Christmas time is here, love is everywhere…do do do, do do do do…yeah I dunno all the words to the song, but oh well. Don't you just love Charlie Brown? I'm sorry that this chapter took so long for me to get out, but finals, writer's block, and fights took a major toll on my mind these past couple of weeks. Finals weren't all that bad but I still felt like throwing myself out the trig class's window while taking that one. Good thing I didn't though, huh?...
Welp, that's it…I'll see ya at the end…
Disclaimer: Gravitation's not mine and "Suffering" belongs to Soil. "Forgive Me" belongs to Evvy, and "Wounded", as I've said before, belongs to Good Charlotte…
Sing the Sorrow…
It was Bad Luck's last concert before returning to America. Shuichi was on the stage, belting out the last song as if his life depended on it, which it probably did because K had decided to start waving his guns around again. The lyrics to "Suffering" poured flawlessly out of his mouth, mixing with the metallic beat of the music.
Well did you notice
What's wrong with me
No I can't even breathe
When my head's low
It's not with shame
It's from this pain you bring
Well I can feel it again
This loss is slowly crushing me
Through all this pain and suffering
I need you back in my arms
After all this pain and suffering
I want you back in my arms
Shuichi gazed into the crowd, losing himself in the vast size. So many people had come to each and every one of the concerts they had held. So many more than he thought would show if they knew the truth… He closed his eyes and gripped the microphone with both hands. He was where he belonged, on the stage in front of millions of people.
Do you like my frown
I had a smile once
You turned it upside down
Make amends with me
No I can't even see
The reason behind your needs
Well I can feel it again
This loss is slowly crushing me
Through all this pain and suffering
I need you back in my arms
After all this pain and suffering
I want you back in my arms
Over the screams of the crowd, Shuichi could hear Tatsuha off stage, screaming his lungs out for the band. The sort of musical highness that always came with performing live finally started to overcome Shuichi's senses. As soon as it had come, however, the highness disappeared and nausea began to take over. Shuichi opened his eyes and saw the crowd blur and waver in his field of vision, but he wasn't going to give up. It was their last concert, their last song; he wasn't going to have a bad ending now.
All your words hollow me with pain and sorrow
Scarring me for all to see
This pain and sorrow
This loss is slowly crushing me
I want you back in my arms
Make it stop
I want you back in my arms
This loss is slowly crushing me
I want you back in my arms again
Through all this pain and suffering
I need you back in my arms
After all this pain and suffering
I want you back in my arms
Tatsuha saw it coming; Shuichi knew he had when he heard the man call out for him over the crowd. Shuichi slowly fell to the ground, the last lyrics of the song slurring past his lips as he collapsed. The music cut short and Tatsuha and Ryuichi ran out onto the stage. Shuichi, barely hanging onto consciousness, cracked an eye as he was lifted off the stage and carried off to the bus.
You just had to do it didn't you, Shuichi? his conscience mocked. Poor weak little Shu-chan, can't even hold a month long tour without passing out.
I thought you said that I wasn't weak anymore, he thought.
You're not dead, are you?
But you said-
What I said was that you wouldn't be weak if you went through with it. You're still alive; therefore, you didn't go through with it. Just another reason to hate Eiri, now isn't it, Shu-chan? You poor weak little psychotic bastard. The laughter of his conscience echoed throughout his mind as his last thread of consciousness faded away.
Tatsuha and Hiro carried Shuichi's limp form out of the concert hall and onto the bus, laying him out on his bunk. Ryuichi, Alexis, and Ben joined them a few minutes later; Ben telling them not to worry and that K was taking care of answering as many of the crowds questions as possible. The four of them took seats in the living room type area of the bus to wait for the manager, producer, and keyboardist to return.
First Suguru boarded the bus, claiming not to have heard any of K's comments because of answering Amy's questions. Amy came a few minutes later to make sure that Shuichi was okay and thank everyone for touring with her and the rest of Evanescence before returning to the concert hall. K and Sakano were the next to board. Tatsuha immediately bombarded K with questions, but the manager told him that it would be best to wait for answers once Shuichi was awake. Tatsuha, worried and ruffled, stomped off and disappeared beneath the privacy curtain of he and Shuichi's bunk.
