LISSA

I started up the steps to my private rooms with a heavy sigh. Rose was still avoiding me. Avoiding everyone, to be fair. That didn't make me feel any better.

"She's been through a lot," Christian reminded me. "She just needs time."

"She needs me," I corrected him. I didn't understand why no one else saw that. We'd let Rose pull back and now I was afraid that with each passing day the gap between us only widened further.

"Your Highness," one of the guardians stationed on my door bowed to me. "Guardian Hathaway is inside."

"I thought Janine had to go back," Christian said.

"He means Rose." I opened the door and smelled it immediately. Blood. Whirling around, I shoved Christian out the door. Whatever was going on in here, it wasn't for him.

"Lissa!" he pounded on the door, jiggling the knob frantically.

"Go away!" I called out. I doubted he went anywhere, but at least he stopped banging. I threw the lock just in case and went looking for my best friend.

"Rose?" I found her in my bathroom, sitting on the tiles with the razor blade still in her hand. I knelt down beside her. "Did something happen today?"

She shook her head. "Nothing happened. That's the problem." She looked up at me. "Does this really make you feel better?"

"No, not really." I felt shaky and sick, terrified and furious. Was this how she and Christian felt when I cut? As soon as I got Rose out of here I was throwing out every razor blade I'd ever bought. I might even ban them from Court permanently. "Do you feel any better?"

"No." She let me take the razor blade away from her. "Nothing helps. But she told me this would."

"What? Who?" I snapped out, sharper than I intended.

"My mother," she answered. "She told me if I let you have my blood, I could fix things. I could make it right. But it didn't help. They can't do anything with it." I held my bloody wrist out to her. "Maybe you just need to take more. Take all of it this time. I don't want it."

"I'd rather you kept it," I told her. "I went to an awful lot of trouble to see that you did."

"Why?" she asked. "Why do you keep bringing me back?" She dropped her head into her hands. "Why can't you just let me go?"

For a moment I almost felt guilty. Was it selfish of me to keep dragging her back to the world of the living? And then the fury came rushing back in. Yes, I was selfish, and I was unashamed. I wasn't going to let anyone take her from me. Not fate, not Strigoi, and certainly not her.

"You'd rather be dead, is that it?" I demanded. "Rather be dead than living your life? Yeah, I guess you have it pretty bad, being the queen's best friend. It must be rough, having a gorgeous Russian god in love with you. Poor Rose, the most famous guardian in history."

Rose shrank back from me and I almost stopped, but I was convinced that I was right. Rose didn't need any more time. She needed to be reminded of who she was. We'd waited for her to come lean on us, but that wasn't Rose. She needed to be leaned on. Needed to be reminded that she was the strong one.

"Well that's not an option, Rose. You don't get to opt out. You think I seriously wanted to be queen? You think ruling the Moroi is fun for me? Well it isn't. And it's your fault I ended up here. So you stick it out with me because I can't do this without you."

She straightened up a little bit and I saw something flicker in her eyes. Something that almost looked like Rose. "Come on," I coaxed. "You've got to start taking care of yourself. I need you."

Rose huffed out a breath. "If you need me you really are in trouble. I'm a mess."

"I'll help you clean up," I promised her. We started by washing and bandaging her wrist. I was feeling much more optomistic as I led her out into my bedroom. "What you need is a couple of good meals and- whoop!" She stumbled and we both went sprawling onto my bed. "Okay, maybe sleep first, then food."

"I can't sleep," she whispered, her head down. "I have nightmares."

"Hey," I grabbed her chin. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not weak. After what you've been through, I'd be more worried if you weren't having nightmares. We'll just have to find something to help you sleep." I thought for a minute. "I don't have any sleeping pills. We can get some later. For now, we'll try Adrian's tried and true method."

"What's that?" Rose asked as I disappeared into my little kitchenette. "Getting drunk?"

I reappeared in the bedroom with a bottle of vodka. Rose gave me an incredulous stare. "Really?"

"Really." I sat beside her on the bed and twisted the cap off. "I have some whiskey, too, but I figured this would be more to your tastes." I took a swig and passed the bottle to her.

She smiled a little and I felt like standing up and cheering. "Bottoms up."

~YT~

I wasn't sure what time it was when I left Rose sleeping and made my way outside. I was a little surprised to find the sun up. At least no one was around to watch the queen weave drunkenly across the Court. Maybe I should have stayed put until I was a little more sober. But I was drunk and angry and this seemed like the perfect time to have it out with a certain Russian guardian.

Uncaring of the guardians trying to sleep in their own apartments, I pounded furiously on Dimitri's door. When he opened it, I could tell that he hadn't been asleep.

"Lissa? Where's Rose? Is she okay?"

"No, she's not okay." I pushed past him into his apartment. "She's about as far from okay as you can get, and it's our fault."

"I know it's difficult. But with a little more time-"

"Yeah sure, more time, that's what we need! Let's let Rose wallow in her own misery a little longer. Let's not do anything until I find her bleeding on my bathroom floor. Never mind, I already did!" I whipped the bloody razor blade out of my pocket and threw it at his feet.

The blood drained out of Dimitri's face. "What...? I don't understand..."

"But you should," I told him. "Maybe I can't understand what Rose is going through, but you should, because you did the exact same thing! I brought you back and you did everything you could to push Rose away. Except it didn't work because she dug in and pushed back. And now she's the one pushing us away and we let her."

I suddenly felt very tired and more than a little sick. I wobbled over to their kitchen table and collapsed into a chair. "You fix this, Dimitri."

"I will," he promised. "Somehow."

"Sleeping with her would be a good start." Did I really just say that? I must be drunker than I realized.

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's the vodka talking," I told him. "But seriously, why aren't you? And I don't mean sleeping with her. I mean sleeping with her." God, I just couldn't shut up.

"Rose hasn't indicated that she wanted to...sleep with me," Dimitri answered stiffly.

"Of course she does. She can't keep her hands off you." Wow, I needed to stop. Now. "You fix this." I dropped my head on the table and fell asleep.