Disclaimer: I do not own Redwall, Mossflower, or any of its inhabitants. I do, however, unfortunately, own all Sues and OCs. Bleah.
"Blah," said Gonff. He was irritated from Chapter 9, where the author simply only had them skipping with stupid grins on their faces, and they were still skipping said skipping and grinning said grins.
"And it does help that I'm listening to a certain song while I'm writing this," the author said with a grin that was creepy and evil and sinister.
Gonff whimpered.
"Well, Mr. Author," interjected Columbine, "we're getting pretty tired. Do you think you could have us stop for awhile? Please?"
"Sure," the author replied.
And with that, the two mice stopped, and immediately sat down with a bump.
"Thank yoooooooou," they said.
After that, the author then kindly gave them a lovely little lunch.
"From where?" asked Gonff.
"From the magic of Fanfiction, duh," replied the author.
Suddenly, a strange cloaked figure came upon them.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Gonff and Columbine.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed the cloaked figure.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Gonff and Columbine again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed the cloaked figure again.
Needless to say, they went on in this fashion for quite awhile before the author decided to put a stop to this.
"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! Stop screaming and get on with the freakin' story, you stupid fictional characters!"
"Okay, okay, fine," grumbled Gonff and Columbine. They turned and stared at the cloaked figure.
Silence.
"Um," said Gonff.
Columbine put her lips to her husband's ear. "Why were we screaming earlier?" she whispered.
"Beats me," shrugged Gonff.
They turned back to the cloaked figure and stared.
The cloaked figure stared right back.
Finally Columbine stood forward. "Who are you?"
The figure lifted her dainty paws to lift her hood, revealing a remarkably beautiful face that seemed to shine with its own light.
"Laterose of Noonvale."
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The mousemaid stared at Martin with wide eyes. This was the last thing she had expected her father to say (in fact, he was supposed to stare at her with wide eyes before breaking down in tears and hugging her tightly), but then again, he was probably in denial over the whole thing. Oh well, she was here to heal his heart-wounds, anyway.
"Yes, I am," she murmured softly, putting a tender paw on Martin's shoulder. "I'm your daughter. Rose never told you, but she was carrying your baby when you and her went back to Marshank and after you left she gave birth to me and I've been living in Noonvale with Uncle Brome ever since then, until finally he told me all about you and now I've come to find you and-"
"NO! Nononononono no! NO!"
"Father, really!"
Mea- er, I mean, while that was going on (I said "meanwhile" enough in the last chapter), Derean was picking himself off the ground, grumbling and rubbing his head. He didn't even have a chance to tell them about how he captured the abbey champion! Huh, he'd show them!
Marching through the camp, the irate rat headed back towards where he had tied up Martin, intent on taking the mouse straight to the warlords (as he probably should've done in the first place) and proclaiming his victory-
Derean stopped dead.
The pole held no mousewarrior, only a few severed ropes.
The rat lifted his face to the heavens and proclaimed his loss.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
"WHAT?!" shouted Gonff.
"You're who now?" Columbine asked, as though she heard the other mousemaid wrong.
"Laterose of Noonvale," the mousemaid repeated.
Columbine scrunched up her face. Just when she thought things couldn't get any weirder.
"I am on a journey seeking a certain mouse," the maid, Laterose, said. "I have traveled far and wide to find him, escaping from the prison my abusive father held me in because he didn't want me to find my true love again, and I have been looking for ever so long!" She then broke down in tears, her perfectly sculpted frame shaking as she sobbed.
Columbine rolled her eyes. "Oh for cryin' out loud!"
"DON'T MOCK ME!" shouted "Laterose", whipping her head up. (It might be noted that not a single tear could be seen in her eyes, though her eyes had gone from hazel to red) "YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF ALL THE TROUBLES I'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH JUST TO FIND MY ONE AND ONLY TRUE L-"
"Whoa, whoa," said Gonff, holding up his paws. "Now hold on there, missy. What's your, er, 'true love's' name?"
Columbine already knew the answer, as it was pretty obvious, which is why she gave Gonff a look as "Laterose" said,
"Martin the Warrior."
Suddenly Gonff gave a gasp - a gasp that sounded like he was genuinely surprised, which made Columbine give him another look.
"Martin the Warrior?!" repeated the mousethief, stepping forward a bit. "Why, he's my best mate! We saved Mossflower together!"
