The Love of a Lifetime

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first and foremost to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

Author's Note: :) Thanks for reading and reviewing. Soon my focus will turn to Masterpiece so check it out if you haven't already!

Posted: 04/13/08

It took a great effort from her mother to lift her back into the standing position and help her to a small sofa in the warm foyer. She left Lily's side only momentarily to go and get a small wet cloth and a glass of water. She pushed the glass into Lily's hand and wiped the tearstains from her daughter's face. Lily's breathing pattern settled back to its normal state as her mother fussed over her. When her mother thought she was suitable to talk, she motioned for Lily to follow her into the kitchen, dragging along Lily's luggage.

"What on earth is wrong, darling?"

She heaved the heavy chest onto the small dining room table that had not yet been set for dinner. Lily was still taking deep calming breaths: part of her could not move past what had just happened with Sirius and then James.

Her voice uneven, she stared straight into her mother's soft eyes, "I left Sirius."

Her mother's eyes stayed warm and passionate but her body curved up stiffly, as though disapproving of her daughter choice. Which she did.

"What happened? You haven't even been married three months!" Lily found she had nothing to say in response to this; little did this matter, however, since her mother still had more she needed to chime in with. "The first six months -- twelve months, some argue -- are the toughest, Lily. You've given up far too soon on dear Sirius. He's a charming boy and I don't see after such a beautiful wedding you could just skip off--"

"He doesn't love me anymore..."

Her mother's comments died in her throat but her eyes still bore into her daughter, unconvinced. "He told you that he didn't want to be married to you anymore? That he didn't love you anymore?"

"Not directly, Mum, but honestly--"

"This is ridiculous," her mother said, moving away from her daughter and moving toward the small stove that was burning several pots at once. "I don't know what's gotten into you, I expect the finality has finally gotten to you? No matter, you can stay here the next few days until you've calmed a bit and then we can sort things with Sirius and you'll be square to move back in."

She was speaking more to herself than to Lily as she made these plans. Lily gazed at her mother's back as though transfixed by her total disregard of Lily's dilemma. Telling her mother that she had left her unloving husband was one thing, but to add on that she was now in love with her husband's best friend and would give in to him in a heartbeat was a completely different matter altogether. And as much as she detested her heart for ruining her life, she knew she would have to face the truth eventually - and there was no time like the present.

"Mum," Lily mumbled, in a voice that made her mother instinctively think of Lily as a young child who was turning herself in for reprimand. "I've something I should like to tell you..."

It took her nearly half passed the hour to finish telling her mother about the article that was published and Sirius' reaction toward it. She hesitated when it came to bringing up the subject of James and his role in this mess.

"And... ah, Sirius wouldn't believe James and I when we told him we weren't shacking up on him! So yes..."

Her mother's eyes narrowed suspiciously at her. "Hmm." Her voice mocked thoughtfulness. "What makes you sure that Sirius is so wrong for you now, Lily?" Lily remained silent, trying not to think too much over her mother's words. "What makes you think that you can spend day after day waking up without him by your side? Not hearing from him for days on end?"

Lily looked bitterly into her mother's eyes. "Because I've already done it." She sighed, ruffling the front of her hair, much in the way James used... to... Her mother, who had forgotten about the meal at this point, was leaning closer to her daughter, evidently knowing that she had just traveled beyond the tip of the iceberg. "Listen, Mum."

She drew a deep breath and stared at the tabletop in front of her, as though she was about to reel off a memorized speech. "Things haven't been going so well between Sirius and I since... the day after we go married."

Her mother studied her, but nodded to show that she was listening and following what her daughter was attempting to explain to her.

"He's never home, anymore. It's a miracle if I see him twice in two days."

"Another wo--"

"No, no," Lily said firmly, quietly thinking that if Sirius had another woman, her life would've been made much easier. "The only mistress Sirius has is the Auror Department."

"He's off fighting a lot?"

"More than a lot, Mum. I was miserable, sitting at home alone. Wondering... wondering if my... if Sirius would come home that night. It's selfish, I know."

Her mother sighed, turning back to the stove once more. "It is selfish," she confirmed blatantly. "But that's how women work. We need the people we care about to give us time, to show they truly care, and then sometimes we need someone there to take care of us. We won't even call that into question, darling, because I understand you and what you're feeling. You want someone to be there to love you. But what I'm wondering is why aren't you fighting? As I understood, that's all you wanted to do when you left Hogwarts: fight to protect others with your same heritage. Is that over now?"

