Why don't you try writing about it, Shugosha? Some patients have had success with expressing their experiences through writing or drawing."
I sat in the hospital's garden, a place to help patients relax, according to Ryou. They had me on pills, a veritable drug cocktail to keep me nice and subdued. I heard Ryou arguing with the rest of the staff before, but I accepted my fate nonetheless. Ryou tapped my shoulder to get my attention, and I sluggishly turned my head to look at her.
"Listen, I have to take a break tonight, to see my fiancé. You know, Hiiragi? To make sure you have some company, Kyou is going to stay with you. To be honest, she wasn't exactly receptive of the idea, so you have to be on your best behavior."
I nodded, and the bright and shiny nurse in front of me gave me a small little hug, something to comfort me.
"Shugosha, you have to... You have to think about what you're doing to yourself. Please try and open up a little. If you wait too long, Dr. Yamimoto said that we might have to let you go to a place that isn't as nice as here. Somewhere that's "suited" for people like you. And they won't try and fix you, they'll just lock you up and throw away the key."
She let go and stood up, frustrated by my lack of reaction. Like a flower wilting, she succumbed to the despair of my situation, and walked away before it made her depressed. The nice little haze around my vision kept me from completely focusing on anything, so I sat there, staring up at the sky, drooling just a bit. The sun changed into the moon, and still I was out there, until I heard a familiar voice call out in the same brutish tone since high school.
"Hey, nut-job. You still on the meds?"
I looked way from the sky to see Kyou striding toward me, a not so pleasant look on her face.
"So my sister said I have to keep you company so you don't go insane. I tried to tell her that was sort of impossible, as it already happened, but here I am. So how's life?"
The haze has diminished and I found that I could actually listen to her, so I answered.
"My sister hates me, and most people think I'm in insane. I don't even know what my mother is like, right now."
She patted me on the shoulder, and mocked me with a smile.
"At least you're breathing. Or to be more specific, barely alive. Shugosha, you are, without a doubt, the most accident-prone person I've ever met. Seriously, how much punishment can you take?"
I chuckled, a bit happy that Kyou hadn't changed that much.
"I have no idea. If it weren't for the dead nerves and brain damage, I'd probably be in an extreme amount of pain right now."
Kyou sat down next to me on the bench, and for the first time, I noticed that time has taken its toll on her. There were large bags under her eyes, and she looked a bit stressed.
"So what do you do for a living, Kyou? Whatever it is, it must be horrible to make you look like that."
She punched me hard on the shoulder, grinning, but answered.
"I'm a kindergarten teacher. It's a stressful job, at times, but I love it."
"I would have never guessed. You don't strike me as a motherly type. You're more butch than that."
Kyou pounded me in the stomach, in real anger this time.
"You can be such an ass! Besides, you're one to talk. The crazy guy taking care of a little sister."
Despite being out of breath, I was more than happy to think about those memories. It was a little more simple back then.
"I did the best I could. And now she hates me. I wish I knew a way to make her happy. It's the only thing that drove me during high school, and now that that's gone, I have no purpose."
"Jeez, you always bum everyone out when they talk to you? Just do something to show her that she can trust you."
I thought about it, but rejected the idea.
"I have no clue what I could do to make that happen. I would most likely screw it up, anyway."
Kyou looked up at the stars, her eyes reflecting the light of a thousand suns.
"Hmm... Well, when you're not nuts anymore, and you promise me you'll be on your best behavior, you could help me with my class. My assistant quit some time ago, and I haven't found anyone to replace her. Do you think you're up to it?"
I shrugged, getting up on shaky legs to head back to my room.
"I guess I could try. You want to play Old Maid? I have a deck of cards in my room."
Kyou nodded, and followed me, eager to destroy me that night. By the time the two of us fell asleep, she had won six times over my measly two. Before I slipped into unconsciousness, Kyou said one final thing.
"Thank you for saving my sister. If you ever find yourself alone, I want you to know that you're like family to us, now, for what you did."
"Dad!"
My father walked toward me, happy to see me.
"Come here, Shugosha. You don't have to suffer anymore. Your job is done."
