"Bricks"
CHAPTER X:
The day had come; Rachel and Will were finally going to audition. Strategically, they shouldn't have spent the previous night together since that meant an early rise so they could have breakfast together and he could go home to get ready; however, after the argument they had and their day at Central Park, Will and Rachel were unable to part. Something inside was screaming them not to let go for the night or ever...
He needed to make sure everything was perfectly fine between them while she simply couldn't imagine not sleeping in his arms. During their walk back from Central Park to her apartment, there was no question about it, he wouldn't leave. He didn't have to, she didn't want him to, and they both were on the same page: this wasn't going to be a replica of the bus situation they had been through years ago. They were a team now, and they needed to be together, sacrificing a few hours of sleep meant nothing when the upside was not being alone on a critical night. If there was a way to build a future together, this was it.
In the short period of time they had been together, their relationship had became astonishingly intense even given the fact they hadn't really had their official first date yet. The connection they shared was superlatively different to any bond they had previously had with other people, not even considering the relationships that had been too much too soon.
In Will's case, Terri had been his high school sweetheart, the one girl he fell for and swore to marry one day when he still had no idea who he was. The one who had been so aggressive and had made him put his dreams in a drawer throughout the rise and fall of their relationship. On the other hand, Rachel had made those infamous kitten calendars for her and Finn, and she had wore a necklace with his name. She had obsessed over him to the extent that she accepted his back and forth, his never-ending confusion and sometimes, even his neglect. Rachel and Will had both surrendered themselves before and had promised not to make the same mistake; still here they were, experiencing puppy love and uncensored passion, unable to imagine anyone else to say good night and good morning. This was love of the dangerous king and they knew it. The difference between what they had and their prior involvement with Finn and Terri was that they got lost in those relationships while this one seemed to highlight who they really were.
The thought of becoming emotionally dependent had crossed their minds, yet they weren't afraid; old wounds didn't open; alerts didn't completely go off. This wasn't a toxic bond. To the contrary, Will and Rachel had never felt healthier. Whilst walking hand in hand smiling at one another silently, Will and Rachel realized they had been and felt alone for the longest time, and what was scary was that they had gotten used to that, but now they had one another; they couldn't really go back. Surprisingly enough, neither of them felt the other was invading them, to the contrary, they couldn't get enough, they couldn't share enough, and they seemed to want more. Still, their honeymoon period was about to come to an end once their schedules became more hectic.
As excited as Rachel was about auditioning, the truth was she was nervous, and so far, Will was the only person who could put her at ease. He had always been the person telling her she could do it, in spite of the distance between them when he was her teacher. He had been her rock, her constant, and she was thankful for that. But now he had a higher rank in her life; she wanted him with her, not only because he was going to reassure her and because him being mature could come in handy, but also because this time around she had the opportunity to be the one helping him grow as well. They were on equal ground when it came to auditions.
For his part, Will was confident he would do his best to impress directors. Truthfully, he was more worried about how Rachel would take rejection. He knew he could handle it himself; he was ready for it. In fact, Terri and Emma had schooled him when it came being denied something. But Will couldn't stand to think about anyone telling Rachel she wasn't right for something. When it came to him, she was perfect for anything; she could do it all, yet he knew how show business worked. He also knew how much she had struggled to belong somewhere and how big her dreams were. He could never discourage her but others would. He couldn't look at the prospect with naïve eyes so he made sure to pack a bottle of water for her. Sadly, that's all he could do.
Another concern in his mind was actually disappointing Rachel. She expected a lot from him; she wanted him to succeed, to become what he always should have been, what he owed himself to be and that scared and inspired him on equal measure. Terri had benefited from him being weak and Emma had dragged him down as well, but with Rachel by his side, this was a completely different ball game. For the first time in his life, he wasn't in a codependent, manipulative relationship. That alone felt like a huge step towards growing up and developing not only as a person but also as a performer.