"Do you have any idea what happened, K?" Hiro asked once he was sure that Tatsuha was asleep and not going to hear anything.
"It seems to me like he passed out for no apparent reason at all. He's been eating right and getting enough rest, so I don't know what else could have gotten to him," the manager replied.
"Maybe the past few months are just catching up with him," Ryuichi mumbled. "Maybe they'll start catching up with us soon, too."
"Maybe," Hiro said and sighed. "What did you happen to tell the crowd, K?"
"I told them what I saw. I said that he collapsed from unknown reasons. Isn't that the same thing you saw?" K replied.
"Yes, but they'll be expecting him to be rushed to the hospital and a full report of it to be on the news while they drink their coffee in the morning. What are we going to do?" Ben asked.
"What do you expect us to do, Ben? I don't see any reason to take him to the hospital, he just fainted," Sakano said. "We can see if he needs medical attention when he wakes up."
Ryuichi, Ben, Hiro, and Suguru sighed in agreement. Waiting blindly for the worst, they seemed to have been doing that a lot lately.
"Now, why doesn't everyone get some rest? The concert is over, and you all need your sleep," K said and headed for the door. "Come on Ryuichi. Sakano."
"I'm sleeping here," Ryuichi said as K opened the door. "I'm not leaving Shuichi. And I don't need a bed; I can sleep on the couch."
K nodded and left without a word, followed closely by Sakano. The door closed behind them and the heavy cloud of worry seemed to come back over the group, this time increased two-fold.
"Well, let's not dishonor the man's word," Hiro said and stood up. "Shuichi will still be here in the morning and we don't have to leave until tomorrow night."
The rest agreed silently and everyone climbed into bed, Ryuichi curling up under a comforter on the couch.
-------------
Shuichi awoke with a start, enveloping darkness filling his vision.
Where am I? he thought, blinking a few times to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. Am I on the bus?
A small mumble arose from beside him, and Shuichi's eyes finally adjusted just enough for him to see a sleeping Tatsuha lying next to him. A distraught look crossed Tatsuha's face and Shuichi reached out to brush a few stray locks of hair away from his face. An arm thrown over his side tightened slightly and Tatsuha sighed loudly.
Shuichi kissed Tatsuha's cheek lightly and Tatsuha mumbled again, opening his eyes slightly.
"You're awake?" he mumbled, voice slurred with sleep.
"Nope, I've come to you while you're in your deepest depths of unconsciousness," Shuichi joked, kissing him again.
"Oh," Tatsuha mumbled and closed his eyes, resulting in a small poke in the ribs from Shuichi.
"I was only joking you dummy," Shuichi whispered.
"Oh." The haziness left behind by sleep was starting to clear out of Tatsuha's eyes and it was replaced by concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, cupping Shuichi's face in his hand.
"I guess. What happened? Was it something bad?"
Tatsuha laughed and kissed Shuichi's lips softly. "You passed out while on stage," he said, "and knew it was coming but didn't do anything to stop it." The last few words came out harsher than Tatsuha had initially intended, but he didn't care. Shuichi deserved it after making them all worry like that.
"How could I know that it was coming? Do you think I set a timer in my body to tell it when to shut down for the night?" Shuichi joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit, but got a death glare from Tatsuha. "Alright, alright, what did you expect me to do? Run off stage without finishing the song? It was the last song of our last concert Tatsuha, and I was going to try my best not to ruin it."
"I didn't want you to run off stage and quit early, but you could have at least gotten a drink or something before you went back on stage for your encore. You were exhausted, I could see it, but you didn't do anything about it. You wouldn't even sit and rest while you had the time," Tatsuha said in an angry whisper. To their knowledge, the rest of the group was still sleeping and didn't need to be woken up by their argument.
"I know, it was a dumb mistake, but I know to rest now. Okay? I'm sorry, but you know how bullheaded I can be sometimes. I didn't want to waste time I could spend getting warmed up sitting down and relaxing. I had other things to do."
