A.N This chapter refused to flow the way I wanted it to… In fact it wouldn't flow at all. I've sat on it for two days trying to figure out how to get it to where I wanted it to be. Unfortunately I don't think any amount of time is going to change its path so I have conceded defeat and written what I've written. Special thanks to Laurathechef who put up with my frustrated blathering. It helped! The proofs in the chapter ;-)
I'm more than happy so many of you enjoyed the last chapter. It was my favourite to write so far so its reception was humbling. All your reviews continue to bring me joy.
My updates over the next week may be erratic at best. My best friend is visiting from interstate so I don't know how much time I'll have to write but I'll try my best. I do like to keep my readers happy.
Charlie
Chapter 10
Regina opened her eyes and the first thing to greet her sight was an expanse of skin marred by a thin pale scar that ran from the jut of a left hip, extending up and heading towards the middle before it disappeared under a white top. Of its own accord, her hand moved and lightly traced a finger along it, the skin warm to her touch. She watched, fascinated, as the skin around it became covered in goosebumps. She found she wanted to lean forward and run her lips where her finger had just been and that sent a jolt through her.
She knew she should separate herself from the blonde. That it would be easier to avoid the intimacy they seemed to have settled into with a surprising ease over the last couple of days. She knew it meant nothing, that it was just Emma doing what she did best, getting far too involved in her life and causing trouble. The issue was that the trouble was brewing inside her, inside her heart. Emma was creating all sorts of emotions in her and she found herself wanting, even welcoming them and that had to stop. It would lead to nothing but pain, something she was only too aware of, a lesson well learned and reinforced by living through the memory again. Every time she allowed herself to care about someone, they hurt her or she hurt them. It was better to keep her distance from everyone, including Emma. Especially Emma. That was what kept her safe.
Of course she had noted the attractiveness of the woman. Only a blind fool would have failed to see that and she was neither. In another life Emma Swan would have been someone she would have welcomed into her bed and thoroughly enjoyed but in this reality that was impossible. Good and evil did not just jump into bed with each other, did not develop feelings for each other. That does not happen! This is not happening.
Regina had taken both male and female lovers in the past though her predisposition was towards the fairer sex. All of them had merely served the purpose of seeing to her more carnal desires, quickly tossed from her bed when she was finished with them. They had been little more than convenient tools. Her emotional well-being had remained safe, untouched by such dalliances and that was the way she preferred it. Love was weakness, just look at what it had done to her.
While she had never been physical with Daniel, they had shared a level of intimacy that only those in love can truly appreciate and understand. Since Daniel there had been no one who had been anything other than a means to an end and she feared if she didn't put a stop to whatever she was feeling, that would change, that Emma would invade every part of her life like a tornado and leave her devastated. She couldn't risk what she might do if she allowed herself to love again and that was where this was headed. It may have been decades but she still remembered exactly how it had felt to be with Daniel, how her heart had sung with the freedom of that love. It wasn't something you simply forgot, though after he had been murdered she had done her best to eradicate it. Now those stupid feelings were beginning to flare again and it was all down to the annoying blonde beside her.
How had she let this happen? She never let anyone see her weak if she could prevent it. She had years of practice in controlling and subduing her emotions and for her to have allowed herself to lose all control of them, to allow herself to be vulnerable in front of Emma had her questioning herself. I will not let this happen. It means nothing, she has just been here when my need has been greater than I could handle and so I have formed a silly attachment towards her.
She should get up, she should put some much needed distance between them. She should be concentrating on what was going on with her magic and not what was going on with her libido. Unfortunately, lying in Emma's arms felt far too good, the woman's presence filling her with such a soothing peace that she was loathe to relinquish it. Space, all she needed was to put some space between them and these feelings would go away and things could return to normal and she could focus on the problems at hand. Instead what she found herself doing was the complete opposite, propping herself up on one elbow to study the blonde.
Emma's hair was in disarray, spread all over the pillow. A frown was on her face and Regina found herself ghosting a finger over it until it smoothed out. That same finger tracked lightly down her cheek and neck to rest against a point there, feeling life pulse under her touch. It was ridiculous, this desire to touch the blonde.