Rachel was a risk-taker. She didn't want him just to concede; she actually wanted Will to reach his full potential, and that very thought made Will smile. His girlfriend was changing him in the best way possible. She was giving him the extra push no one ever bothered to provide. He thought maybe no one had loved him enough to do that, or maybe, just maybe, that was another sign of how compatible they were. She would challenge him every step of the way while he was going to protect her and to prevent her from crashing and burning. Yes, that was the plan, a pretty damn good one.
They decided to have breakfast at the café near Rachel's apartment, which was a pleasant surprise for her. Obviously, Will had taken their argument to heart, which confirmed what she already knew: he took her and their relationship seriously. It was also a nice way to kick start a key day for the both of them. They finished their coffee and the vegan cheesecake they had shared, and he walked her to her door, where they exchanged hugs, kisses and "break a legs" next to the lady that was still trying to teach her pigeon Spanish. Then she proceeded to change while doing vocal exercises, while Will walked to his place ginning and whistling. He felt like a new chapter in life was starting, and it had began with a kiss that tasted like cheesecake made with tofu and soy milk. A kiss that also had a hint of hope and unmeasurable love.
Rachel had read everything there was written about auditioning. She was born ready; she was fully talented; she had her bag with everything she could possibly need and more and above all things, she couldn't wait to start. That was exactly the problem: time. The wait was always three times more than it should be, the lines were too long, the places too crowded and noisy. It felt like McKinley High. The stares, the countless girls rolling their eyes and chewing chewing gum ... the whispers about her nose ... ok, she might have made that up but she was sure people were talking about her. She took a couple of deep breaths and just hummed her song in her head. Nothing was going to make her lose focus.
In a different part of the city, Will was filling a form. The stupid "divorced" box had been checked and he was seriously asking himself why producers needed to know that piece of information. He was happily divorced, yet he didn't want to remember he had been married or who he had been married to. For the former Glee coach, a divorce meant failure, thinking about that wasn't helpful in the slightest. He finished with his form and smiled as he realized he was wondering if Rachel had signed hers with gold stars.
Rachel heard the girl behind her laugh as soon as she pasted her gold star. "She's clueless," she told herself before proceeding to take her iPod from her purse. Music surely can tame beasts, but it could also bury the sounds idiots make. She went carefully through her playlists and decided on one she and Will had come with together: "The many songs of Sherry." Recalling how they had made a case for every track they had added to the quintessential list while having breakfast on his couch made her forget her nerves.
The time for her to audition came eventually. She wasn't discouraged after seeing so many girls her age leave the room crying, to the contrary, she felt she had a chance. Rachel Berry was born and raised in Lima, Ohio, had been slushied for years, even egged, had her picture in the yearbook defaced; she could take whatever these people could throw at her. She smiled her mega watt smile and entered the room. It was showtime. Much to her displeasure, her audition was uneventful. She introduced herself, had been asked a few questions about her background and then she performed her song. That was it. The producer, the casting director and the assistant had poker faces throughout her eight minutes and forty-five seconds there. None of them made nasty remarks but they didn't compliment her either. There was no feedback whatsoever, which left her feeling a mixture of emptiness and outrage. Rachel knew those people had seen many performers that day and were probably tired, still she couldn't help feel they were rude to her. No standing ovation, no clapping, no smiles. She felt irrelevant, like she had made no impact, good or bad on them. That was tough on her. Feeling forgettable was the worst that could happen to her; however, she had to carry on. All the heads of the casting departments couldn't be morons, right?
It was around noon and Rachel had attended to a total of four auditions. Only one of them had left her feeling some amount of hope. Other than that, she had just felt stared at and profoundly confused as to how the process really worked. As she walked down the street, Rachel felt very lonely. Her efforts to be memorable and the emotional struggle the auditions presented had drained her. Suddenly she started to think about Shelby and what she might have gone through while auditioning. If only she could ask her biological mother about her experience... Did she walk those same streets in hopes someone would see her potential? Was she afraid there would always be someone better? Did she feel exposed as well? Did the poker faces mean anything at all? Why couldn't she share that with her daughter? The one she had abandoned twice... Thinking about Shelby was unexpected and painful. Rachel felt thirsty, so she opened her bag and reached for her bottle; that's when she saw a pink post it attached to it. She grabbed it and proceeded to read the simple lines meant for her and only her to see.
