You wake up on top of the covers with all your clothes still on. Your room smells like cigarettes and it's freezing cold because you left the window open the night before. The almost kiss you and Brittany almost had totally messed you up and somewhere between thinking of your lips on her cheek and her lips on Artie's cheek you must have fallen asleep.
Last night didn't change anything and everything at the same time.
You want her.
You want to push her away.
You don't do emotions, yet you feel for her. You don't want to think about what it means.
You check the time as soon as you open your laptop. It's still early, 8:30. This means that it's around 2:30 on Friday night in New York. Quinn should be back from her job at the bar just about now. Opening up Skype, you decide to try your luck. If you don't get this out of your system now you might do something stupid, like last night, almost kissing her. Quinn picks up after three rings.
"Hey, S. How are you?" Her bright smile greets you. She moves out of the way to reveal Puck sitting next to her on the couch. You wave at them and start talking about everything that happened between you and Brittany since the last time you spoke to her. Both her and Puck patiently listen to you and give advice whenever needed.
Quinn changed a lot since that time she went crazy in your senior year and dyed her hair pink. She went to Yale for a year, decided it was not for her and followed you and Tina to the big city. Beth is still a sensitive spot for the two of them, but they manage. Puck was still going after girls like crazy for a bit but he toned it down a lot, he's not so much of a douche anymore and stopped using the horrible nicknames like Puckasaurus. You think he's still hung up on Quinn and things seemed to be finally moving forward just before you left. When Puck is in the bathroom you ask Quinn about it. She answers with a bashful smile, "He walked me home from work and I invited him up for a drink. Nothing more, nothing less." But the way her cheeks turn pink betrays her.
You're happy for them. Quinn never seemed to give Puck any attention, it didn't matter how hard he tried. You have no idea why she changed her mind, but she did.
Hopefully a certain blonde dancer will change her mind too.
She said she'd talk to you tomorrow, that's today.
Your entire morning shower is spent debating whether you should go talk to her or not. By the time you step out of your minuscule shower smelling with your hair smelling like strawberries it's eleven and you decide to go talk to Brittany after you get dressed. The nerves start. It doesn't help that she doesn't open her door after you've knocked a few times. Mike comes out of his room next to Brittany's without a shirt on and sighs when he sees you.
"I figured that'd be you." He starts.
"Do you know where she is?" You ignore the knowing tone in his voice.
He nods but stays quiet. You roll your eyes at him and say, "So? Are you gonna tell me where she is?"
Mike seems to contemplate your question before answering. "She told me that Artie's taking her out for lunch and that she's staying with her cousin for a few days to escape the drama. She also told me not to tell you this." The look he sends you makes you giggle. He seems to try and intimidate you but he is as intimidating as a toddler. "Thanks Mike. Do you know when she'll be back?"
He doesn't. Before he goes back into his room, he leaves you with a little piece of advice though. "Apologize to her. You can still win her over, you know?" And with those words he gives you the first sincere smile of the day.
When you get back to your room you decide to call her sometimes and if she doesn't pick up, you'll give her her space. Ten minutes and three calls later you decide it's obvious she doesn't want to talk to you.
Later that day Sam tells you that Brittany'll probably be back in the dorms by Tuesday.
You have three days to come up with whatever you want to tell her.
Come Tuesday you are a nervous wreck. You have no idea what the two classes you went to were about, all you did was stare at the clock. Sam told you he'd let you know as soon as Brittany got in. It's three in the afternoon and he still hasn't texted you. You have no idea if he forgot or if Brittany decided to stay away for a little longer. As soon as the teacher tells you class is over you sprint out the door and race your bike back to the dorms. You look up to see if there's movement in Sam's room but you don't see any. That douche must've forgotten. In the elevator you decide to go to your room first and when Sam gets back from whatever he's doing you'll give him a lot of crap about forgetting to text you.
You stand in front of your door, unlocking it when you hear a muffled sound coming out of Sam's room that sounds a lot like a moan. Did he seriously forget to text you because he is fucking some girl? If that's the case, you're gonna have to kick his ass even more than you were planning on doing. As you are closing the door behind you, you hear Sam's voice calling you. "Santana, Santana! Don't close the door." He comes running into your room, almost running into you, with a desperate look on his face.
"What the fuck are you doing Sam?" What in earth is going on beneath that shaggy blonde hair of his.
"She… has… my…. phone." He pants. You have no idea what he's talking about.
"Who does?" The answer presents itself, or rather herself, when Brittany comes running into your room waving Sam's phone above her head, yelling: "I told you to stay in Sam, I told you!"
You look between Sam who's hunched over panting still and Brittany who's manically waving the phone around while she keeps saying "I told you." You have no clue as to what is going on in your room right now.
"Oh-kay…" You start. "How about you explain what the fuck is going on."
"She tied me up so I couldn't let you know she got back." Sam gives Brittany a frightened look.
"So? I told you not to text her and you tried to anyway. I warned you." Brittany says without a trace of remorse. The absurdity of the whole situation just makes you burst out laughing. It seems to shake Brittany out of her slightly scary daze. She looks at you with a furrowed brow and walks out of your room. Sam gives you a pitiful look before opening your fridge and grabbing a can of coke.