Tatsuha laughed and snuggled up to his lover's side. "Let's go back to sleep," he mumbled. "We got a while until we have awake."
Shuichi sighed and jumped as he saw something move over Tatsuha's shoulder. Tatsuha saw him jump and quickly looked behind him, uttering a small yelp when he saw two small, beady black eyes looking up at him. Once he caught his breath and realized that the eyes were also embedded in small pink head with rabbit ears, Tatsuha pulled the curtain back slightly to now see two blue orbs looking at him in embarrassment and concern.
"Ryuichi?" Tatsuha asked, his eyes still adjusting to the moon light.
The head nodded and Shuichi clicked on the dim overhead light of their bunk without warning. Tatsuha's pupils dilated and he squeezed his eyes shut against the oncoming headache. Shuichi smiled innocently at Ryuichi and laughed when Tatsuha threw him a disgusted glance.
"Sorry, Tat, I thought you'd want to see," he said innocently.
Tatsuha rolled his eyes and sat up, pulling his legs up to his chest, so Ryuichi could sit at the end of their bunk. Ryuichi smiled and crawled carefully onto the bed, being careful not to hit the bunk above them and wake Hiro. The brunette's smile faded once he got situated, though, and he threw Shuichi a disgruntled glare.
"You moron! Why didn't you rest? Did you think it would be funny for you to pass out and make us worry our asses off?" he asked in an almost angry whisper. "It wasn't, if that was your plan."
"No, Ryu," Shuichi said with a smile. "You're acting like I passed out on purpose."
Ryuichi stared at him, mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say. Finally, he gave up and sighed, giving Shuichi another disgruntled glare.
The bed above them shifted slightly and a mop of auburn hair appeared in the opening Tatsuha had left.
"Sorry, Hiro," Tatsuha muttered and gave the other two an angry look, "they couldn't stop fighting."
Hiro let the apology slide and his eyes looked over Tatsuha's shoulder at the raven-haired man who was frowning indignantly at his lover. A smile crossed Hiro's features and he did a graceful flip off his bunk and onto the floor before climbing onto the others bunk beside Ryuichi.
"Nice to see you're awake," he said with a smile but then hit Shuichi gently on the forehead. "Now don't do that again."
"Why's everyone acting like it was my fault?" Shuichi asked with an innocent frown.
"Because you knew it was coming and didn't do anything about it," another voice said and they all turned to see Ben grinning at them from ear to ear. "Hola, Shu-chan."
"Hey, Ben," Shuichi mumbled and looked down at the blanket.
"Hey now, don't go and get all depressed on us. It wasn't your fault, so what if you knew it was coming. You didn't know when it was coming," Ben said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Shuichi looked up with a small grin and moved over a little so Ben would be able to squeeze into the bunk, mumbling something about how good it was to not be claustrophobic. Everyone laughed quietly, definitely not wanting to wake Suguru as he would be less lenient than Ben and Hiro had.
"So, Ryu, are you coming back with us?" Hiro asked.
"Yup, I've had fun, plus I think that I could Tat's place while you all tour across Japan," Ryuichi replied with a smile.
"I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that comment," Tatsuha said with a smile. "As long as you promise not to sleep with him, I'll be okay."
"Aw, come on, Tatsuha. He's so cute," Ryuichi said and flinched under the sharp glare he got from Tatsuha. "I was just joking. You don't have to worry about me! I promise."
Shuichi laughed at the dorky look that crossed Tatsuha's face (a look of half-anger, half-amusement) and propped his pillow up on the wall behind him so he could sit more comfortably. He looked at each of the others as they talked back and forth, already coming up with what to do while in Japan. He was amazed at how easily everyone had seemed to put aside his suicide attempt, even if they were ignoring the warning signs.
He knew that Tatsuha was still afraid because he had heard him talking in his sleep for the past month about someone named Rori. Who that was and what he had to do with Tatsuha, Shuichi didn't know, but he knew that his lover would tell him when the time was right.
