[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "You know, watching that fight between Paula and Suture, I couldn't help but be reminded of last Friday night."
[Richard McGuiness] "Yeah. The screams of agony, the tears, the inevitable chaining and restraining…"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "The similarities are uncanny."
"Yo man, where's Paula?" asked Alan drinking milk from the carton. "I ain't seen her since last night."
"Same," stated Saprus casually eating into a stack of pancakes. "I am beginning to get worried."
"Well she is a grown bitch, but she was alone. Man, I don't even know."
They kept eating breakfast for a moment before the infected noticed something.
"So it was you who were drinking out of the carton," spat Saprus aggravated.
"Hey, sorry," stated Alan grinning slyly.
"Me and Axton hung Jessup on a flagpole for that one. You showed up on the first day at the Crimson Falcon and you drink out of the carton, reset all the Favorites on the TV, and top it off by eating all the Nutella."
"And I stole one of Gaige's bras," finished the priest chuckling.
"How's that a big deal?"
"It was the one she was wearing. I sneaked into Baldemar's room when they were sleeping and took it. Come to think of it, I should be getting a phone call by now."
As if his words spoke magic, his phone rang.
"Oh, that's her," said Alan giggling. He answered it and held it out a foot from his ear. "Yello?"
"ALAN FITZGERALD YOU FUCKING PERVERT GIVE ME MY BRA BACK!" screamed Gaige on the opposite line, the noise actually rattling the bowls and glasses on the table at their end.
"Hey, come and get it," taunted the priest. "I took all the others too, so unless you're willing to commando, you ain't getting it back."
"If Baldemar knew you did this, he would peel your dick like a banana," threatened the schoolgirl.
"Hey, he can go ahead and try. I'm immortal remember? He can try all day long and I wouldn't die. Besides, I'm sure he's grateful in a way. Easier for him to get what he wants outta ya, at least that's how I see it."
"ALAN!"
"Well see ya later Gaige. Gotta say, purple looks really good on you."
He held up a purple brassiere from his jacket pocket, grinning as he examined it. "What size are you? B?"
"I will fucking murder you!"
"Whatever. Tatty bye!"
He hung up and burst into laughter, tucking the brassier into his pocket. "Shit, that was way too fun!"
"She really is probably going to kill you, you know?" said Saprus calmly.
"Please, I really am immortal. I can be wounded and incapacitated, but I won't die. You can atomize me and I'll come back in a few days even without a New-U Station. Hurts like a bitch, but it's easy for me."
"Being a Grave Knight sounds so interesting," noted the infected.
"Well it fucking sucks, especially the beginning part. You know; the sociopathic tendencies, night terrors, insomnia, endless lust, shit that would fuck with anyone's head."
Dion suddenly appeared, his hair in a huge mess. "Guys!"
"What? You finally got that shit out of your system?" inquired the priest. "You look like you got fucked by a train man."
"He's right," agreed Saprus. "You look…flustered."
"Where's Paula?"
"Ah, is your morning wood not going away?" asked Alan grinning. "Need a feminine touch?"
"Shut the hell up! She didn't come back last night did she?"
"No," answered the infected twirling his fork. "I was getting worried as well."
"Why do you care? I thought you hated her?" inquired the priest leaning back in his chair.
"I don't hate her," objected the Titan. "I'm just extremely aggravated by her presence alone. But she is my teammate. If I lose her, we have to get another one. And with my luck, that new teammate will probably be twice as annoying."
"True," stated Saprus nodding. "We should look for her."
"Fine, but after breakfast," argued Alan. "I just figured out the puzzle of the back of your cereal box. You ever notice how you only read these damn things when you're actually eating cereal?"
"I think that's the point," said the infected wisely. "It's not like you wake up one day and decide to do a simple crossword puzzle on the back of a food product package. But when you're eating cereal, you're probably so bored you're willing to do anything to entertain yourself."
"That sounded really fucking smart."
"I took economics in college and minored in psychology. The combination is very potent, believe me."
"And yet you ended up shooting assholes for cash."
"Hey, a Vault Hunter is a very prosperous career, believe me. I make twice as much as I used to."
Dion sat down beside them and began eating into a chunk of rare meat. Then he stopped.
"So you were the one drinking out of the cartoon you bastard!" snapped the Titan enraged.
"Guilty as charged," said the priest beaming.
Paula woke up covered in white lights, standing straight up with her arms and legs strapped to a table. If her experience was correct, she would be aching in three specific parts of her body.
"Well, two of them appear fine," she determined cracking her sore jaw. "But that punch in the face probably wasn't good for me."
She sighed. "Damn it. I find the guy who leads this place and I don't even tell my teammates. And now I'm tied up in what looks like a surgery room. This is not a good sign."
Someone appeared in the white light, the same man who had attacked her. Doctor Suture. His attire was just like it had been last night, except it was clean now. Before he had gotten it covered in his own blood from his techniques, turning the white shirt a deep cherry. But now he looked no worse for wear, except a few additional stitches on his upper body.
He grinned at her and flicked his glasses up his nose. "Oh my. You look so adorably helpless in that position."
"Not the kinkiest I've been in," she said smirking cheekily. "To be honest, this isn't very exciting. I feel like I'm in a doctor's office. And I don't have a doctor or nurse fetish, so you're going to have to try a little harder if you want me excited."
"Oh, that's not what I meant at all" he said brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. "You are in a perfect position for me to begin my work."