The car sped by, he vanished in a fog, thick and red. I fell back, stunned by what happened. Through the fog, reached two crimson clawed hands, one mangled and the other whole. They gripped the sides and pulled the rest of the body out, an enormous, bleeding carcass. The face was cracked and almost broken, yolk dripping from the sides. It dragged itself toward me, its bulk working against it. I stood up and tried running, but I tripped and slammed my face onto the black floor. I felt a hand grip my ankle, burning so much, and I looked back, to see the mutilated thing's eyes, blacker than the darkest night. It used it's other hand to work it's dangling jaw, and uttered the same thing that it did every time.
"You can't run from yourself."
Ryou watched me closely, trying to determine what was wrong with me. I had woke up screaming that morning, my mental deterioration on full display to watch. Afterwards, Kyou left reluctantly, some of her worry slipping through her usual tough demeanor. I looked over at my friend, watched her avert her gaze, and made my decision.
"I'll tell you what happened."
She was surprised, questioning if I was actually serious.
"Are you sure you want to do this? It will be extremely painful to go through these memories."
"No. I have to do this, to get better."
Ryou left to bring Dr. Yamimoto over, and they sat down in front of me, waiting for me to start. I took a deep breath, and dipped into my pool of memories, sifting for the one that I let sink to the very bottom.
"I was twelve. My mother, back then, was a fragile woman, and the only thing that held her together was my father. My dad said that we should take a walk and go to the park, but she said she would stay. So he took me and Kotomi, who was three at the time, out, and we started out to our destination."
The memory was getting darker, and I felt myself starting to tremble.
"We... We got to a crossing. The light was red and the road was empty, so we started walking to the other side. I remember looking up at my dad and smiling, and he smiled back at me, it was so nice that moment. And then... then..."
I was shaking uncontrollably, and gripping my chair like the world would go out from under me.
"There was a loud noise and he... he shoved me and Kotomi and got pushed down and-"
The words were rushing out of my mouth, and the pictures flashed through my head, those images branded onto my brain. My voice became high pitched and hysterical, as I rocked back and forth.
"There was so much blood, so much! And he didn't die, but his breathing was wrong, wrong. I remember running to him, crying out, Dad! And when I got there, he told me something."
I came to a complete halt, eyes wide open, knuckles white from gripping my chair.
"He said, son, I want you to promise me something. I looked into his eyes, felt his blood under my hands, heard his strange breathing, and I answered him back, listening to his every word. He was squeezing my hand so much, and told me to take care of everyone when he was gone. I wanted to tell him, you're not going to die, dad. But I knew, so all I responded with was, of course, Dad."
The memory was at its end, as I stared down through my mind's eye at the kid holding his dying father.
"After that he gripped my hand so tight, he was so scared. But he died, as the paramedics came."
I retreated back into my mind, and shutdown. Dr. Yamimoto tried to get me to speak, but Ryou pulled him back, knowing that I wouldn't talk anymore. The world became distant and cold, as I stayed awake that night, replaying it over and over again. My dad's smile haunted my thoughts, as I stared up at the ceiling, willing the world to go up in flames, and grant me peace.
Ryou was also awake, speaking with her employer. The doctor drank from his coffee, looking worn down.
"So it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, isn't it? It all makes sense. The delusion of having no future, and the almost suicidal actions he takes."
Ryou yawned, as the night had been very tiring for the two of them. She raised a finger to interject her thoughts.
"But the problem isn't the PTSD, itself. It's how long he has had it. It's completely defined his personality. Plus, add on the child abuse, and the fact that we don't even know what happened in the seven years he was gone."
Yamimoto, shook his head, wondering what to do with the almost impossible case before him.
"Put him on a daily of collection of the usual meds. We'll see how it goes from there."
A month passed, and my brain began to repair itself, replacing my anxiety with confidence. Kyou visited twice a week, and talked about her life, while I lived in a drug addled haze. They tried to get me to go to a psychologist, but I refused, so they let me be. Finally, I was cleared to leave my prison. Ryou was standing in front of me with few bottles in her hand, giving them to me.
"Remember to take two of each every day. Also, don't strain yourself too much, OK?"
I looked down at my small friend, and smiled, giving her a hug for once.
"Thanks for everything. I wish you and your future husband the best."
I turned around, and as I was walked out, I thought about what I was about to face. Tomorrow was the first day to help Kyou around her school. My life can get better. I know it.
Note: And with that, the second arc has ended. One more to go.