Shuichi had started cutting again, not as much as he had before, but that wasn't the problem. He thought that he had kicked that habit along with his panic attacks and the numb feelings, but it was back. The panic attacks and numbness were back as well, just not as bad as they had been before. The panic attacks weren't the things that bothered him, though. It was the numbness. When he was numb, he felt like he was dead. It was then that he had started cutting again. He hadn't even realized what he was doing until after he had done it last time, and that was what scared him more than anything. If he hadn't realized that he was cutting himself, could he not realize that he was slitting his neck or wrists as well? He didn't want to die, but now he was just cutting because it was a part of daily life. It made him feel like he was alive when the numbness came around and brought him back to reality when he felt disassociated with his body.
A loud knock tore Shuichi from his thoughts and made all of them jump up from their seats. Suguru mumbled and climbed out of bed to open the door before any of them could move, not even noticing the five men that were piled on the one small bunk when he passed them. He flipped the light switch and unlocked the door to let K and Sakano in, grumbling about seven in the morning being too early to worry about leaving.
Suguru turned around to tap on everyone's privacy curtains to wake them all up, but stopped with an astonished look on his face when he realized that everyone, excluding Alexis, was awake and piled into one bunk. His astonishment turned into a grin and put his forehead into his hand, shaking his head.
"I thought I heard voices," he mumbled and everyone laughed as they climbed out of tight space.
Shuichi was the last out of the bunk and immediately found a gun pointed between his eyes. Looking cross-eyed at the gun, Shuichi laughed. "I think I pissed K off, guys," he said and was surprised to hear K thumb the cock on the gun.
"Pissed off is an understatement," K growled. "What in the hell were you thinking?"
"What do you mean, K? We've already come to the agreement that I knew that I was going to pass out but it wasn't like I meant to do it. I didn't want to screw up so I went out and tried my hardest to keep my energy up, but I obviously failed."
"Obviously," K muttered and Shuichi was relieved when he pulled the gun away and put it back in his shoulder holster.
"Okay," Sakano said with a sideways glance at K, "K and I have decided that we need to leave early. You can sleep on the flight home, but we need to get back to Japan before tomorrow. That'll give you all two days of rest and plenty of time for Shuichi to get his bandages removed before you all start the Japanese tour."
Everyone sighed and nodded in agreement. The fourteen hour flight home could have come much later, but they did need more than one day to rest up before going on tour again. If they didn't get it they would most definitely all fall from over exhaustion next time."
So, everyone packed up all of their things and rode the buses to the airport, boarding the private jet to return to Japan once again.
-------------
Yuki lay in bed in his new home, staring blankly at the flashes of blue light that the muted television cast on the ceiling. He hadn't been able to sleep well for the past week, hell he hadn't been able to sleep since he left Tokyo, and the lack of energy was starting to get to him. He hadn't left his house in two weeks and had barely even had enough energy to get out of bed after many failed attempts to get sleep every night. On nights that he did catch some sleep, it was always filled with dreams of one certain raven-haired man. How he had found Shuichi after he had slit his wrists… The blood had been everywhere, in Shuichi's raven locks, soaked into his clothes, and the smallest hints of the coppery plasma still lingered in the back of his nasal cavity.
He quickly shook the painful memories out of his mind and concentrated on the music playing softly from the radio across his room. It was on a station that played international songs, mostly American, and the music he had grown attached to during his four year stay in the country. The last strings of the song that had been playing slowly played out and the announcer came over the speakers, informing everyone that that had been "Recognize" by Flaw and next was "Forgive Me" by Evanescence.
Yuki rolled over onto his side, pulling the blankets around his body closer, and stared at the radio as the lyrics poured out.
Can you forgive me
again? I heard the words come out Then you look at me
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt
you
I felt like I would die
It
hurt so much to hurt you
You're not
shouting anymore
You're silently broken
The song was an eerie reminder of him and Shuichi's old relationship and the words brought a painful tear to his eye. He wondered if, somewhere over in America on a plane flying overseas, Shuichi was listening to the same song at the same time. He doubted it, but oh, how ironic it would be if he was.
