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A/n hey all... here's the next chapter. As always... thank you for your kind reviews and for adding this to your favorites and alerts.
Conscious and Subconcious
Reid took his plate and drinking glass to the sink. Sergio jumped up on the counter top and sniffed at Reid's hand.
"You already had your dinner."
Sergio meowed and batted a paw at his hand.
"I have to clean up the mess and then we can go sit out on the porch for awhile."
Sergio jumped down from the counter and ran out of the room. "You're lucky you don't have opposable thumbs." Reid called after him. "You don't have to wash dishes."
He found the cat fifteen minutes later sitting in the easy chair next to the couch. "How about we go sit outside for awhile."
The cat ran to the door and scratched at it. "Don't get nervous. I'm coming."
He pushed opened the screen door, which squeaked a little as it swung forward. Sergio ran out ahead of him and leaped up on the split log railing of the porch. The cat walked along the wooden railing to the far corner of the porch with Reid following him.
"I wish I were as graceful as you." Reid said.
He stood for a moment in the early evening air. It was still April and still cool, but the air smelled heavily of pine and other floral scents. He breathed it in and out, glad for once that his head didn't hurt.
Sergio stood silently on the railing, staring out into the darkening evening like a small furry sentinel. The sun was going down, leaving the sky light blue, gold and purple. A bird he couldn't identify chirped in the forest. Its call was answered but another bird a little further away. Maybe it was calling to its mate. Sergio's head cocked, but he didn't move.
"I wish I knew what you're thinking."
The cat swished his tail. "I should tell you that you were right. Emily is alive. I don't know how you knew, but you were right. I'm going to have to give you back to her."
Sergio walked over to him and pushed his head into Reid's hand. "I know… I'm going to miss you to, but you don't belong to me."
Sergio jumped off the porch and took off into the woods. "Hey," Reid hollered. "Sergio, come back here."
He cursed and hurried back into the cabin. He grabbed a sweater and the flashlight he'd brought for emergencies. He should have known the cat would take off. He shouldn't have let him out of the cabin.
Now he'd have to go looking for him.
The light was still bright enough that he didn't need the flashlight. The cat had gone into the trees to his left. Reid didn't like the fact that there wasn't a trail. He flicked on the light when he entered the forest because the shadows deepened and surrounded him. "Sergio… Where are you? I don't have time for this."
His voice echoed a bit and his feet crunched the ground. He looked down to see the left over leaves from the fall lying on the ground. They nearly matched the color of the dirt, but not enough to disguise what they were to his eyes.
"No…" He said a loud.
He put one hand on the trunk of a very tall pine tree and closed his eyes. "I will not let you do this to me." He said through gritted teeth.
Something snapped in the woods. He forced his eyes to stay closed even though his breath wheezed in and out like an old pair of bellows. His heart raced and cold sweat popped out on his forehead. Pain cleaved his head and his chest.
"Breathe…" He choked out. "One. At. A Time." He gasped.
He forced his eyes open. Everything wavered around him. The trees seemed to bend in to crush him with their weight. He slapped his hands to his head and fell to his knees. The pain was so bad he couldn't think straight. "Make it stop!" He screamed.
Birds taking startled flight from their nests flapped their wings so loudly it almost drowned out the pain of his headache. Footsteps echoed through the forest, growing louder and louder. "Please stop it! I can't take it."
"It's what you deserve."
Oh, he knew that voice. It haunted his dreams. "I didn't do anything wrong."
"You're nothing… Your father knew. He left you because you're worthless."
He wouldn't open his eyes even though the voice crashed around him like monster waves on the ocean.
The voice suddenly faded away. He dropped forward his face in the leaves. The smell roiled in his stomach and he retched. "Emily was right about you." Another voice, with Ireland in its depths whispered in his ear. "She said you were pathetically weak boyo. She needs a real man in her life, not some weakling that can't walk in the woods without screamin like a wee girl in the schoolyard."
"You're not here." Reid said between clenched teeth. "You're dead."
"Aye… That's true, but it doesn't matter. I had her the way you'll never have her. She's a real woman, too much for a boy like you to handle. You're just a scared, lost, little boy in a man's pathetically weak body."