"It's not," Lily said quickly. "The Order's taken a bit of a back burner at the moment to be honest. But I can't tell you much about that, for your own protection. It's... it's not that I don't want Sirius to help, because that's just not true. What he is doing is, for the most part, noble. It would be loads better if he'd let me fight by he side but it's as if, if he didn't have to, he wouldn't even let me out of the house some days."

Lily's mother seemed to think her approach was a losing battle. She changed her tactics. "If you're miserable when Sirius is not around now, how do you know that you'll be happy if he's out of your life for good?"

This was the inevitable question. She knew her mom well enough to expect it. This was the moment she had to come clean and tell her mom the biggest -- she could admit to herself that it was indeed the biggest -- reason she could just walk away from the shattered pieces of an old life.

"Because... I know I can." Her mother gave her the reproachful glare, which she knew to mean that her mother had read right through the comment; and in this case knew that there was something she wasn't telling. "I... I've found someone new."

Her mother's eyes grew slightly rounder, as if she had an idea in her mind of what Lily was going to say and clearly this was not it.

"You... you had an affair?"

"No, no, of course not. I just... I just fell in love with someone else."

"But who?"

Lily purposefully held out a long pause before speaking softly, but clearly, the name that felt sweet on her lips. "James."

"Of all the blokes!"

"I know," Lily said, her voice holding an apologetic tone. "Trust me, Mum, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt anyone this way but... I tried, honestly." Tears were welling in her eyes now. "I tried to stop it. But how could I? How could I stop myself from being the happiest I have been in so long? How could I shut out the one person who does -- who has done -- so much to keep me safe and happy?" She let the tears fall down her face; there weren't many, and they felt relieving and rejuvenating on her cheeks. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him."

Her mother wiped her tears, putting her arms around her daughter's shoulders. "Shh, shh," she soothed, slightly rocking back and forth. "It'll be all right darling."

"I don't feel like I made a mistake," she murmured through the tears. "Even though James isn't in love with me, I am not going to go back to Sirius, Mum. It's not fair... I'd never want to be with someone because it's convenient. I would never want to use someone like that."

"James isn't in love with you?" Her mother had been familiar with "Potter" all throughout Lily's years at Hogwarts and had always associated James with romantic feelings; feelings he held for her daughter. Even with Sirius as her daughter's soon-to-be-husband, and James hanging around as best man, she could still hear the voice of her young daughter complaining about that toe-rag Potter.

"I came to his home before I came here, Mum. It was a little irrational of me, I suppose, but I asked him to be with me." She told her mother of the ultimatum she presented him.

"A mother can only hope that her daughter will make all the right choices that will keep her happy," Lily's mother said. "I only want you to live a happy life with the man of your choice - whether it is Sirius or James is your choice alone, Lily. But what I think you need now is rest and food." She motherly guided her daughter to the staircase. "Take a few days here to figure things out, darling. It'll give Sirius and James to think and it'll calm you down so you can face the decisions when they come to you."

Lily smiled weakly at her mother, who motioned for her to go up the stairs. Shaking her head, Mrs. Evans turned back to the stove and began stirring.

He was not one to live with regrets since, well, forever. Or at least as long as he controlled his own actions and in turn, his own destiny. But when James Potter watched the only woman he had ever loved walk out his front door in shambles, he could not help but think that it would turn into one of the biggest regrets in his short life.

He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of it. He had done the right thing. By moral standards, he supposed. It took him every bit of self-control he could find to not wrap his arms around the beautiful redhead. Why did she have to marry Sirius? Why hadn't she just fallen in love with him three years ago like she was supposed to? As much as he loved Lily, he could never betray Sirius that way.

Even if Sirius came to him and told him that he was free to do it, he didn't think he could bring himself to do that. Sirius loved Lily. James could never give into his desires when his best friend was desperately in love with the same girl. No, he couldn't act like Sirius did their 7th year…. James kicked at the floor in irritation just as a loud rasping knock came from his front door.

He cleared his head, going across to the door and grabbing to twist the handle. It burst open of what seemed to be its own accord. James peered from behind the door to see Sirius struggling with a box, shoving his way into James' apartment.

"Hey, Prongs," he said overly casual. He walked further into the cottage, raising his voice as he spoke, "Lily! Oh Lily!... Lily I've brought the left over stuff you left at my apartment. Where areeee you?"

