I don't own anything.

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers

"Yeah but we're making great time!"

Yogi Berra, in reply to 'Hey Yogi, I think we're lost.'

Maura stood outside the door, the manila folder in her hand trembling ever so slightly. She could see Jane sitting and watching a football game and straining her eyes to catch the grainy details.

The manila folder was as light as paper. That was all it carried.

And yet it felt heavier than gallons of water.

Her other hand hovered over the doorknob.

She had volunteered for this. She had volunteered.

"The doc said no one should bring up anything stressful! He said we should go light on all the stuff she doesn't remember." Frost's voice was adamant. "That's what he said."

"I get that," said Mahardy, just as irritated. "But what're we gonna do? That undercover cop… uh, Detective Miller… He was the only one who knew anything about what was going on. He's dead, and I'm guessing he told Jane. We got some crazy home-grown terrorist organization running around in our own backyard. And what was that other thing? Oh right. Yeah. They got some bomb on the streets. So what else are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know!"

"We ask Jane. We show a couple pictures. That's all I say we do. She would've wanted us to do this. You know Jane would kick our asses if we didn't do everything possible to put this case down."

"So then who's supposed to ask? It doesn't help us if she gets all stressed and frustrated. It could mess her up more."

"Obviously, it has to be the right person."

"We could get the Gunny to do it," piped in Korsak. It had been the first suggestion he had given his team. "A Marine to a Marine. You know. Besides. She knows Jane from before. She remembers her."

"I don't know. Asking her doesn't sit right with me," muttered Frost. "Whatever happened in Iraq was shitty enough for Jane to try and forget everything that happened after. The Gunny might just be a reminder of that." Frost looked towards his new partner. "Hey what about you, man?"

"Me?" Frankie looked pulled at the badge now sitting on his hip. "You really think that's a good idea? We didn't really get close until after she came back from the war. Before that… I was just her snot nose kid brother. She's still gonna look at me that way."

"Then who?"

"Me. I'll do it."

Everyone looked up in surprise at the new voice entering the bullpen. It had been a while since they had last seen her enter that room. A long while.

"You sure about this, doc?" asked Frost, concern laden across his expression. "You don't have to, you know. It's okay. We can figure out a away."

"No, I want to do this. And I'm the ideal option. I think."

"She is," agreed Korsak. He watched Mahardy carefully. "I'm on board with that plan."

Mahardy nodded along with his sergeant; "Sounds like a plan." Quickly, he plunged his hand into his desk drawer and pulled out an unsealed manila envelope. "The pictures are inside here. They're of Detective Miller. We've got some other shots of known Theravada accomplices. We're just gonna see if we can jog her memory a bit here. That good with you?"

"I can do it."

She turned the knob and cringed when the hinges creaked. Jane shot her head over to size up her newcomer, turning off the TV in the process.

"You don't have to do that," Maura whispered.

"S'okay. We were losing anyway." Jane watched as Maura sat in the chair beside the bed. "You were there when I woke up."

"Yes, I was."

"I don't know you." Jane's voice was tinged with frustration. "I should, shouldn't I? I should be remembering you?"

"We were close… once."

"Once?"

"It's complicated."

"Are we friends?"

Maura looked down, considering all the different combinations of words that could leave her mouth; "Yes."

"Oh," Jane said. Disappointment began to tug at her. "What's your name?"

"Maura Isles. We work together."

"You're a Marine?" Jane started, at first in surprise. She caught herself just as quickly as the words left her. "Oh wait. I'm a detective now, right. A cop. Fancy that."

"I thought you always wanted to be a cop."

"Huh. I guess that's true. I think I've always wanted to be a Marine first. Always thought about re-enlisting as an MP."

"Military Police…"

"Yeah." Jane's voice drifted momentarily. "They don't get deployed as often, and I was gonna…"

"We don't have to talk about it," interrupted Maura, softly. "It's okay."

"Hey, uh, did Kate say when she was dropping by?"

"No, kid… Kate… Murphy didn't say."

"Is she gonna drop by?"

"Kid… You don't… Remember that part, do you?"

"What part?"

Maura couldn't help but overhear the whole conversation. She had left, briefly she thought, to grab some water. The information flashing across the monitors told her that Jane would soon be waking. And she had made a habit of only being around when Jane was asleep. The moment she woke, she left.

It was better that way, wasn't it?

But there she was. Standing in front of the door. Listening Jane beg her Gunny for answers.

She sounds so lost, she thought. She sounds lost.

Who's Kate Murphy?

She stood there and watched, through the glass panes, as Jane's eyes began to relive the memory, as Jane began to realize just what had happened that tragic day in Ramadi, Iraq. She watched as the pain ripped through Jane Rizzoli's face. Lance Corporal Jane Rizzoli's face. Not Detective Jane Rizzoli. Lance Corporal.

The pain was still there, agonizingly apparent, across all Jane's features.

Jane's blood pressure spiked.

The machines began to relentlessly start their blinks and beeps.

Nurses piled in two at a time.

The Gunny watched. Silent. Helpless. She couldn't help her Marine. Her Marine – her Lance Corporal – pressed her cheek hard against the pillow as the tears began to spill out. She struggled as the nurses held her down, choking on the pain as they began to sedate her.

Maura found herself trembling. Trembling with Jane. Trembling with every memory she had ever had with Jane. The good ones. The nights they had spent together. The cases they had solved together. Those days they laughed together. The movies they watched, the places they went…

"She said yes, Gunny… she said yes… We were gonna… We… I miss her… I miss her so much…"

Maura's heart clenched again. A selfish part of her always believed that she, and only she, could be the first love in Jane's life. The first one Jane would ever choose to run to. And maybe that might've been true of the new Jane that returned from Iraq and walked into the civilian world as a Massachusetts cop.