He paced in front of her, showing a casualness that was rather uncanny considering his odd abilities and habits. "I am a scientist as well as a doctor you see. The Hippocratic Oath was reduced to a minor Hippocratic Suggestion when I figured out how I can really help people. If one must die to save ten that is good enough for me. If a thousand must die to save a million, even better. I will do no harm if it does not benefit me or anyone else, but if it has its benefits, I will never hesitate. I guess that makes me a bad doctor, but a good scientist. I can settle with that."
He snapped his fingers and a nurse entered, one wearing a very suggestive outfit. The top of her uniform barely covered her large breasts, the skirt passing to maybe a third of the way down her thigh. Not to mention the fact that she wore perfectly red lipstick and black heels.
"I can tell someone has a nurse fetish," murmured Paula.
"I won't deny that," agreed Suture blushing slightly. "You don't mind, do you Nurse?"
The nurse smiled gently. "Of course not Good Doctor. I chose this outfit, did I not?"
"Well that's true, so I won't feel bad about it. Now, what will I do to this subject?"
He rubbed his temples. "Shit, I totally forgot what I was going to do. I should've started yesterday and not waited till the morning. Damn my forgetfulness."
He sighed. "Okay then, bring the wheel."
The nurse nodded and walked into the shadows, returning a few seconds later. She was dragging a large table with a roulette wheel in the center, words written in each space of the wheel. It looked like something you'd see in a game show, except the words weren't prizes or money.
"Now…let's spin the wheel," he murmured grabbing the side. He then spun it violently, throwing the thing into a fast frenzy.
Paula's heart skipped a few beats as she studied the various things listed on the wheel. Each one was slightly more disturbing, some of them things she hadn't even heard before. The simplest ones were also the most terrifying, as they only listed a body part. If she was correct, then whatever body part that it landed on was one she'd lose. She desperately hoped it didn't land on one of those, as she had no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to remove something like an eye or a leg.
It began to slow, taunting her with the options she could receive. It was like watching a blade being put to your neck and being unable to dodge or even block it. It was psychologically torturous, and he hadn't even touched her yet.
"Hmm, Fridge," murmured Suture rubbing his chin. "Haven't gotten that one in a while. But it's about time I cleared that out."
He snapped his fingers and the nurse walked back into the shadows. She returned with what looked like a regular fridge, with only the outside being slightly dirty. Though judging by his oddities, it could literally contain anything.
Suture nodded firmly and opened it. Shuffling inside casually, he began musing to himself aloud.
"Let's see, what shall I try today? Blueberry, blackened tuna, spiced rum, oh. That looks good."
He extracted several ingredients from the fridge and moved to a nearby table. Pouring a black liquid into a small mixer, he combined it with a yellow and green one alongside a dark brown one. Shaking the mixer violently, he poured it into a glass with crushed ice.
"Here you go," he said handing it to her calmly.
Paula looked at the drink nervously. It didn't smell funny, hell it smelled like a rum and Coke. But it could've been poisoned with something from his Fridge, so anything was possible.
"If you don't drink it, I'll gladly spin the wheel again," he offered calmly.
She leaned forward and took a sip, determined not to die today from losing her heart or lung.
As soon as she tasted it she moaned. It was freaking delicious! It appeared to be a bourbon and Coke mix with some citrus in it as well, which was surprisingly good.
"What do you think?" he inquired casually.
"It's really yummy!" she said drinking more of it.
"Just as I thought. These expiration dates are useless."
She stopped, her eyes wide in horror.
"I did tell you I haven't cleared out that Fridge in a while."
"How long is a while?"
"Let's see…two months?"
She vomited up the concoction, her throat stinging from her bile.
Suture wiped the vomit off his glasses, not at all bothered by her reaction. "Everyone reacts that way when I tell them that."
He quickly pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and began jotting something down. "Yes, and until you figured out that it was expired you thought it was perfectly normal. Very interesting. Human psychology is just as interesting as the physiology."
He stopped writing and looked up at her. "Well, it's only fair that you do only one spin on the wheel. That's all I make anyone do."
He pointed at her with his pencil. "Nurse, take her down and send her to her comrades. I'm done for now."
He paused, beckoning the nurse to stop. "Wait a second though."
Suture raised his left hand and moved with two fingers towards her face. She instintictlevly backed up in fear of him tearing out an eye or something, but he instead jammed them into her mouth. She, to her eternal embarrassment, took a half-lick of her fingers out of…well…instinct. He then scooped some of the bile from her throat and put it into his own mouth, tasting it thoroughly.
"Hmm, your bile is odd," he noted without the slightest disgust at what he had just done. "I'd recommend more citrus in your diet. You appear to be Vitamin C deprived. And…"
He reached to the side of her neck with his other hand and wiped the sweat off, sweat that had accumulated when she was stressing out over the wheel. He licked his fingers, analyzing the taste.
"You also need to lay off the sodium," he advised casually. "Your sweat is more salt than water and that's unhealthy."
He shrugged. "Other than that, you're perfectly healthy."
The nurse untied Paula and helped her to her feet, the vomiting session and being tied down for so long making it difficult to move.
"You can go," said Suture smiling gently. He held up a small plastic-wrapped treat. "Lollipop?"
In case you are wondering, that drink she was served is called the Umbreon cocktail. It's coke and bourbon mixed with lemon and orange juice. I would recommend it since it sounds tasty (can't drink it since my family doesn't believe in bourbon) but make sure to look it up before you start throwing shit together. Oh, and don't leave them out for two months like Suture.