I'd give anything
now
to kill those words for you
Each time I say something I
regret
I cry "I don't
want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you
will never leave me,
yeah. 'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you
see
How happy you make me
And he had never let Shuichi see how happy he had made him. Unless you counted fucking the man senseless against his will as telling Shuichi how much he had loved him. No, he didn't think that it was the same thing, but that thought made him wonder why Shuichi had so easily slept with him that first night in December.
I can't live this
life So
stay with me
Without you by my side
I need you to survive
You look in my eyes and
I'm screaming inside
that I'm sorry. And you forgive me again
You're my one true
friend
And I never meant to hurt you
And Shuichi had forgiven him. Maybe they had been more than friends, but for years the pink-haired baka had come back, silently praying that next time it would be different. It never was. It had always been the shit every night, and it only took seeing the bruises around Shuichi's wrist and on his back that one time for the blurred, drunken memories to come back to him one by one. And then his mind had played one more cruel trick on him, and convinced him that leaving Shuichi was the best thing for both of them. Just one more deception to add to the long list of times that his mind had fooled him.
He wanted to see Shuichi again. More importantly, he had to see Shuichi again. If he didn't, he knew that he was going to go insane. He had tried to live four years of his life without the once spunky man and found quickly that he couldn't, but he still tried like hell to do it.
Sighing quietly, Yuki climbed out of bed and went to his computer, resorting to the only way he knew that he could see the man without being seen himself. He logged onto the internet and went to Bad Luck's home site, checking out tour dates and making sure that some tickets were left for one particular concert. Few tickets were still left for all of their concerts and he picked the closest date to present, Zepp Tokyo on March second.
Yuki got out his credit card and paid for the tickets before shutting his lap top and plopping down onto the couch, feeling for the first time in weeks as if he was full of energy. He smiled as he realized that that was what Shuichi did best, he filled everyone around him with energy and happiness when he was happy and pain and grief whenever he was sad. He was like a star shining brightly in the night sky that everyone relied on for direction, and was just as beautiful and as hard to resist being drawn to.
All of a sudden, exhaustion overcame Yuki senses and he lay back on the couch, pulling a small blanket over his body. Maybe now that he had the chance to see the man again he would (metaphorically) rest in peace.
-------------
A young raven-haired man ran quickly down the halls of his high school. He was late for school again and it was all just because his stupid older brother had come up with the smart, last minute idea to leave Japan…again. It had been two years since Eiri and Shuichi's first encounter and now, after putting up with the baka for two long years, Eiri had decided to leave him alone. The immediacy of his brother's announcement made the man wonder what had happened, but he just had to hand it to Eiri, the king of running away.
Tatsuha finally made it to his classroom door and stood outside to catch his breath for a minute, preparing himself for the onslaught he was mostly definitely going to get from his teacher. He checked his watch, cursing at his father for breaking his all time record. Twenty minutes late…the teacher was most definitely going to skin him alive. With his best innocent smile plastered on his face, Tatsuha pulled open the classroom door and walked inside, resulting in a delightful, immediate silence from the teacher who had been lecturing the class in the front of the classroom.
The boy ignored the glare he got from his teacher and made his way to his desk, sitting down and pulling his books out of his bag in silence. A small smirk made its way across his face as he heard the teacher's angry steps make their way to his desk, the supposed to be intimidating shadow that loomed over him falling far from its mark.
"May I ask why you are late again, Uesugi?" the teacher inquired.
"This morning I had to inform my father that I am planning on going to college, which also meant telling him that I am going to quit at the temple. Needless to say, he got a little pissed and we got in a fight," Tatsuha said smartly, a small, almost innocent smile playing across his features.
The teacher growled and Tatsuha knew that he would have fought with his least favorite student a little more if the rest of the class hadn't of been paying attention to them. "Well then, you know well what the consequences are for being late. No lunch today, and, since this was your fourth offense this week, an essay on how hard it is for little boys such as yourself to get into college when they are late to school every day." With that, the teacher turned his back on Tatsuha and returned to the front of the class room.
Tatsuha smiled victoriously at the teacher's back and turned his head slightly as he felt a small tap on his elbow, his smile growing as his smile was met by another grinning man.