"Knock them dead, Rach.
I love you.
W"
Rachel started to tear up. She might be feeling all alone at the time, but she wasn't. She had Will now. He believed in her. He loved her. They were going through the same ruthless process at the same time, so he could understand her better than anyone. She stopped walking at a corner and checked her phone. She had stored his schedule and was curious if there was a chance they were near each other.
Will replied to her text in a nanosecond. If he took a taxi, he could be where she was in ten minutes, and they would be able to enjoy a quiet meal. On a second thought, not a quiet one, but still one they could share.
They met in the middle, in front of a modest restaurant, where they hugged and kissed as if they hadn't seen each other in a decade. This was the first time they both had actually felt the city was filled with strangers, and they couldn't be happier to have the chance to be together, even if it was only for an hour. Every second of that embrace was making up for the hours waiting in line and the huge amount of collective disappointment they were feeling.
They talked about their days so far while they ate their respective salads. Both were already tired, their feet hurt from walking and standing for long periods of time and their spirits were wounded, but they just kept smiling at one another, holding hands between bites. For any passerby, they looked like a happy couple. There was no indication of what had started as a terrible day of auditions. There was something amazing going on between them. The electricity they kept feeling whenever their bodies brushed, the way they made each other feel. The devotion between them ... they felt so strongly about their connection, were so absorbed by the other's voice and loving eyes that the weight on their shoulders lightened momentarily.
Will was scanning the dessert menu when Rachel chose to drop one of her many questions on him.
"I need to ask you something," she said feeling small and a bit inappropriate. "Don't take this the wrong way but why did my ... Shelby have your number?" Rachel said casting her eyes downwards. Will sighed and rubbed his forehead.
"We exchanged numbers." He was aware that wasn't enough information, but he didn't want to drop a bomb on Rachel, not on this of all days.
"She asked for YOUR number? When? Did she ... you think she was interested in you?" Rachel didn't really want to hear the answer, yet it wouldn't shock her completely "like mother, like daughter" she thought in advance.
"I never told you this but when you first started dating Jesse, I suspected he had ulterior motives." He paused when the waitress came to the table and pointed out for her the dessert he had chosen for them to share: the now ritual fruit salad. "I talked to her to make sure he wasn't playing with you." Will was trying to avoid at all costs telling her the whole story. He would tell her everything, but he wanted to wait until she was done auditioning for the day, or maybe for the year.
"You did that? Aw, Will!" She kissed him soundly. "I thought you couldn't be any more perfect..." She smiled as Will sighed. "Yet that doesn't explain her having your number." Rachel sensed there was more to it and Will knew she had figured out there was something he wasn't telling her. He took both of her hands in his.
"Remember how confused I was when I had just gotten a divorce?" he asked thinking he should have picked a dessert with dark chocolate. There was no way telling Rachel the truth wouldn't cause some damage.
"Yes. What are you trying to tell me?" She pulled away slightly, fearing the worst.
"Well, I was feeling lonely and she and I ... It's not what you think. It sounds worse than it was. And just for the record, I swear at the time I didn't know she was ... related to you."
"Related to you" sounded so cold to Rachel but he couldn't call Shelby her mother. Still, the brunette was scared of what she hadn't heard him say.
"Will! You are freaking me out! Please tell me you didn't sleep with her." Rachel's eyes were pleading. She felt she would kill someone if her mom and her now boyfriend had been ... involved. Then she would die of emotional pain.
"I didn't sleep with her." Rachel let go the breath she was holding and intertwined her fingers with his.
"That's a relief." She closed her eyes tight. She couldn't have handled it if he had said otherwise.
"I'm sorry. I really didn't know. We did kiss, Rach."
"And I will pretend I didn't hear that last bit of information," she said, snuggling into him in the booth they were in. A month ago, she would have thrown a fit if she knew Will and Shelby had kissed but now it seemed meaningless and she knew he loved her. She couldn't punish him for something he had done before they were together. Neither could she risk what they had over a make out session that was in the past. On a side note, she felt more possessive than ever towards him and more questions around Shelby surfaced. She had been more interested in the people around her daughter than in her own daughter: Beth, Jesse,Will.