"So, wanna talk about it?"
You and Sam had dinner, played some video games in his room and now you're back in your room trying to convince him why New York is better than LA. You're just insulting his bleached hair when the door flies open and shows a crazy looking Brittany standing on your doorstep.
"Out. Now." She says to Sam. He looks at you, you shake your head trying to keep him hear but you see the fear in his eyes to get tied up again. He gets up and runs out without even saying anything.
You mumble a "fuck", as she locks your door and moves over to you.
"You wanted to talk? Then talk. And you're gonna fucking talk because we're doing it your way." She places a bottle of scotch and a pack of cigarettes on the table. She looks very sure of herself, but she also has some sort of desperation over her. You feel like this is your last chance, so you take it. You sit down, open the pack of cigarettes and light one.
"Shot glasses are over there and there's coke in the fridge." She nods and grabs the shot glasses and some chasers. You don't even like coke that much, unless it's mixed with whiskey, you only keep it there because you know Brittany and Sam like it.
"So. Let's do this. I want total honesty and no hiding like you always do." You nod. She fills up both the shot glasses and lifts hers up. "Bottoms up." As soon as the liquid goes down your throat you feel your face contort. You love whiskey but you always forget how much that first shot burns. Brittany seems to hate it, she makes a face of absolute disgust and chugs down some soda like she hasn't had something to drink in days.
One shot down.
"Did you miss me?" She asks. You nod. She fills up the glasses again.
Two shots down.
"Have you spoken to Elaine since, you know, that night?" You nod. She looks hurt. She fills up the glasses again.
Three shots down. You finish your cigarette.
"Are you still moving out?" You ask her. She looks up surprised but doesn't ask you how you know about that. She nods. You fill up the glasses.
Four shots down. You light up two cigarettes and give her one.
The booze is starting to get to your head now.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Britt"
You sip on some coke. She fills up the glasses again.
Five shots down.
"That night in the bar, did I scare you when I called you babe?" You slowly nod.
"Why?" She's determined to get it out of you.
"Because you scare me. I don't do feelings and relationships and you're too important to lose."
Before she can ask anymore questions you fill up the glasses again.
Six shots down.
You take a break, your throat is getting soar, the long stretches of silence are making you anxious, you have to pee and you're getting drunk. Out of nowhere Brittany starts talking about a girl in one of her classes that is such a good dancer and how you met her that time you, Artie and Sam went out to dinner with Britt and some of her dancer friends. She grabs a beer out of your fridge and offers you one. You take it, why not? You're already on your way to oblivion and you know you won't make it to you 11am lecture tomorrow. Brittany looks so at ease in your room, just like she was before things got awkward. She walks over to your laptop and puts some music on. She sits back down and the whole mood has changed. You think that maybe by admitting Brittany scares you, she kind of heard what she wanted to hear. It actually feels normal again. More normal than it has been between the two of you in weeks. You're happy about it because her birthday is in a little while and you wouldn't want to miss it for the world. You're talking, drinking beer and doing some more shots. Your thoughts get more and more fuzzy and you kind of have a hard time focussing on Brittany's face or following the conversation. Standing up is out of the question.
As Brittany is happily chatting away, a realization dawns on you.
"Did you go on that date with Artie just to make me jealous?" She stops mid-sentence and slowly nods. Her movements are uncoordinated in comparison to her normal grace and her sloppy grin slowly fades away. She can feel the mood change back to tense. She quickly gets back into her interrogation mode.
"Did it make you jealous?" You squint and nod. Her sloppy smile shows again.
"Do you like Artie for real?" You hold your breath and to your disappointment she nods.
"Does that make you jealous?" No words leave your lips, you just take a gulp of your beer instead and down another shot straight away. Her hooded eyes stay trained on you. The alcohol makes you want to confess it all, you know you'll hardly remember anything the day after. The jealousy makes you want to kick her out. The slow music that's playing makes you want to hold her and forget about the rest of the world.
"S. Do you like me?"
You don't know what to say to that so you do the only thing you can think of: you lean over the table and claim her lips.
She doesn't even seem surprised.
Her lips are softer than you remembered. Her tongue is like velvet and her hair is like sunshine in your hands.
You don't know how long you're kissing her, you don't know how you ended up on her lap, you don't know what time it is, you don't know anything. You try to remember why this is a bad idea, but then she bites your lip again and her hands touch the bare skin of your back and your mind comes up blank. It feels so good, it can't be a bad idea. Brittany pulls your shirt over your head and this idea is only getting better, especially when she places butterfly kisses all over your collarbone and then makes her way to your breasts, stopping just above your bra.
You never knew how strong she was until now, when she lifts you up and suddenly you're straddling her on your bed, while she's taking her own shirt off and you make quick work of her bra. Out of nowhere you're down to your underwear and she's panting underneath you in all her naked glory, looking up with hungry eyes. Before you can even think about anything some more you're naked and you feel two fingers pumping into you.
All you remember after that moment is ecstasy, sweat, naked skin, muffled moans, her smile, her piercing eyes and how her gaze got so intense, you had to close yours.
You're fucked.
A/N: So it took forever as always. I apologize for any mistakes, I usually write this all in one go. Also, listen to Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake.