Happy Valentine's Day to you all! My gift to you is my story because it comes from my heart.

Time Takes It's Toll

The next few days were routine. I worked wherever Jeb needed me. At night, movies were shown. Once everyone had seen the movies, the attendance dropped dramatically. I spent a lot of time sitting by the entrance alone. Sometimes I would go for a short walk outside. I didn't cry so much anymore. I just felt numb. Kyle and Sunny were exploring their new relationship so he was too busy to worry about me. Exactly one week after Kyle and I had returned from our first trip, Jeb came to me again.

He found me in my 'special place'. "Hey, little lady."

"Hey, Jeb."

"I need you to take another road trip for me. I need more supplies for the lighting project and food is always on the list. Take Kyle again."

"Can't I take Jared? Kyle and Sunny are just getting comfortable. I don't think she'll appreciate me taking him away."

"I need Jared to be here for Mel. If you're not here, then he'll have to take care of her. Sunny will be fine. Besides, you and Kyle make a good team. He knows how to keep you…" He chose his words carefully. "…in control."

"What did he tell you?"

"He told me enough."

I had to admit I was happy I was going with Kyle. My substitute Ian had a soothing effect on me. I was also looking forward to calling Ian, Burns, and Nate. I missed them all.

That afternoon, before we left, Sharon came to me. It took me by surprise because she generally avoided me. "Wanda? Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure," I answered warily.

"It's not for me. It's for Aunt Maggie. She used to do a lot of crafts, things like needlepoint, crocheting, and latch hook rugs. I was wondering if you could maybe pick up something like that for her. Next week is her birthday."

"Absolutely! I think that's a wonderful idea. What does she like? I mean what type of picture would she want to create?"

"She likes still life stuff and flowers."

I nodded my head. "Okay, I can work with that. By the way, do you know what size shoe she wears?"

"Eight and a half. Why?"

"I noticed her shoes are pretty worn. Maybe I'll make this into a 'Maggie' trip and get her a couple of things she needs."

Sharon managed to smile. "That's very nice of you."

"Thank you for giving me the idea. Oh! What's her favorite movie?"

"She loves 'Gone with the Wind' and 'The Wizard of Oz'"

"I'm on it."

"Thank you, Wanda."

We left as the sun was setting. Kyle kept pace with me just as he had the last time. He was very quiet. We really hadn't spoken much since the first night at the movies. When we finally got on the road, we still hadn't really spoken. I was afraid he might be mad at me. Was it because I had taken him away from Sunny? I decided I needed to know.

"Kyle, are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you? No, why would you think that?"

"You've just been so quiet."

"Well, you were quiet too. I thought maybe you wanted the peace and quiet."

I hadn't thought of that. "How are things with you and Sunny?"

"Good, good." Not a whole lot of information there.

"Did you kiss her good bye?"

"I always kiss her good bye."

"On the lips?" Yes, I was being nosy but I needed to know if last week's kiss was a show put on for my benefit or really the start of something.

"Boy, are you sure you're not just a little jealous?" The heat rose in my face. He looked directly at me. "Yes I kissed her on the lips. You might say we made out." The corners of his mouth pulled into a sly smile

"Good." I was satisfied. I felt like Nate the schemer again. I pulled out my phone and plugged it into the charger. I opened the phone and chose Burns in my memory and dialed it. After the third ring Burns picked up.

"Nate?"

"No, it's me Wanda."

"Oh, hey! How are you?"

"I'm good, I'm on another road trip with Kyle."

"I'm on a road trip myself. Apparently there were humans spotted by the local constables, so I've been out here since this morning. I'll stay the night and then head back in the morning. I need to make it look good, you know?"

"Oh. I hope you are being careful."

"Of course I am." He replied.

I wouldn't be able to speak to Ian unless I called Nate. I wanted to call Nate anyway but I didn't want Ian to know. No use stirring the pot.

"How's Lily?"

"She's missing you."

"Isn't there any way she can get to call me?" He pleaded.

"Maybe when I get back she and I can take the van back to the hiding place and she can call you then."

"I'd like that."

"Did I tell you I purchased a generator and a TV?"

"Really? I guess that makes you the home town hero," he chuckled.

I laughed too.

"That's me. I'm the super human."

"I'd like to be a super human with all the projects Ian has got me doing. He never stops."

"How is Ian?" I had been dying to ask but I didn't want to sound insensitive.

"He's the same although one good thing happened."

"What's that?"

"Carlos asked him one day if he could play ball with him. He wanted to know if Ian would teach him how to pitch. So, he started coaching Carlos and now Blake is working with him too. They even call him 'Coach'."

"Good for him." I always knew he'd be a great coach. The burning question in my mind was still the subject of Holly. "Is Holly still hanging around?"

He didn't answer.

"Burns? You're scaring me."

"Let me say this so it doesn't upset you. I'd have to say she hangs around him; not that he hangs around her."

It was a good effort on Burns' part but I was still seething. Now I didn't answer.

"Wanda, I don't want you getting upset."

"I'm not!" I lied and the sheer trill in my voice gave that away.

"I still remind him every day that you are 'in love' with him."

"You are a good big brother."

"Thank you. I'll always be here for you."

"I know."

"I'm going to go now because I know you want to call Ian. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." I hung up the phone and bit my lip.

"Is everything okay?" Kyle seemed concerned.

"I don't know." I dialed Nate's number.

"Hello?" Nate sounded out of breath.

"It's me, Wanda."

"Hey, pretty lady! How are you?"

"I'm okay. Kyle and I are on another road trip. I thought I'd check in. How are you doing?"

"You know… I'm doing my thing. Burns is out searching for humans. That always keeps me on edge. We humans tend to be a little violent when provoked."

"Yes. I happen to know that first hand. I just spoke to Burns and he seemed fine. He said he'd be back your way in the morning."

"Yeah. I'll feel better when I see him. He's like a brother to me."

"I know what you mean. He told me that Ian has been working with some of the kids on the ball field."

"Yep and now he's gone project happy again. He wants to build a backstop and he's digging up the grass."

"What do you mean he's digging up the grass?"

"He's creating a diamond around the bases. The boys are helping him out."

"Right , the boys. Burns told me that Holly has been helping too."

"Well, yeah. She helps." It felt like he was leaving something out. A sharp pain went through my chest.

"Nate. Is it possible that you could get Ian to call me?"

"Well, right now I'm at the cave. I'll get him to call a little later, okay?"

"Sure. Oh, Nate?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"Sure, no problem."

About a half hour later the phone rang. I picked it up on the second ring.

"Ian?"

"Hey, Babydoll." He sounded happy.

"How are you?"

"I've been keeping busy."

"So, I hear. You are doing a lot of work on the ball field?"

"Yes. I'm trying to fix it up for the kids."

"For the kids or for you?"

"Well, you know, it's for all of us."

"It just seems like a lot of work to put into it considering you'll be leaving soon."

He was quiet. He wasn't even trying to appease me with a lie.

"How is Holly?"

He paused. "She's all right I guess. She's a hard worker." Now it felt like he was lying. She's a hard worker. Hard at work trying to steal my man.

"Ian, when are you coming home?" This question would answer every other question I had.

He paused again. "I don't know." I started to panic. I realized that he was never going to tell me the truth.

"You're never coming home. Are you?" My voice hitched. I was choking back the tears. He still didn't answer me.

"ARE YOU?" I started shaking and sobbing.

"I didn't say that."

Kyle pulled the phone from my hand. I wrapped my arms around my head and I started to cry.

Kyle spoke into the phone. "Jesus, Ian! Haven't you put her through enough?"…"Well, I say you are."…"I'm telling you that you need to claim your woman before someone else does."…"What?"…"I will."…"Hey. She'll be in my bed tonight. You can bet on that." He snapped the phone shut.

"What did you do?" I was appalled that Kyle had just told his own brother that he was going to sleep with me.

"Let him chew on that for awhile."

The phone rang. I reached out for the phone. "Let me answer it."

"No." Kyle replied firmly.

"Kyle. Come on!"

"No!" He was adamant. "Someone needs to snap him to his senses."

Five minutes later, the phone rang again.

"KYLE, let me answer it!" I shrieked.

"No." He growled.

I tried to reason with him. "He'll hate you."

"It won't be the first time and it won't be the first time I slept with his girl." He made this statement to make a point. Ian would obviously believe that Kyle was capable of bedding me.