"Stop it."
He rolled on his back, clenching his teeth together so hard they ached. He refused to open his eyes. If he didn't see then it wasn't happening. He wouldn't listen to the taunts of a dead man that he'd never met face to face.
"He's right," Emily said softly.
He could feel her breath on his cheek as she spoke. He wanted to open his eyes and see her face, but something kept them shut. It was like there were weights on his eyelids holding them down against his eyeballs.
"Go away…" He said.
"You don't want that Reid. I know you better than that."
"You betrayed us. I never want to see you again. Go away."
Silence took the place of footsteps, breathing and the pounding of his heart. It was like he'd gone suddenly and profoundly deaf in an instant. Then someone touched his shoulder and his eyes opened easily, as though nothing had held them shut.
He looked right into the eyes of Sergio who sat on the carpet next to the couch. His green eyes were bright in the setting sun.
"Where… I - what happened?"
Sergio meowed and ran to the door. "Oh no, you're not going out without a leash." He said hoarsely and the dregs of the dream faded away into that place where he couldn't remember the details.
"We didn't go out yet did we? I just fell asleep reading."
His head hurt a little, but not like the pain in the dream. "I guess I'd better make us something to eat."
He stood up and went to the kitchen with Sergio following him. "I don't want to give you back Sergio." He said firmly. "I don't think she deserves you."
Sergio ignored him and went to his bowl.
"Nice vote of confidence."
The smartass cat just swished his tail and meowed.
"I know you have to eat first."
He went through his daily ritual of trying to get the cat food into the dish without Sergio sticking his head inside.
"Haven't you heard of patience as a virtue?" Reid asked the cat.
Sergio ignored him for the cat food, so Reid went to make something to eat. He decided on a sandwich and a bottle of green tea with citrus flavor he liked. It was one of his favorite drinks and it went well with the ham and cheese. He looked at the apples he'd bought and decided that he should be smart and have something healthy.
"You can't eat like a teenager forever," Reid said to the cat, who continued to ignore him. "That's what Emily said once."
His headache moved up a notch. The dream, once so vivid had receded a bit in his memory but he could still hear her saying he was worthless.
"She didn't mean it." He said to Sergio. "Dreams are just manifestations of the subconscious trying to help us work out problems."
Sergio, who'd finished his meal in record time ran to Reid and rubbed his neck against Reid's leg. "Do you think I'm being too hard on her? I mean she was mean to me in the dream. I can't take it literally, but I guess my subconscious is still really upset by what she did."
He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully while Sergio lay down next to his chair. "Do you think I was wrong to run away?" Reid asked Sergio. "It's what Gideon did when he couldn't cope. I don't want to be like that. Don't get me wrong," He explained as the cat stared up at him. "Gideon was the best. He just burned out."
He sipped at his green tea. "I know she wanted to protect us, but I still wish she'd told us so we could've helped her."
"I wish I knew what Gideon would say about all of this. Once he disobeyed a rule set down by a un-sub and one of our team almost died. What if Emily had told us and Doyle killed one of us?" He shivered at the thought, because for a while he had thought one of them was dead and it had nearly wrecked him. He couldn't take that again.
Sergio sat up and began washing his face. Reid watched him in silence as he chewed his food. Sometimes he wished his life could be that simple, eating, grooming and chasing mice or sleeping. If he could only shut down his brain, which constantly ran at full speed, and just be.
He took another bite of his sandwich. Sergio stared up at him with eyes that didn't give up their secrets. Reid sighed. "You think I've been too hard on everyone."
Sergio continued to sit and stare at him as though he were trying to figure Reid out.
"I'm not, you know," Reid defended. "They lied to me. How could Hotch and JJ do that to us?"
He picked up his apple and crunched into it. "They can't expect me and Morgan and Garcia to just say 'Hey, we forgive you for lying to us for our own good,' don't you think?"
Sergio just stared at him.
"I'm not going to think about it. I'm going to enjoy a few days off and then I'll decide what I'm going to do."