James nearly forgot to lock the door behind him as he tailed after Sirius. "She's not here, Padfoot."

"Come off it," Sirius muttered, setting the box on James' kitchen table before heading around the cottage, looking through all the rooms for a sign of Lily or any of her stuff. Nothing was there. "Where's all her stuff?"

"I've told you," James repeated, coming to his friend's side. "She's not here... nor is she staying here. What's in box?"

Sirius ignored his question, purposing one of his own. "What do you mean she's not staying here? Where else would she go?"

"She didn't tell me she was going anywhere," James muttered, wanting desperately to stop this conversation about her. His heart ached.

"I thought for sure she'd head over here." He rubbed his neck while thinking, not looking directly at James.

"She was here," James confirmed, "but she left soon after."

"Why? Aren't you two starting off bunking together or--"

James looked irritatingly at his best friend. "We're not shaking up together, Padfoot. For Merlin's sake! You're so daft, sometimes."

"She's in love with you, Prongs," Sirius shot back in defense. "And you--"

"And I turned her away! God! I am so tired of this shit, Padfoot!" James rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses for a good minute even after he began talking. "Lily came here to find out if I was in love with her... She left knowing that I am not. I would never go behind your back like that, Sirius."

"You're not in love with Lily?" Sirius inquired, in disbelief.

James strode out of the room Sirius and he were talking in and let out a frustrated groan. "I've told you! It doesn't matter what I feel for her, she is your wife!"

"Not for long," Sirius said, coming up behind his friend. James turned to look at him in confusion. Sirius looked solemn now. "I screwed up, James. I really did."

"Padfoot--"

"No, listen!" Sirius looked James straight in the face, eye-to-eye. "We both know that I brought this on myself." Sirius sighed. "You were just doing what I asked you to: look after her. And because I wasn't there, because I didn't ever try to be there, well... well I reckon that Lily saw how much you were with her, saw how devoted and caring you could be... and she fell in love with you."

James looked painfully at his best friend, as though Sirius had just told him that due to James, he had lost his first-born child - which, in a way, he had.

"I let work come before her. I swore I wouldn't do it... but I did it."

James face darkened even more. "I didn't want her to leave you, Padfoot."

"We could play that game all day, Prongs," Sirius said solemnly. "And it wouldn't change a damn thing."

"I'm sorry." James placed a rough hand on his best friend's shoulders. "But I will never be with her, Sirius. I swear to you, I would never want to betray--"

"Sod off," Sirius ordered, evidently trying to lighten the mood. "Just promise me two things."

"Anything, Sirius."

"Swear to me you'll keep your promises."

"I swear."

"When you get married, let me be your best man. And, when you have your first born, let me be the Godfather--no, Prongs, listen! Don't think that I will be any less of a friend because of this... I would be insulted if you didn't have me as your best man after all these years."

James shook his head.

"You promised me," Sirius remarked, smirking slightly.

"I won't--"

"A promise!"

"Why are you doing this?"

James drew up to his full height and looked straight into Sirius' eyes, in a way he had never done before; more intense, more frustrated, more meaningful.

"Because," Sirius began, resting a hand on James' shoulder. "You two make each other too happy to not be together." Sirius glared into James face. "Look... I'm not shitting you, Prongs. Go to her, find her, and make her happy... Learn from my mistakes and make sure you are devoted to her with every atom you have. Probably shouldn't be a problem seeing as you always have been."

James, after watching Sirius walk through the door, ruffled his hair as he walked back into the kitchen, thinking heavily about the conversation they just had.

Lily had a miserable shower, which was to be expected because she felt absolutely dreadful in so many ways. She took her time getting dressed afterward and took even more time getting downstairs to her mother. In fact, Lily planned on staying upstairs a good ten minutes longer than she actually had; a screech from her mother downstairs brought her to the kitchen in next to no time.

"Owl post!" her mother said, regaining a steady breathing pattern. "Haven't seen an owl in quite some time, nearly scared me half to death!"

Lily smiled slightly at her mother's melodramatics, coming up to the letter and unfolding. It was Sirius' messy scribble that she'd come accustom to deciphering. It had hardly anything on it:

Go to James and find what you've been looking for.

She stared at the parchment for nearly five minutes without fully registering it. What was Sirius playing at? She frowned resolutely, going up the staircase once more to finish getting ready. There was only one thing to do now: find out what exactly that letter meant.