"You're horrible!" I wouldn't look at him. I stared out the window into the blackness of the night. I didn't speak to him the rest of the way. He got off at the exit and drove to the same hotel we had stayed in last week.

As we entered the room I snapped at him. "You're sleeping on the couch."

"Yeah, right." He jumped on the bed. He patted the mattress. "Come here, Baby." He was teasing me now and enjoying it.

I sat on the couch and folded my arms in protest.

"Be that way." He turned on the TV. He slipped his pants off and his shirt, threw them on the chair, and climbed under the blanket. He folded his hands behind his head, and let out a deep sigh. "I think this bed is even more comfortable than the one we had last week."

I was still planted on the couch. I was sitting cross legged, and my foot was swinging in anger.

"You know you're beautiful even when you pout."

Now I was enraged. I lunged towards the bed. "Kyle give me the phone!"

He sighed. "Fine, if I give you the phone will you sleep in the bed with me?"

"Will you be good?" This was so the wrong question to ask.

"Baby, I'm not good. I'm the best!"

"KYLE!" I can't believe he said that!

He laughed so hard, he nearly fell off the bed. He reached under the pillow and handed it to me. I sat on the bed and dialed Nate. It rang and rang. No answer, it didn't even go to voice mail. Had he shut the phone off? I dialed Burns.

"Hello?"

"Burns did you hear from Nate or Ian?"

"No, why?" He could hear the impatience in my voice.

"Just…if you do, tell whoever to call me ASAP."

"Okay." He paused. "Is everything okay?"

My emotions erupted. "No! Everything is NOT okay!" My arm slammed down on Kyle's stomach. He wrenched forward and groaned.

"I tried to call him back but I'm sure he's pissed and he won't pick up." My voice was three octaves higher than it should be.

"What's he pissed about?"

"His brother here told him he was going to sleep with me!"

"And he believed that?"

"Apparently, he's done it before."

Burns sighed into the phone. "Okay. I'll try to call him. Maybe he'll pick up if he sees that it's me calling."

"Thank you."…"Bye." I hung up.

Kyle was ignoring me and pretending he was watching TV but his body was tensed. He was ready to block whatever I threw at him.

Two minutes later, the phone rang. I snapped it open. "Ian?"

"No, it's me Burns."

"Did you reach Ian?" Anxiety had taken over.

"No. No one answered." My heart fell to the floor. "Look, I'll be home in the morning. I'll find out what's going on. He'll call you. I promise."

"Okay, thank you." I was relieved to have Burns in my corner.

"Sis?" He really accepted me as his sister and I loved him for it.

"Yes?"

"Let me talk to Kyle."

I glared at Kyle and held the phone out. "He wants to talk to you."

Kyle took the phone. I continued to sneer at him as he talked.

"Hello?"…"I'm not going to sleep with her, geesh!"…"I was just trying to rile him up enough to come back."…"I know," he said sympathetically. "I am."…"I will!"…"Bye." He looked at me like a child who had been spanked. I wondered what Burns had said to turn his cockiness to remorse.

"Come on, get some sleep," he said ruefully.

I went into the bathroom and changed into my sweats. I was still angry. I got under the covers and turned my back on him. He clicked off the TV, set the alarm, and turned off the light. He scooted up behind me and put his head by my ear. "At least you're not crying."

"Shut up, jerk!" It felt good to lash out at him.

"Oh, yeah. And if Sunny asks, I slept on the couch."

I pulled his arm around my waist and smiled. In a few minutes, I drifted off to sleep.

As usual, we left before sunrise. We got to town and purchased breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts. We ate in the parking lot of Home Depot. I figured we'd get the supplies that Jeb asked for first since the store opened so early. By the time I got back to the van with my purchases, it was 9:00 AM.

"The phone's been blowing up for the last half hour." Kyle said flatly.

"Why didn't you answer it?" I was horrified that he would ignore Ian like that.

"It isn't for me!"

I was speechless. I tossed the bags at his head. I really did want to hurt him. The phone rang. I snapped it open after only one ring. "Hello?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN I CALLED YOU BACK LAST NIGHT?" It was Ian and he was beyond pissed.

"Kyle took the phone from me and he wouldn't let me answer it."

"DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?"

I was insulted. I knew Kyle had bedded his girlfriends before but did he really think I was that shallow?

"NO! He has Sunny!"

"So, what are you telling me, that he's sleeping with Sunny?"

"I don't know if he's sleeping with Sunny. It's none of my business!"

Kyle started nodding his head up and down which distracted me from the 'scream fest' I was having with Ian. I was fixated on Kyle.

"Did you sleep with Sunny?"

He smiled an evil grin. "Oh, yeah!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask. You asked me if I kissed her."

I vaulted out of the drivers seat and over the console to the back of the van. I threw my arms around his neck. I had completely forgotten about the phone still in my hand. "I'm so happy for you! You're a real couple!"

Kyle pulled away from me. "Uh, Wanda? You left Ian hanging there."

"Oh crap!" I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"You tell him that when I see him I am going to kill him."

"Believe me, last night I wanted kill him myself for putting you through that."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because he's your brother and I love you."

"I love you too." His voice hitched. "I'm sorry I got so angry. The idea of you and Kyle just made me crazy."

"I know. I tried to call you back later on but I couldn't even leave voice mail. Why did you shut the phone off?"

"I didn't exactly shut the phone off. I sort of …destroyed it."

"No you didn't."

"I did. I threw it at the wall."

"You destroyed Nate's phone?"

Kyle burst out laughing. "Let me talk to him…PLEASE!"

I didn't want to give him the phone, but I did.

"You seriously need some anger management!" He was still laughing. "Come on. She loves you. She's not one of those girls in high school." Funny thing, I was inhigh school prior to coming to the caverns. "I'm not sorry. I hope you realize what you could be losing."…"I love you too, man." He handed the phone back to me.

"Hey."

"Wanderer? Let's call a truce."

"Okay." I agreed but I was still unsure.

"I want you to know that I am coming home. I just don't know when."

I started to speak and he cut me off.

"Let me finish. I miss you like crazy. Don't ever think that I don't." he sighed. "As for Holly." I held my breath. "I know you are not crazy about her being around me but I assure you that nothing will ever happen between us. As for Nate, you have my permission, no, make that my blessing to continue being his friend."

"Can I speak now?" I needed to come clean on all accounts.

"Yes, please do."

"I want you to know that when Kyle and I go on these trips that we DO share the same bed. He holds me and when I close my eyes I pretend it's you because I can't bear to be without you. He's never crossed the line." My tears started to pool in my eyes.

He was silent for a long time before he finally croaked out his words. "I…I'm sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. We'll be together again. I can promise you that."

Kyle reached out and pulled his arm around me. He held me close to his chest.

"Is he holding you now?"

I choked out the word. "Yes."

"Good. Tell him to take care of you. I love you. Call me." He hung up the phone.

I slowly snapped the phone shut and I buried my face in Kyle's chest. "I hate this!" I sobbed. "He won't come home and I can't go to him."

"You can go to him anytime you want." Kyle was trying to be supportive.

"I made a promise to be here for my family and even if I could go, I don't know that Ian wants me there."

He sighed. "Of course he wants you there." Kyle looked as miserable as I did.

After a bit, I pulled myself together. "I need to shop for Maggie's birthday." My voice was sullen.

"Could you do me a favor? I know you don't owe me anything but…"

"Are you kidding? Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you right now."

"Okay. Can you get something special for Sunny…from me?"

"Absolutely."

I spent the rest of my day running around the city going from one store to another. I got Maggie a needlepoint and a latch hook rug from the crafts store. I found shoes for both Maggie and Sunny. I bought the cutest little Capri pants and a lace top for Sunny. I also chose something for the boudoir for Kyle to present to her at his discretion. I got Maggie a new pair of khaki jeans and a blouse. I bought a birthday cake along with my usual weekly food at the supermarket. My last stop was the video and music store. They had both of the movies that Maggie liked and I also purchased a trilogy of fantasy adventure films. Poor Kyle was holed up in the van all day but this trip I brought my CD player and headphones for him. He requested that maybe I could pick up some music more to his liking. I got two artists that he mentioned. They were groups that were popular in the late ninety's that seemed to define Kyle's teen years. The music was loud and angry. He was happy with my choices. We didn't spend a second night this time but went directly home. I took a nap in the back while Kyle drove.