Her eyes followed the same trail as her touch moved on, across her shoulder and down over the firm muscles in her arm right to the finger tips. Those fingers grabbed hold of hers and she looked up startled, a blush spreading to tinge her face.
Emma smiled at her and squeezed her hand then let go to reach up and brush a lock of brown hair behind Regina's ear. "How are you feeling?"
Regina swallowed, the grief she had ignored since waking surging forward to make itself known and combining with her conflicting emotions over Emma. "I've certainly had better days but all things considered, I would have to say that I feel better than I expected and that is down to you. I am in your debt, it seems."
Emma frowned, 'Hey, no. No debt. I…" She just managed to stop herself from blurting out her feelings. They were bubbling under her skin and being this close to the other woman was creating havoc. All she wanted to do was to drag her down and kiss her senseless. She had no idea how Regina would react to that, if the brunette was even thinking the same thing but she couldn't get the idea out of her head. A part of her was whispering that kissing her would be worth it, no matter the outcome but a larger part spoke caution, that she and Regina were on, somewhat, good terms at the moment and it would be Henry that suffered if she rocked the boat. She stumbled on, "I'm just glad that I could… That I was here … For you… To help and stuff."
Regina was quiet for so long, staring intently at her. She felt uncomfortable under the close scrutiny wondering just what the brunette was seeing. "Regina?" She couldn't read her expression and it made her anxiety level start to rise.
Finally the brunette broke eye contact and rolled over onto her back away from the blonde, "There is always a price to pay." And Regina feared she knew what this price would be and that it would ruin her. Distance, she needed distance, needed to stop this downward slide before it was too late.
Emma's frown deepened and she followed the brunette, rolling onto her side to look down at the other woman. "I'm telling you there isn't.-"
"You are naïve." She started to push the buttons that would force the blonde away from her.
"Not everyone wants something out of you, Regina. I did it because it was the right thing to do-"
Regina scoffed and flung an arm over her eyes to block the blonde out, unable to continue looking at her while she purposely tried to get her angry enough to leave. "Of course you did. That's who you are, Savior." She said the word with as much disdain as she could muster. "Your moral compass is astounding, leading you to stick your nose in wherever you feel it is warranted. I realise I was but an obligation to you and you well and truly fulfilled that, without my permission I might add. You can tell Henry you did your best and I will not deny that should he ask but I neither want nor need your continued pity. I think it's time you left."
Emma looked confused, "Pity? You think this is pity? Regina look at me." When the brunette made no move to, Emma reached up and attempted to remove the arm covering her eyes. It refused to budge so she levered herself up and placed one arm either side of the brunette, crowding in close. She was trying to understand where all this was coming from. It felt like Regina was purposely trying to annoy her and she didn't know why. She sighed, I will never understand this woman.
Regina's body hummed wherever the blonde came into contact with her and it was making it hard to think clearly, to find the words that would send the other woman running. "You are in my personal space, Ms. Swan."
Emma ignored her, "You listen to me. I don't pity you, I never have. I'm not here because I feel obligated. I'm here because I care about you, I care what happens to you. I hate that you're going through this, and that we have no idea how to stop it. I hate that this is hurting you."
"You're being melodramatic." Regina tried to ignore her words, why couldn't Emma understand she didn't want her to care about her? That it was a mistake?
Emma rolled her eyes, someone was being melodramatic but it wasn't her. She refused to rise to the obvious bait. Regina's game was slipping if she thought Emma couldn't see through the transparent ploy to piss her off. They'd played it often enough and the brunette wasn't even putting her B game forward. It was obvious and clumsy. "And you're being ridiculous. It's ok to need help sometimes, to need someone. You're so hooked on the idea that you're the Evil Queen, on punishing yourself by pushing away anyone who even seems to show you the smallest bit of affection. It's bullshit and I've had enough of it. Stop trying to push me away. It's not going to work."