"Feel free to forget it ever happened." Will said content with how mature Rachel's reaction had been. "I should also tell you that wasn't the only time I talked to her. When I found out who she was I asked her to be careful with your feelings. I wish she ... things would have turned out differently."
"I can't believe I never knew about this ... you ... I don't think anyone has cared about me enough to go those lengths." It was a confession, a realization and a thought said out loud.
"I couldn't stomach the thought of her hurting you. Or anyone else for that matter. But I couldn't tell you because I was afraid you would resent me for meddling. I didn't approach her because I thought of you as weak, I just ... had to look after you and that was the only thing I could come up with." He tried to read her eyes. This had to be too much on her.
"You ... I love you," she said, almost crying. Rachel was completely overwhelmed. She couldn't believe how deep Will's feelings for her had been back then, and imagining him, the person who clearly had loved her the most, talking to the one who should have and failed at it was causing her a mixture of emotions. She started to tremble a little.
"I love you too, sweetheart," he cradled her in his arms. His own heart was starting to shatter, feeling how shaken she was. "You are the strongest person I know and you don't deserve to suffer because of this. She's in the past. I'm here," he whispered sweetly. Even though those words were tender, true and reassuring, Rachel did in fact start to cry. She couldn't help it, too many potent emotions were drowning her.
"Please don't break my heart, Will. I never meant to need you this much but ... I do, and..." Rachel's voice broke.
"Shhh." He kissed the top of her head. "Rach, in case you haven't noticed, I'm in love with you. I will never do anything to intentionally hurt you." He wiped away her tears. "Look at me, please." Rachel tried to regulate her breathing and did as he asked. They locked eyes and saw each other hurting. "I don't know if I deserve you, or what I did to deserve you, but she doesn't. And I love you and need you too. I need you more than you need me." Rachel couldn't reply, she was focus on trying to stop crying. "We are together now. You and I, and that's what matters. We are team Sherry, remember?" Finally she smiled and he breathed.
"Damn right." Rachel nodded.
"We are going to be ok. I promise." Will hugged her tightly. He wished there was more he could do to clear her mind and make the pain go away. He had been worried about her facing rejection but he had miscalculated; she had felt rejected by her mother all her life. The chances of that changing were slim to none.
"You shouldn't promise such a thing, but I believe you anyway. Thank you, boyfriend." Her hands were grasping his shirt tightly. Will was her hiding place. At this point she had no idea how she was going to be able to get on with her day without him.
"I hate to see you sad, Rach." He stated the obvious, as he once again resented Shelby. He could never really protect Rachel from her mother's abandonment.
"I know. I'm sorry I ruined your day." Rachel sounded like a wounded animal in the forest. She was trying but she couldn't hide how affected she was.
"You don't have to apologize. I should have told you sooner and you didn't ruin my day." He brushed her hair away from her face.
"You were trying to protect me." She shrugged. "By the way, did you call me 'sweetheart' earlier?"
"Uh ... I think so. Is there something wrong? You hate 'baby' AND 'sweetheart'?" Will was frightened she might throw something at him again.
"No, I like it." She kissed him. "And for your information, you do deserve me. If I hear you doubt yourself again, we will have a problem." She smiled running her hand down his face.
"Fine, but promise me you won't let her get to you again. I got you, okay?" He kissed her hand.
"Why are you so perfect?" Rachel smiled.
"I don't know. I've been Rachel Berried, maybe that's why." Will kissed her hoping he was helping to erase her pain.
"These kisses are helping your case." Rachel raised an eyebrow playfully.
Will tired to convinced her to cut the day short several times but he had no luck. He thought she was in no shape to keep auditioning – she was too emotional – but she argued her emotions could be helpful, so he gave in. He really wanted to take Rachel home and do some soothing, but she was adamant that she wouldn't be the reason for Will stopping his auditioning, and even reminded him he was the one asking her not to let Shelby affect her. Will was proud of her, he knew there was a lot going on in her mind, but she sucked it up. He left for his next casting, reminding her she could just text the words and they would retreat to either apartment. She thanked him with a kiss and repeated that she was fine. Will was still worried about her, however, he left for his audition thinking "that's my girl."
Almost six and a half hours later, after Will made it home, Rachel knocked on his door. She looked like a bus had drove over her. Her hair was messy, she was pale and she had taken her shoes off because her feet were swollen. He wanted to ask about the rest of her day but opted against it, she would start talking any time soon, he thought. Instead, all she did was kiss him and state one very true thing:
"We need a nap." With that she dropped her bag and shoes on the floor and wrapped her arms around Will's neck.
"I was about to but I was waiting to hear from you." Will said before lifting Rachel up and carrying her to the bedroom. They were in complete synchrony.
"My timing, as always, is perfect then." Rachel smiled as he put her down in front of his bed. "I'm going to wash my face first though. I've had make up on all day," she said and entered his bathroom closing the door behind her.
Will took his clothes off and laid between the sheets waiting for her. She must have been really tired not to want to talk about the day. When she emerged from the bathroom, his jaw dropped. She had changed into a pink nightgown, he had forgotten she had left in his bathroom. Clothing at his place had been so optional she had never wore it in front of him.
"What?" Rachel said while she covered herself with the sheets.
"You look like a fantasy," he replied, spooning with her.
"That's the point." She took his hand and kissed it. "What a day, huh? I never thought the waiting would be so brutal." Finally she started to talk.
"I know, especially for an old man like me. You are still young," he said rubbing her arm up and down. Rachel laughed at his words; he sure knew how to relax her.
"Don't be silly, you are in great shape. I can certify that." She smiled. "But that is beside the point. How come they don't have a better system? Haven't casting directors heard of assigning turns? I mean..." Rachel paused as she felt a familiar warmth against her lower back. "Oh my Jewish God, Will! How...?"
"You are doing this to me," Will said as he kissed the place between her shoulder blades.
"Hmmm, that feels so good. If I wasn't this tired..."
"Shhh..." His hands flew to her legs. Her soft warm skin reacted to him as goosebumps started to form in anticipation of his next move. He caressed her ass and slowly took her panties down and off.
"Will, I can't possibly ... but I want to ... let me rest for twenty minutes. After a power nap we can..." She stopped talking to inhale sharply as he rubbed her clit slowly.
"You don't have to do a thing, just feel." Will's tone was so sensual her mind was spinning instantly. He stroked her gently with one hand as the other was flat on her abdomen holding her still.
"But this ... you are tired too ... we ..." He slid a finger inside her, stopping her from talking further.
"You are so sexy, Rach ... so beautiful, I can't ... I can't get enough of you." Will's voice was hoarse and deep now. Rachel closed her eyes and slid her own hand down his boxers.
"Me neither. But..." Once again he blocked her speech as another finger joined the first.
"You have no idea what you do to me," he whispered to her ear.
"I think I do," she gasped, stroking him at the same pace he had chosen with her. "More," she moaned. Starting to feel light-headed, Will sped up his movements and so did she until both were screaming the other's name. Out of breath, Rachel turned to Will and cuddled against his chest. They were both smiling and starting to get sleepy.
"Your hands are just so talented; you are gifted." She planted a kiss on his chest and closed her eyes, and he wrapped his arms around her.
"So are you. I love touching you." Will murmured into her hair while he traced idle patterns on her collarbone, moving his hand dangerously close to her breasts.
"It shows." Rachel smiled still with her eyes closed. Once again he was igniting her body, with the slightest touch of his fingertips and she could anticipate what he was going to do next. "But if you keep touching me like this, I'm going to want more and then we'll never sleep and..." Her body arched without permission as Will cupped her breast. "You are blocking my train of thought."
"Sweetheart you need to relax in order to sleep. Let me help," Will said innocently. For someone who had just referred to himself as old, he sure had a lot of hormones out of control.
"Will..." She opened her eyes and placed her hand over his. She wasn't completely sure what she wanted any more, though. "You took the edge off already. Masterfully, I might add."