"Nice job, Uesugi. Now we can't spend lunch together," the man whispered indignantly, his smile turning to a scowl. "How come you always gotta show up late? Next, we won't be able to spend any time together."
Tatsuha smiled and poked his boyfriend playfully on the cheek. "Oh, I don't think I'll let that happen," he said mischievously, resulting in a small blush from the other man.
"You're father would flip if he really knew where you went after school, ya know?" the American transfer student said dangerously. "When are you planning on saying something to him?"
"I'll do it when I feel like it, and he shouldn't be too hard. He was fine with Eiri."
The other man smirked and shook his head. "Yes, but Eiri wasn't a rebellious little prick, was he?"
"Nope," Tatsuha said with a proud grin, "and neither was I until Dad decided to try and track my every move."
The brunette laughed and punched Tatsuha lightly in the arm. "It suits you, though."
"Jacobson, since you are so bent on conversing with your friend, why don't you spend lunch with him?" the teacher condemned.
"Fine with me," the man said and leaned back in his chair.
Tatsuha smirked and rolled his eyes at his lover, deciding that, for once in his last year of high school, he should heed his teacher's warnings and pay attention if he planned on even getting into college…………
School was out and Tatsuha and his lover were walking home, arms wrapped around each other's waists. The younger of the two sighed and laid his head down on the elder's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting Tatsuha guide him through the cold snow.
"Tatsuha?" he asked. "Do you piss him off on purpose?"
"Who? My father or our jackass teacher?"
"Either one. You always wanted to be a monk and now you've quit that to go to college, but your grades are suffering so badly that no one is even sure if you'll make it into college. Both of them know that you have a lot of potential, just like your brother, but you're not using it."
"Please don't compare me to Eiri, Rori," Tatsuha muttered. "I am nothing like him."
"Sorry, Tat-kun, it's just, I dunno…I'm worried that you won't make it into college."
"Worrying only makes things worse," Tatsuha mumbled and let go of his lover so he could lead him up to his apartment.
"I can't help it," Rori said while they stood in the elevator. "Brooding is my specialty; you of all people should know that."
"I know."…………
Tatsuha stood outside of his high school's auditorium, waiting for the graduation ceremony to begin. He was surrounded by family and friends: his father, a detached Shuichi, Mika, Touma, Hiro, Ryuichi…they were all there. But there was no sign of Rori any where.
"Someone important not show?" Mika whispered into his ear when she noticed Tatsuha's frantic searching of the lobby. She was the only one he had told about his relationship with Rori.
"I don't know where he is," he muttered, jumping when the booming voice of the school's principal rang out over the crowd.
"Class of 2002. Congratulations on finishing your last year of high school in splendor! May the rest of your years be just as grand!" the principal said over the crowd. "It is now time for you to walk the stage and complete this phase of your life. If you would just get in alphabetical order we will file into the auditorium."
"Don't worry, he'll show," Mika whispered and followed the others into the large room with words of luck and congratulations.
The seniors got in line and filed into the auditorium as they had practice so many times before, only to get the real deal this time instead of a piece of white printer paper with announcements printed on it. Tatsuha stood toward the back of the line and had a perfect view of the lobby's door, but when the principal called out "Rori Jacobson" once…twice…three times, the man never showed. It took all of his will to keep Tatsuha from running out of the school then and there and back to Rori's to force his boyfriend to get his ass to school and get is diploma. He had gotten an acceptance letter to the only college he and Rori had applied to and he wasn't refused to go alone.
It finally came time for the principal to announce Tatsuha's name and he walked gracefully onto the stage, showing none of his concern on his face, but just about dying from worry in his mind. Where was Rori? Why hadn't he shown? Was everything he said just a façade? Just a way to make Tatsuha think that Rori had cared?