But this Jane… This was the old Jane. The Jane Maura never knew. The Jane that had a different life that Maura was never a part of.

A Jane that had suffered. A Jane that had been happy. A Jane that had loved.

"She said yes, Gunny… she said yes… We were gonna… We… I miss her… I miss her so much…"

"I actually," Maura whispered, "have some questions to ask you… About work."

"Shoot."

Jane found herself smiling. She hadn't felt this comfortable in ages. She didn't care that she didn't feel like the cop this woman, this beautiful woman, was looking for. She was content enough that the woman was talking to her to begin with. She's of kind of like her, Jane thought, bitterly.

Maura pulled the photos out of the envelope and gently laid it out for Jane; "Do you know who this is?"

Jane shook her head; "No… Who is he?"

"This is Detective Miller. He was working undercover with a home-grown terrorist organization. You met with him the day before… The day before…"

Maura couldn't bring herself to say it.

"I don't know that name… I'm sorry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah; I am. You got any more for me?"

"Yes… These," she started, pulling out more photographs, "are the people he was working undercover with."

"They don't look familiar either." Jane's voice grew more frustrated, and the machines began to beep again. "I don't remember any of this! I don't remember! How can I not remember?"

"Jane! Jane, it's okay, please! Calm down, it's okay!"

"No! This… This is important, isn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't be asking me! Something bad's gonna happen if I don't remember, right?"

The machines' beeps began following each other at shorter intervals. They sped up as the frustration dug deeper and deeper into Jane's features.

"Jane, please!"

She grabbed the woman by the hands and began to run her thumb around the skin in circles. The machines began to quiet. Jane began to calm. She looked up at Maura, the pictures already forgotten. Jane's head sunk into her pillow.

"I'm sorry I don't remember," she said, into the fabric. "I'm useless."

"You don't have to be sorry for anything, Jane. And you're not useless. You have never been useless." Maura let a smile grace her features. "You might not remember this, but you're one of the more useful ones."

Jane's face was still pressed into the pillow; "I am?"

"Yes, Jane, you are." Maura moved to slide the photos back into the envelope. "I'm sorry I came by. This wasn't a good idea. It was… It was good to see you, Jane."

Jane's head shot off the pillow and her hand reached out equally as fast to catch the leaving Maura.

She looked up at the doctor, fear shivering in her eyes; "Do you mind… staying?"

Korsak had taken steps to ensure that Maura was informed every step of the way. That's the way Jane would've wanted it. So that meant when the Gunny came into town, Maura would be there too.

The three of them sat in the hospital cafeteria.

"Bothwell," she said, extending out a hand.

Korsak shook. Maura next.

"Good to see you could come up, Gunny."

"Anything for Rizzoli."

"You were in Kuwait, right?"

"Oh yeah. Motor T. Same billet I served in Iraq."

"That's one hell of an MOS. Almost as bad as Infantry."

"We are seeing a lot of casualties these days."

"Hard to call you a pog."

"You better not," laughed Bothwell.

Maura smiled weakly. She let the two Marines have their time.

"Frankly," said Bothwell, sobering up. "I'm surprised she didn't forget more. That she didn't go farther back past the deployment. Ramadi was hell."

"I heard."

"We were there in April, too, when the fighting first started breaking out. Our convoys were always the first to get hit. We were easy targets, and we sure as hell didn't get all those fancy armored Humvees the Army got. If we got exploded, we got exploded."

"And Jane was…"

"A lance corporal at the time. One of my team leaders. She was promoted before we shipped out. She was… messed up for a while after we came back. Reckless. Anxious to get back to Iraq. She was angry. We didn't get deployed again, and by the time re-enlistment came up for her, we were already pulling out of the country. She wasn't interested in going to Afghanistan. Only Iraq."

"Reckless sounds like the Jane we know. It's what got her into this mess, too."

"I'm not surprised." The Gunny sipped from her coffee. "Do you really think this is a good idea? My being there might spark up some bad memories for her. Memories she might not be remembering. Do we wanna risk bringing all that up?"

"All I know," said Korsak," is that she needs some sorta anchor from her past. Can't think of anyone better than the gunny who shipped with her."

"Point taken." Gunny Bothwell rose. "Excuse me for a second. This coffee isn't doing too good on my bladder."

Bothwell left and Korsak turned to Maura; "So what do you think?"

"She reminds me a little of Jane."

"Well. From the small things Jane told me, Jane idolized that woman. That woman was like family to her."

"What should we do?"

"We start slow. And maybe she'll start to remember. Probably she'll start to remember. The doc said that if we did this the right way, it'd be temporary. Said she might even start remembering stuff this week."

"What if… What if it's better that she doesn't remember?"

"What?"

"The memory loss might very well be because she wants to block something out. There's something she doesn't want to remember. Do we really want her to have to bring the idea of Hoyt back into her life? Do we want her to remember shooting herself? Or killing someone else? Going away to prison? Do we want her to remember those things?"

"I don't know, doc… Losing ten years of your life like that…"

"I miss her, too, Vince. But if she doesn't remember any of it, if she doesn't remember us, maybe that's better."

Jane looked up at Maura.

She wanted to remember this woman. She really did.

There was something about her…

"You know, doc," she found herself saying, as her eyes began to close. "I dream about you."