"I'll tell you what we are going to do. First let me take care of you one more time." He fondled her other breast. "Then we nap for at least two hours. After that, we are going to order in and eat in bed." Rachel's body was melting into his touch, she laid on her back granting him full access to her cleavage. "Then I will make love to you like I've wanted to all day. And after that, we are taking a bath. How does that sound?"
"I like you taking control like this." She nodded as he kissed her neck. He locked eyes with her, Will had to check she was fine. He wanted her to feel loved before she could sleep. Secretly, he wanted her not to have nightmares that involved Shelby. He wanted her to dream about him, or at least to be the latest thought on her mind. Therefore he needed her to focus on him and nothing else.
"I want to pamper you." He trailed kisses down her stomach while parting her legs.
"I missed you today. Terribly. I thought about you so much..." Rachel rubbed his shoulders in circular motion.
"Tell me more." Will said, before parting her folds and licking her slowly.
"Just don't stop." Rachel couldn't say anything else. In fact, she didn't want to talk about anything else. She was afraid she couldn't. Will was clouding her mind with raw desire.
"I won't," He said before licking her once more, this time applying some pressure. "Just feel me and keep talking, sweetheart. I want to hear your beautiful voice," Will said and resumed his ministrations.
"You were ... hmmm..." She arched her body in pleasure. Rachel felt brain-dead.
"I was...?" He stopped and looked at her, while he rubbed her clit with his index finger.
"Are... Will this is not fair!" Rachel complained, he had made her start to say something she didn't mean to blurt out.
"I am what?" He kissed the inside of her thigh smiling.
"Huh?" Rachel lost her train of thought completely.
"You were going to say something." He licked her again trying to make her end her original sentence.
"I forgot, you are clouding my memor..." He bit her clit gently making her hips soar. "Hmmm, Will!"
"Your voice gets pitchy when you lie. Tell me." He was sweet and demanding at the same time.
"How did you...? I don't think I can have... a conversation right now." Rachel opened her eyes and then narrowed them at him. Will Schuester, her boyfriend not only had noticed how her pitch altered when she tried to hide something, he was also challenging her and he had the upper hand. Finger, tongue, whatever.
"Please. I'll make it worth your while." Will darted his tongue in and out of her, this was a challenge he would win.
"You were the first to actually give me an orgasm." Her confession made Will's heart jump. He was proud, thrilled and turned on, and he couldn't restrain himself any longer, he worked her with his tongue and finger, happy to see her body react to him. Content with what her words were making him do Rachel decided to keep talking. There were two winners to this challenge. "No one has ever touched me like this. You make me feel I'm crawling out of my... skin." Rachel was able to say before she came undone. "You are trying to kill me," she stated while he crawled next to her.
"Mhm. Softly." Will smiled proudly before kissing her.
"I hope you know CPR." Rachel said between kisses.
"I do, I got you," he replied pulling her closer to him.
"Where did you come from? Planet Cosmopolitan?" Rachel laughed and closed her eyes. Her boyfriend wanted her to relax. Well, mission accomplished.
"I told you, this is what you do to me ... I want you all the time." Will kissed her once again.
"I love you so much. This is crazy but I do." Rachel said in a lower tone.
"Is it so crazy, Rach? You have always meant a lot to me and now..." He hugged her strongly. "Now you mean everything."
"Yes, but, falling in love with you happened so fast ... and this, this sexual chemistry ... I never thought such thing was real if I'm being honest. But wow."
"It's very real." Will said closing his eyes as well
"I can see that. I'm happy it is." She laughs. "I mean we have a sex life! I never had a sex life really." Rachel said making Will laugh too while he covered both of them with the sheets.
"We have a lot of catching up to do then," he smiled. What he had learned had given him the biggest ego boost he had had in ages. "In two hours. Let's get some rest now." He kissed her forehead.
"Done." Rachel smiled. "Do you really know CPR?"
"Yes," Will said, starting to drift off.
"Then you are forever cast as the male lead in my life." Rachel stated as her body relaxed in his embrace.
"Sleep tight, my leading lady." Will kissed her shoulder before they both fell asleep.
As it turned out, the roles that mattered the most were already theirs.