With a fake smile, Tatsuha shook the principal's hand and walked off the stage, taking his seat amongst in the sea of blue robes and hats. The last person made his way across the stage and Tatsuha settled into his seat, telling himself not to worry as the principal started his boring speech to the crowd…
The ceremony finally ended and Tatsuha ran out of the high school, not bothering to say goodbye to any of his friends and family. As he ran he pulled his robe off and dialed Rori's number on his cell phone, cursing at the fact that it was busy. He tore his way up the stairs of Rori's building and across the lobby, not hearing the receptionist as she yelled that there was no running in the lobby. He frantically pushed the up button on the closet elevator, fumbling with the keychain in his pocket for Rori's key as he waited. The doors finally opened an eternity later and Tatsuha threw himself in, slumping against the wall and taking great heaving breaths while he did his best not to cry.
The elevator finally stopped outside the tenth story and Tatsuha dashed out the doors before they even opened all the way, calling out an apology as he ran into a woman who was waiting to get inside. He reached Rori's door and had to use both hands to put the key into the lock, as his right one was shaking too badly to guide the key in on its own.
He pulled the door open and a coppery, metallic smell filled his nose, filling him with an immediate sense of nausea. All of the lights were off and he checked the phone in the living room to see that it was hanging off the hook.
"Rori?" he called out, pulling his shirt up over his nose to block out as much of the horrible smell as he could. "Rori, where are you?"
When there was no answer, Tatsuha became even more frantic and began searching all of the rooms. Rori's bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, even the closets…he checked them all, but there was no sign of his brunette lover anywhere in the house.
Tatsuha stood in the middle of the living room, a look of painful detachment on his face as he let his tears fall down his face. He wasn't there; he hadn't been to graduation…where was he? He didn't no where else Rori would be. He was about to give up when he remembered Rori's blessed study, the one that his lover spent countless hours in making beautiful artwork. Preparing himself for the worst, Tatsuha made his way back to the room, not acknowledging the figure that had entered the apartment's door seconds before.
The door was open and, as he made his way down the hall, Tatsuha realized that the smell got stronger the closer he got to the door. A sob snuck its way past his lips as he resisted the urge to make a detour into the bathroom and throw up, and, after what seemed to be an eternity of suspense and concern, Tatsuha finally entered the room.
With open wide in suspense, he fumbled with the light switch on the wall, a blood curdling scream echoing through the house as he fell to the floor, tangled in an anonymous person's arms. The blood, the gun, the maimed man lying on the floor, the vision would haunt both people forever…………
A painful scream rang out in the home of Tatsuha and Shuichi as Tatsuha sat straight up in bed, bathed in a cold sweat. The dreams were becoming more and more realistic, and the scent of the blood was eerily becoming more and more defined while he dreamed. He felt the bed next to him, panicking when he felt that it was empty before remembering that Shuichi had started the Japanese tour that night.
Shaking uncontrollably, Tatsuha climbed out of bed and went to the phone, dialing his sister's number quickly. Mika answered on the second ring, sleep slurring her speech.
"Mika, they won't go away," he sobbed, letting everything out to the only other person who had seen Rori that night.
-------------
It was once again almost time for Bad Luck to end one more successful concert. Shuichi was belting out the words to the remixed version of the "Rage Beat", singing in his native tongue for the first time in what felt like forever. He kept throwing small glances over his shoulder as he jammed on stage; just to make sure that the others were having as much fun as he was. From the looks on their faces, he guessed that they were having all that fun and even more.
He smiled as the song began to come to a close and he and Hiro strung out the end on their guitars. The crowed erupted in cheers and a bright smile made its way across Shuichi's features, one of the few real smiles he had given since his "recovery". He threw one more glance back over shoulder at Hiro, who was quickly tuning his guitar for the next song, and then looked back at the crowd.
Shuichi's amethyst eyes grew to about three times their normal size as he caught an all too familiar glimpse of brown hair and blue eyes somewhere in the back of the crowd. The person didn't look away, but kept staring deep into his own eyes as if he could see right through him.
Shuichi began to panic, expecting Hiro, Ben, and Suguru to have already started the last song by that time so he could sing and forget about what he saw. But they hadn't and, when he turned around to wonder why, he saw that they hadn't started because they all had their eyes locked on the same person in the back of the crowd. Shuichi took the matters into his own hands and gripped the microphone tightly in both of his hands, belting out the lyrics to, not the song he was supposed to sing, but the first one that came to his head.