Wha. . . .? thought Columbine. Why was Gonff acting like this?
"Laterose" gave a small gasp and widened her eyes (which had gone back to their ordinary - well, they weren't very ordinary-looking, being filled with stars and whatnot, but at least they were just a simple hazel). "You know Martin?! Oh, thank goodness! Oh, tell me where he is, that I may finally tell him that I'm not dead and that I still love him!"
Here Gonff lowered his head, as though ashamed. Okay, now Columbine was really getting creeped out.
"I am sorry, dear lady," the mousethief murmured.
"Laterose" again gave a dainty gasp. "What? What is it?! Is he alright? Is he hurt?! Is he dying?!"
"No, no, please! It's nothing like that!" Gonff quickly assured her (Columbine was now full out staring at her husband). "It's just that . . . he's been kidnapped."
"KIDNAPPED?!" shrieked "Laterose". "BY WHO?! WHERE ARE THEY, THE MISERABLE LITTLE VERMIN WRETCHES, I'LL TEACH 'EM! I'LL LEARN 'EM! I'LL . . . I'LL . . . WHERE DID THEY TAKE HIM?!"
"To Salamandastron," replied Gonff, who, unlike Columbine, was not very fazed by the Sue's rant.
"Then we must go with all haste!" the RoseLives!Sue cried, and shot off in the mountain's direction (even though she wouldn't know where Salamandastron is), Gonff following her.
"Gonff?! GONFF! HEY WAIT UP!" shouted Columbine, running after them.
Martin was desperately trying to get some feeling back into his limbs so he could run away from this abomination, but alas, the Martin'sDaughter!Sue took a hold of his arms, thus cutting off the circulation, and pulled him close, murmuring, "It's alright, father, it's alright. I don't blame you for leaving, you did what you had to. I still love you, unlike Grandfather, who hates you so much, but he doesn't have a heart that's so pure and good and golden like mine. . . ."
Now Martin was really wishing he were back at the vermin camp, peacefully tied up, with no Sue telling him that he was her father and telling him the most disgusting stories.
"But its alright, father!" continued the Sue, whose name was Lilyrose Moonflower Petalblossom Springgold. "You don't have to go on blaming yourself for mother's death! She's still alive in our hearts, where she'll always be! And you've still got me, father, I'll make you happy!"
Ah crap. Martin would rather be back with Derean right now eating raw fish.
It was almost as though his wish were granted.
And why I say "almost as though" is because Derean came walking through the foliage just then. Of course, Martin had wished had included Lilyrose to be gone (which she wasn't, of course), and not a raw fish was in sight (though that part wasn't too terribly bad).
"Hey!" shouted Derean.
Lilyrose gave a dainty, lady-like gasp and threw herself between Martin and Derean, shouting, "Keep back, rat! Keep back! You'll never take my father away from me! Not again! I've waited far too long for this day only to have it be taken away from another murdering vermin like yourself!"
Derean drew himself up huffily, and replied, "Well I have also waited far too long for this day, only it wasn't to meet my father, it was to get a promotion, and that mouse," he said, pointing at Martin, "is my key to getting it! So hand 'im over!"
"NO!" Lilyrose cried, pulling out her own sword, which was, like Mareah's and Polly's, twelve feet long, golden, covered in jewels and intricate. "Run, father! Run! Save yourself! Then come back for me weeping that you can't let another creature die because of you!"
Martin gave Lilyrose's back a look that said, Are you kidding me?
Derean also pulled out a sword, not nearly as long nor as fine as Lilyrose's, but he looked eager enough for a fight. "Look lady," he growled, his normally perky face a fierce snarl, "I've waited much too long for this promotion, and I'm not going to lose it!"
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"shouted Lilyrose, throwing herself at Derean.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"shouted Derean, throwing himself at Lilyrose.
Oh good, thought Martin. Maybe they'll kill each other off. Wouldn't that be lovely?
However, he never got to see the fight, for at that moment two lovely paws came out from behind him, clamped over his mouth and pulled him back into the bushes.
Within moments Martin found himself looking into two pairs of eyes: one pair sapphire-blue in a golden face, the other pair emerald-green in a chocolate-brown face.
Two voices, both sweet and musical and golden, spoke to him in unison:
"Don't worry, Martin dear, I found you again!"
Cue the evil dramatic music while I laugh dramtically evil.
BWA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!