It had to work. Emma's draw on her affection was only increasing every minute they spent together and it had to stop. She couldn't do it, she couldn't allow herself to get attached to someone again. Panic was fluttering deep in her heart. "I do not need you." Regina pulled her arm away from her eyes and reached up to try and push Emma off her, desperately needing to escape. She kept her gaze averted from the green eyes trying to see into her soul. "Get off me."
Emma fought to keep her balance as Regina continued to struggle. "So you can run away? I'm telling you, I will not be pushed away so give it your best shot."
Frustrated, Regina's hand gripped hold of Emma's shirt, and she met her eyes, "Why? Why do you care?"
"Because no one is as black and white as you've painted yourself to be. I see you, I see who you try to hide. I see you trying to piss me off so that I'll get up and leave."
Regina felt a shudder rip through her body, Emma's words hitting her harder and harder with every sound the blonde uttered. "You don't know what you see."
Emma plowed on relentlessly, desperate to get through to the woman. "Right now I see a woman who is terrified over what is happening to her. I see a woman who is trying so hard to be good even when she believes she will fail. I see a woman who loves her son more than anything in this world, a woman who would willingly trade her life for his happiness and I can't help but respect that." Green eyes blazed with passionate honesty, "I see a woman who loves with everything she has so she tries to stop herself from feeling anything. I see a woman who is worth my time and effort, who is so much more than she thinks she is. I see you, Regina. I see you!"
They stared at each other, the tension palatable in the air. Regina tried to ignore what had just been said, tried to dismiss them as nothing more than empty words but she couldn't. "Damn you." She felt tears burning her eyes, "Damn you to hell for this, Emma." She dragged the blonde down, giving into the need boiling inside her. Soft lips met hers with a gasp and she didn't hesitate to swallow the sound. She opened her mouth enough to slide her tongue out, the tip tracing Emma's lower lip, asking for more. Without hesitation the blonde responded, mouth opening to allow her entrance, tongue meeting hers in a caress.
The taste of Emma exploded in her mouth and spread throughout her body, tingles fluttering all over her skin wherever the blonde's body touched hers. She drank deeply, losing herself in the sensations this simple kiss was evoking. Her heart pounded as she slipped a hand up into the blonde tresses cascading around her, holding onto the woman as if her life depended on it. She got lost in the kiss, all the pain and heartache of the past four days, all desire to distance herself from the other woman fleeing in the wake of all the feelings the blonde inspired in her. She was drowning in them and Emma was both the cause and the cure.
Regina may have initiated the kiss but it was Emma who shifted it from a simple kiss towards something much more profound. She moved, lowering her body and rolling to her side, tugging the brunette with her. Desperate for more, for everything this woman could give her, she moved her hand to Regina's waist and slipped it under her shirt to touch the warm skin there. It slid around to her back to pull the brunette hard against her, causing both women to groan.
It was that sound, a mutual sound of need that brought Regina crashing back down. She wrenched her mouth away, hands quickly disentangling from blonde locks. "No." She brought her hands up and pushed against the blonde's chest, scooting away from Emma when she released her. She ignored the shocked look on the blondes face and quickly got off the bed, her eyes wide in fear. She stumbled to her feet, her hand reaching up to cover her racing heart. "No, this isn't happening." She shook her head in denial and then turned and ran from the room, paying no attention to the voice that tried to call her back. She had let it go too far, had given in to her heart and now all she could do was flee in its wake.
A.N I was determined there would be no kiss yet. I fought it, fought it with everything I had. I thought it was too soon, that it would mess up a part of the story that is coming up but every time I tried to visualize what was happening next, every time I tried to play the story through in my mind it ended with them kissing. I have pages and pages of hand written stuff that will never see the light of day because I was adamant that the kiss wasn't happening. I wanted to shift the focus to the magical dilemma and away from the emotional ones but it just wasn't happening. I sat staring at the words 'damn you' for hours once I had typed them because I just knew what was coming, and I was right. It had to be a kiss. This chapter drove me crazy! I still have no idea how to get it back on track now that the kiss has happened but I find I'm really not all that sorry about it. The story will work itself out, the kiss just had to happen. Hope you enjoyed the feels.
C