Lost and
broken So help
me heal these wounds
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
But hurt
beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll
try to make it seem ok
But my faith is wearing thin
They've been open for way too long
Help
me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm
open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I
need someone to help me sew them up
Shuichi closed his eyes, not taking the time to mentally punish himself on his choice of song. It was the song that he had on repeat in his CD player since he had bought the CD, after all, and the one that had yet to fail to bring tears to his eyes whenever he heard it.
I only wanted a
magazine But help me heal these wounds
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted the life
I'd read about and dreamed
And now my mind is an open book
And
now my heart is an open wound
And now my life is an open soul for
all to see
They've been
open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this
is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All
over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me
Now was the part that actually meant something to him. He opened his eyes and stared deep into the cerulean ones across the clubhouse, singing the lyrics to the man as if he were talking to him face-to-face.
So you come
along Cause I need someone to help me
I'll push you away
Then kick and scream for you to
stay
Oh I need someone to
help me
He closed his eyes again and used all of his will to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down his face. This was it, if Tatsuha was here he would be skinned alive after the concert's completion, but he wasn't. So what did that leave him to do? He didn't know but he was afraid of what he would do without Tatsuha there to stop him.
To help me heal
these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill
this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm
open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I
need someone to help me sew them
I need someone to help me fill
them
I need someone to help me close them up
Shuichi ended the song and opened his eyes again, looking around the crowd and trying to avoid looking into the eyes of the man staring at him in the back. He fought as hard as he could, but the gravitational pull around the brunette man standing in the crowd was too much for him. Their eyes made contact for one fleeting second before Shuichi dropped the microphone from his hands and ran from the stage, tears falling carelessly down his face as he left the hall.
Shuichi made it out to his car and pulled on the handle to remember that it was locked and he had left his keys in his dressing room. He fought relentlessly and stupidly with the door, hitting it and pounding on the window for it to open without avail, before sliding down the door and onto the ground.
The tears wouldn't stop coming and when Shuichi heard the footsteps running toward him he didn't look up, expecting it to be Hiro or Ben. The person dropped to their knees by his side and wrapped him in their arms, letting him sob uncontrollably into their shoulder.
Before he knew what was going on, Shuichi felt someone's lips make contact with his own and he opened his eyes in surprise, finding his answer in the cerulean ones that bored passionately into his. Shuichi's tears stopped and he wrapped his arms around the man's neck, greedy for more of the man that he had carelessly given up on so long ago. Not caring what the gods above thought about him, Shuichi sold his soul one more time. But to whom he had yet to find out.
TBC…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Damn, this took me forever to write. But, I'm finally done and that's all that matters, right? sigh Sorry if you all think that I left off at the shittiest place in the world, but I couldn't think of anything else to write…
So, what did you all think of Tatsuha's little dream sequence? Tell me if you think it sucks, okay? And, if you all are still scratching your little heads and wondering who Rori is, never fear because I'm planning on making pretty much all of the next chapter or two about Tatsuha and Rori. I, for some strange unknown reason, like Rori's character. I have him all planned out in my head and want to put it out on paper so you all will know how he and Tatsuha met, where he's from (besides just America), what his motives were, and why he decided to leave everything behind even when he knew that he had Tatsuha…
Oh, right…thank to: GravityNeko, subzero13, Sammy -.-zzz, sakuryo, CassiToTheStars, Syaoran is kawaii, Rebound, Crystal Flowers, Kitty in the Box, Spiritual Destiny, h-grey, clueless97, Dooley, Guren, Jace, and kriziamoon for all of the awesome reviews for chapter nine! I love you guys!
One more thing before I go. I'm sorry for any spelling errors! My computer ran out of ink and I can't read from the computer without my eyes crossing and the words all jumbling together so I didn't get a chance to proofread this chapter. Hopefully it'll be better by next chapter. I doubt it, but hopefully…
Oh yeah, everyone have a MERRY CHRISTMAHANNUKWANZICA! (If you've seen the T-mobile commercial, you know what I mean). If you have no idea what that means…HAPPY HOLIDAYS!