A/N: Lots going on in this one folks! Hope you enjoy! Thanks again to all who reviewed and to Cori for the Beta!
"This was a bad idea, El." Olivia had been sitting on Elliot's loveseat sipping a mug of tea while watching him bent over tinkering around in the kitchen. How the hell was she supposed to survive such torture? Her attraction for Elliot had multiplied since she now knew she should not be touching him and should not be thinking that her job could go fuck itself if she could just get him inside her. She sucked in a deep breath and restrained herself from pouncing on him.
Elliot, still bent over, glanced over his shoulder at her and noticed Olivia's seductive perusal of his rear view. Smirking, he straightened, but didn't turn toward her. He began to unbutton his shirt and slowly shucked it off, placing it over a chair from in his mismatched dining table set. Feigning an exaggerated yawn, he raised his arms over his head and stretched, the muscles in his back and shoulders flexing through his thin white undershirt. He chuckled lightly when he heard a faint whimper coming from the direction of his living room where he knew Olivia was watching.
"Elliot…"
"What's wrong, Liv?" He turned around and widened his stance, crossing his arms over his broad chest. He wanted to burst out laughing at the look on her face. Olivia's lips were parted and damp as though she just swiped her tongue over them. Her chest was heaving and her eyelids were heavy with desire.
Elliot Stabler was no stranger to receiving the more than occasional look by both men and women, but at this particular moment, he felt like a piece of meat. And he was eating it up.
Walking over to Olivia with a swagger in his step, he knelt down before her and skimmed his thumb over her bottom lip. "You're drooling, Liv."
Yup, he was a cocky asshole and he knew it.
Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, her expression then changing to one of embarrassment and annoyance. "You're a real jackass sometimes, you know that Stabler?" She pushed him over causing him to lose his balance and fall onto his ass on the plush carpet.
"Yeah, but you love it," he laughed as he pulled her on top of him onto the floor.
"We can't do this El. This is too fucking hard…"
"Speaking of hard –"
"El! I'm serious…I don't think I should stay here. How are we supposed to go back to just being partners now after everything that's happened between us? Staying here is just…I just don't think I can handle it right now." She ran a hand through her hair in frustration and rolled off of Elliot to stand. She ignored his request to stay and talk to him and made her way into his bathroom, locking the door behind her.
Elliot rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and released a frustrated breath. She was right. This wasn't a joke and their situation wasn't funny. In fact it was the opposite of funny. It fucking sucked. And he didn't know how to handle it at the moment.
{EO}
After having yet another emotionally exhausting conversation with Elliot, Olivia had borrowed his jeep to take a drive out to her apartment to grab some of her things. Even though Elliot had tried to insist on going with her, she convinced him to leave her to be alone, though reluctantly, with her thoughts for just a short while. On the way over to her place, she received a call from Officer Jenner asking her to meet him at Saunders' apartment to go over some new evidence that had been uncovered earlier that day. Though finding it somewhat strange that she got the call from an officer in the department rather than Cragen, Munch, or Fin, she shoved down the uneasy feeling and pulled into her parking garage. She figured she was just being overly cautious and her emotions were on high after all that happened.
As she turned the corner onto his floor, Olivia saw Officer Jenner standing just outside Saunders' apartment door. He looked nervous with his eyes filled with apology. She furrowed her brow at him and went to grab for her gun, forgetting she left it at Elliot's place.
"Officer, what did you need to show me?" Olivia eyed him guardedly.
"Um, right in here, Detective." Officer Jenner led Olivia into the dim apartment by the arm. "Looks like Saunders had a copy of your apartment key made somehow and…"
"That's impossible, I –No!" Olivia yelled out as Jake Saunders grabbed her by the hair and slammed the apartment door shut, dragging her further into the room.
"So we meet again," he sneered. Saunders then turned to look at his accomplice and curled his lips into an evil grin. "Thank you Jenner, but we won't be needing you any longer." And with that he shot the officer three times in the chest.
"Oh God!" Olivia cried as Saunders pressed the cold metal roughly against her throat. Her heart was racing and she couldn't catch her breath. Nobody knew where she was and she didn't have her weapon. "Jake, please," she began.
"Jake please," he mimicked, laughing. "I've had enough of your shit, Olivia. You think you're so fucking smart and look how easy it was to get you here. Fucking pathetic excuse for a detective if you ask me," he chuckled into her hair before inhaling her scent.
"Jake –"
"Shut up! Shut the hell up!" Saunders yanked harder on Olivia's hair causing her to whimper in pain. "It's over. You'll never fuck with my family again."
The next thing Olivia heard was the click of the safety on Saunders gun. She squeezed her eyes tightly closed and then she felt the impact.
"Fuck!" Saunders growled into her face as they tumbled to the ground.