Back at the caverns I enlisted Lily to accompany me in returning the van to its proper hiding place. She was thrilled to have the chance to talk to Burns. They talked for an hour while I listened to Kyle's CD's. The music was driven by a beat that one could march to. I didn't get to speak to Ian because Burns was at the house. Ian was at the field, of course.

The following night, Maggie's birthday turned into a party in the game room. I had never seen her so happy. Sharon caught me midway through the celebration and thanked me again.

The next few weeks went by very slowly. I kept mostly to myself except for Mel. She was still getting sick. Just the smell of food would often be enough to get her gagging. She was losing weight. Some nights I would take her for a walk in the desert with the hopes that the exercise would improve her appetite. She carried a bucket with her everywhere she went.

Jeb's lighting project went extremely well. The entire bathing area was now lit.

Every week like clockwork, Kyle and I would go on a road trip for food and other assorted items. It became a ritual to select two people from the 'family' and purchase things for them. First, it was Trudy and Mel. Geoffrey gave me ideas for her. Mel was easier. I bought a ton of baby things and hid them in the storage room in anticipation of an eventual baby shower. I also bought maternity wear for her. The 'baby bump' was beginning to show simply due in fact that the rest of her was so gaunt.

On my next trip, I concentrated on Freedom and his brother. Kyle had tons of ideas for the boys. I bought them both clothes and a hand held video game for each of them. Now that we had the generator, recharging was easy. The boys were thrilled. On that trip, I also bought a Vanity for the bathing room and a couch for the game room. We stayed in town for two nights due to the large sized items. I spoke to Ian each week but our conversations were very short. I had nothing to say because other than helping Mel when she was sick, I pretty much kept to myself. There just wasn't anything to say other than I love you and I miss you. I tried very hard to avoid asking any questions that might involve Holly. He in turn didn't offer much in the way of conversation either. It just seemed as though we were drifting apart. It was heart breaking how two people supposedly so in love could have so little to say to each other. I kept my conversations with Burns short as well so he couldn't dwell on my depression. I avoided calling Nate altogether. He was the guy who would walk through fire for me and I couldn't deal with that.

The following week was the first week of June. On this trip, it was Jamie and Violetta that received new clothes. Violetta wanted books and Jamie wanted a video game of his own. I decided not to call Ian at all. It wasn't worth the heartache. Nate called me near the end of our trip. When the phone rang, Kyle answered it. I left him and went in to shop. I didn't care to hang around to hear the conversation. I just didn't care about anything anymore. It had been five weeks since I left Ian, and the time apart had taken its toll. I had become a robot.

Four days after we returned from our last road trip to the caverns, I was sitting in my usual spot near the entrance. I had fallen asleep with my head propped up against the wall. It was a kick that woke me. Someone was kicking my foot. I lifted my head off the wall and opened my eyes. I thought I must be dreaming. Nate was beaming at me.

"Hey, Beautiful!"

"Nate?" Burns was standing behind him.

"In the flesh!" He put his arms out to receive me.

"Oh my God!" I jumped to my feet and flung myself into his arms. "What are you doing here?" I separated myself from Nate and moved to Burns next. He picked me up off the floor like I was rag doll and hugged me.

"I missed Lily so Nate said he'd come with me."

Nate grabbed my hand. "Especially if it means spending time with you."

It was at that moment that I realized that Ian who easily could have come with them was not here. "Where is Ian?"

"He didn't come. Nate asked him. He told him that we were going and if he wanted to come to."

I hadn't cried in weeks. I had conditioned myself to not feel. This brought up all those unhealed wounds.

"Excuse me." I pulled my hand from Nate's and I bolted through the tunnels. I ran without thinking where I was going. I ended up in the back field alone. I plopped between the cornstalks and collapsed to the dirt. My eyes were burning with the tears I refused to shed. I was in physical pain. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I began to cry. I don't know how long I lay there. It was hours. It was Kyle who finally found me. He scooped me up off the ground and carried me to Lily's room. He laid me on the bed and stroked my hair. I curled up in a ball. He lay down beside me and wrapped himself around me. He stayed with me all night. There were several people who came to check on us. Sunny was one of them. Kyle asked her to please understand. She never spoke but she walked away. Nate and Burns came. "How long has she been like this?" Nate asked.

