure he didn't just imagine things. Didn't Sirius still talk to him as much as always? And hadn't his best friend seduced girls all the time, keeping him out late at night and gone until the morning? James looked over at Sirius' empty bed. Maybe he just started noticing these things now, going over them again and again in his head.

Nothing was going to change. That's what they had agreed on. They didn't plan on letting their encounters ruin their friendship and it had worked so far, hadn't it? Everything was back to normal. Nothing had changed- on the outside.

Because everything had changed, since the moment all those month ago when they had kissed for the first time. There was no coming back from that, not in James' mind anyways. Sometimes, when they were joking around and hanging out with the others, he could nearly pretend nothing happened between them, but other times, when they were alone, just talking, Sirius' arm lightly touching his and his dark eyes looking at him, he couldn't, couldn't forget he had kissed those lips and tasted that mouth.

It made him want to do stupid things, like running his fingers through Sirius' black,tempting hair, messing up the perfection of it or pulling him close to find out if he had really quit smoking or if he still tasted faintly of cigarettes.

But he couldn't, couldn't ever do any of these things if he didn't want to ruin their friendship and his new-found happiness with Lily. So nothing changed, just like he promised, but fuck, then why did everything suddenly feel so different?

If he could just stop thinking about it, maybe it would pass faster. The way it was right now, James felt addicted- addicted to a drug he was afraid to take because he feared it would destroy him.

The door opened with quiet scratching and James watched his best friend tip-toing into the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He heard Sirius rummaging in his trunk for a second and then he carefully walked over to James' bed. " Hey", he whispered. " Still awake?" " Yeah", James mumbled. " Okay. Wanna come outside with me?" James looked at the clock on his nightstand. 3:32 am. He'd be tired the next morning either way. Maybe some fresh air would help him clear his head. " Give me a second to put on some clothes.", James said. Sirius smiled and his teath gleamed in the dark. " I'll wait outside." And with that, he stole from the room, leaving James to ask himself if this was a good idea after all. Nevertheless he threw on jeans and a shirt and followed Sirius through the door.

Once they had left the dormitory, James asled Sirius: " Why do you want to go outside?". Sirius shrugged. " Fancy a smoke." James chuckled. " I thought you quit." " Well, I did...but sometimes I still crave it so much, I can't restrain myself. I don't really know what to compare it..." It's like being close to you, James thought, you and the way somehow every move you make looks sensual and dirty. But he didn't voice that. Instead, he just nodded and kept walking until they reached the top of the astronomy tower. James sucked in the cool night air, but even the chilly air smelled remotely like Sirius.

His best friend leaned against the balustrade, lighting a cigarette and inhaling a deep breath. He was unusually quiet. " I like being up here at night", he said after some time. "Just you and me, while the whole world is sleeping. Feels like we're the only people that matter right now, in this second. Because we're the only ones awake to see the stars." James smiled. Sirius rarely talked about the way he felt in such a quiet, nearly philosophical way but the night and lack of sleep sometimes brought out that side of him.

" There's no weed in that cigarette, right?", James asked, grinning. Sirius shook his head. " In that case, I like being up here with you,too." James swallowed. " Sometimes, I feel like you are the only one that matters anyways."

Sirius laughed softly. " Don't forget about Lily." " Never would.", James replied. He hesitated. " Why'd you do it?", he asked.

"Do what?", his best friend looked at him in confusion. " Why'd you talk to Lily and convinced her to take me back?"

" Because you need her, James. And I want you to be happy. Plus, I recently discovered she's a really great person.", Sirius responded. " But why'd you asked?" " No reason", James answered.

" Hey, can I have a drag?", he pointed at the cigarette in Sirius' hand. " Sure.", Sirius handed him the cigarette and James inhaled, tasting the tobacco. " I thought you don't like smoking.", Sirius inquired. " I don't normally", James replied. " But I feel like it tonight".

They stayed out until the morning dawned, just talking and laughing and back in bed, James fell asleep with the taste of Sirius on his tongue.