"Detective, are you hurt?" Officer Daniels asked as he pulled Saunders off of Olivia and began to cuff him.
What the hell had just happened?
Olivia gasped for air and stared up at the Officer in confusion before realizing that he was the protective detail Cragen sent for. She looked down inspecting her body and saw that she was fine, then glared at Saunders who was rubbing his neck and muttering curses. The protective detail had apparently tazered him then yanked him off of her when they dropped.
Olivia stood up and straightened her clothing before responding. "No, I'm okay. Thank you, Officer. I just need to do one thing."
She was lucky to be alive, but also fucking furious.
"No problem, what do you –"
"Son of a bitch!" Saunders yelled as Olivia's fist connected with his jaw.
"Have fun in prison with your brother. You two should be real popular." Olivia rubbed her throbbing fist with her other hand as Officer Daniels smirked and dragged Saunders out of the apartment.
As she leaned over to check to see if Officer Jenner had a pulse and finding none, Olivia heard an ambulance and police sirens.
It was over. Finally over.
She reached into her jacket pocked for her phone to call Elliot just as he came rushing in.
"Liv!" Elliot grabbed her shoulders and looked her up and down, checking her for injuries.
"I'm okay, El," she said, pulling him into a tight embrace. "We finally got the bastard."
{EO}
"Liv, I really don't think you should be alone tonight. That guy tried to kill you…again! You can't possibly be okay right now."
Olivia looked up from packing her duffle bag yet again. "El, I'm fine. He's in jail and I really should get back to my apartment. We both know this can't happen." She motioned between the two of them before zipping her bag shut and slinging it over her shoulder.
"Then let me stay with you tonight. You know you get nightmares after rough cases and I know you're not really going to get any sleep anyway, so let me come over. Whether or not we can be together as a couple, I will still always want to be there for you as a friend, okay?" He walked over to her and skimmed his fingers down her arm, feeling her shiver beneath him.
"I don't know if I can do this. Please try to understand –"
"Fuck that, Liv! I do understand, but I'm trying to salvage something here. I have no fucking clue how I'm supposed push down how I feel about you, but I have to. We have to. But, we still work together and it's insane to throw away a thirteen year partnership and friendship just because we got caught kissing!"
"Elliot," she sighed. "Okay, you can stay tonight. Just tonight."
Elliot squeezed her arm and smiled. "Okay."
"Okay."
Relief was the overriding emotion Elliot felt. Olivia was safe and allowing him to stay the night. The rest could be dealt with later.
As he lay on her uncomfortable pull out couch though, he looked over at her bedroom door. The ache in his chest hadn't left since the day Cragen called them into his office, changing the direction of their relationship.
Part of him wanted to take the chance and go forward with Olivia, consequences be damned. But the more realistic part knew nothing was ever quite that simple. If he ever lost his job for defying Cragen and IAB, he would never forgive himself. He had five very good reasons as to why he couldn't be so reckless. Nothing and no one would ever come before Elliot's children. He either had to let Olivia go or find a way to keep both her and the job.
He was fucked.
Elliot was startled from his thoughts when Olivia opened her bedroom door and leaned against the doorjamb, meeting his gaze.
"Nightmare?" He smiled sadly at her.
She stared at him for a long moment before nodding and slowly sliding onto the pullout, pressing her body against his. "Can't fall back asleep." She nuzzled her nose against his neck causing him to shiver.
"Liv, what are you doing?"
"Nothing," she whispered as she placed one leg between his own, rubbing him intimately.
Elliot swallowed hard. "Doesn't feel like nothing." He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he stifled the groan building up within his body.
"If we can't be together anymore…I, I just need to know what it would be like, feel like. Just this once." She straddled his hips and ground against him causing them both to moan into the darkness. "Don't you want to know?"
"God, Liv, 'course I do." Elliot pulled her down to crush their lips together. He knew it was wrong as he slipped his tongue between her lips. Knew it was wrong as ran his rough hands under her top to dig into her back. Knew it was wrong as she scratched her nails against his scalp and continued to writhe above him in a way that made him want to explode.
One of them had to be strong.
Suddenly, Elliot's hands gripped Olivia's waist, halting her actions. He pulled back from the kiss, gasping for air. His body was burning and his heart was pounding so hard, he was sure she could hear it. But still, it had to stop. "Fuck. We can't do this now, Liv."
"But –"
"No! Damn you for putting me in this situation after everything we talked about. Maybe you're right…maybe I should head back home." His stomach clenched at his own words, knowing he was being hurtful, but also knowing it needed to be said. They had to make a choice and since neither would risk their jobs or partnership, any hope for a relationship had to be out.
He was in Hell.
Olivia climbed off of him and sat down beside him on the mattress. "Then go," she said so quietly he barely heard her.