Kyle responded to his question. "You mean dead inside?" It was enough to make them both leave as well. I don't know where Lily and Mel slept but they didn't stay when they saw Kyle trying very hard to console me.

In the morning Kyle waited for me to wake and then he took me by the hand and pulled me to my feet. "You can't give up. Ian has given up. If you give up then there is nothing to fight for. Fight, Wanda. That's all I ask." He walked me to the bathing room. He helped me wash my face and brush my teeth. When we came out of the bathing room, Jeb was waiting for us.

"Mind if I talk to Wanda alone?"

"Sure. I need to check on Sunny." He turned to me. "You'll be all right?"

I just nodded my head. He was gone in a flash. Jeb had his gun in his hand. Either he was on guard duty or he was here to put me out of my misery. I would have preferred the latter.

"Wanda. You have been a life saver here for us in these last six weeks. I know you feel it is your duty to be here for the 'family'. Burns is here now and he plans to stay for a few weeks. I think it's about time you go and claim your guy. Remember when we talked about dropping so low there was only one way to go?"

I looked at him. My eyes were rimmed with red from the hours of tears I had shed. "Up?"

"It's time. Take as long as you need. We will be okay."

A glimmer of hope rose slowly through my body. "Are you sure?"

"I'm so sure that I am going with you and so is Jamie. We both wanted to go on the first trip."

I had never hugged Jeb before. I hesitated, and then I threw my arms around him. "Oh, thank you!"

"Now I don't want you going there, and being all wimpy and girly. This is a war. If you want to win this war you need to be tough. Driven. You take what is yours. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I did understand. I had to make sure he knew that I wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.

"What are we waiting for?" It was like the life had been pumped back into me.

I bolted to my room and grabbed my bag. I was stuffing my clothes into the bag when Sunny came to my room.

"Knock knock."

"Sunny. I'm going to get Ian."

"I know. I'm here to help you pack."

"Yeah I guess you want to get rid of me pretty bad."

"On the contrary. If it wasn't for you I'd still be waiting for Kyle to realize what a great relationship we could have. I'm here because you are stuffing your clothes in that bag. You need to look your best when you see him. Wrinkly clothes aren't going to make an impression. Make sure you wear make up. Kyle says you are stunning when you wear make up. Show a little skin. Kyle tells me that you have sexy 'abs'. Wear your hair back like this." She pulled my hair back behind my head and held it as if it were clipped in the back. "You have such a pretty face." It was more than I had heard her say since…ever. She took my bag from me and began to neatly pack my clothes. She had Kyle's bag with her too. She packed more clothes and my make up. "This outfit." She held up a pair of low rise jeans and the eyelet top that came up in a 'V' shape exposing my belly button. "You should let him see you in this."

My brain was still stuck on something she said earlier.

"Kyle told you I had sexy 'abs'?"

"Sure. Kyle tells me lots of things. He even told me that he would marry me right after Ian marries you. So, you see, I have a lot riding on this too. So, Get your sexy abs out there and fight for your man."

I hugged Sunny. "I'll do my best. I promise."

Before we left, I tracked down Burns. "Thank you for coming. I know you'll have a great time with Lily."

"Don't thank me. This was Nate's idea. He said he was tired of watching Ian destroy himself. You see, when he's coaching, he's happy. But the rest of the time, he's miserable. Holly, she's trying really hard to get him to pay attention to her. I haven't seen him do anything but Nate says he doesn't feel that we should let this continue. He says you need to be there. Be with Ian. Nate loves you too and he wants what's best for you. For both of you." I was choked up. I hugged Burns tightly. "Go get him, Sis. I want to walk you down the aisle."

When I got to the main cavern everyone was there who was going. Mel and Jared hugged both me and Jamie good bye.

"You and Jeb are in charge of Jamie. Watch him close. No more accidents!" Mel ordered.

Kyle was there too. He pulled me into a big bear hug. He kissed me on the cheek. "I love you. I'm going to miss you more than you know. Hopefully the next guy you smell up close will be the one you love." The lump in my throat had risen so I couldn't talk. I just nodded. My tears were so thick I was blinded by them.